A cat sat in an alley, patiently licking its paws and cleaning its mangy fur. Its tail flicked back and forth over the dumpster lid it sat on.
Suddenly a loud crack caused the cat to snarl and scramble under a rubbish bin. A witch had Apparated into the tiny alley, knocking over several rubbish bins and causing a lot of unnecessary noise. She grumbled as she stood and straightened out her muggle attire. She'd come to the quiet suburbs to visit her parents and they didn't particularly like it when she arrived in her usual robes. Her red hair tumbled around her shoulders and down her back. Her green eyes flashed as she studied the alley then pulled her wand from her pocket and preformed a cleaning spell on a stain from her ungraceful fall into the garbage.
Her engagement ring picked up the low light in the alley and sent dancing rainbows on the brick wall as she moved her hair off her pale face with her left hand. Lily Evans wasn't looking forward to this family meeting. Brusquely, she left the alley and turned right, always making sure no one was following her or watching her movements too closely. She'd joined the Order of the Phoenix straight out of Hogwarts and the training she'd received from Mad Eye was really helping her get through Auror training, but not so much her Apparating skills, which explained her tumble into the rubbish. James, her fiancé, teased her endlessly about it and she would've hexed him into oblivion if she didn't know he struggled with a simple Shield charm. She passed under several streetlights, choosing to Apparate several blocks from her parent's actual house, until she finally arrived at the quaint home.
Feelings of nostalgia filled her as she passed her mother's hydrangea bushes and garden gnomes. They weren't actual garden gnomes of course, because her parents were both muggles, but they were the silly statuette kind with dopey grins and pointing hats. They looked nothing like the potato headed ones she'd seen infesting Mrs. Potter's gardens that summer. James had asked her to stay on his estate which he'd inherited from his father. He wanted her to meet his mother and help him with taking care of her. Mrs. Potter's health had declined after her husband's death in March.
She glanced down between her parent's house and their neighbors and saw the same white gazebo that had been there forever. She'd told her father to get rid of it because of the structural damage James had noticed when she'd brought him home to meet her parents for the first time, but her father had obviously refused.
It was also the same gazebo that she and Sev had levitated one summer when they were fourteen. They'd been drunk off his father's whiskey for the first time and she remembered throwing up into the bushes only moments after Snape dropped the gazebo and caused aforementioned structural damage.
She smiled sadly at the memory of her once best friend before climbing the steps to her parent's porch. There were two pots, one with lilies and the other with petunias, her mother's favorite flowers. She brushed a few strands of her hair from her face before knocking softly on the burgundy door with the brass knocker. She wet her dry lips and took a few steadying breaths, preparing herself mentally. After a few moments the door opened to reveal an older looking gentleman with a green sweater and khakis. He had grey hair and soft green eyes like Lily. "Lily!" He gasped in surprise but held his arms out for a hug. "We haven't seen you in ages. Where have you been?" She hugged him briefly.
"I told you dad. There's a war going on, you must let me in, quickly!" She glanced up and down the street to make sure there was no one watching her then gently moved her father out of the way so she could enter the bright house.
"That's no way to talk to your father Lily!" A woman with dark red hair admonished her. She had a few grey hairs but was bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement like she was twenty. "I'm so glad to see you, dear!"
Lily smiled at her mum as she slammed the door shut behind her and waved her wand, locking it magically. Her parents raised their eyebrows but didn't comment. "Hello mum." She said happily when she'd finished and approached her for another hug.
"You're lucky, Petunia and her boyfriend are here for dinner. You should join us! Where's James?" Her mother grabbed her arm and began pulling the reluctant red head toward the dining room. Her father following at a safe distance, bemused to see his wife so happy. Lily hadn't come to see them in a long time. The last time decidedly depressing when she'd left crying because he'd refused protection from this group she'd joined called the 'Order'. They'd wanted to move him and his wife out of the country and Robert hadn't seen why they needed to be involved in this war. It had to do with magic and wizards and such, there was nothing they could gain from a normal person like him. They'd be fine.
"Oh I'm not sure—" Lily tried to dissuade her mother. Not having the heart to tell her mum that she hadn't spoken with Petunia in four years.
