Note: This is my only attempt to write a full fic of Star Wars and if I don't represent the world very accurately, I hope you will give me some leeway and still enjoy the tale I have to tell!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, George Lucas does. I'm only borrowing for a little storytelling.
DELIVERANCE
by Nenya Entwhistle
If Angels Slept, Devils Won't Rise
Rage. Impossible, passionate fury and all directed at him. Obi-Wan felt no moment could be worse than Qui-gon's death, but this was—oh this was. This was no murder he couldn't prevent; this was an act of his own reckoning. He had done this to his padawan, his brother.
The words: "I hate you" tore into his heart.
So carelessly he had thrown the words of love after the unspeakable act. What had he done? It would have been easier to just let Anakin kill him, easier to bear. And he wouldn't have to live with what he'd done. Oh mercy, what had he done? To Anakin? Not just this—this amputation of legs and arm—but before, before when Anakin hadn't turned. What had he done to make Anakin renounce him as Master and take another?
The once blue eyes, now so red, were slicing into him. Begging in their own outraged way, and Obi-Wan knew he should leave. He had to. If he stayed, he wouldn't be able to kill Anakin. He would end up helping him. And thus cause the end of any possibility of redemption in this world.
Because he knew, Anakin—no, Darth Vader—would kill him. There would be no mercy, no salvation. But Obi-Wan couldn't move his legs up the incline. His feet felt leaden. They were weighed down by his guilt. He couldn't leave his padawan here to die a slow, painful death. He had mercy. He could do this. End this.
He turned his lightsaber on and walked down to where Anakin was struggling to stop from sliding into the lava river. When he was close enough, he saw Anakin raise his face up and glared at him with a deep, abiding hate. It should have made it easier. The hatred. But it only caused a memory of when Anakin used to look at him in respect and… adoration.
He couldn't do it. He turned off the lightsaber and tucked it into its holster instead. Then he sank to his knees and held out his hand. Anakin's eyes shifted to that offering hand. Take it. Take it. Take it!
Anakin slipped a little further and Obi-Wan reached out a bit more. "Let me help you, Ani," he said.
"Why?" Anakin rasped, still clinging on by his prosthetic steel hand.
"Please."
Anakin didn't move his hand and his bloody eyes were filled with something other than pure anger. There was something else, but Obi-Wan was afraid to put a word to it, afraid he would be wrong. Anakin kept slipping, sliding down. Soon it would be too late.
"Ani," Obi-Wan said, "don't."
And he didn't. Anakin lifted his hand from the ash and gravel to grasp his hand. The intense fury had subsided, but it was still there. Obi-Wan dragged Anakin up and once the ground was more stable, he lifted his padawan into his arms. He cradled Anakin closely and began the hard climb up the mountain all while Anakin looked on with increasingly blank eyes.
Anakin was slowly dying.
-
And he wasn't waking. The medics had done everything, but for some reason Anakin wouldn't wake up. They said he was stable and was in no danger of dying, but they didn't want to risk putting on his new prosthetics until he was conscious. They were afraid doing so would push him further into the coma, so far that he might never rejoin the waking world.
Maybe it was a good thing, Obi-Wan considered, if he never woke up. Then Chancellor Palpatine—Darth Sidious—would be without his new apprentice. That would weaken him, according to Yoda, who had confessed that Anakin was destined to be greater than either Sidious or himself. But if he never opened his eyes, then there was no chance of redemption. Only this static existence.
"Master Obi-Wan?" C3PO said. "The medical droids asked me to get you. Miss Padmé is about to give birth."
So they had only managed to delay the births by a month. The twins would be premature, only by a month, but that was still better than being born at seven months. Padmé hadn't held up well at all after… the events. Her eyes had been wild and her words nearly incoherent when she'd asked about Anakin. And he told her a version of the truth, that Anakin was recovering and would see her soon.
Except he hadn't. Couldn't. And she had begun to believe the worst.
"He's dead, isn't he?" she said in a tired voice. "He's dead, and you won't tell me—afraid it'll upset me." She took a deep breath. "It's okay. You can tell me if you killed him… I can accept it. You did what was necessary."
But he hadn't. "He's not dead, Padmé," Obi-Wan said reassuringly, patting her arm and squeezing her hand. "You have to believe me. He's recovering from the wounds he sustained… that I gave to him, but he came around in the end. He asked for help." If reaching for a hand could be called asking.
"Did he?" she rasped. "Did he turn back?"
"I think so." Obi-Wan brushed aside some of the damp hair sticking to her forehead. "I think he's seen the wrong he has done."
