Sacrifice and Loss
By jalpari
"Oh thank goodness you're alright!"
Tenzin jumped off Oogi and hugged his children tight, a sense of relief flooding him. His heart had dropped down to his stomach when he was notified that the equalists had attacked Air Temple Island.
"Go on, be with your wife."
He looked at Lin, confused for a moment. Then it dawned on him.
Pema! Had it happened? Did he miss the birth of his baby?
Running to the room, he heard the baby's cry as if he was calling out to his father. The moment he laid eyes on him, a smile spread across his face. He looked at the woman who had helped him fulfill his purpose, bringing back the airbenders, reviving the Air Nation. Lin couldn't help but notice that Tenzin hadn't embraced or kissed Pema. But before her mind could make more of it, she focused her attention on the baby - baby Rohan.
The bubble was soon burst as more immediate matters were brought to Tenzin's attention. Amon. There was no way he could let himself and his family be the next victims. He needed to leave, fly to the South Pole to ensure the safety of the only airbenders left in the world.
"If you're going, I am coming with you", Lin stated.
"No arguments", she ordered raising a hand to his face. "You and your family are the last air benders, there is no way in the world I am letting Amon take your bending away."
This was the Lin he knew and admired. A grateful thank you was all he could think of saying.
They made their way on Oogi, but no matter how fast they went the equalist air ships seemed to keep closing in on them. Tenzin frantically tried to spur Oogi on when he heard Lin's voice, calm and stoic.
"Whatever happens to me…don't turn back."
Tenzin turned around, not sure of what he had just heard. Immediate panic and dread choked his throat.
"Lin! What are you doing?!" His face contorted in horror and fear.
No…no…this is suicide.
But before he could say anything more, or move, or think, Lin was gone.
"That lady is my hero", a somber Meelo pronounced.
"Yes," Tenzin stared at the ship that had turned around, leaving them in peace. "She is."
His body shuddered at the thought of what may happen to her. This was Lin. A tiny voice in him reassured him. She could get through anything. She would fight her way out. His mind repeated this until it almost sounded like a plea.
Little did he know that within minutes, Lin would be brought down to her knees and her worst nightmares would come true.
It was finally over. Somehow, though, it didn't feel like it was. The destruction, the damage, and loss left behind reined in their relief and joy of victory over Amon. Everyone waited in the room as Katara worked on Korra. Her bending had been taken by Amon and very little hope remained.
Tenzin occasionally glanced at Lin, who stared at the floor, frowning, her hands clasped in a tight embrace, almost praying. Since their arrival in the south pole, her only concern had been for Korra. No one had mentioned her misery, not even she.
He closed his eyes and leaned back, distraught and helpless. It was his fault, he hadn't been able to get to her on time. If he had turned around a little sooner, he might have been able to stop Amon. His mind filled with disgust at his own indecision and hesitation.
Just then, Katara stepped out with a look of dismay. Korra emerged, blank, numb, and quiet. Her words were without hope, without anger, without spirit as she walked out to be alone. Everyone watched her mount Naga and disappear into the endless white. Tenzin comforted a confused Mako who stood staring out at the girl he now knew he loved.
When he walked back in, his eyes searched for Lin. She was not there. No one had noticed Lin leaving the room quietly. Everyone dispersed in silence.
Lin sat on the bed in the farthest room she could find. Her hands were clutching the bedsheets, her head hung in shame. She had failed. She had failed the Avatar, and she had failed her city. A single tear slid down her cheek as her thoughts finally landed on the new reality she would be forced to live with.
She no longer had her bending.
She almost let out a laugh when she remembered how alone she had felt when she had resigned as Chief. At that time, it had felt as if her whole world had collapsed and everything she loved had been lost forever.
But today, she felt a growing void inside her, threatening to swallow her whole. And what was worse was, she felt pity for herself. Never had she felt this. It scared her, it angered her, and most of all it broke something inside her. She could feel the dark emptiness engulf her. She was now truly alone and empty.
She had nothing to call her own any more. And no one to call her own.
Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Lin…"
It fell silent again. What could he say. How could he comfort her. He was at a loss. The only thing that he knew for sure was that his heart was swelling with something that resembled…love.
A muffled sob began to fill the silence. Her shoulders betrayed her slow descent into anguish. As her trembling grew, he heard her sobs turn into the sounds of a lost, wounded animal.
Without realizing it, Tenzin found his body enveloping hers, his robes falling around her like a protective layer. His arms seemed to be the only thing holding her together, his face pressed against her temple muttering quiet whispers to soothe her.
Unnoticed by him, Lin froze for a fleeting second, but her broken heart had no strength left in it to maintain any compsure. His hand was stroking her head, moving down to gently cup her neck, massaging her shoulder, drawing calming circles on her back. It seemed to be the only way to express his understanding and offer her support.
Lin allowed herself to be held. She allowed herself to turn ever so slightly into his embrace, to rest her head on shoulder and let out a long sigh interrupted with small hiccups and broken sobs.
"When I left you to fight the air ships, the worst thing I thought would happen was that I would die."
Hearing those words, Tenzin's heart skipped a beat. He hugged her tighter fighting the image of her limp and lifeless.
"But now…I have lost everything that makes me who I am…and I am still alive…forced to live with this…this void…this emptiness."
Tears began forming in his eyes. In that moment, Tenzin felt something he had learnt to avoid over the years - regret. The realization sent a shock wave through his body.
Even after all these years, their lives, their emotions, their souls were intertwined in an invisible way, held together by cosmic forces unseen and inescapable. How had he not seen this. Despite the distance, their diverging paths, their decisions, their nameless and ever changing relation, the bond still lurked. Her loss was felt by him, down to his every fiber, deep in his heart. Her heart had broken, but the pieces were piercing him.
After what seemed like an eternity, he noticed her shivers had stabilized, her cries had quietened to the steady sound of her breathing, her heavy stillness had been replaced by a relaxed slump of her body against his. Lin had fallen asleep, drifting away into what he hoped was a peaceful slumber.
He stood up and in a tender motion, lifted her in his strong, willing arms. A flash of recognition blinded his thoughts as he held her tired, aching body. By just a simple act of necessity, he was transported to a time where he he had performed this action several times. For just a moment, he felt as if none of the last several years had passed them by, like it was still just him and her.
He walked to the head of the bed and lightly placed her down. As softly as possible, he removed her shoes and whatever parts of her uniform he could. He grabbed the blanket and spread it over her, tucking her in.
He found himself kneeling by her side, his hand stroking her forehead, his face drawing closer to hers. As he hovered just inches from her, he paused. Then, something came over him and he leaned forward planting a kiss on her forehead.
He sighed, and stood up. Enough. He reined his emotions in and walked away. Before leaving, he turned and gave one last, longing glance filled with yearning and an ache took over his chest.
It was hard to think of everything that she had been through. And there it was again. The confounding regret.