"Of course you must call James and invite him." Violet said excitedly, her eyes lighting up as her grip became vice-like.
"He doesn't have a phone."
"Right. Then 'owl' him or whatever it's called." She finished as she pulled her into the low lit dining room. Lily sighed at her mother's misunderstanding. You could only owl someone if you had an actual owl.
The black rectangular table would've dominated the room if the largest man Lily had ever seen wasn't seated next to her sister. He was a demanding presence, not just because of his size but because of his comical appearance. He had a handlebar mustache and was gingerly patting his lips after a bite of her mother's delicious cooking. And his bowtie was almost lost under his chin since he appeared to have no neck. Twin circles of red were visible on his highly intoxicated cheeks. But his girth was a stark contrast to Petunia's slim frame. She'd always been all elbows and knees but Lily had never suspected she'd become so unhealthily skinny.
A bony Petunia looked up from her plate and almost spit her bite of roast lamb across the table. The bane of her existence, and the last person she'd expected to see when announcing her engagement to her parents was actually here. Standing in the dining room doorway, bold as brass. Her perfect hair slightly disheveled and her curvy body in jeans. Petunia smirked when she straightened and dusted off her best dress. "Why, what a pleasant surprise sister."
"Oh it's so great to have the family together again!" Violet exclaimed and threw her arms around her daughter's neck. Lily winced and patted her mother's hand before taking a seat across from Petunia. Guilt was building in her stomach like acid. Her mother's overjoyed face and Petunia's smirk were burned into her brain. She hadn't visited her family in ages. What exactly had she expected?
While her mother ran to the kitchen to get another plate and her father sat at the head of the table, Lily gave her sister a small smile. "Hello Petunia. Who's this?" Lily glanced at the man. He met her gaze and gave her a wide smirk. That must have been where she learned that lovely habit.
"This is Vernon Dursley." Petunia presented him like one of those showgirls on TV, waving her arms around his frame and smiling with her unfortunate horsey teeth. Lily tried not to laugh when she almost took out his eye with her bony fingers and he pushed her arm away.
"Hello Vernon. I'm Lily. Tuney's sister." He held out his hand and Lily reluctantly let him take hers in his beefy grip. For one horrible moment she thought her fingers would be swallowed by his sausages but then he released her and she took her hand back gratefully. It was around this time that her mother brought a plate back, along with a fork and knife and glass of wine. She filled Lily's plate and insisted she eat.
The meal past in an awkward silence that made Lily's skin crawl.
She'd become used to a boisterous home with James keeping up a constant barrage of jokes and harmless pranks. Sirius would come as often as his Order missions would let him and bring Remus along. Peter had been around too, but not as much lately.
She found herself wishing they were there with her to break the tension. She could just picture Sirius asking Vernon how he had managed to get through the door or James complimenting her mother's cooking. Remus would've kept her father busy with questions about his line of work and asking about muggle things. Her and Peter might've shared a knowing look as Sirius slipped some sort of hilarious potion into Vernon's drink. The whole image was silly and she had to work hard to suppress a laugh.
"What do you think dear?"
Lily looked up in surprise from her dinner plate and stared at her mother. Her mouth charmingly had fallen open like some kind of sea bass. "What?"
"What do you think of your father's idea of having a get together with your friends and Petunia too of course?" She smiled warmly at Petunia but received a glower in response.
"You mean James' friends? You want Sirius, Remus, and Peter here?" She could just imagine the destruction they'd do. But it also reminded her of her daydream and she was tempted. "They're probably busy."
"What peculiar names your friends have Lily. Did you say Sirius? And Remus?" Vernon was pointing his fork rather rudely at her and had tilted his head to the side. She wondered viciously how he'd managed that without a neck.
"I rather like them though. Too many Jacks and Emilys I say." Her father added helpfully and Lily gave him an appreciative smile.
