Dinner Date
As Spock and Nyota sat at the dinner table, seated across from each other, she allowed him to do most of the talking. He told her that their possible future should not be left unexplored, but could be disastrous if not properly handled. She watched him speak with the same intense concentration she would allow him in his lectures in class. He presented his opinion in the same informative and scientific method which he presented mostly everything else that he said.
Their relationship should not venture throughout the campus. Many people were already forming theories about what may or may not be happening between them, and it would be most beneficial for both of them if no outside theories were confirmed by their behavior. Any of their nonprofessional, nonacademic interactions needed to occur inside of his quarters, or off of the campus. The regulation 251 specified that no personal physical contact be exchanged when in uniform, and Spock broadened that rule to on the campus, outside of his quarters, not even in the office, as someone could enter and witness it.
The tediousness of all of Spock's conditions made Nyota feel a bit like she was becoming a dirty little secret. But, she knew that was ridiculous. If she were a dirty secret, he would not go through the process of legitimizing their union. She let the insecurity pass her by and continued to listen to his conditions. He also wanted full discretion. He told her, up front, that he was not going to tell his parents any time soon, to prevent interference and unrequested interest in his personal matters. He felt that only Star Fleet administration needed their relationship on record, and only for the fact that it was the only ethical way for them to be involved.
Nyota stopped him there and said, "Human women have a need to share their romantic situations with close ones from time to time. I really enjoy keeping my personal matters to myself, but I do tell my mother some things, so that she doesn't feel left out of my life. If we are going to do this, I am going to have to tell her."
Spock sat for a while, then asked, "Will your mother provide interference?"
Nyota shook her head and responded, "She may offer advice here and there, but she has been very supportive in my decisions, in the past, and I believe that she will be supportive in this regard, as well."
Spock nodded and said, "Very well, then."
Nyota lifted her finger, slightly to the sky and added, "I also have to be somewhat open with Gaila."
Now, Spock seemed to flinch and he pressed his lips together. He spoke in a stern tone, "Your roommate is hardly a candidate for discretion, Nyota. Dare I mention that she does interfere, and has already interfered before as it relates to us?"
Nyota sighed and said, "Spock, I know that Gaila sometimes doesn't shut up when she should, but I would rather her not shut up with a little bit of true information than with Gaila guesses. If you were more familiarized with the things that can pop into Gaila's mind, you would agree."
"Nyota-" He started, seeming as though he would chastise her for an illogical statement (as he often did). She did not like the stern tone he was about to give her, so she cut him off to try to get Gaila on the OK list for speaking about their relationship.
Nyota spoke, just as sternly as he did, while she explained, "Spock, if other humans hear Gaila say anything about us, whether or not it's true and whether or not it's accurate, they will believe it, because we live together. They will assume that means that she knows what she is talking about. This is where Gaila's head is right now... she thinks that I am here, right now, having sex with you. If I do not go home tonight, look her in the eyes with my honest face and assure her in my truest tone that all we did was have dinner and discuss the terms of our relationship, she will remain convinced in her mind that sex occurred."
Spock opened his mouth to utter, "That is illogical."
She nodded and agreed, "Extremely, but it's Gaila's assumption, and if I don't keep her in the loop, just a bit, Spock, not with everything, but just to keep her on the right track, then she may put such false information out, by accident." She decided to spare him of the fact that Gaila had unintentionally partially contributed to certain rumors circulating about their relationship, presently. It wasn't her intention to kie or to keep secrets, but she knew that releasing that information would be an argument against the point she was trying to make.
Even without further provocation against Gaila being privy to their business, Spock shook his head and replied, "I do not want your roommate knowing anything. If she accidentally provides false information, and decides to make a slanderer out of herself, I am not concerned about that. As a preventive measure, you should merely convince her that as your friend, it would be prudent for her not to provide any information of your private life to any outside demand, whether or not the information is accurate."
Nyota placed her fork on her plate and eyed Spock determinedly. She did not appreciate how he was speaking to her, although she knew that he was not trying to be offensive, she said in a tone to match Spock's, "Aside from what I have already told you, I would not be comfortable living with Gaila and lying to her. I will keep secret any topic that does not come up in our conversations, talk to her about us (only as my heart leads me), and quiet her antics, when it is required."
Spock placed his own fork down, as well, and intertwined his fingers on the table. In a fluent motion, he made these gestures while saying, "That decision is irrational." She tilted her head slightly, as though in thought, and he became quietly amused at his realization that she picked up the mannerism from him. He was, after all, her mentor, first and whatever it was that he was now becoming, second.
