Shattered

Summary: I knew in my heart that he didn't love me. But the pain of watching them together tore through my heart, ripping it to shreds. And for a moment, I was afraid I would never be able to recollect them. SasuSakuKarin. AU. R&R.

A/N: Prequel-ish thing to Never Loved. It's best if you read that first to understand some of the finer points of this fic, although you don't HAVE to.

Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

XXX

I first laid eyes on Sasuke when I was fourteen.

My mother was, to put it plainly, vicious in the business world. She was known for the cruel streak in her, the obsessive passion for being at the top. She had destroyed countless companies in her lifetime, all for her own gain. Her loved ones were nothing more than pawns to get her closer and closer to the top. And me being her daughter, I was one of them.

I was introduced to Sasuke during one of the many parties I was required to attend. At that time, I was nothing but a duck-footed, red-haired young girl on the brink of womanhood. My mother, of course, thought differently.

"You are a jewel, Karin." she repeated before we got out of the car, and smoothed a piece of unruly red hair on my head. It was the only gesture of love I had ever received from her, and I treasured it. "I oblige you to act like one tonight, as our lives may depend upon it."

I nodded blindly, saying nothing in reply. I had no idea how my life would change over the course of the evening, and was powerless to stop it.

During the party, I spoke with many of the mundane people my mother introduced me to. I smiled forcedly at them, knowing they were nothing but greedy and self-centered business people, all the while trying to ignore the annoying voice in my mind that spoke the buried truth.

You are one of them. You know it.

I took a glass of punch from a nearby table, and let my eyes wander around the room. I could see beautiful ladies, dressed in silk and jewels, flaunting their wealth. Dark and handsome men, drinking wine from glasses while talking to others about business ventures. Here and there, I spotted the odd teenager. A blonde-haired female, with pale blue eyes was arguing with a chubby, ginger-haired male. I sniffed at them out of habit, wondering why they were putting on such a display when their families could hurt from the embarassment. Really, had they no dignity?

I spotted the odd handsome teen of course. A blonde was busy swigging punch through a shotglass with his best friend.

His best friend.

If only I had known how much pain I would be in because of him.

In that moment, while watching a blonde idiot drink punch using a shotglass, I laid my eyes on Uchiha Sasuke.

My pulse quickened, and my heart raced. I had dated before, obviously. My mother had insisted that I be courted by the random stranger. It was good for the business, it was good for her. And through her, me. I had believed her blindly all the time, spending time with those who time shouldn't be wasted on.

But Uchiha Sasuke was completely different.

His unruly black hair stuck up in odd spikes, onyx eyes glancing at his friend from time to time in apparent amusement, although his words never revealed it. Through those hard eyes, I could see everything. The underlying current of boredom, yet the happiness in which he was at the moment, no matter how much he refused to admit it.

It took me a while to figure out, through my foggy brain, that his blonde friend was not just the source of his happiness.

Sometimes, I wonder if I figured it out too late. Waited too long after I was in love to understand that no, I was not the center of Sasuke's life as I had hoped to be. It was a place that was already reserved by someone else. Someone whom I regarded with anger and hatred for the rest of my life, finally lashing out against after I was forced to accept the truth.

I cleared my throat, practiced my smile and made sure I had nothing in my hair or teeth. I took the first step towards that beautiful stranger when my mother stopped me.

"Karin-chan," she said cheerily. I looked up at her. "I have some people for you to meet." She put her arms around my shoulder and steered me away from him. I was dazed for the moment as the image burned itself into my mind. "Karin, this is Uchiha Fugaku. He is the owner of Uchiha Corp., which is currently within status of alliance with Konaha Inc. Uchiha-sama, this is my daughter, Karin."

I curtsied as I had been taught to do countless times. "Pleased to meet you." I said. I had heard all about Uchiha Corp. from my mother. They were the leading company at the moment, already being on good terms with the creme of the creme, Konoha Inc. Their alliance was no news to me.

"Likewise, Mikatochi-san." he replied politely. "Have you met my wife, Mikoto?" he introduced the beautiful lady standing beside him. "My son will be joining us shortly. I hope you can wait for a while as he disengages himself from his friend." Fugaku laughed.

"I am already here, father."