"He killed younglings," she whispered. "Younglings… I never thought he could do such a thing. Not Anakin. Not my Anakin."
Obi-Wan bit his lip and nodded. "He can still be reached, Padmé, but it won't be easy."
She coughed. "I haven't the strength," she said. "I becoming too weak." Her eyes got a far off look to them, as if she was seeing something that wasn't in this room or maybe even on the ship. "I won't live much longer."
"Don't think like that," Obi-Wan said.
Padmé smiled weakly. "I want to see Anakin."
"You should conserve your strength."
"For the babies," she said.
"Yes."
"But after," she said, "after they're born, I want to see him, Obi-Wan. I want to see my husband." She clung to his hand. "Promise me."
He nodded.
"And one more?"
"What?"
"Take care of him when I'm gone," she whispered. "He loves you so much, so much…"
Obi-Wan brushed his thumb against Anakin's cheek and then drew back. "C3PO, will you watch Anakin and let me know if his condition changes?"
"Yes, of course. I will contact you if his condition changes." C3PO nodded and walked into the room and stood in the back, his attention entirely on Anakin and the machines monitoring his condition.
Obi-Wan smiled a little and walked out of the room, heading to Padmé's room and hoping for the best. He certainly didn't need another tragedy after all that had already happened. So many Jedi lost and killed. And his padawan so crippled by his own hand. For Padmé to die might be the last blow to Anakin.
Because if there was one person who could turn Anakin back to good—it was her.
-
"Luke," Padmé said and then, "Leia." She smiled then and a peaceful calm went over her face. Her beautiful eyes searched for him and Obi-Wan knew she was dying. She didn't struggle to say anything, but he knew what she wanted. He nodded and she closed her eyes.
The medical droid said, "She is gone."
Obi-Wan looked down at the babies, the beautiful son and daughter of Anakin and Padmé. What would become of them? He didn't know. They couldn't stay here though, not with their father. He was too gone and who knew if he would ever come back?
He turned away from them, strengthening his resolve and said, "Take them to Master Yoda."
"Very well, Master Kenobi."
-
"To Tatooine. To his family, send him," Yoda said.
Obi-Wan hesitated, wanting to go with the boy and knowing that there was still Anakin to deal with. He gulped and croaked, "What of Anakin?"
"Tormented by the dark, he is. Killed younglings and Jedi Masters, he has. His fate, you must decide. Your padawan, he was."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes. "I cannot kill him, Master Yoda."
"Then redeem him, you will."
"If I cannot? If he is too far gone?"
"Then kill him, you must."
Obi-Wan had been afraid of that, afraid of having to finish what he had started.
-
A week and more had passed. Yoda had taken baby Luke to his Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. Bail Organa and his wife had Leia. Anakin's children would be fine; they were in good hands. But what of Anakin? He was still in a deep coma and the medical droids said it was unlikely he would wake up soon, but eventually yes.
Obi-Wan dreaded the wait. There was no one he loved more than Anakin. He fully admitted it now. It had blinded him to Anakin's faults, caused him not to see his apprentice falling, and he had made mistakes that both of them had paid for. By the force, what a fool he had been!
"Master Kenobi," the medical droid said, drawing him from his thoughts. He was puzzled as to why when he noticed Anakin's eyes fluttering. Obi-Wan felt his stomach clench as he waited to see…
Anakin's blue eyes opened and Obi-Wan could tell it took effort, sheer force to push them apart. He seemed disoriented, unfocused until his eyes slowly made their way to him. They pierced him, and he saw anger in them.
"Anakin," he said softly, "I'm sorry."
All his former padawan could do was glare at him, spitting hate with his eyes. There was no way he could speak, not with air being pumped into his lungs and under such heavy medications as he was. It was a miracle he was even awake. The medical droids had said he was being heavily medicated for his own good as they worked on attaching dura steel limbs to him.
They had finished his other arm, modeling it after his first one. But the legs were giving them a bit of difficulty as they didn't have his own physical limb to model off of like they had with his first steel arm. Obi-Wan touched the arm gently, knowing that Anakin couldn't move away from him.
"Padmé is dead."
He hadn't intended on telling Anakin this, not until he was well and could handle this better, but he felt that this was the right thing to do. It was like the force was guiding him here, urging him to tell Anakin. But why? When it would only hurt him—if he even cared anymore. But Obi-Wan saw that he did. He saw tears well up in Anakin's eyes and the anger turned into a deep sadness.