She replied, "It is my decision. If we are going to be together, Spock. You can not make ALL of the decisions, concerning our relationship. I will back you up as much as I can, but there has to be compromise for this to work."
Spock replied, "It is difficult for me to agree to an irrational decision."
She picked up her fork, shrugged her shoulders (obviously upset) and looked at her plate. "Then don't agree." She stated. She began to work through her steamed vegetables, but she did not eat any more of it. As she sorted through the pieces of broccoli and edible flowers, she kept her eyes focused sorely on them. She did this for a while before forcing herself to fork a tender sprout of the broccoli and chew on it slowly and painfully, all the while not looking up.
Spock watched her eating for a moment. Something that he did not understand had just taken place, and he missed which part he was supposed to take in, in order to satisfy the woman seated at the table. This would be difficult, the entire relationship. Things like this would occur all of the time. They had not even actually become a "couple" yet, and here he was, forcing himself to try to find a logical solution to whatever it was that upset her just now. It was when she was like this that he became doubtful about his logic as it related to being with her. It was when she became this illogical, emotional being that he did not understand what he was thinking when he desired her. She was behaving a lot like his mother would, and when his mother did similar things, he did not fully understand how to treat her, either.
He began to wonder how would he have dealt with his mother in a similar situation? No, how would his father have dealt with his mother? He tapped into his memory, and recalled such an incident, in which his mother decided not to speak to either of them because of "hurt feelings" she acquired by some means unknown to both of them while at a function at the Vulcan Embassy. Spock remembered overhearing his father apologize to the woman and allow her to proceed with what Spock could only describe as "sheer foolishness", when he questioned his father about the agreement. Then, he could remember hearing his father's voice say, "Spock, at times, I find it is the simplest action to agree with your mother, rather than try to find the logic in her actions and her decisions. Sometimes there are irrational decisions that I support merely because I know that the only remedy for her unreasonable behavior is to allow her to have her way."
Spock sighed and Nyota looked up at him with sorrowful eyes. It took him a moment to say anything, as he still debated within himself if he agreed with his father's method of handling similar situations. Her eyes seemed content in remaining upon him until he said something. He picked up his fork and said, "As you wish." It confused and amazed him how quickly such a small irrational statement caused her to smile so brightly. However, once the smile spread across her lips, he found himself pleased with his decision to contribute to creating it. This was not the first time that this had happened between them.
The first time occurred two years before, and since then, occurred sporadically, at the very least, far more often than Spock would have been willing to admit. The last time this happened had been only a few nights ago, when the two of them hosted dinner in his quarters for his parents, and he allowed her to coax him into playing the Vulcan lyre while she sang a song. He somehow knew, as he looked at her smile, that this would not be the last time that he compromised himself in such a way.
After dinner, Nyota moved her chair so that both of their chairs set right next to each other. Spock gazed upon her and she gazed back, happily. They had been sitting that way for several moments when Spock eventually said, "It's pleasantly surprising how much I enjoy looking at you. I almost find it sufficient to consider merely doing so for the rest of the evening." She smiled brightly and stroked the back of his hand with one of her hands and stroked his hair with the other hand. He continued on to say, "This physical contact has not been accurately described in my studies of it. I find it more alluring than I perceived it to be through my studies. I believe that we have made the correct decision in choosing to…" He paused for the right words and finished the statement with, "unite with one other outside of the parameters of our work relationship."
Nyota simply continued to smile, though some part of her mind felt that this was not really happening. How many times had she had this dream or a similar one and awoke in her bed, alone staring at Gaila's green feet hanging off of the side of her own bed? Spock seemed to search her eyes for a moment, then asked, "Are you well, Nyota?" She sighed and laughed at herself, and partially at his question. Are you well? No, not if I am dreaming, not if I have to get up tomorrow and realize that this conversation, this interaction never took place!
She nodded her head and said, "Everything is great. This night has gone perfectly well. I never thought that it would ever happen. I thought that if I were to tell you how I felt that you would never speak to me again. I certainly never thought that I would ever hear you speak to me in this way. It's refreshing, but it is frightening, too, because I feel like at any moment now, I am going to wake up."
Spock blinked blankly, lifted his eyebrow and informed her, "You are awake right now."
She shook her head, sighed and said, "It doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm dreaming, or walking in my sleep. I've dreamed about this so many times. Is that even alright for me to say?"
