Sheldon Swifties LIX: "X-Advisors…"
Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later.
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Apartment of Sheldon Cooper and Leonard Hofstadter…
An eager Leonard and a rather grim Sheldon at dinner with their usual suspects…Dr. Rajesh Koothrapali, his newly returned and latest addition to the group girlfriend Lucy, Howard Wolowitz and Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz, Sheldon's and Leonard's respective significant others, Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler and Penny.
"I cannot believe Dr. Xavier Francis is actually coming to Cal Tech…" Leonard beamed. "You know he was my inspiration in grad school."
"So you've been telling us…Ad infinitum." Sheldon frowned.
"Well so what if I have…" Leonard shrugged, waving him off… "Dr. Francis was an…"
"Inspiration?" Howard, smile to Bernadette who shushed him.
"I meant to say…Excellent guide to the universe that is experimental physics." Leonard, archly.
"Oh, please…" Sheldon rolled eyes… "More like the kids' pool."
Leonard, refusing to be downed by Sheldon's moroseness…Warming to his theme as he spoke. "Dr. Francis taught me everything I know about experimental physics."
"Wonderful as it is that we know who to blame…" Sheldon cut in…
"I can't believe you're not excited, Sheldon." Leonard shook head. "Dr. Stein is coming too. Your old adviser…The man who made you…" pause to mutual grins among the guys. "…what you are today."
"What?" Penny eyed the males who but for Sheldon were clearly enjoying the joke…Expectant smile.
"Oh, yes…" Sheldon glared. "The usual childish play on his name. Francis N. Stein…"
"Your adviser was Dr. Frank N. Stein?" Penny blinked, chuckling…
"I didn't choose him…" Sheldon fumed. "I didn't need an adviser but the university, in its not-so-infinite wisdom decided to foist him on me. And what a choice…"
"I dunno Sheldon…" Leonard, repressing grin… "Dr. Stein was always a great guy…He certainly…Lit up a room."
Raj and Howard chuckling as Bernadette frowned and Amy glared…
"What?" Bernadette… "I don't get it."
"Reference to lightning…Frankenstein…Like in the movies…" Howard tried.
"I never watched those movies. They didn't scare me like the other kids…I made scarier things in the micro lab at school, so I just got bored." Bernadette noted.
"I'm sure this Dr. Stein was more to you that some silly monster movie joke, Sheldon." Amy noted… "And why didn't you tell me all about him before? Some way to share…" frown. "I claim a minor infringement of the relationship agreement, clause six, paragraph three…And demand the usual retribution." She pursed lips.
"Seems you've really been boning up on the relationship agreement these days, Amy." Howard…Rolling eyes to Bernadatte's frown.
Not bad…Penny eyed the couple as Sheldon made lip contact…
He's actually get the knack…
"Yes…" Sheldon, breaking contact…Off-hand tone… "I do commend Amy for her due diligence."
"Thank you." Amy, nodding. "But if you will check your watch you infringed three seconds of the retribution in responding to Howard."
"Oh…" he glanced at watch… "Pon my soul you're right…The usual retribution…?" a note of eagerness…
"Oh, yes…" Amy beamed… Lip locked resumed.
That's our boy, Penny beamed to Leonard who grinned back.
"Oh, just get a room, will you…?" Raj glared.
"You know you two really don't need to fake this retribution stuff if you just wanna make out…" Bernadette sighed as Amy and Sheldon remained locked, embracing…
"Fascinating…" Howard eyed them…Shaking head…
"How long can they…?" Bernadette, a note of worry…
Sudden pop of release…
"What?" Amy, vaguely… "What were we saying?" Sheldon looking equally stunned…
C'mon guys…We agreed…Penny, stern glance round…We're to savor and delight in the miracle not mock it.
Silent reluctant mutual agreement…
"I was saying…You can't blame him, Amy…" Howard grinned. "Who'd want to be known as Frank N. Stein's monster?"
"And God, he was…" Leonard chuckled…
"I thought you didn't meet Sheldon till you moved in here?" Penny, puzzled.
"It's been all over the Internet…" Howard explained. "And mostly in the form of Frank Stein's own blog…The full account of two years with the young Sheldon Cooper. I think he called the first year 'God, What Have I Done?!' and the second 'Lord, How Could I Have Created It?'. Of course, I've done what I could to promote it over the years."
