You knew this was coming. YOU KNEW THIS WAS COMING.

Oathkeeper: Whoop-dee-flippin'-doo.

Yes, that's right. KH2 has officially stolen my soul. You knew a ficlet was coming. And it's gonna be a helluva lot more random than the others.

Oathkeeper: (-sarcastic-) Oh, joy, we're going to get our brain cells depleted fifteen times faster now.

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In the beginning, there was Zexion.

He looked down on the void, and with the power of Nothingness, and a nice Swedish bank account, he created the first bookstore. He then used more of his godly powers of Nothingness and Cash to create the first otaku. She worked in the bookstore for him.

Zexion then created more otakus to run such necessary facilities as coffee shops, anime conventions, Gummi Ship garages, Home Depots, food processing plants, schools, fan clubs, Hawaii (kidding!), craft stores, sushi bars, music recording studios, medieval castles, and yes, more bookstores. The otakus (who do not include the authoress of this fic, BTW) were loyal, and honored him with every passing moment, even going so far as to coin sayings such as, "I'm bringing Zexy back".

But times change, and the myths of old are forgotten….

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"Gah!" Riku flipped through the channels on the TV, clearly displeased. "Why is there never anything good on?!"

"Well, you could take off that Deep Dive blindfold," suggested Sora, who was seated on the couch beside his friend.

"…I knew that." The blindfold was removed, and Riku skimmed through the channels again. "There's still nothing good on!"

"We could always watch a DVD…."

"Good idea." Riku threw down the remote in favor of another one. "What's in the movie library, Kai?"

Kairi scanned a towering shelf crammed with DVDs. "Well, let's see…Pirates of the Caribbean, PoTC 2…."

"I'm hungry," Sora groaned after a moment.

Riku shrugged. "No prob. HEY YOU!" He shouted to the kitchen. "GET SORA A SANDWICH, YOU LAZY BUM! MOVE IT!" There was a wail in response, followed by the sounds of movement in the kitchen area.

Sora blinked, confused. "Who's in there?"

"Eh, just my replica." Riku leaned back on the couch as nonchalant as if he was talking about what he had for lunch. Come to think of it, the replica probably made that for him, too.

"What? You hired your own replica as a sandwich maker?"

"More like forced, but yeah."

"Deathnote…oh wait, that's a manga," Kairi murmured, forgotten in the background. "Oh! Constantine! In Hi-Def, too!"

"Forced…." Sora trailed off. "If he's your replica, isn't that, well, I don't know, racist against yourself or something?"

Riku looked at his friend quizzically. "Why would I be racist against myself?"

"Well, your replica is making sandwiches, so…."

"Your mind is the strangest thing ever, Sora. And besides, you spend who knows how many hours a day bashing Heartless! Don't you think that's a little racist?"

"Hey! It's not like I want to! They're always trying to kill me!"

"Well, what about Nobodies?"

"Uh, hello? ROXAS?"

"He doesn't count. He's you, after all."

"Axel. He turned good at the end!"

Kairi continued in the background, all but ignored. "Final Fantasy: Advent Children! Ooh! And Lord of the Rings!"

Riku sighed. "Okay, we don't need any of this. We both just need to stop this pointless argument before it gets out of hand."

"Why, Riku!" Sora gaped. "That's quite mature of you!"

"…So let's get straight to the DDR competition."

A sigh. "Nevermind…Butterfly?"

"You know it!" They left to begin their match.

And Kairi echoed in the background. "Hey! Kingdom Hearts 2! Oh wait…."

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"Check and mate!" Naminé moved her chess piece—a rook—with a huge grin on her face, trapping the white king.

Roxas stared at her. "Check and…what?"

"Check and mate," she repeated.

"…Mate?"

"It's not meant to cause innuendo, Rox."

"Oh…sorry. Well, in that case, good game." Roxas stood, smiling.

Naminé rose as well, surprised by his good sportsmanship. "Oh, you were good, too."

"Nah, I suck compared to you."

"Suck? You had me thinking I was chopped meat for fifteen turns straight!"

"You're just saying that to flatter me."

"W-well, you have a tight ass!"

"…I wha?"

"Oh, uh…" Naminé stuttered upon realizing what she had said. "Oh, don't mind me! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"…But you said I—"

"NEVERMIND!"

Roxas stared at her for a moment. "…Naminé? Are you…well?"

