Summary- Leah goes through the seven stages of grief andfinds solace in an unexpected person's arms.
I don't own anything it all belongs SM.
Seven Stages of Grief
Stage One - Shock or Disbelief
The first manifestation of grief is shock or disbelief upon hearing catastrophic news. Additional symptoms are feelings of numbness or detachment. One refuses to think about the tragedy at hand and moves blindly through the days. This psychological response defends us from tragic news.
The waiting room was quite so quite too quite Leah looked her eyes hazy it shouldn't be like this she thought to herself he shouldn't be in there he shouldn't be in a hospital room but he is her dad her rock the only man ever to understand her is lying there while doctors hover around him her mother gives her a faint smile of reassurance but Leah's eyes are concentrated on the door leading to where her father was taken she's waiting for the Doctor to come out and tell her he's fine and then she'll go and visit him in his room and her and her mom will hover over him and he'll simply laugh and tell them to stop worrying but the doctor never comes.
So she waits In the waiting room 20 minutes passes and then 30 and too soon it's an hour now she is pacing she's angry why is it taking so long please hurry up she prays silently she needs to know.
When the doctor does come out she can tell he is gone.
Shock that's all her mind is processing she's in shock but she can't feel it her body is numb the room is spinning she feels like she's at the top of a rollercoaster and it's about to go for the big drop as the doctor speaks.
"We did all we could." His voice is low and sympathetic but she's not processing the words she feels detached she's so numb too numbs she wants to speak and when she finally does the words come out in an angry haze she's so angry.
"No you didn't do all you could if you did he would be here right now." She screams not caring about the fact people are starring her mother is trying to calm her down while tears run down her cheeks but Leah breaks away even when the Doctor and Seth try to grab her she lurches away from their arms and she's running she has to find her dad she has to do something anything so she runs pushing past nurses and doctors she trips and comes tumbling to the floor and someone offers her help but she pushes them away and she keeps on running she can't remember his room her eyes are dry she's in too much shock to cry.
She rounds around a corner and then she stops the door Is the same as the other doors but to her this one is different to her it's the door leading to her father's room she doesn't want to go in but she opens the door anyway and their two nurses what are they doing she wonders heart racing chest heaving.
"Get away." She cries and she lurches herself to her father's body she doesn't say a word she just holds on tightly feeling numb.
"Leah honey you have to let him go." Her mother whispers when she finds her daughter holding on to the lifeless"No please let me stay please don't make me leave him Mom please." She cries with tearless sobs still no tears her face is dry so dry.
"Oh daddy what have you done why did you go." She whispers caressing his cheek.
Seth has to hold on to her as they wheel him away she's fighting him she's screaming and thrashing but soon he disappears out of sight soon her dad's gone.
Stage Two – Denial
Denial is essentially a defense mechanism of utmost proportions. The brain refuses to acknowledge "unacceptable" thoughts or emotions.
Stage Three - Anger
Facing death can provoke a defiant response. Some might ask, "Why me?" when faced with their mortality. Others might feel profoundly wronged. Anger naturally accompanies these emotional scenarios.
For days she walks around like a ghost she doesn't eat she doesn't speak she doesn't sleep she doesn't even cry she just lies in her bed staring at her wooden ceiling it feels like months that she has just been lying there but in reality it's just days but on the sixth day she ventures out of her room and that's when stage two of grief begins. Unlike shock it's been building up in her over the six days and when she enters the kitchen she sees him sat at the table eating of the most unhealthiest sandwiches there is he is laughing just like he used to do he used to laugh so much but then the image disappears and she is left with nothing.
She doesn't even comprehend the word death because he isn't dead he is going to walk through the door and he is going scoop her up in a hug and he is going to call her his little princess even-though she has told him several times not to call her princess he'll keep on calling her that anyway because he knows deep down she doesn't mind she loves it actually.
She begins to cook his favorite fried fish and for those moments she's happy because in her head he isn't gone she serves four plates one for him, one for her mother, one for Seth and one for her by the time she is done the door opens "Dad." She calls with immense relief running out to the front door only it isn't her dad she hates how disappointed she feels when she sees it's her mother who looks at her with wide teary eyes.
"Leah your father is dead honey." Her mom whispers and at that moment Leah hates her for saying those words the words she had been hiding away from for six days six days of no words no pain but the pain is back again and she hates it.
"You're lying." Leah accuses "You're lying he's fine he isn't gone." She whispers she refuses to believe her mother's words as she goes back into the kitchen he isn't gone she thinks to herself but she's lying to herself "Leah honey I know it's hard for you to comprehend whats going on I know it's hard and it hurts but please you have to come to the hospital you're in denial." Her mother says in a soothing voice Leah looks at her with pleading eyes.
"You think I'm mad but I'm not." She screams running her hands across the table she grabs plates and she throws them at the wall they shatter and it doesn't make her feel better but instead of stopping she rushes to her room and she screams throwing and kicking stuff she needs to destroy something anything she can get her hands on she throws photos against the wall she rips apart anything she kicks and punches the wall she is screaming so loud that her mother covers her ears her mother doesn't know what do.
