This is my idea of a comedy. It is not that funny, but it teaches a lot of life lessons. Such as never mess with a 300 year old pissed off vampire or a stuck up Mages' Guild member or a big orc Fighter. I'm planning to expand it beyond the dark brotherhood in the next chapters, but since it is my favorite place, and I want to see Lucien annoyed, I'm starting here. Hope you enjoy it! And yes, my sense of humor is one of the worst in the world. Even I know that.

Karin was sulking. While Antoinetta was away completing a contract, she was stuck with the cooking. Karin did feel relieved that she would not have to eat Antoinetta's deadly explosive food, she was not happy that she was stuck with the chores. Now for a week, she will have to get up early and cook breakfast for the Sanctuary's inhabitants. She tried again to get her unruly carrot-orange hair out of her eyes. It fell back down. She was in fact used to this, but sometimes it did get anoying. With one eye, as always, covered by her hair, she resumed the task.

She started to beat the eggs angrily untill it turned to a liquedy mixture, and poured some onto a ceramic plate. In her anger, she sent too much heat through the plate, and it cracked, also burning the batter into a crispy charcoal once again.

Cursing, she brought out another plate, and repeated the process more carefully. She placed the now hot plate on the table and waited for the pancake to cook. After 30 seconds she flipped it over with a spatula and waited some more. After it was done, she floated it over to a silver plate on the dinner table with a telekinesis spell and repeated the process correctly several times.

She stopped though when she heard the door open, and nearly blasted the newcomer away with a fireball into Oblivion (metamorphically that is). After all, it was Vicente who suggested that she would cook.

The vampire stared in wonder at all of the broken plates and black mass on the floor. "I'm really sorry that you get stuck with the chores, but I seriously had no other choice. Telaendril is always away, Teinavaa and Ocheeva love extremely spicy food, we would be eating soup if Gorgon cooks cause he would mash it to a pulp, and I wouldn't put it past Mraaj-Dar to poison us…"

"Okay, I get it," Karin aquisited, "but what about getting your lazy butt over here and cooking once in a while?"

"I'm busy," was all that Vicente said as he walked down the corridor out of the room. "Could you bring my breakfast to my room this morning? I don't feel like eating with everyone else today."

He stopped for several seconds, expecting an answer. Karin raised one eyebrow.

"All right, fine. I just don't want to be seen by Ocheeva, she is still angry at me for that little mishap. I keep telling her I didn't do it, but she says only I could have gotten an idea like that," he walked back to his room.

Karin was furious now. "Now he wants me to bring food to him like an obedient little servant?" She fumed for several more seconds. As she prepared the next pancake, she saw a fly land on the table.

...That's when she realized that the spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter...

...And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry...

...And Vicente is a lot like a toad...

"That is funny," she murmured, the last of her angriness melting away at the thought of this small revenge.

Ocheeva was confused. She was sure the vampire had been avoiding her, so it could not been him who pulled those pranks. Just this morning, she nearly stepped into a huge bowl full of water and an extremely hungry slaughterfish while getting out of bed. Since Vicente had been careful not to step into her line of sight since the first incident, it was not him who was behind these pranks. She had also never known him to like fishing.

Now, she watched as Karin walked down the hall to bring Vicente his food. It was probably the Breton that done the prank. She would need to speak to her. Ocheeva walked down the hallway, to Vicente's room. She stood right outside the door, wondering whether to knock or not. She raised her hand to knock…

And was promptly knocked down as it opened and Karin, her limbs all but a blur, sped down the hallway and out the sanctuary into the abandoned house, and presumably, outside. She was shortly followed by Vicente, who yelling curses ran after her, but stopped at the door. Ocheeva was now completely lost as to what had happened. As she got up she intended to ask Vicente, but the look on his face stopped her from even trying. Superior in rank or not, she did not want to be on the bad side of a 300-year old completely outraged vampire. Feeiling sorry for the new recruit, she retreated back into the safety of her room and locked the trapdoor.

Karin was perched atop of Riverview Manor wondering how to get back onto Vicente's good side. She had not expected him to realize so quickly and she presumed she had enough time to grab her things. As a result, she was stuck in her Dark Brotherhood armor (not something you can just walk around the city in) and until night, it would not even be possible to sneak through the city to the abandoned house. The only reason she got out undetected was her potion of invisibility, and she only had one.

