(A/N: This is just a harmless piece of parody fic to keep me entertained, and hopefully some of you reading this entertained as well. I just wanted to write one because it's something fun to do and it's not like I have a life anyway so…)
Disclaimer: I don't actually own the Lord of the Rings. Shocking, I know. I wouldn't want to own everything with the Lord of the Rings anyways, just the Shire and the hobbits in it (preferably Merry and Pippin). You can keep your fancy ales.
Introduction:
Galadriel: The world is changing. I can feel in my knees – it's also going to rain tomorrow, I can feel that in my neck. Once that was not forgotten is now forgotten and once that was forgotten is remembered and once that was remembered is only sort of remembered because I keep losing the pad I write my messages on.
But anyways, there were these rings that were given to the elves so they could rule their elf people, there were some more rings given to the dwarves 'cause they have those cool beards working for them. We gave some rings to men too, just to laugh at them when they fell into shadow (I mean, come on, we all saw it coming). But then we decided to play a prank on them 'cause Sauron made another ring that pretty much rendered their rings useless. Just as Ashton Kutcher was about to come out and say "You got punk'd fools!" Sauron though it'd be cool to try to take over Middle Earth. A major breach of contract I can tell you.
So then Sauron went around corrupting and killing people until some elves and men finally decided 'hey! Maybe we should fight back!' So Sauron got his finger cut off and like the wuss he was disintegrated into ash. Isildur, the dude who took the ring from Sauron, decided to keep it because he's a moron and the hearts of men are easily corrupted (well duh). Isildur died and the ring fell in the river and everyone forgot about it because it's not like it could bring destruction to all of Middle Earth or anything…oh wait.
A person kind of like a hobbit named Deagol found the ring but his bud Smeagol got pissed because he didn't like his real birthday gift and killed him. Smeagol went to hang out with some goblins in the Misty Mountains for a while but found he would rather sit in the dark for five hundred years eating nasty raw fish than hear the goblin king go on about how great he is every day for the rest of his unnaturally long life.
A hobbit named Bilbo Baggins was going through the Mountains when he found the Ring and put it in his pocket. He beat Gollum (he changed his name to the only sound he could make without saying 'Precious' after) in a riddle game (you can tell these guys were cool) and took the ring away to his home in the Shire. Hobbits are cool and there's gonna be a time when they shape the fortunes of all, neat huh?
(A/N I'm not gonna keep writing if nobody likes my parody story so I'm going to need some reviews telling me either to shut the hell up and stop writing horrible fics, or to continue because you're interested to see where this goes. I'm encouraging honesty and I don't get mad at honest people.)