I turned my eyes to see the very person who I had watched for a good portion of the evening. My breath hitched in my throat, and the voices of my mother and Sasuke's parents talking blurred out. I could only stare at his eyes.

In fact, it took me several years to find out what he was staring at himself.

XXX

I was eighteen when the marriage proposal was sent.

My mother called me into her room. In all the years I had known her, I had never seen her look so excited. Just stoic and calm, all the time.

"Karin, I have sent a marriage proposal on your behalf." were her only words about the situation.

My mouth went dry as I realized what she had done. What she was doing. In all my life, I had never loved my mother more than at that moment.

After that fateful party, so long ago, she had received a phone call from the Uchiha's, wondering if we were free for an outing to the Uchiha estate. My mother went through a flurry of preparation, while I was just simply dazed at having another opportunity to gaze at Sasuke. I might have been nothing but fourteen, but I was in love.

Sasuke was everything. He was a god. A dreamlike substance that I could never being to comprehend. Perhaps that was why I had delusioned myself, blindly believing at the time I was in love, when I was nothing more than an annoying prescence he was forced to put up with.

The meetings increased in time over the years, and in frequency. Often, we were left alone. I never said anything, but his anger at the situation was evident. He wanted nothing to do with me, but I persevered. I wanted to make him love me. I was stupid enough to think that maybe if I had him open up, he would realize what I was and how I felt for him.

That never happened.

The Uchiha's returned the proposal; they were eager for marriage. They had accepted on behalf of Sasuke.

I was shocked. I wanted to burst into tears and laugh at the same time once the news reached me.

I was so stupidly in love, I couldn't even see what would happen in the future.

A week later, I was in another one of my arranged meetings with Sasuke. If I had thought he disliked me before, it was nothing to how he treated me now. Like I was something disgusting at the heel of his shoe.

I sauntered up to him, and smiled flirtatiously. "Hello, Sasuke." I chirped. "Or should I call you, my fiancé?"

He grunted in response and walked ahead of me. We were on a trail on the Uchiha estate, during an early autumn afternoon. I couldn't be happier.

I talked the entire time we were together, feeling disconcerted the whole while. Something was wrong with Sasuke. We finally stopped by a creek, and my chatter trickled down to a few words at a time. By the time we stopped, the two of us were silent.

"Sasuke?" I asked.

He was shaking.

"Are you alright?"

"I just want you to know something." he said shortly, turning to face me. There was anger and sadness like I had never seen in his eyes.

His eyes.

"I don't love you."

The words stabbed me like a knife.

"I don't love you, Karin, and I never will. I want you to know that I didn't accept your proposal, my parents did. I never loved you. Don't kid yourself into think I ever will either." he said harshly. "I just want you to know that we will be husband and wife in word only, never in mind."

I hoped that he had only said those words to me out of the kindness and compassion of his heart. He had said them because he didn't want me to get hurt. He didn't want me to be the broken woman I would be. But something in those eyes proved me wrong. It made all the lies I had told myself over the years evaporate into thin air.

He didn't love me.

He didn't love me.

XXX

After the wedding, Sasuke distanced himself from me as much as possible, spending more time with his friends and out than he ever did at home. I spent lonely nights wondering what Sasuke was doing, while staring up at the stars from the warmth of my chair near the fireplace.

It was at another one of those idiotic parties that I truly got a hunch of what was going on.

I drained a glass of wine, while laughing at a witty joke someone had said. Sasuke remained cold and stoic of course, his eyes wandering around the room. "Sasu-ke," I whined, pulling his arm. "Don't be a poker-face."

"Get your hands off me, you harlot." he said sternly. I untangled myself from his hands, walking beside him silently. He walked to the food table and picked up a glass of punch, eyes roaming around and finally settling on someone. A person whom I had hated from the day I was born.

Haruno Sakura walked into the ballroom, dressed in beautiful dress of light blue and pink. Her hair was in a simple ponytail, and her eyes shone with intelligence. She was dressed simply, nothing special. Heck, she even looked a tad bit gaudy.

So why was Sasuke staring at her with that expression?

His eyes had softened, almost melted into a pool of black. I had once hoped to be the one to melt them that way, and for a moment, I thought I had. But when I followed his gaze, I knew otherwise.

Haruno Sakura, my cousin.

