She was always...too good for me.
It was like she wasn't even human anymore. She was perfect...too perfect and it was driving me crazy. I couldn't think of one thing she wasn't good at. She was beautiful, her voice was like an angel, she was the best dancer there was, she was an athlete, her art skills were unbelievable, her acting was so natural, her writing was divine, and her intellect was incomparable. She wasn't just blessed in skills and beauty, but her personality would have anyone falling head over heels for her. I was one of them. I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with this compassionate, selfless, independent, strong-spirited, confident, funny, cute, innocent woman? And her name was Elsa. Beautiful name, huh? Almost as beautiful as her. I honestly couldn't believe how this perfect girl became best friends with me, Anna, this clumsy, weird, boyish, naive, loner geek. Elsa would have guys swarming her, but she never took interest in any man. Of course, I'd always drive them away. I hate the way they flirt with her or try to win her heart just because of her looks. No man would ever know her like how I knew her. She would have a few crushes here and there, but she would never go steady with anyone. You'd think her reason was she didn't need any man, that she was an independent, strong woman, but t you're wrong. The real reason is that she's scared. She's scared of commitment. She would always tell me "Why should you get into a relationship, if in the end, someone will leave?" I never got to tell her why, I just couldn't simply find the words but all I meant to tell her was "It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
Spending every day with her made me fall even more and more for her. I didn't even realize it until...until she told me she had a crush on my friend, Jack...Jack Frost. When she did, and as soon as she left, I cried. I even asked myself why I was crying. Well isn't it obvious? Because I'm in love with her, of course! And I just hated myself for that. It almost made me lose my sanity, I became like one of those heartbroken girls asking what he has that I don't, isn't it obvious of course? He is a guy! Elsa would never like a girl, especially one like me. How would a perfect girl like her like a clumsy girl like me? She was out of my league. She was just too good for me. I didn't deserve her. But it hurts. It hurts how everything I've done for her, she only saw as a friendly act. It hurts to think that all you would ever think of was her when all she would ever think of was another guy. She did a lot for him too, it hurts how she would put effort into that guy who never even knew her at all. How everything I've done for her was just written off as nothing. How she'd talk about him time to time to you, not even knowing that it hurt every single time. It hurt seeing her talking to him, having fun with him, when she could be talking and having fun with you too? I knew it was selfish and I'll admit it, I was jealous of him. I sometimes wished that I was him. But what could I do? He was the guy with the looks and the words while I was just some geeky best friend. I had no chance against him. I couldn't help but get jealous every time his name was brought up and every time Elsa would talk to him. Of course I supported her, I just wanted her to be happy. But would seeing her happy be worth sacrificing your own happiness?
The thing was, Jack didn't like her back. She was crushed. As she cried into my shoulders, all I could think of was that she'd never be sad like this if she just picked me. I couldn't believe she was crying over this guy who never loved her when I could give everything I had to her. I couldn't take her suffering for another guy when I was suffering because of her. I knew none of this would've ever happened, if she just gave me a chance. But I could never tell her how I felt. She'd be weirded out. She wouldn't look at me the same way. I wouldn't want to risk our friendship just because of these stupid feelings. I wanted to move on, but it's hard to move on when I'm with her every day. I don't want to avoid her just because of me and my stupid feelings. I guess it's a lesson learned, never fall in love with your best friend. But is it my fault? If I could just tell myself not to fall for her, I would've done that a long time ago. I never wanted to fall in love with her, she is my best friend. I just wanted to stop suffering, I wished I could just freeze my heart or rip it out. I just want to stop feeling.
After a night of crying myself to sleep, the next morning, I thought I'd be able to move on, I was wrong. And every time I looked at her after that, all I could think of was
"She'll never be mine"