Feeling like there was nothing to do till nightfall, she jumped over the city wall and walked around. In several minutes, she had walked to an old fort. Deciding to explore further because she had nothing better to do, she walked inside.

After succesfully dodging several traps and sneaking around some skeletons that seemed vaguely familiar, she was finally in the last room. Hoping for something good, and perhaps something different to wear, she opened a few chests, acquiring a new outfit, several poisoned apples, and a few choice poisons. The things she did not dare to touch were the human hearts, and she wondered what a book on the five tenets of the Dark Brotherhood could be doing here. Also, she felt she had seen those skeletons someplace before.

She looked once more across the room. A glint caught her eye. Karin moved towards it. It seemed to be a jewel, made of black ebony. She carefully picked it up and put it on. Her magical senses found it to be enchanted with a powerful spell, but she could not figure out what it was. She put it in the pocket of her newly found clothes, climbed up the ladder to a hidden entrance, and started to walk back to Cheydinhal.

Vicente had been in a foul mood all day, wondering when the girl would dare to come back. He had been intensely annoyed by the insect he had eaten, and slightly excited by the challenge. It had been long before anyone had tried any tricks on him. He had planned a clever trap; one that the little Breton could not escape from.

Yes, the insect had been a nasty surprise to his enchanced sences, he was just thankful to Sithis the girl did not know about his allergy to garlic…yet…

Karin did not need to sneak anymore, not now since she had normal clothes. She walked into the city, and down to the abandoned house. Briefly checking to see no one would see her, she quietly slipped in. Once inside, she changed back into her Shrouded Armor, and walked towards the Sanctuary door. It still scared her, but this time she was thankful for it. It was resistant to spells, and only the key word would bulge it.

"Maybe I can do something about the door being so damn scary," Karin thought with a smirk. She scanned the room for something she could use for it. Her gaze then settled on an object. She smiled, took the charcoal chunk, and started drawing on the door...

After she was done with her masterpiece, she pocketed the charcoal piece, and uttered the key words.

Sanguine, My Brother

Vicente had heard the door open, so he silently rose from his chair, put down his book, and went to see what would happen to the little mischievious imp of a Breton. He was now surprised she was not related to either a scamp or an imp, for she could sometimes act just like one. He walked up the corridor into the main chamber, and watched as the girl was paralyzed and sent to sleep.

Grinning at the amazing catch, he dismissed the enchantments and lifted Karin. She was breathing regularly and in deep sleep. He then carried her towards the training room. Vicente knew exactly how to repay the prank she pulled on him. He smiled even wider, and if Karin was able to see the protruding fangs, even she would have thought twice about annoying him.

"Ow," Karin woke up to a splitting headache, and a choking sensation at her throat. She moved her head slightly...and recieved a world of pain for her efforts. She was caught by Vicente's trap, and it had not been pleasant. She could remember a spell and a lot of green light, and she blacked out. What she could not explain were the dreams that followed. She was inside a prison, with a very nasty Dunmer making fun of her. Then someone, or someones, had appeared and then...she woke up.

Now feeling well enough to stand, she decided to open her eyes. She was met by the familiar face of Teinava. Before she could ask him what had transpired he asked.

"Dear Sister, what have you done this time?"

Not knowing what he meant by those words, she stood up carefully and moved towards the door. She was stopped by a metal cord wrapped around her neck and fastened to the wall. So that what was causing the suffocation. She moved farther experimentally. The cord tightened, restricting her breathing. Quickly, Karin moved back towards the wall.

Teinava smiled. "That was not a smart thing to do, sister. Next time at least watch out for traps more."

"I didn't know that he would over-react over a fly in his breakfast," Karin said apologetically. "I'm hungry," she added with a little afterthought.

"I'll see what I can bring you. Don't worry, the food is safe," he added seeing Karin's discomfort, "Marie is not back yet, and Vicente would not want to cook even if his life depended on it." Adding that, he left the training room. Karin looked at her prison. She was stuck here, with nothing to do. She looked over to an urn full of green paint and several brushes, and she decided to entertain herself. Picking them up, she proceeded to paint the nearest chair she could reach.