"Two years?" Amy eyed Sheldon…
"Two separate doctorates…" he shrugged. "So I liked school…Sue me."
"Well…He must have been inspiring…" Amy, cautiously… "I know my adviser was inspiring…"
"Oh, he was an inspiration all right…To some of us…" Howard, nostalgically.
"She was your grandmother…" Sheldon frowned. "Of course your Meemaw would inspire. I would've been inspired if my Meemaw had chosen to be a theoretical physicist and advised me."
"You didn't like him?" Bernadette, curious.
"Oh…He was always telling me to get out of the lab and get more out of life…'You're thirteen years old, kid. Get a life, Sheldon'…He'd say.
"And you never did…" Howard, grinning… "Well, at least your Frankenstein tried to help his creation…" shrug…
Amy, narrow glare…
Just what was that about never getting a life, bucko…?
"He was the wild guy of Physics, I remember…" Leonard nodded. "A legend…"
"Yeah? What'd he do, make sparks in the lab?" Penny grinned.
"Oh…Yeah…" Howard smiled. "And not just in the lab…"
"He had quite the rep…" Leonard nodded. "He and Dr. Francis were still pals then…He used to show up on Fridays and on Saturday I'd get an email telling me to send our week's experimental results on to Vegas or Bangkok…And I'd get pics of them…From every bar and club from here to some place in Siberia, and always with girls."
"Girls?" Penny eyed him. "They'd date girls from the university?"
"I don't know about Dr. Francis…" Howard noted, sly smile… "But 'the Creator' would hit on anything female from anywhere. And the way he got that nickname…"
"Fine. We can guess." Bernadette, brittlely.
"All I know is Sheldon's adviser sure played a major role in making Science attractive to a number of eager young men, including me." Howard grinned.
"You know he even forced me to date his daughter…?" Sheldon sighed.
"Say what?" Amy stared as the others blinked…Involuntary narrowing of eyes…
Well…A harmless fling in the wild days of thirteen…And to please his adviser…
After all, I suppose I do have Prince Faisal my scientific sugar daddy in my own past…
"Oh, some silly bespectacled four-eyed plain Jane with nerdy clothes and a few ticks and strange quirks, making her a social pariah?" she noted, eagerly. Penny staring…
Hmmn…
"No…That might have been bearable…" Sheldon sighed. "In fact she looked rather like that girl Howard always used to go on about…From the new Battlestar Galatica? Katie…What was the name?"
"Don't tell me…" Howard blanched.
"Well…Fine, but I feel I should give you one clue…The character nearly always wore a flight suit."
"His daughter? But she's the one who looks a little…A lot…Like…" Howard gasping…
"Actually she was Ms. Sackoff's spitting image and still is." Sheldon noted. "It's ok, I knew one of us was sure to get it."
"Why?" Bernadette, glaring at her suddenly silent husband… "Looking to trade up?"
"Wait…" Leonard looked at Howard… "You dated Susan Stein?"
"When he was 13, Leonard…" Penny, anxious glance increasingly agitated Amyward… "How old was she again?"
"Oh, thirteen…My age."
"Yes…But…" Leonard…
"Susan Stein…" Howard sighed. "I might have known."
"The physicist of porn…" Rajesh, equally deep sigh…
"Yeah…" Leonard, involuntarily…
"What?!" Amy, Penny, Bernadette….An anxious Lucy merely staring…
"Oh, right…She did have a rather scandalous career for a while…" Sheldon nodded. "I remember 'cause she sent me a picture of her that my mom burned publicly at her church when I showed it to Missy when she said she didn't believe I'd ever dated a girl."
"The what of what?" Amy, fuming now…
"She had a wild streak, kinda like her father, only more so…" Leonard shrugged. "She went into physics like him but had a side career for a while...Uh, in the arts. See…" he turned to Penny, eagerly. "Isn't it nice that it's possible to crossover careers in the sciences and…"
"Porn, Leonard?" Penny glared. "Are you comparing what I do…To porn?"
"physics…Small p…Her theoretical work makes Leonard's stuff look relevant." Sheldon, smugly. "However I think Leonard means she was a success in the arts at least…"
"Sheldon…" Amy, Leonard as Penny fumed.