Obi-Wan suddenly understood. Anakin had never meant to hurt Padmé. He had let his emotions control him and it was possible he thought he might have killed her… and would it be good for him to believe that? Would guilt force him back to the light? Or would losing the one person he loved drag him further down the road of the darkside?
"The birth was difficult," he said, wanting to erase any doubt in Anakin's mind. He just couldn't put that kind of guilt on him. "She didn't make it."
Anakin blinked and a tear fell.
"I'm so sorry."
Anakin closed his eyes.
-
For days Anakin refused to speak to him while the medical droids healed his body and added the replacements legs and arms. There were new scars on his body, but in a way he was lucky to be alive. If he hadn't had his prosthesis arm to grip the ground, he would have fallen into the lava and died.
Obi-Wan shuddered. He was too weak in the Force to kill Anakin, but he had come so close. Thank the Force he hadn't managed it. He would have regretted it all his life, even though he shouldn't. His emotions, his love, were too tied to Anakin. It was devastating—destructive. Look at what his love had cost? He should have seen the edge Anakin had been teetering on. But he hadn't. And he had paid the price.
Anakin crippled again by him and so far gone, who knew if he could be saved?
Obi-Wan felt the tears trickle down his cheeks, bitter to the taste as he watched the medical droids change Anakin's bandages. Even in this state, he was beautiful and Obi-Wan knew only too well how dearly he loved.
-
"Master Kenobi," a medical droid said, "Anakin Skywalker refuses to eat."
Obi-Wan turned to the droid sharply. "I thought he was being fed through the tube."
"He is," it confirmed.
"Then how—" Obi-Wan stopped and pressed his lips together so he didn't curse. As weak as Anakin was, he could still use the force. Obi-Wan shuddered, thinking of the implications of this. When Anakin regained his full strength, he wouldn't be able to stop his former apprentice from killing him. "Thank you," he said stiffly.
"He requires sustenance to heal, Master Kenobi."
Obi-Wan nodded curtly. "Go ahead, I will be there shortly."
The medical droid nodded and shuffled off. Obi-Wan glanced down at his hands and took a deep breath. He longed to commune with the Force and mediate an answer to what he should do. But he didn't have the right state of mine. He hadn't ever since he'd brought Anakin back.
Master Yoda was right. Love, he should not.
But he did.
-
Pale and feeble. Such a contrast from the bright and strong boy he had raised from a padawan to a Jedi Knight. Gone, gone, how gone. But he didn't miss the boy, not really, not when the man was his best friend and—brother. Obi-Wan wouldn't dare to think of anything more than that. Just that. A love enough to be his undoing.
Anakin's downfall.
"Leave," Anakin hissed.
Obi-Wan's eyes refocused on the room and Anakin's fierce eyes. "The droids tell me you aren't eating."
"Leave."
"You need to eat."
"Why do you care?" Anakin rasped.
Obi-Wan breathed in deeply. "There is no simple answer."
Anakin narrowed his eyes, in his own way demanding a response.
"I love you."
Anakin turned away. "Don't lie."
"Ani, if I didn't—why would I bring you here? Why would I heal you?"
"My name is Darth Vader."
"Ani…"
"My real Master will come for me," he vowed. "He's looking." Anakin's eyes met his. "I called him."
-
He paced and paced in his quarters. The starship was flying, the Force knew where. It was going somewhere to the Outer Rim. Obi-Wan hadn't really thought about where, too busy worrying about getting Anakin better—and hoping for the best. Of course, how could he even believe he could redeem his fallen apprentice?
It was hopeless.
Obi-Wan sighed and closed his eyes. Maybe if he communed with the Force he would know what to do. Though he could feel it surrounding him, he felt no answer. Obi-Wan gave himself over, letting it swamp his being. Peace, rationality, peace.
-
The next few days, Obi-Wan avoided Anakin, unsure of what he would do—uncertain of what he would hear that he didn't want to. It was easier to ignore the coming… devastation. He knew when Darth Sidious came, he would not live.
Obi-Wan balled up his fist and then let go. It was useless to regret. Instead he chanted the Jedi code, reminding himself of the peace, knowledge, serenity, and Force. And that there was no emotion, ignorance, passion, or death.
If only… he still believed.
-
"Obi-Wan."
Anakin was sitting with his back against the wall, staring down at his mechanical limbs. He hadn't looked up, he just knew it was him. Obi-Wan could feel something eerie about the force around him.
"Anakin."
His padawan looked up and there was anger still in them—but less than before. "You should leave."
"I won't abandon you." Obi-Wan hadn't known what he'd decided until he said it. Once the words had come out, he knew they were true. No matter what would come, he would not leave Anakin behind. Not when there might be a possibility of redemption as slim as it was.
