A/N: So this fic doesn't really fit in with any of the episodes, but it is based around the current time; season 10. So I was thinking about the season 4 episode "Dead man walking'' earlier and I thought about the orange beanie that Roy Sanders has and how Ziva ends up with it. Well I've always loved that bright, florescent beanie and I have been wanting Ziva to wear it again, so I thought 'hey! Why not write a fic about it?!' So now in the middle of the night, I'm sitting here writing this fic about a bright, florescent, orange beanie. LOL well I'll let you read now.
Disclaimer: Nope….. No…. I certainly don't own it.
The NCIS MCRT had just finished a three day case and everyone, including Gibbs, was eager to go home.
Tony and Ziva had just gotten onto the elevator when Ziva said "Tony?"
"Yes Ziva? Asked Tony as he glanced over to Ziva.
"Would you like to come to my house and eat dinner, I can make us something fast."
"Yeah, that sounds really good Ziva, thanks."
"What would you like to eat?"
"Would Spaghetti be ok?"
"Yes, I would love spaghetti" said Ziva looking up into Tony's green/hazel eyes as the elevator doors opened "I will see you at my house for dinner in a few minutes then?"
"Yeah, I'll see you in a few minutes." Said Tony as they both headed for their cars.
Ziva's P.O.V.
When I got home I went straight into my bedroom to change into comfortable jeans and a plain, yet stylish, green T-shirt, then I put the water for the spaghetti on the stove to boil.
I walked back into my blue colored living room and turned on the TV that Tony had finally convinced me to get, and turned to some random late night TV infomercial just to give me some noise.
I walked back into the small, charcoal grey kitchen to check on the water and thought 'Tony should be getting here soon, I hope he is okay.' And not more than two minutes later I heard someone knocking at my door.
I walk to my door and look out the peephole to find Tony standing there so I opened the door.
"Sorry if I worried you, I went home to change into my jeans and t-shirt and there was a wreck" when Tony said that I started looking over him for injuries "oh don't worry Ziva I wasn't in the wreck, but I had to wait for it to clear up" he said as they walked into my living room.
General P.O.V.
"I have to go check on the food; I'll be back in a few minutes. Make yourself at home."
"Don't I always?" he joked.
Tony's P.O.V.
Ziva had gone to check on the food so I sat down on her comfortable, leather sofa and looked around her living room.
I loved Ziva's living room; the walls are a nice, welcoming blue; and it has a nice homey feeling to it, in an odd, sort of distant way.
As I continue to look around I notice that the shelf above the gas fireplace seems to be some sort of a memorial shelf; it has a picture of her, Ari, and Tahli all three of them smiling; some other stuff that I didn't recognize; and at the other end of the shelf a picture of Roy Sanders and right next to the picture was his orange beanie.
I stared at the picture and the beanie for a long time, Ziva hadn't spoken of Sanders in a long time.
I always guessed that she still had his beanie, but I had always guessed she kept it in a box, on the shelf in her closet, or something like that, but I never guessed she kept it in the open like this.
Roy Sanders' case was hard on Ziva; she fell for him, and she fell hard and fast. That was the first time I had ever seen her show any emotion besides anger.
I just sat there staring at the picture until Ziva came in with two bowls of steaming hot spaghetti and said "what are you looking at Tony?" so I pointed out the beanie and the picture.
"You still miss him don't you?"
"Of course I do Tony, I was in love with him and he died." Well that stung me a little; she just admitted that she loved another man.
"So is that your memorial shelf?"
"I guess you could call it that"
"Will you put a picture of me up there when I die?" I ask, praying that she will say yes.
"No." was her simple reply. I was crushed; I thought she cared for me more than that.
"No?" I asked in a low, hurt voice. It killed me to think that after all these years she wouldn't even put a picture of me on her memorial shelf when I die.
"No. I wouldn't be able to look at it" she said mater-of-factly.
"That hurts Ziva. That hurts a lot. And I thought that after all these years, after all the late night beers we would drink after 5 and 6 day long cases; you… I thought you would think enough of me to put a picture of me on you memorial shelf. Thanks for the dinner invite but I'm leaving." I sat my bowl down on her dark brown, wooden coffee table and stood up to leave.
I couldn't believe that this was happening. I mean I know me and Ziva have had our have hard, rough times in the past but those have been sorted out, or at least mostly.
"No Tony, wait! You didn't let me finish." She said reaching up and grabbing my arm before I could walk out the door.
"Well then finish quick." I said, not wanting to hang around and be disappointed.
"Tony, I would not be able to look at it because it would remind me that I would never see you again, or hear you talk, or feel your touch." She told me in a soft voice, while looking straight into my eyes. I knew she was telling me the truth, I could see it in her eyes. When she first came I couldn't tell anything about her, but recently she has been more of an open book "and just the thought of never seeing you again Tony, is horrifying to me." She finished, closing her eyes and shuddering.
"Ziva I… I'm sorry I got mad like that." I felt bad now, really bad.
"It is ok Tony, I would have done the same thing too if are roles were switched.
"I'm so sorry Ziva, I just thought that…"
"Thought what Tony? Thought that I didn't love you? Because that is not true Tony, I… I think it is time I should face my fears."
"What are you talking about Ziva?"
"I think it is time I face my fears and tell you that I love you." She told me, never once taking her gorgeous brown eyes off of mine.
"Ziva… I… I love you too." I said reaching up to wipe away a stray tear, of happiness obviously.
"I think now that I will have to put a picture of you on my shelf when you die." She said with a smile as I leaned down to kiss her.
"I love you Ziva David."
"I love you too Anthony DiNozzo."
The next morning Ziva walked in wearing Roy Sanders' florescent orange beanie and the biggest smile on her face that anyone had seen in a long time.
End A/N: So that's the end hope you liked it! Please review it and tell me what you think. I'm thinking about making a sequel to this story of how and when they tell Gibbs but I don't know if it will happen or not.