"Well? Of course! Never been better!"

"Because you're…starting to scare me."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you, hot stuff!"

"W-wha?"

"Uhh, y-yeah! H-hot!" Naminé feigned coughing. "I, uh, had some wasabi peas before you came over. Whoo! The hot kind, too! Really hot. My toothbrush smells like Axel's room, for Saïx's sake?"

"…Saïx's sake? Why Saïx?"

"I-it was just what came to mind….oh, listen to me. I'm a rambling fool. So sorry, honey…."

"Naminé?!" Roxas backed away. "D-did you just call me honey?!"

"Oh, uh, did I? Uhh…yeah, honey! I love honey! It's so rich and sweet! And I just love to eat it in bed!"

"B-bed? Naminé, are you—"

"Well, uh, it's sweetest in bed, I heard, uh…."

Roxas backed up more, making a thump noise as he hit the wall. "I-I know what you're trying to do! I KNOW!"

There was an uneasy silence that passed between them.

"…Oh, hell, you got me. Where's this bed you're talking about?"

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Despite the previous chaos, it was a lovely day in the frighteningly pink Garden of the Fruity Flower Fairy—AKA Marluxia. Number XI was seated under a sakura tree, apparently trying to get something to grow.

It was at this moment, Demyx entered. Marluxia was a busy Nobody, so he often paid Dem to water his garden while he was away at Castle Oblivion. It wasn't necessary while XI was on leave to return to the World That Never Was, but nonetheless appreciated.

Demyx stopped where Marluxia was working. "Umm, what are you doing?"

"Shhhhhh!" He was instantly hushed my Marluxia, who appeared to be focusing intently on something.

"…What are you doing?" Demyx whispered after a moment.

"I'm experimenting."

"Oh? On what?"

"Plants, dumbass. What else?"

"Well, what are you trying to do relating to plants?"

Marluxia hesitated for a moment. "Promise not to tell anyone?"

"Promise."

"Cross your heart and hope to die?"

"I don't have a heart, but okay…."

"Your Heartless, then."

"Don't know which one it is."

"Whatever. Pinky swear?"

"Pinky swear." The two laced their pinky fingers together and shook hands. "So what are you doing?"

"…I'm growing pocky."

"…Pocky?"

"Yep. Pocky."

"Oh, well, no wonder you don't want anyone to know. They'd eat it all."

Marluxia thought for a moment. "Yeah, either that, or they'd get jealous and make Axel torch my whole garden because they can't have any."

"Can I have some?"

"Maybe…but it hasn't sprouted yet." Marluxia went back to closely watching what he had planted, and Demyx joined him.

Nothing happened for a few hours. "…Marly? Pocky was never alive, nor is it made of plant material."

"Are you kidding?" Marluxia turned on Demyx. "Sugar is a plant product. Wheat, too, which is used to make the stick part. And chocolate is made from cocoa beans."

"Yeah, but a lot of manufacturing crap goes into making pocky. Chemicals and preservatives, too. Not to mention there's milk in chocolate."

"Milk? Larxene," Marluxia said casually.

Demyx did a double-take. "LARXENE?! Are you mad? Even if she was, well, that, she wouldn't give us milk! Before she was a Nobody, she was a member of an Amazon tribe. And I meant COW'S milk in the first place, dipshit."

XI looked intrigued. "Amazon tribe?"

"Yeah, a legendary one, too."

"Oh? What was it called?"

"Surely you've heard the many myths and tales of the famous…Piemess tribe!" Demyx recoiled as he said it.

"…Pie-mess?"

"No, pronounced like 'pee-em-ess'," Demyx corrected.

"Oh…OH!" The Light of Realization came from another fanfic and hit Marluxia over the head with a Sledgekitten. "Well, that makes sense. What doesn't is how we got this out of talking about pocky,"

"…I don't know, Marly. I don't know."

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Well, to the joy/horror of you others, I've decided to make this about a three-chapter ficlet. It's also going to be on DeviantART, with a unique ending for that site. So check it out when it's up.

Then again, these are just plans. They aren't definite. (-shrug-)

Oathkeeper: Please, make her stop!

…I just noticed you're a sentient Keyblade.

Oathkeeper: (-sarcastic-) Well, gee, THANKS A BIG ONE.

Whaddid I do?

Oathkeeper: Gah. Just end this before this Author's Note takes up a fourth of the fanfic.