Surprisingly it's Paul who grabs her pulling her away from the wall "Shit Leah what are you trying to do." He mumbles hurriedly as she keeps on thrashing "Let go off me." She screams her lungs feel over-used her throat is dry her hands are cut and bloody several pictures are on the floor one particular of her and her dad is next to her feet.
"I'm fine please let go." She whispers when he does she drops to her knees and clutches at the picture not caring that the glass cuts her and that's when it happens that's when the tears come they are so sudden and hurried and they last so long she cries for so long in her mother's arms she sobs like she has never before she clings on to the only parent she has.
The funeral comes she refuses to speak she just sits there to the surprise of everybody its Paul's hand she holds at the funeral they don't speak she just holds his hand because he is the one who was there when she cried he was there to hear her sobs to see her tears it only seems natural that he is here now holding her hand on the most saddest day of her life.
Bargaining
In a vain attempt to resolve your feelings of loss, you may try to bargain with others, yourself or a higher power. For example, you might promise never to drink again or to be a better friend in order to reverse the tragedy
Stage Five - Guilt
Guilt manifests itself in multiple ways. If facing your own death, you may feel guilty for leaving your children behind. If a loved one is dying, you may feel guilty they have been chosen to suffer and not you.
Leah catches herself praying she doesn't know why but one day she gets on her knees in her bedroom and she opens her mouth.
"Umm God I've never prayed before so I don't know what to do."
"I guess I just want you to give him back to me please take me I don't care if you take me."
After two lines Leah gives up she slumps against the wall her eyes closed she doesn't want to cry anymore but the tears come anyway she feels somebody sit next to her "I've never prayed either you know." Says a gruff voice she looks up and Paul is sat next to her she moves closer to him and he wraps an arm around her she doesn't pull away their friendship is quick and unexpected but she doesn't care he is the only one she wants to talk to he lost his dad too he was only 13 he lost him just like Leah lost her dad.
"When does it stop hurting?" She whispers through tears he sighs "I'm not going to lie to you Leah the hurt never goes away yeah it fades but it never goes away I know that by now." He says his voice is so vulnerable she's never seen this part of him she's always seen the angry arrogant hot head but never this she's never seen him sad.
"What about the guilt does it go away?" She asks "If it does I haven't got to that stage yet it's been what nearly 4 years since I lost him but I still feel guilty and then sometimes I'm angry at him because he left me and mom he left." He whispers that's when Leah first sees Paul cry and from then they find solace in each other.
Leah goes through the bargaining and guilt phase from she promised herself that she was going to work out her friend-ship with Emily and she does to do it they work it but it doesn't mean things are the same it just means they have a better understanding of each other.
Stage Six - Depression
Depression is the return to reality. Sadness and fear are natural responses for someone facing a terminal illness or the death of a loved one. During this stage, acceptance begins.
Stage Seven - Acceptance and Hope
Eventually, the tragedy will be reincorporated into the narrative of life. While not necessarily embracing the change, the terminally ill and their families can accept its existence, realistic outcome and potential for eradication
The depression starts several weeks later but they've all been waiting for it she's silent and when she sees something that reminds her of her dad the tears come people are scared for her when will she get out of it she doesn't know herself because all she can feel is fear and so much sadness its crippling she cries most night she sometimes just sits there and she looks out the windows and she spends the whole day doing so Paul comes around every day he stays with her even when she doesn't want him he stays and for that she is thankful.
They become best-friends he makes her laugh when she's feeling sad, he holds her when she cries sticks up for her when others don't and takes up with all her crap and emotions. Soon it becomes more and of course it's expected they share their first kiss on her bedroom floor its sweet and intimate its hope.
They have the typical relationship they argue of course but at the same time they are there for each other like they were before.
2 years after the death of her father thats when Leah accepted It on the eve of her wedding she visited his graveyard for the Second time in two years she bit her lip "Hi daddy." She whispered sitting down arms crossed she placed the flowers she had bought and smiled "I'm sorry haven't been to visit that was selfish of me but I couldn't do it i didn't want to believe you were gone." She whispered tears running down her cheeks "Anyway I got engaged to Paul yeah I know what you would be thinking right now wondering why I'm marrying him I love him his funny and a hot head kind of like me and he really helped me daddy he knows what it's like to lose a dad and hopefully he'll know what it's like to be a dad in nine months I miss you but I'll visit more often it my wedding day tomorrow." Leah whispered placing a hand on her stomach she had gone to get checked out before she came to the graveyard she was definitely pregnant.
"I'll visit you soon okay dad." She whispered as she stood up she looks at the grave for a while "I love you daddy." She said wiping away her tears she turned around and as she walked away she could swear she had somebody say "I love you too princess."
The End
Thanks to anybody who read this i don't care if its just one person i just felt like i needed to write this.
I've gone through what Leah has been through with loosing somebody close to you i lost a very close friend i cried screamed denied it felt guilty went into a depression but like Leah in this story i had to come to terms with it.
If its crap let be known i don't mind criticism.
Review. :)