The rest of dinner past without incident until Lily was finishing her third glass of wine and Petunia stood, a sappy grin plastered on her face. "Attention. Attention!" She said this like she had a rather rambunctious audience when in fact everyone had already been looking at her. "I have an announcement." She met Vernon's gaze and he smiled at her as she placed her hand on his shoulder. "Vernon and I are engaged!" She brought her left hand, to show off the glittering ring, up to her face and jumped up and down excitedly while her mother also stood and gave Petunia a hug and squealed. Lily plastered a smile on her face and quietly slipped her ring off her finger under the table. Coincidently, the reason she'd come home tonight was to tell her parents that she was engaged to James and their marriage was in a few weeks. But she couldn't take the moment away from her sister who was practically glowing as she clutched her mother and spoke excitedly about bouquets and guests while Vernon shook hands with her father. She stood sadly, allowing her to put the offending ring in her pocket, and came around the table to give Tuney a hug.
"I'm so very happy for you Tuney." She whispered in her sister's ear. She tried to meet Petunia's eye but she'd already turned away to give Vernon a kiss and hug their father.
Lily cleared her own plate from the table and went into the spotless kitchen. The wood floor shone as she crossed to the sink and set the dirty plate next to a pot and clear wine glass. Her knife scrapped across the plate and she winced at the loud sound. "Lily?" She jumped at her mother's voice and promptly dropped the plate which shattered.
"Oh no I'm so clumsy!"
"Let me help you." Violet tried to grab a shard of glass but Lily grabbed her wrist.
"No let me." She withdrew her wand and with a quick flick the plate was restored and clean. It floated gracefully to the counter and her mother stared at it in awe.
"I'll never get used to it I guess." She smiled at her youngest daughter with wet cheeks and bright eyes. "Isn't it so exciting?" Lily assumed she was talking about the wedding now and nodded feebly.
"It's great." The ring pressed against her leg ominously but she ignored it.
"You and James will get there dear, I'm sure." She patted Lily's cheek affectionately before grabbing another bottle of wine and heading into the dining room again.
Firmly Lily put down her unfinished glass and walked into the dining room after her. "I better go. Congratulations you two!" She tried once again to meet her sister's eye but was ignored so she gave them each a hug, hesitating at Vernon but doing it anyway rather than face the awkwardness. She scampered out of the festivities and into her mother's entrance hall. She undid the magical locks before opening the door and running out into the night.
She appreciated the cold air that filtered into her lungs and calmed her. She'd really been hoping to get it over with tonight but she supposed it'd have to wait; she couldn't have taken away another one of her sister's achievements. She didn't mean to, but usually it just sort of happened. At least this time she'd been able to avoid it.
She was lost in her musings and wasn't paying as close attention as she ought. As she rounded the corner she froze.
An ominous shadow was standing a few yards away from her. She could make out a billowing cloak and tall frame. But the low lighting and late hour made it impossible to discern the figure's face. They stepped toward her threateningly and Lily clutched her wand in her pocket. This is what she'd been afraid of and why she hadn't been to visit her parents in a while. They'd refused the Order's help and so were vulnerable to attack. If she was followed to their home, the Death Eaters would surely come and torture them for information. She'd have to kill this man so he couldn't tell his friends where they were. "Who's there?" She was grateful her voice sounded calm and strong. Not hoarse and frightened to reflect her feelings, her insides were melting and she feared she'd throw up in the bushes once again.
"Lily?' For about the umpteenth time that night she was shocked, as Severus Snape stepped toward her and his identity was revealed by the lamppost between them. Its light shone on the top of his head and she realized she was also in shadow so she stepped forward so he'd see it was her as well.
The light fell on her shoulders and she could feel his gaze on her. He'd always been very perceptive and his eyes usually unnerved her with their intensity. Time hadn't changed this as Sev once again looked her up and down her frame. Suddenly self-conscious she rubbed her cold arm and stuffed her wand in an easy to reach place. "Sev?"
He winced at her pet name but didn't sneer. His face was unreadable like it usually was with her but she could see in the tiny corner of his mouth a twitch and she knew he was happy to see her too. "You're lucky it was me guarding your parent's house tonight. You've grown sloppy Evans." He tried to sound dangerous but her relief at seeing him was too great. "Or should I say Potter?" He sneered venomously. Now his voice was cold and its menace dripped through her body, chilling her lungs and heart.
"It's still Evans." She answered honestly; she saw his gaze flick to her ring hand and cursed herself for removing the ring.