I seethed inside as Sasuke nodded at me to follow him and went up to talk to her. I stood like a statue beside him, taking in the way he spoke with her, treated her. There was a light in both of their eyes. I tried to control my rage and instead, when we were done, went to the food table and drained another glass of wine, hoping to forget my troubles. And another, and another.

A few more later, I looked up to find Sasuke standing beside me. "Put that down," he ordered. "I won't have you stumbling around like a whore." I nodded and set my glass down.

"I have business to attend to. I won't be home till late. Don't wait for me, just get out of here when the party ends."

"Of course, Sasuke-kun." I replied, adding the -kun as an ever present reminder of my affection. He stiffened and then walked away.

Five more glasses of wine later, I looked to find him gone.

A few minutes later, I found out that a certain Haruno Sakura was no longer at the party either.

I excused myself to the ladies room with a glass of wine. Once I was locked behind the door safely, I threw it at the wall and screamed.

XXX

A few weeks later, it happened again.

"I'm not going to be here tonight." Sasuke said quietly, reading the newspaper as I flipped another pancake. I didn't say anything, but smiled widely at him.

"How come, Sasuke-kun?" I asked again, flipping a pancake onto a plate and placing it in front of Sasuke. My husband said nothing but flipped the page of the newspaper. I cleared my throat. "How come?" I asked again.

Sasuke paused for a brief moment before replying. "I heard you the first time, stupid." he said harshly. "And I don't have to explain my every move to you. I have things to attend to." He lowered the paper and fixed me with his onyx eyed gaze. "The company your family owns needs to transfer some more of their accounts. I have to work overtime to make sure that nothing happens."

I nodded. My mother had signed the treaty of alliance with Uchiha Corp. a while back. That was, after all, the point of this entire marriage. For her own well-being. Never mine. I had stopped believing that a long time ago.

I didn't say anything and turned back to the stove. I didn't tell him about the message that had come for him yesterday, informing him of all the accounts that had been successfully transferred. I didn't want to face the reality of the situation I was facing at the moment. I forced a smile on my face and continued to make breakfast.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I didn't know why I had said that. I didn't want to go with him wherever he was going. I saw him tense out of my peripheral vision.

"No. You're good for nothing in the office, and you know it. I don't want you to mess things up like you normally do." Sasuke bit back a reply. I didn't say anything, trying to stow my suspicions away. They had plagued me ever since that party, when he had disappeared alone with Sakura. He hadn't returned until the next morning.

Something was up, and I was going to find out what it was.

For the rest of the afternoon, I went and did some shopping. Nothing I had in my wardrobe was inconspicous enough for what I wanted to do. I found a figure-flattering black dress, deciding to leave my revealing ones in my closet. That evening, I wore my hair in a ponytail and wore the contacts I had left untouched. I preferred my glasses. They were a comfort from a time when I was more innocent.

I parked my black car outside of Uchiha Corp. and waited patiently for Sasuke to come out. I kept myself calm, composed and prayed that I wasn't recognized.

Sasuke's car pulled up smoothly in front of the building. The small hope inside me that he actually to work overtime was dashed as Sasuke walked out of the double doors. His chauffer held up a flower box, and Sasuke nodded in thanks before taking it and entering the car. I gasped as I realized it. I knew at the back of my mind that it was true all along, but I forced myself it couldn't be. Sasuke would never do this to me, his wife. Ever. But the inevitability of it was too much for me to ignore.

Sasuke was having an affair.

Tears ran down my cheeks unchecked. I forced myself to return to a fragment of calmnes I had posessed before, and succeeded somewhat. The car in front of me revved up, and I followed it as discreetly as possible, assuring myself it couldn't be. He couldn't be. He was still married to me, wasn't he? He had to love me somewhat. But that hope was crushed the minute he parked outside of a fancy restaurant, nodding at his chauffer to park the car elsewhere. I bit back my sobs. I wondered who he could be seeing behind my back, although the answer stared at me in the face.