Lucien was nearly laughing as Teinava told him of what had happened that day. He could not believe that the little Breton girl who had been scared wordless when he appeared to her to admit her into the Dark Brotherhood could actually do that. Usually Vicente scared new recruits senseless.

Then, he had to admit the Breton had a sense of mischief and humor. Her method of dispatching Rufio had been more than amusing. The old man was playing charades with the innkeeper, when Karin sent a weak shock spell into him, unnoticed by everyone, including the old man himself. The shock caused his heart to distrupt and finally stop. It was hilarious to see him falling on the floor while the innkeeper and some other Redguard woman trying to tell what he was acting. He was silenced by Karin's spell, and as he struggled, the two others kept yelling "You're dying,""You're suffering a seizure,""Heart attack!"

The only problem she seemed to have was her lack of authority. She had called Lucien by his first name, which frankly got on his nerves. He would have to deal with that later. Everyone in the sanctuary shows him respect by calling him speaker, except for Vicente. That is solely because Vicente was several times older and once outranked Lucien.

He decided to go visit her. He walked in the training room, and saw Karin sitting there, looking extremely bored, but not daring to move because of the fear of suffocation. He had trouble stifling a laugh. She apparently noticed it and inquired, "Something funny, Lucien?" with a serious face. She had trouble keeping that face though, and several seconds, she dropped laughing to the floor.

Lucien walked over to the closest chair. Karin suddenly sat up and said between laughter, "There's wet paint there." Lucien looked at her for a moment, and touched the arm of the chair with his gloved hand. Nothing had imprinted off, so he proceeded to sit down.

Karin started laughing even harder. Lucien waited patiently to ask her, "What is so funny in your opinion, murderer?"

She had a hard time keeping a straight face as she said, "Tell a person there are 400 billion stars, and he will believe you. Tell a person a bench has wet paint on it, he will have to touch it. Lucien, I'm sorry, but I had warned you. The armrests were the places I didn't get enough paint for."

This time she didn't laugh, because Lucien had jumped up, looking at the back of his robe, now a fluorescent green color. He kneeled next to Karin, and grabbed her by her carrot hair, lifting her face to look at his. His expression of extreme anger was matched by the expression of extreme fear in Karin. Her wide eyes stared back at him. He had wanted to punish her severely, but one look at her face had left him feeling guilty for his rash action. She had obviously never intended any harm, only as a practical joke. He even changed his mind about letting her call him by his first name.

In Karin's mind, she only had room for one thought. "Gods, he is going to kill me." She had assumed that what Gogron had told her about scraping the blood off of his boots had been nothing but rumor. Now she was ready to believe him.

Lucien let go of her hair, rising. He half-turned away, as if in regret (which Karin doubted), and said, "I'll be sure to pay more attention to what you say next time, sister." Then examening the stain on his back one last time, he added, "Are you going to use your time on practical jokes such as this? I hear you have not accepted any contracts. You best get to work."

Karin was still speechless. Then gathering all of her strength, she answered, "Yes, Speaker," scared out of her wits to call him by his formal title. She still obviously did not believe she was being let of the hook that easily.

Lucien helped her up. "I'm sorry for my rashness. And just call me Lucien," he said before leaving out through the front door, leaving a very confused Karin.

Ocheeva ran in as soon as Lucien was out of earshot. "Sister, are you alright?" her face was filled with concern. Lucien left really quietly, with a very obvious green stain on the back of his robes. Nearly everyone saw it, and Ocheeva was worried that Karin played a lethal joke. She was still even more surprised when Karin collapsed on the floor unconsious.

Several days later, Vicente felt that Karin had done enough repentance, and sent Mraaj-Dar to remove the chain. Mraaj-Dar, needless to say was not very pleased. He did like Karin though, they bounced insults off of each other and it kept them always wary.

"Vicente says I have to let you go, sister," he emphasized the last to show her that it was obviously sarcasm.

"Yep, love thine enemies: It really makes them angry," Karin taunted.

"If it were me, I would keep you locked up, you foul smelling ape. Your contract is on the parchment." Mraaj-Dar released the chain and walked back out.

Karin loosened the chain, and read her assignment. She already had a good idea in her mind.