He smiled slightly, but pulled his hand back from her and brought both of his hands into his lap. Immediately, she took the action as a negative sign, as a sign that he was about to say something that she did not want to hear. But she knew that if he did have something to say, she should allow him to say it. He replied, courteously, "Nyota, there is nothing that you can say that will not be adequate for you to say to me, as long as we are within the confines of these walls and your statements do not contradict my heritage or either of our moral duties. I suggest that you use honesty in dealing with me, as I will in dealing with you. In my honesty," She nodded her head, understanding, but looked at his hands on his lap, wondering to herself why he had withdrawn from her touch. Spock's eyes followed her own, then met again with her face as he explained, " I must admit to you that I will find it extremely difficult to reciprocate the physical dedication which you have applied to me on tonight. Being physically interactive is not an action that I have properly familiarized myself with. It will require more study and practice of me to become your physical equal."
Nyota took one of his hands from his lap and held it in both of her own hands as she told him, "I don't expect you to just change your life for me, Spock. Just as, i hope you don't expect me to change who I am for you. I realize that this was not an easy decision for you to make, to be with me, and I don't want to do anything to make you regret this decision. I know that you are not used to contact like this and I want you to only respond to my touch when you are comfortable enough with this. I'm very affectionate; so, you'll get used to it, and until you do, I'll just have to wait." She leaned onto him to lay her head on his shoulder and wrapped her hands around his neck. Spock remained quite still and quite quiet as she stroked his hair, gently. She cooed in his ear, "It feels so wonderful to be with you this way."
His breath seemed to deepen as she held him in her arms, but he did not move, otherwise. He wished to confess that he found himself in delectation, as well. However, he took a deep breath and stiffly placed his arms around her shoulders. Although he was handling her like one might a dangerous animal in close proximity, the action made her smile. Spock said in a low voice, "I must admit that I do not fully understand why you have selected me as your chosen companion. Do you have a logical explanation available?" She knew that unlike other men who may ask this question, Spock was not seeking praises or fishing for compliments. He genuinely was confused about her selection and interested in a logical explanation, as he usually was, about all other topics.
She traced his cheek with two of her fingers and responded, "I have several. Any woman, in her right mind, would want a man like you, Spock. Not many are fortunate enough to get the opportunity to know you. You are the most brilliant man that I have ever known. You are extremely focused, determined, and dedicated to everything that you do. In addition to all of those admirable qualities, you are absolutely smashing. You are handsome, by most women's standards and the dignified way that you carry yourself makes you appear so unattainable, that we become too afraid to ever try. I have believed that you were unattainable for years. If anyone chose anyone, you chose me. I really don't see the logic in it, but I am grateful about your choice." Spock thought to himself that he was grateful as well, and hoped that she was not curious as to his logical explanation of selecting her, because he honestly did not have one available.
He had several reasons that he wanted her, but each time he thought about the reasons, they seemed illogical and self serving, yet, here he was, wrapped in her arms... and enjoying it. She lifted her head up to kiss him on the face. The kiss landed on the corner of his mouth, which caused the corner of his mouth to turn into a slight, almost undetectable, smile. Nyota decided to take his mother's advice and translate the language of his human eyes, after her move. Spock did not look at her, although he realized that she was looking at him. Her face was entirely too close to his for him to risk looking at her and falling into another kiss. Next time, he may resort to succumbing, and he was not ready to do that. She pressed her face against his and lay there for a few more moments, until he suddenly whispered, "I am going to begin working on our disclosure report, so that we may submit it in the morning. I will need to leave the table to commence this project." She understood this to be his most polite way of telling her to get off of him, now. Nyota sat up, to allow him to leave the table, which he did quite hastily, as though rushing away from her.
She released a discouraged sigh and got up to clear the table and wash the dishes. Maybe she had moved too quickly with her affections and made him nervous. She had not meant to cause him any discomfort, but she had wanted this for a long time. She told herself that she would have to watch his pace and adjust herself to it, as to not ruin things before they even got started. As she washed the dishes, she sang to herself over the sound of his fingers keying hurriedly on his keyboard.
Spock listened to Nyota singing softly in the kitchen as he typed up the disclosure report according to the protocol of Regulation 251. The sound of her singing always gave him a soothing mood. When Nyota first mentioned her interest in Spock's opinion of the regulation, he immediately took it into serious consideration. Before then, he had thought of the rule which gave the right of officers to be romantically involved with their senior officers as long as they submitted a disclosure report of their relationship and their individual records and followed certain rules devised to eradicate favoritism between the two of them.
