Disclaimer: If I owned HP, we'd have chopped Snape with a bit more dignity. But alas...
A/N: I haven't the slightest idea how this will turn out. Younger Snape may sound a lot like Older Snape...just because I can't imagine Snape talking like a normal teenager. Ignore this if it bothers you. )
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Never Walk Away
I. Midnight's Plea
The snow coating Hogwarts castle and its grounds was glistening brightly under the December moon. A gentle breeze soared through, singing softly in the thick bare trees that clustered the Forbidden Forest. The only blight on the cold, clear evening was the steady furling of smoke, rising in loopy spirals from the chimney in Hagrid's hut. Despite the late hour...the soft ticking of a wristwatch revealed it to be close to midnight...warm, yellow light spilled from the gamekeeper's cabin, illuminating the silent postcard scene outside.
Almost silent...for at that moment, a soft curse echoed from a large pile of wood stacked haphazardly a few feet away from Hagrid's front door. At that moment, the moon peeked hesitantly from behind a smoky-colored cloud, bathing the intruder in a silvery glare.
Thick, greasy black hair hung in a blinding curtain around his pale face. He sat cross-legged on the icy and muddy ground, peering through the gaps in the logs of wood with emotionless black eyes. Gritting his teeth against the general discomfort of his hideaway...and his ever-mounting impatience with the way things were going, he leaned back on his palms and observed the velvety sky.
It wasn't as though he chose to be here, of course...but he couldn't risk waiting in the castle, not with blasted Slughorn materializing at every given opportunity and precious, misunderstood Lupin strutting about, Head Boy badge gleaming on his tattered robes.
No. It was much better here. Where he could think...and watch.
How long had he been out here? His long, thin fingers were numb with frost, and the back of his robes were sopping wet. How many times could you go over a Quidditch match before the details lost their splendor? There were only so many words you could use to describe the thrill of catching the Snitch...
He tensed, suddenly alert as a short blast of noise sounded from the hut, but it was only Hagrid's booming laugh. The taut muscles relaxed...they wouldn't be too much longer. He leaned back once again, this time pulling a small object from his robes. It was a tiny golden pin, shaped like a miniscule snake. He fingered it almost lovingly, anxiously, as he waited…
A moment later, the door creaked open, and Hagrid's gigantic, bushy frame stood silhouetted, quite alone, on the steps. "Now, be off with yeh. An' take care ta hide yer feet!"
A snicker of laugher, followed shortly by a much softer giggle, sounded from apparently nowhere...that blasted Cloak. Just something else Potter needed, a reason to make him feel more important...
They were once again plunged into blackness as Hagrid closed his door. The only proof that anyone was there at all was the soft floundering of snow as two pairs of feet moved slowly through the deep drifts. The progress was visible all the way up to the castle courtyard...and then a skulking shadow emerged from the woodpile, threw a quick glance at the cabin, and followed.
He stayed a reasonable distance behind them, but close enough to keep them within sight. Unlike the Do-No-Wrong Quidditch Hero, he was much more adept at sneaking around unnoticed. It was a trick of the trade when you ran round with blokes like Avery and Mulciber. He gave a very visible shudder, the horror of what they would say to him...what they would think of him...
But he wasn't that far yet. He had one more very important step to take. Should he succeed...well, he would worry about that later. Besides, the good would far outweigh the bad. Or so he hoped.
The pair under the cloak had reached the huge oak doors that led into the castle. Loud, unmasked whispers danced across the sweeping lawn...so unimpressed by rules, Potter was almost daring someone to catch them! How dare he take her out like that, risking getting her in trouble?
The darkened hallways through the castle were deserted, silent as graveyards. This, of course, did nothing but fuel Potter's arrogance. Not bothering to lower his voice, he began telling a loud and boastful story of a time when he and Black had sneaked out for a late-night fly...oh, if the Headmaster were to find out...
The cloaked couple and their undetected guest made it all the way up to Gryffindor tower without meeting a single soul. Now hidden in the corridor that led to the entrance of their common room, Potter's haughty voice rang out clearly. "So you reckon we're in the clear?"
His answer was a soft, tinkling laugh...from the edge of the passageway, their observant follower made a low noise in his throat as Lily Evans said quietly, "Really, James. Could you be more pigheaded?"
"If you wanted me to. I thought that's what you liked about me. And I'll have you know that I'm not pigheaded, I'm confident in my abilities to wreck havoc and mischief without getting caught. Does that make it sound better?"
A low and angry snarl came from the corner, but it was lost in the swish of watery fabric as the cloak was thrown off. James Potter, tall and raven-haired, made a big job of folding the cloak and setting it in a corner. Then he turned, grinning, to the girl behind him. "Now, where was I?"
