Disclaimer: Khr does not belong to me. I make no profit out of this.
Forgive my wrongs.
Maybe he had earned this –all of this hell.
He had used the pretext of 'this is to protect those who I hold dear' to kill and destroy and ruin lives. He had used a noble goal to bring about the bodies of dead by his feet. There was crimson red blood on his hands, crimson red blood that he no longer could wash off. He didn't try either.
The days of hysteria and tears caused by death and blood and pain were long gone. He was no longer a child – ignorant and weak and kind.
He was a murderer. He had become someone that he had once fought against.
Tsunayoshi had lost what he had held dear and he no longer was sure that it would come back. Not to him, not to a murderer. No matter how kind his heart still was, despite the blood and guilt and death that haunted him daily, it could no longer feel the kind of love he wanted so dearly.
He did not deserve it.
He had lost the right to love and be loved – a curse, if you must.
So this was something he had earned, something that would have happened sooner or later. Tsuna didn't hold anger towards whoever had started this fire; he didn't feel anything at all, actually. Maybe just a little bit of relief. A relief that he will now have the chance to rest and pay for what he had done – for all the blood that had been shed and lives ruined.
There would be tears and sorrow left after his death, and just a little bit of ash – a reminder of his body, long since gone from this world – to still remind him that not everything is as simple as black and white. Tsuna had done many things, a lot of good ones among them. Good ones more than the bad.
But the bad ones always weighted more, always were there to haunt and remind that he was still a monster, just as much as he was an angel.
He welcomed the fire, even adding his own to the flames that slowly crawled around him and started to lick his clothes and body. Tsuna still wasn't burning. His clothes were burning, scolding hot against the soft skin, but never once did the flames damage it. He was resistant, it seemed.
A sky that accepts everything.
A laugh broke out of Tsuna's mouth. To think that sky flame would chose this moment to do what it was supposed to do. It was like he was denied the right to go this way, denied to feel the burn he wanted to feel so much.
A fire cannot hurt another fire.
What was left then? What else could Tsuna do? Drown, be shot, hang or maybe fly as high as he could and then let his body fall to the ground, his flames gone and never to appear again? He couldn't – he was too much of a coward still. He could only die by something as petty as this, something that would label him as a weakling for the rest of reign of Vongola.
To think that a boss ruling over fire would die like this, like a dog with no home and power to defend itself. Pathetic, really. Even Tsuna himself thought so. But what else could he do? What else was there left for him?
A life led in loneliness and together with the ghosts of those that cursed him from beyond the grave? What was that worth? It held no meaning. It held nothing.
Dame-Tsuna, you've saved so many, gave a meaning to live for people that had lost it. You've done so much; you've become someone so great. You have earned the trust of others, love of many. You are a strong man, a wise leader and a loving friend. You are a true boss.
A smile, lacking the emotions behind it, found its way on Tsuna's lips. The words of his teacher suddenly came to him, silently reassuring that there was a meaning to his life, that he had done things that no one else could not do and made decisions that had had changed the flow of time so drastically.
He was a hero, Reborn had once said.
Tsuna never understood the meaning of those words fully. To him a hero was someone who only did good, who saved and brought hope and cared. Was Tsuna really a hero? Was he really worthy of that title?
"What do you think you are doing?" panic was lacing the voice, otherwise smooth and calm and just a little bit amused by what was happening around. Now there was the fear of losing someone that the man held dear.
Tsuna knew this voice; he knew it all too well. He loved this voice, he longed for it, craved it, wanted nothing more than just listen to it as the owner of it spoke, slowly telling Tsuna about a mission or another famiglia or something else. Tsuna knew that it wasn't healthy and right to feel like this, to want something so badly that it might drive him insane one day, but he couldn't control that. Just that desire he couldn't control.
He turned around slightly, the fire dancing around him and shielding him away from Reborn, "I'm trying to go." It was a simple answer that held so many meanings.
Reborn froze, fear flashing in those coal black eyes and then understanding. Out of everyone who Tsuna knew, Reborn would be the only one to understand – he had been there, done that already and yet had come back alive. Tsuna wasn't sure how, but he knew that Reborn won't stop him. The hitman probably knew that the fire wasn't burning his body, he couldn't die this way.
It was easy to see, easy to understand right away.
"That won't work. We both know it." Reborn didn't move from where he stood, he watched the fire and Tsuna within it, "You can't die by the hand of a fire."