It was the combination of being in her childhood home, the struggle with Petunia and seeing Snape here, but Lily Evans felt like she'd been transported to when she was fourteen. Her and Snape hiding out at the park after dark and playing Truth or Dare, splitting an ice cream cone, or running around by the stream and chasing frogs when they were ten. Although she was fairly unmovable, very individualistic, Sev had always been the one who was able to influence her and had helped her through her many fights with Petunia. But she'd been there for him too, even though her problems paled in comparison to his mother's depression and father's beatings. There'd been several times he'd stayed on the Evan's couch to get away from the nightmares in his own home and Lily had seen them all. When she'd heard about his father's death their seventh year she'd felt sick. It was the one time she wasn't there for him, choosing James over him had been difficult. But James had made everything become better in her life. Everything became easier with him around, the sun shined brighter, each breath she took was more fulfilling and his presence made her problems flood out the door. With Sev she'd felt complete and now with James she felt alive.
Sometimes she wondered if she was with James because of the war, and she needed the happiness and light that he brought into her world. Maybe in another lifetime she'd be with Sev… Merlin she wished she hadn't had that third glass of wine.
Seeing him here was too confusing. She wished more than anything that they could be friends again and that she could have someone to lean on again. But she knew how he had felt for her and she knew now that she was incapable of returning it. It was too late and now she'd fallen in love with James Potter.
Her thoughts went back to that gazebo behind her house and Sev's drunken confession of undying love. He'd thrown another shot into his throat and had given her one of those unnerving, all consuming stares he had. Suddenly he'd crawled across the grass until he was barely five centimeters from her nose and she could smell the whiskey on his breath. "I love you Lily Evans! More than the air I breathe and the magic coursing through my veins! I'd give up everything for you."
"I know Sev." She'd whispered as she pushed away from him and lay on her back. She'd glared at the white stars that wouldn't stop spinning above her. "We'll be friends forever." It'd been slightly cruel of her, because she'd known what he'd actually meant but she'd been a little surprised. She hadn't expected him to ever come out and tell her and she'd had a feeling that that was the case for a long time. They'd never spoken of it again but the memory haunted her sometimes and she genuinely hoped Sev had moved on. But they hadn't been friends forever, and guilt reeled through her pounding head.
Wordlessly Sev held out his hand and just like old times, she took it.
He pulled her down the street and for a while she was confused as to where they were going. Then they passed under a street sign that said 'Spinner's End'. Now sure he was taking her back to his house she began looking for the familiar building. The unkempt lawn, the dilapidated fence and grey shutters but when they arrived at the Snape residence she was surprised it was in better shape then she'd ever seen it.
Seeing her surprise, Snape spoke for the first time since grabbing her hand. "My mother died and left me the house; I've been fixing it up." He dropped her hand to magically unlock the door and pull her inside. Fear flared in her for a moment but disappeared when she smelled the familiar house and saw Snape's memorable front room. He wouldn't hurt her, if he'd planned to he'd had a chance under the streetlamp.
"What are you doing here? You're putting your family in danger."
"I had to tell them…" She trailed off. The thought of the first person she'd announce her engagement to as Sev was strange. They hadn't spoken in years and as much as she'd once relied on him, he'd let her down.
"What could be so important Lily?"
"I'm engaged." Silence hung heavy in the air, chilling Lily's skin and the blood drained from her face. That had just come out of nowhere and now he'd be furious. Her hand flew to her pocket and she slowly withdrew James' ring. She slipped it onto her ring finger and it brought her warmth and strength.
"Who?" It was a hopeless gesture, asking who, he would know. His voice was strained and Lily swallowed the lump that formed in her throat.
"James…"
"I'd say congratulations but…" He sneered and moved away from her, throwing his cloak over the coat rack and slowly turning back to her.
"Don't be like that Sev. We're not in school anymore. You need to forgive and forget."
"No." He stormed from the room and she could hear pots and pans banging in the kitchen. She needed to leave. Oh god. Why had she gone with him? She glanced at the door but before she could make a move she heard his footsteps coming back down the hall. He returned and seemed his usual stoic self. But Lily caught his jerky movements and nervous twitch in his hand that meant he was losing control of his emotions. Either he'd burst into tears or scream with anger in the next moments.