"You should," Anakin stated flatly. "Do you know what I've done?"
Obi-Wan closed his eyes. He could see the younglings being killed, slaughtered like cornered animals. Innocent and helpless. He didn't know how Anakin—how his padawan how done such a thing. Had he really failed Anakin so much?
"I've killed hundreds of younglings," Anakin murmured. "I chopped their heads off and skewered them with my lightsaber."
Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open. Too easily he could remember Qui-Gon being murdered by Darth Maul. The pain, the anguish of it. But then the memory of him slashing Anakin's arm, his legs slammed into him. His eyes watered. Anakin was brother, son, and more to him.
"Do not tell me that it is in your heart to forgive such a thing," Anakin hissed, "for I know how you are, perfect Jedi Master, this is too much to forget."
"Anakin—"
"Darth Vader," he snarled, his eyes swirling. "Anakin is dead."
Obi-Wan stepped closer and would have reached to touch Anakin if his hand hadn't been thrown aside by a force push. "You aren't dead," he said. "You are still somewhere inside."
"Such a foolish hope…"
"Is it?" Obi-Wan asked.
"It is."
Obi-Wan stared into the eyes that once looked at him in adoration but now in complete hatred. By the Force did it hurt. And yet, if Anakin could manipulate the force—why hadn't he done something to harm him?
"Leave!"
"Anakin—"
His padawan turned away and that was it for today.
-
Obi-Wan waited until the next night to see Anakin, by then his padawan was no longer on the bed, but attempting to walk around the room. Obi-Wan watched safely from the entrance, watching Anakin stumble around with the prosthetic legs that squeaked with the lack of age. Oil and wear would decrease the awkward noise.
"You should be resting," he said.
Anakin jerked his head toward him. "You should be running."
"I do not fear death."
"Always the perfect Jedi, aren't you?" Anakin snapped. "Always lecturing me on the Code and teaching me to be like you. But that didn't work out, did it? Instead of a Chosen One, you got a Sith Lord."
"I know the true Anakin is somewhere in you," Obi-Wan responded with a tight control. "And you are the Chosen One."
Anakin threw his head back and laughed—sinister and chilling. "You cannot still believe that falsity of a prophecy! Obviously, Yoda and Mace Windu were always right about me. I was not meant to be a Jedi."
"Anakin—"
"I am a Sith," Anakin hissed. "And stop calling me Anakin."
"A Sith hates absolutely," Obi-Wan murmured, stepping closer to the rage. "But you, you love so completely it consumes you. You love too greatly, too painfully. That is where you draw your power from and it is not of the Dark Side."
"Your memory seems to be slipping, Master. Or have you forgotten what Yoda used to say? 'The pathway to the Dark Side, love is.'"
"Love is not wrong."
"The Jedi Code denounces it." Anakin's eyes, so bright—so furious pierced Obi-Wan's. "You upheld with all your being, do you now recant it?"
"I do not think love is wrong."
"How the Jedi have fallen that the perfect have become imperfect." Anakin reached up with his right hand and gently his knuckles touched Obi-Wan's cheek. "A pity you are too good to become a Sith and it is a pity there are only a Sith master and apprentice at one time. For sparing my life, I ought to spare yours. But… my orders are to exterminate the Jedi."
Obi-Wan's throat was dry. "Then—why?"
Anakin's hand swept down and gripped Obi-Wan around his neck tightly. "Why haven't I killed you?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan rasped around the choking hold.
Anakin's eyes were unfocused, drifting away somewhere. "My Master might want you alive." Obi-Wan gasped when Anakin suddenly released him. "He is better at Force manipulation. I am sure he can purge Yoda's whereabouts from you."
Obi-Wan sank to his knees and his fingers twitched near where he kept his lightsaber. It would be so easy to flick it on and just… end things. Kill Anakin, then himself. There was no way to live with it, but he could do it and not live with it—at least not really. In the Force, such a thing would be more bearable. And yet he didn't.
Anakin knelt down awkwardly and forced Obi-Wan to look at him. "Do you love me?"
That was not what Obi-Wan had been expecting. He felt the words stick to his throat when he opened his mouth. Things he hadn't noticed before he now did. His lips were too dry, chapped. He felt dehydrated and his heart pounded like an out of control droid.
"Answer me."
"You know I do."
"Say the words."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes. "I love you."
To be continued...
A/N: Feedback would be lovely! The next and last part is complete and will be posted as soon as I get some reviews :)!
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the story!