Spock considered mentioning the regulation to Nyota before she ever brought it up, but it seemed an illogical thing to do, as he could not be certain of her interest in him and did not want to create an atmosphere of sexual harassment, if she was not interested in him. It would have been illogical for him to gamble with his future and with their... friendship? Friendship. Is this what friendship was? What they had seemed so different from others called friendship, long before this night. She often referred to him as a friend, but some part of him knew that she desired more. That part of him knew this because it knew that his desires were reflected in hers.
He did not know what their relationship was before this night, or even what it was on this night. All he knew was that when he felt her arms around him, he knew what he wanted their relationship to be, by tomorrow. He desired to complete the disclosure report as soon as possible and to become hers, and hers alone.
A week before, when his mother told him that Nyota looked at him that way, like he was "hers and hers alone", he did not absorb the observation as fact. Spock did not generally find himself incorrect, and the few times which he did, he hated it. This was one time, he felt nicely about being wrong. Hers and hers alone. The thought combined with the sound of her singing voice and her fragrance still dancing about in his nostrils made him smirk to himself.
Long before he realized that he was becoming attached to her, he thought of her as a titillating student and intellectual model. Her presence made his classes and his lessons become more pleasant to teach than they had ever been before, for her passion to learn, her ability to work hard and her enthusiasm to do better when she did not perform perfectly. When he realized that he was becoming attached to her, he brushed it off as character admiration. He admired her character and her spirit (in an academic and professional sense), he thought. They were becoming "friends".
Now, when creating their report - when putting their past record together, paralleled, he realized that he had wanted this as much as she did, for a long time. He sighed to himself as he realized that he wanted to feel her again. He looked in the direction of the kitchen. Her singing had ceased. He wondered if she was finished and on her way back to him? After a moment, he found himself fighting the urge to call out to her.
"Nyota?" She heard him call softly from his computer. She dried her hands and came into the room to look at him. The urge had won. "When you are done, do you think that you could come sit near me, and gather me in the same manner that you did at the table, as I work on our report?" She smiled and grabbed a chair to join him at his desk. Spock explained as she made her way over, "I found sitting in that position as relaxing as Vulcan meditation. There is something tranquilizing yet invigorating in the combination of the scent of you and the softness of your skin. It has a very fascinating effect."
Nyota could not help but smile at the fact that Spock did not even realize the power behind what he was admitting to her. He thought that he was merely expressing an observation of sorts. He had no idea how these words made her melt and want to fall apart in his arms, and stay there until he delicately pieced her back together. She sat her chair close to his, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek several times. Spock wrapped his arms around her again, this time a bit more delicately than at the table, and he told her, "I can not logically explain the effect you have on me. It manifests itself through various channels from you - your eyes, your fragrance, your smile, and your kiss all vivify the effect. It is a difficult experience to explain." Now, she looked at his face. He must have realized, that time the power behind his words. This confession warranted a response. She felt as though maybe he needed some confirmation that she was alright with this.
She stroked his face and informed him, "You don't need to explain it to me. I know exactly how you feel, Spock." He looked into her eyes for a while; both of them said nothing. Although he wanted to kiss her, he began typing again, instead. Even after all of the emotion that he felt and even with him going as far as he just had in saying such things as he had said, Spock firmly rejected the urge to become romantically physical with her. He would not kiss her, not tonight, and she figured, probably not any time soon. She wanted to draw his face back to hers and initiate the kiss herself, but knew she needed to move at his pace. She did not want his newfound emotions to frighten him away from her, if she pushed too much. She laid her head on his shoulder and shut her eyes as he continued to type. After a while, she fell to sleep.
When she awoke, she was lying in Spock's bed, alone. She saw the clock; 2243 hours. She had been sleep for maybe an hour and regretted this, because she knew it would interfere with her night's sleep. She got up and walked back into Spock's study area, where he was seated at the computer, reading. She asked, "Did you put me in your bed?"
He turned his computer off and turned to face her as he replied, "You fell asleep. If you had remained laying in the position you were in, you may have awakened with great pain and discomfort." He rose from his chair and walked over to her. He stopped in front of her.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. Spock likewise wrapped his arms around her waist as she said, seductively, "Thank you for being so considerate." She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, softly and quickly, then fearfully pulled herself away, though his hold remained around her. With a fearful look in her deep brown eyes, she offered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push."