"I know. But I can at least burn the blood off my hands, right? Can I at least burn away everything that haunts me?" Tsuna looked at his glowed hands. They were clean, not a speck of dirt or blood was stuck to them. The perfect weapon of a mafia boss. The perfect weapon for him.
Reborn didn't say anything, he kept quiet and waited for his student, his friend, his boss, his everything to break down fully, to stumble under the weight of guilt and false hopes and finally let someone pick him up and see his wounded self.
He had gone through it once, now it was Tsuna's turn.
The fire continued to burn – bright and hot and overpowering. Tsuna simply stood in the middle of it, praying to a God that didn't exist to take him finally away from all of this, hoping that once he will be gone everything will become easier, calmer. A whisper in the back of his mind told him, reminded him that everything he was hoping and praying for at this moment will never happen. Not like this, not now.
But Tsuna still wished.
Tsuna continued to light the fire.
And reborn continued to stand guard.
It was how it should be.
Not long into the waiting and something inside Tsuna broke, shattered to pieces and spilled over, taking over Tsuna's whole being and pushed him on his knees, the tears now unstoppable. The fire was finally dying down, having fulfilled its purpose. The brunette watched his trembling hands, ignoring the tears and fire and everything else. There was no blood, but his hands weren't clean either.
"You can't burn it away, it's not that easy, Tsuna." Reborn's voice was quiet, soothing even. He spoke slowly, calmingly and placed his hands on his student's shoulders, "You can't get rid of it that easily. If you could, it would never be that frightening in the first place. It's a price me must pay for our sins."
Tsuna said nothing. He was quiet, thinking over his teacher's words and trying to find his self again. It was hard, it was painful and he didn't want to do it. He wanted to stay as the clueless and naïve brat that he had once been, saying that he would fight only to protect. But he had to do this; he had bear the weight of his life and the price that came with it.
He had to, he had no other choice.
"I'm scared. I'm scared of the voices, Reborn. They keep coming back over and over again, more each time and… I am just so scared." His voice trembled, hands wrapping around his tired body, still warm to the touch and smelling like fire, "What do I do?"
He was lost, tired and desperate. He was a human, not a monster or an angel.
"You fight it and stand strong. You're not alone, never were." It was simple, really. But it actually wasn't. Once you get sucked into the dark place, even simple truths like this one start to seem like lies. Reborn knew it all too well – he had been there and had come back.
Tsuna laughed - the laugh hollow and almost dead. He had forgotten that. But Reborn was there to remind him no matter how many times. Reborn was there for him, always was and always will be. Tsuna was sure about that. So maybe, maybe he didn't have to leave just now? Maybe he could stay here for a while longer? Maybe he could do it?
He was pulled up from the ash and dirt, strong hands keeping him steady on his feet and facing the long road that still had to be walked. Tsuna closed his eyes, allowing Reborn to lead him away and forward.
"Let's go, I'll help you. Just this time – you need me now." Reborn sounded just a little tired, just a little. He was more relieved than tired – Tsuna had come out of that dark place that swallowed you whole and destroyed you from the inside. Tsuna was here now, safe and tired and back.
They didn't talk after that, just slowly made their way out of the destruction that had been caused by the fire. The passed the ashes, the burnt things and forgotten weapons. They walked slowly, not making a sound and only waking up the dust that followed them a little on the way out before dying again.
There was no need for words now. No need for explanations or apologies or yelling. This was something that Tsuna had needed to do, something that Reborn needed to fix. There could not be others involved into this; no one else would be involved. It was a secret between the two, a secret shared between two wounded beasts.
"Reborn," Tsuna finally managed to get his voice to work properly again, his eyes now watching the brilliant blue of the sky, his element and fire, "You saved me again."
A chuckle, this time a real one and filled with just barely noticeable amusement, "That is one of my duties, after all."
A/N: I'm not entirely sure how this came to be, nor do I know the exact relationship between the two in this story, but it is probably something more than just student-teacher.
Well, I just wanted to write a Tsuna when he has snapped under the pressure and the killing, but only sometime in the future, after becoming the Vongola boss. I think he would go slightly insane and then Reborn would make him come back, because that's just how their relationship works, in my opinion. Well, I just hope that you liked this.
Ayingott out.
P.S. Was it just me, or the ending part for my last R27 oneshot was all in italics, even though it wasn't supposed to be? I just want to know if that was only for me or for everyone.