"It has been said she's never completely given up that side career…" Howard noted. "After all, she was featured in that porn version of Galactica a few years ago. Katie gave her a whole new fan base…"
"Right, 'Starbuckin', I remember…" Raj sighed.
"What?!" Lucy, finding voice…
"And forever may your former vile self be shamed for showing it to me, Howard." He lamely concluded, anxiously placating glance at Lucy's grim, set face.
"Oh, please, you downloaded it six months ago and emailed me about it." Howard glared.
"All I'll say is…There damned well better not be a copy on our computer at home, Howard." Bernadette, grimly.
"I'm the only Katie Sackoff fantasy stand-in for you…" she noted, firmly.
"And that's about all I ever want to know about Howard and Bernadette's love life, thank you…" Penny noted to Leonard, grimacing.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Bernadette eyed Penny, startling her. "A little sexual fantasy is perfectly normal and healthy. I indulge Howard a little and he…"
"Great…I get the picture…" Penny put up a hand.
God…I was just an innocent, if earthy, fun-loving girl from Nebraska before I came to this den of wickedness that is Pasadena…She eyed Leonard.
Ok, maybe an innocent, slightly slutty, very earthy, very fun-loving….
"Do you still have that picture of her, Sheldon?" Leonard asked.
"Picture?" Amy frowned…
Of a physics porno space princess…?
"You mean the one she sent me last year, with the reminder that she intended to keep her promise to marry me? Sure, in my special box…" Sheldon, innocently.
"Sheldon?! You have pictures of this woman?...In a special box?...And what do you mean, marry you?!" Amy stared.
"She used to send me pictures every so often…I put them in my keepsakes box with my letters from Elizabeth Plimpton and that threatening letter from Ramona after I refused her coauthor credit and she said if I ever got a pet she'd kill it…And copies of all my restraining orders…"
Elizabeth Plimpton…Mutual sigh from the other males…
"You have a keepsakes box…And you never showed it to me? Sheldon?" Amy frowned. "Get your notary stamp…Now!"
He looked…Blinking…
"You heard me." Grim tone.
He rose and went to his room, muttering as Amy, frowning, pulled out a piece of paper and began writing.
"Nice job of training there, ma'am…" Howard joked.
"You're not in the clear yet, bucko…" Bernadette frowned. "Not till I've done a full scan of your computer at home…And I think I'll want to see the office computer as well."
Sheldon returned with notary stamp…
"Sign this and notarize…" Amy thrust her sheet at him…
"Another addendum to the Relationship Agreement?" he glanced at the sheet. "I think I should be able to…"
"Shut up, sign, and stamp." Grim tone.
The others staring as he did so, sheepishly…Amy taking up sheet.
"Ok…According to the Relationship Agreement Addendum #12, the party of the second part, known herein as 'the girlfriend' has full rights of access to any and all items stored by the party of the first part, known herein as 'the boyfriend' in the so-named 'special box'." Amy noted firmly. "Get me the 'special box'."
"But…?"
"Are you arguing with the Relationship Agreement?" stern look.
"No…Ma'am…" sigh. "I'll get it."
All staring…
"Speaking of Frankenstein monsters…" Raj hissed to Howard, eyeing Amy's set face.
"We just created the bomb with our Sheldonian dating profile, we didn't drop it…" he replied.
Sheldon, returned, bearing box…Which he reluctantly handed to Amy.
All coming over…
"Hey." Amy glared. "A little respect for my honey's privacy here?"
"Is that?" Penny glanced at the photo Amy had snatched and raised.
"That is…" Howard beamed. "And in her Katie flight suit…"
"'To Sheldon…My fiancée…Suzie XXXXoooS and a whole lot more…' Sheldon?" Amy, striken.
"Amy, I'm sure Susan was just kidding…" Leonard, urgently. "Right, Sheldon? Just a kid's game."
"Well, she did say I was the only man she'd ever marry…" Sheldon shrugged.
"If that upsets you, you probably don't want to read my first letters from Elizabeth…" he noted to a stunned Amy.
"What's Sir Ian McKellan doing with her there?" Penny stared. "Don't tell me she really was an actress too?"
"Oh, no that's Dr. Stein, her dad." Leonard noted. "He did always look like Gandolf didn't he?"
"Oh, come on…" he eyed her puzzled…Who?...Stare. "We saw 'Lord of the Rings' three times together."