Spock did not release her from his hold as he lifted his eyebrow and asked, "What do you mean by this statement? What is it that you believe you have pushed?" He would not admit it, but he became rather disappointed that she interrupted the feeling of her lips against his, and he wished to understand why she had done so.
She shook her head and looked at the floor, "I didn't mean to come on too strongly."
Spock firmly placed his hands on her shoulders as he explained to her, "You are using human colloquialism that, although I have heard it before, I do not fully comprehend, in this specific context."
She exclaimed, "I didn't mean to take a forceful action that may persuade you to withdraw your interactions with me!"
Spock tilted his head and responded, "I assure you, Nyota, as of this moment, you have absolutely no worries in that area. I have completed our disclosure report and secured an appointment for both of us, with the administration, in the morning. The appointment is the final step in our being recognized as a legitimate and official couple. I fully desire the opportunity to excel as your chosen companion. I would not have taken the time to follow such a path without having an intention to remain on it."
She sighed, "I know. It's just that I am trying to move at your pace."
Spock surprised himself (and her) by turning her face to look at him and he stared at her timid face for a moment, trying to recover from how naturally such a strange action had come forth from him. When he found his voice, he dropped his hand and said, gently, "Move at your own pace, and I will catch up where needed, or slow you down where needed." She nodded her head and he picked up her tote bag. He felt odd. The reaction that she was having on him was simultaneously pleasing and severely uncomfortable. He spoke, now with his usual, brisk and even tone, "It has gotten too late for you to remain inside of my quarters. If you do not leave soon, you will break curfew and be in violation of several regulations. I will escort you back to your own dormitory." He handed the bag to her and she nodded again.
As Spock walked Nyota back to her dorm, she noticed that the few people who happened to still be about were staring at them. Some were looking at their faces, but many seemed focus on Nyota's stunning, shimmery royal purple, spaghetti strap evening gown. She whispered to Spock, "Next time that I come over for a romantic dress up dinner, remind me to make time to change back into my uniform before I leave your room."
"Noted," he said as he walked passed another onlooker without even acknowledging him.
Nyota looked towards him as they walked and she knew that he had went into his professional mode for the night. There would be no cutesy stuff on the way to the room, or once they got there. Most likely, he would walk her to the door and leave without even wishing her good night. She sighed and looked straight ahead, trying to match her presentation of dignity with his.
When they arrived at her dorm, Spock said, "Our appointment begins at 0715 hours. I will meet you here at 0655."
She nodded her head and responded, "Yes, Commander." It was habitual. Especially when he used his authoritative tone. He bowed curtly, pivoted and walked briskly down the hall the same direction in which they had come. She whispered, "Nope, no goodnight."
Nyota entered the dormitory and Gaila was laying in bed, but clearly not asleep, as she appeared to be crying. She was facing the opposite direction, so Nyota walked around to the side of the bed that she faced and sat down next to her. She touched her green cheek with the back of her hand and asked, "Gaila, sweetie, what's wrong?"
Gaila wiped her eyes clear and sat up and asked her, "You look lovely. Where have you been?"
Nyota smiled, slightly, sighed and responded, "Dinner. Now, why are you crying?"
Gaila tried to sound cheerful, but did not smile, as she asked, "Dinner, where?"
Nyota sighed again, deeper, this time. Gaila apparently had lost another boyfriend and evidentially did not want to talk about it. Nyota honored her unspoken wishes and replied to the question, "In Commander Spock's room."
Gaila smiled now and asked, "Did you two do it?"
Nyota huffed and shook her head, "No, Gaila. We didn't do it, nor did we even discuss doing it. Is that all that you think about, Girl? He created the disclosure report. We have an appointment in the morning with the administration."
Gaila smiled and nodded, "Oscar is going to go see them too. He is going to go put it on the records that our relationship has been (and this is his exact terminology) indefinitely discontinued." She fell onto Nyota's lap and cried, then after a few sobs said, "This is a lovely dress." She stroked the royal purple material.
Nyota wanted to tell her that she needed to go to bed to wake up early, and to stress to her that tomorrow morning was of utmost importance to her, but Gaila seemed even more upset than usual about her break up with this Oscar. Nyota stayed where she was and began to sing to Gaila, as Gaila had once told her that when she was sad as a little girl that her mother would let her lay her head on her lap while she sang to her. Gaila began to hum along with the song that Nyota sang, "Beyond Antares", one of Gaila's favorites. Gaila fell to sleep after a moment. Nyota wanted to wait until she was into a deep enough sleep to slide from under her and eventually feel to sleep leaning against Gaila's headboard.