"Why Potter? Why?" His voice was hoarse with emotion and Lily's chest clenched in pain. "You could have anyone. Anyone. But you picked him." His dark eyes were pleading with her green ones. His uncharacteristic show of emotion was undoing her; stabs of pain were shooting through her wildly pounding heart.
"Oh god Sev. I didn't pick this." Tears filled her eyes and a slow smile spread across her beautiful face. She knew her words would kill him, but they had to be said. For some inexplicable reason, she needed Sev to understand. "I didn't mean for this to happen. But Sev, you can't control who you love and gods, I love James. He's changed in all the best ways and is the bravest and most honorable man I know. I wish you could know how I feel when I'm with him. Like nothing bad will ever happen again and my problems just melt away." Her voice cracked and she gasped as tears of joy spilled over and flooded her pale cheeks. "I love him Sev. I need him like I need to breathe!"
Snape didn't answer for a long moment. He didn't seem angry, but he'd always been too good at hiding his emotions. She used to be better at understanding his feelings but their separation had made her rusty. His not speaking was driving her mad, she had to know what he was thinking. "You…love him? But… there was a time Lily…when I made you feel like that. Did you ever feel like you couldn't be without me?"
"Yes." She answered honestly.
"And now, do I still make you feel like that?"
"No." She gasped as the truth of that one little word sunk in. Yes, at one time, Severus Snape's presence had been absolutely necessary for her to even get out of bed in the morning. But now, someone had taken his place in her heart and as much as she still loved Snape, she could live without him.
"But Lily. I can't live without you!"
She ignored the fact that he'd read her mind and she stepped toward him. "Oh Sev…" Her hands were held out to embrace him but he turned away to hide his pained expression. So he hadn't given up hope. God, this pain in her chest would surely give her a heart attack. She was the worst person for abandoning her friend and getting engaged to his bully. What kind of person did that?
Wounded, she dropped her hands and swung her arms at her side sadly. Perhaps this was for the best. James would be furious with her if he knew she'd gone with Snape, he was a Death Eater and she could be in grave danger. But inside she knew Sev would never hurt her. "The wedding, it's in a few weeks. I want you there."
"You know the impossibility of this request." His voice was clipped, devoid of emotion again.
"Maybe…but I want you to know that the invitation is out there, if you change your mind."
He didn't answer or turn back to her so Lily made a move to leave. This had been emotionally and physically draining. And now she had to wonder if she should tell James what had happened. Probably not.
"Please come Sev. It'd mean the world to me." Frightened he'd shake her off; she hesitantly reached out her hand to touch his arm. Her fingers grazed the rough material of his cloak before she suddenly found herself in his arms. He'd spun so quickly that she hadn't even seen him move to turn and clutch her to his solid chest. She was surprised to find he still smelled the same and she allowed herself to bury her nose in his familiar scent and robes.
"I wish I could. But it'd bring me more pain than I think I'm strong enough to bear Lily. I'm no Gryffindor."
She didn't understand what he meant but his cold words still sent an icicle through her heart. The cold dripped down until it landed in the pit of her stomach and she wished she could throw up to expel the sadness and sickness his words had given her. "Fine! Sit in this house, hide away from the world. Avoid any kind of human contact! But don't expect me to come to you Severus! I've moved on and I don't need you!"
"But I need you, my love."
She pushed him away firmly. "Goodbye Severus." She stepped away and moved toward the door. But she couldn't help looking back as she opened the door and stood on the precipice of losing her best friend… again.
"Goodbye Lily." His arms were still held awkwardly like he was still imagining the ghost of her presence in his arms. His hair blew back as a gust of wind entered the house and revealed his moist cheeks and she turned away. Pain coursed through her blood, making her limbs heavy and the thought of even taking another step out exhausting.
"Please come." She whispered before stepping out into the cold and slamming the door behind her.
A/N: I feel so terrible for Snape it just makes me so SAD! Aahhh! Well thank you for reading this little one-shot now leave me some love by reviewing lol!
Sincerely,
Ren (aka. writealot)