I quickly parked across the street and rushed towards the restaurant. Thankfully, no one asked her if I had a reservation. I quickly sat at the table for two in the far corner and scanned the restaurant for Sasuke. I couldn't see him anywhere. Relief flooded through me, but I couldn't kid myself. Then-

"So, how did you manage to get away from your wife?" a voice asked anxiously. I recognized it as Sakura Haruno's, personal assistant to Tsunade of Konoha Inc. The bitch was dressed in a red dress, flaring gently at the hips. Her hair was down and she wore a choker. I could see the way Sasuke looked at her, and my heart broke. I knew he didn't love me. But the pain of watching them together tore through my heart, ripping it to shreds. And for a moment, I was afraid I would never be able to recollect them.

"Don't worry about a thing, Sakura." Sasuke's smooth voice reached me. My heart stopped as the two of them rounded the corner and made their way towards a table for two. "Karin hasn't caught on in the past two years, why would she now?"

Sakura looked around her anxiously. Rage poured into me, as I stared at the bitch that was hooked onto Sasuke's arm. No one had the right to do that except for me, Mrs. Uchiha Sasuke. I knew that Sasuke had been friends (I refused to call it a relationship) with Sakura before their marriage, but I had no idea that he was still going out with he, least of all during the two years we had been married.

I had always hated Sakura, even before my marriage. Sakura was always the smart one, the bright one, the better one. The endless comparisons were enough to drive me to the brink of jealousy and hatred. Even Sasuke, during the brief times he spoke, only spoke of her. The girl had managed to seduce (I would never admit that Sasuke liked her of his own free will) my Sasuke-kun. For that alone, I hated her with a vengeance. I had felt so smug, so happy, when I had announced the engagement to Sakura. I knew she would be forced out of our lives after we were married, but I was wrong. I continued to watch the secret couple from afar, a few tears escaping my eyes and splattering onto the table.

"And even if she does find out, does it matter?" Sasuke continued. "She would never sign the divorce papers because she has this thought that I'll actually come to love her."

Sakura didn't say anything. "Sasuke-kun, please." she began gently. "You know that even Karin-san had no choice in this matter."

No choice? I snorted. I could have declined the returning proposal, broken it off, anything. But I hadn't. I was too much in love for that. Love. I resisted the urge to spit at the table.

Sasuke snorted, "Yeah, well, I don't give a damn. I don't love her Sakura, I love you. And I want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll always love you. And I'll find some way to be with you." He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips, passionately. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore and rushed out of the restaurant.

He didn't love me

Uchiha Sasuke had never loved me.

XXX

I lay curled on my bed in fetal position, registering everything I had heard last night. I was in shock. Too numb from the pain of what I knew now that I couldn't move, couldn't breathe.

I just wanted to curl up and die. Never to live again.

I loved Sasuke. I truly had. For those four years, I knew I had been blind to his own discomfort, his own pain at not being able to be with the one he loved. And now, I was atoning for that sin. The sin of ripping him away from the person he had wanted to spend his life with. It was my turn to feel the pain he had felt for six years.

I welcomed it gladly, why wouldn't I? I let it wash over me, cleansing me in a strange way. I knew, deep inside, that this had been unavoidable. But I had steamrollered forward nonetheless and ended up with my heart in pieces.

Way to go, Karin, I told myself sarcastically.

But...I had always been a fighter. A confronter. Old enemities would die hard, I decided, and prepared to stand up. To face Sasuke. To face the world for putting me through this. I wouldn't give up, no matter what happend. I could cry, I could bitch. But I wouldn't let this get me down.

With that in mind, I prepared myself for what would happen as Sasuke entered the room.

He didn't love me. He never had, and he never would.

A/N: O...m...g. I can't believe I wrote something like this. I planned for it to be short, sweet and sad, but somehow it barrelled out of control. And now it's 12:35 PM. Late for me, anyways.

This is my second attempt at...angst? What do you call this anyways? For those who wanted a sort of follow-up to Never Loved, this is it. I know it's not exactly what you expected, but it's a prequel-ish thing. Hopefully, it conveys some feelings i wasn't able to tell in the previous fic.

I WILL update Cindersoot. I swear I will. I'm just floundering in homework and projects, I can't stand it. I have plans for the next chapter (mild writer's block, I'm afraid), but I can't get them on paper. I will, I promise, but just not now.

FF's fucked up my scene breaks, so I'm sorry for the X's. I'll see if I can edit that.

Thanks for reading, as always, and please review!

- B.W