"I believe you were cooking up some cock-and-bull story about how your over-inflated head was supposed to attract me," Lily's shining green eyes were dancing in the strips of moonlight filtering in from the high windows. "Or something of that sort."
"Ah, yes...you're not telling me I'm wrong with that, are you?"
Lily gave him a dazzling, pure smile. "I suppose you'll have to work that one out for yourself."
Even under cover of darkness, the intense and blazing look on James's face was hard to miss. "I intend to do just that," he said sincerely, placing his hands on Lily's shoulders and backing her against the stone wall. One hand curled around a tuft of her bright red hair, the other resting on her chin, James tilted her head up, and from a corner there was a noise of revulsion...of pure hatred...
"Shame you don't have her on a broomstick, Potter. She might be so scared that snogging you just might pale in comparison."
The two of them leapt guiltily away at the sound of the low, smooth voice. Then James Potter let out an indignant "Oi!" and Lily, blushing furiously to the roots of her smooth copper hair, said in a tone of complete astonishment, "Severus?"
Snape strode into the moonlight, an eternal sneer etched onto his sallow face as he leered at James. "Shouldn't you and your loyal array of friends..." he spat out the word as though it scalded his tongue, "be out terrorizing the village? The moon is close to being full…glorious night for an excursion."
James's face had drained of color. "I'd be careful if I were you, Snivellus, if you like your nose the shape it is. Don't see why you would, it's so greasy…"
Snape went for his wand, and was closely mirrored by James. Before either had the time to raise them, however, Lily had flung herself between them, brilliant green eyes wide with shock and fright. "Stop this! Both of you, or we'll all get detention!" she gave James a stern look, and he seemed to be having a painful internal struggle. However, he slowly lowered his wand.
"And you, Severus…what do you want?"
Want? He wanted a lot of things, none of which he was about to tell her here, in front of this pompous idiot. "I want to talk to you," he said, his sleek voice taking on...for the first time in a long time...an ounce of gentleness. His haunting eyes were fixed firmly on Lily, not allowing James's glare to affect him.
"Talk to her? You've got a lot of nerve…" but James Potter stopped in the middle of his sentence as Lily reached out and lightly touched his shoulder.
"It's all right, James."
Snape felt his whole body tense in anticipation…he had been very wary of this moment, knowing that the chances of Lily allowing him to speak his piece were very slim indeed. But then again, he had been just as sure that she would grant him the chance…didn't he, after all, know her better than anyone?
"But Lily…"
"James, please. Why don't you wait for me in the common room?" and she gave him a gentle push, pleading etched onto her lovely face. He stood stubbornly for another second, and then gave in, planting a swift kiss on her cheek before vanishing through the portrait hole.
Snape shuddered in disgust. Lily noticed; her eyes narrowed into slits, and she crossed her arms defiantly across her chest as she stared at him.
There was an awkward moment of silence, as Snape fidgeted furiously with his robes and Slytherin badge. When the silence became almost deafening, he murmured unnecessarily, "I want to talk to you."
"So you've said," Lily said tonelessly. "What about?"
But he made no move to enlighten her; he ran his fingers over the warm wood of his wand, and then said very unexpectedly, "It's nearly midnight. You were out very late...do you realize what sort of trouble you could've gotten into had you been caught?"
She raised one eyebrow appraisingly. "You followed us all the way back to the tower to scold me for being out late?" her tone suggested she very much doubted it. "Practicing for the Head Boy badge that's so eluded you? Speaking of which, if Remus catches you out here he won't be pleased..."
"I am not concerned with the werewolf!" Snape snapped; at once he seemed to regret his words, for Lily's friendly face had contorted with badly-suppressed dislike.
"Are you never going to let it die? Why do you still torment them when you know how badly it hurts? What happened to the Severus I knew in the first year? What happened to my best friend?"
This, it seemed, was just too much. Displaying more emotion than he'd shown all evening, Snape took a step forward and caught Lily's wrist in his thin fingers. "And what happened to mine?" he hissed. "What happened to the Lily Evans I knew? The one who realized that Potter is an arrogant toerag? She would never have been caught snogging slime like that!"
Lily's face blushed crimson, and she jerked her hand out of his grasp. "He's changed!" she insisted, although she avoided Snape's face. "But you'll never see that, you're determined to hate him!"
"So it is possible for him to change, and impossible for me?"
"But you did change Sev!" she cried out. "For the worst! The Severus I knew when I was ten would never have...he wouldn't..." she trailed off, her lip trembling, and her eyes darted around the narrow corridor, remembering that night so long ago...
As though he could read her mind, Snape said quietly, "It was two years ago, Lily. And I would still do my best to apologize, if I thought you would listen..."
"I know it was two years ago, Sev! But what good is that to me? What good is it to you, since you're still on the same path you were then? No, Severus," she shook her head sadly. "You didn't change for the better, and no one wishes you had more than me..."
Snape stood still as marble for a very long time, and then whispered, "What if you're wrong?" and then eased his hand inside his robes.
Lily, understandably expecting something very bad, cringed when he withdrew his hand. But he was merely holding a small and shiny pin; it glittered brightly against his pale skin. "This is for you," Snape said quietly, holding it out to her. Lily, despite herself, took it.
It was in the shape of a tightly-coiled snake, tiny ridges etched along its body and one gleaming pearl where the eye should be. Lily ran one smooth finger along it, puzzled. And then it hit her with the force of a train. Looking up, terror visible in her emerald eyes, she gasped, "Severus...is this...but this can't be...You-Know-Who's sign?"
"No!" Snape rushed to reassure her. "Well...not quite. It does represent the Dark Side, although not the Dark Lord himself. It is a symbol of a small group that supports You-Know-Who while at school, until they can join the Death Eaters. Lucius Malfoy left this to me when he graduated."
The horror on Lily's face was heart wrenching. "Why are you giving it to me?" she demanded, trying frantically to force it back into his hands. "I want nothing to do with the Dark Side!"
"No! Lily, wait...listen to me!" and the intensity of his voice stopped her. He had a hold of her arms, gripping tightly, as he said, "I'm giving it to you so I won't have it! Keep it, destroy it...do what you wish, but as long as you have it, it will not represent me! I will not be associated with it!"
She was looking at him in amazement and disbelief. "You're just going to...going to abandon them, just like that? Avery, Mulciber, Nott...all of them? Will they even let you?"
Snape wasn't entirely sure to the answer himself, so he settled for, "They'll have to. I'm done."
Moonlight illuminated Lily's flushed cheeks as she stared at the trinket in her hands. Then she looked up into Snape's face, and his eye gave the slightest twitch. Lily heaved a sigh, turned her gaze to the high window, and said matter-of-factly, "James asked me to marry him."
Whatever Snape had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this. The little color that had tinged his cheeks when Lily looked at him had vanished, and he sputtered indignantly, "But...Lily...how can...no! I won't allow it! He's not..." but he stopped, because the look on Lily's face was quelling. He knew better than to try and dictate anything she said or did. If he hadn't managed it when they were best friends, he certainly wouldn't manage it now.
"I know you won't believe James has changed," Lily said quietly. "If you can't believe it of anyone else, how do you expect me to believe it of you?"
Snape was speechless; mouth agape, he fought for something to say...something to convince her...
A tiny shimmer of hope flared when Lily reached out and took his hand. For a moment, she simply stood there and stared at him, while his heart beat wildly in his chest. Then, she carefully placed the tiny golden pendant in his palm, pulling his fingers down over it. She looked into his eyes once more, sorrow etched onto her face. "You chose your path a long time ago, Severus. I'm sorry," and she turned, giving his hand a barely noticeable squeeze as she said, "It's time to just walk away."
Mind reeling painfully, Snape latched onto her wrist once again, spinning her around and drawing up right up to his face...almost close to enough to kiss...and hissed, "Never!"
But Lily, tears now trailing down her beautiful face, tore away from him and stumbled towards the portrait hole without another word.
Snape stood in the corridor for a very long, staring blankly at the wall. Then, as though being prodded by an invisible hand, he spun around and strode briskly through the castle, down the marble staircase, through the door to the dungeons...
"Oi, where've you been?"
The Slytherin common room was warm with the heat from the fire, its green and silver hangings dancing oddly with the shadows. Snape crossed the room in three huge strides, sinking into an armchair across from the fireplace. From the couch, Mulciber called out to him, "Been harassing Potter again? Don't see why you bother, his head's too thick for anything to penetrate..."
But he wasn't listening. He was staring into the depths of the flames, concentrating hard on memories that no longer seemed to belong to him. Memories of Lily patting him on the back and speaking soothing words as he shook with the terror of a fresh attack by his father...and likewise, memories of her sobbing against his shoulder after a particularly nasty storm of teasing by Potter and his lot. And finally, the most haunting memory of all: being suspended in midair by the ankle, horror overtaking him as he heard his own voice form the dreaded word, Mudblood.
Severus Snape pulled the tiny ornament from his robes and pinned it to his vest, out of sight, as the blurry image of the only person who he had ever dared care about...who had ever cared about him...faded into darkness.
---I love a dramatic ending! This was intended to be a one-shot, but I'm thinking I got a couple more chapters in me! Please review!