Spoiler: Everything up to Paraguay. After that I altered the storyline a little.

Disclaimer: JAG still belongs to DPB and others.

Summary: When are they actually going to sort things out? As Mac is struggling with herself (and haunted by dreams) their talk is delayed... again!

Thanks to my friend Inken for reading this story ;)



Dreams are there to show you the way
(better take a look inside),
Close your eyes find out what they're trying to say
(you gotta take a look inside)
-- Westlife – Dreams come true --

DREAMS

She was sitting in a rocking chair, smiling down at a sleeping baby. Gently she rocked back and forth not to wake it. She could see the soft black hair that covered the head. And although the boy's lids were closed she knew the eyes that were hidden underneath, an astonishing blue. A blue like that of a brilliant summer sky. But a blue she knew would darken in time. Darken to the color of his father's eyes. The woman rocked the baby gently in her arms.

She heard a door click someway off. And only moments later there he was. She looked at Summer Whites, Gold Wings, black hair and those deep blue eyes she'd always lost herself in.

He stepped closer to her and the child. Bending down to kiss her he softly took the boy out of his mother's arms. Carefully holding the little head he positioned the infant on his left arm, protected against his chest. She watched the man touch the small face tenderly. Saw his finger circle the outline of the baby's ear. Watched him run it down over his cheeks, only touching the baby softly. His finger trailed down a tiny arm slowly caressing a hand so small one could hardly believe it. Automatically the baby's hand opened and tried to encircle his father's index finger.

A woman opened her eyes, something must have woken her. She checked her internal clock. 0425. There it was again, a blowing horn somewhere down the street. She looked round the room. With her eyes adjusting to the dark, well known outlines started to come into focus. The edge of her dresser, the end of her bed, and the bump next to her, on the other side of the bed. She laid back down, maybe she could find another hour of sleep.

She felt the minutes pass, but sleep didn't come. So after half an hour she gave up and started rising. When the bed shook softly the bump began moving. Two eyes were meeting hers, pleading that they could stay in bed. She knelt back down on the bed and patted what she thought to be the torso.

"Stay." she whispered softly. She knew he needed his sleep. Jingo was old. And the only things he normally did was sleep and eat in a regular pattern. She loved her dog and appreciated him for giving her company.

Mac rose to get herself ready for a run. Maybe the run could ease her mind. She dressed into a running shorts and an old Marine Corps Sweater for the still chilly morning of mid-march.

The 15 miles had done their best to set her thoughts to other things, but the moment she entered her apartment the vision of the night's dream was back. She'd had that dream for several weeks already. Always the same. And each time she woke from it she felt some strange feelings. She loved having that dream, knew pretty well that it was the thing she wanted most, but in the same moment she knew that right now it was most unlikely to happen. Things weren't at their best to put it gently.

By 0700 hours Marine Corps Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie closed the door of her apartment and headed for work. She would be early. But there were enough things to do, other than to think of some stupid dream.

When she entered the office of JAG Headquarters things were still quiet. Only a few people already there.

"Morning Ma'am."

"Morning Coates." she greeted the PO that had approached her.

Mac's glance wandered off to the old office of Sturgis. It looked empty. Would have been a wonder though if he'd been here early.

"He's in the break room, Ma'am." PO Coates eyes had followed hers.

Mac only nodded. So he was here early, not running late for a change. She retreated to the relative safety of her office. She needed her morning coffee, true, but on the other hand she wouldn't like to run into him right now. Mac sat down behind her desk still thinking about whether she should go for the needed coffee or stay hidden in her office.

A soft knock brought her out of her reverie. And when she looked up she looked right into those blue eyes of her partner, her best friend. He was standing there leaned against the door frame waiting for her to tell him to get in.

"Coffee?"

"Thank you."

He made two steps into the office for putting the mug down and than stepped back to where he'd come from.

They stayed in silence, both sipping their coffee.

"I didn't see your car down there. Didn't thought you were here."

"It broke down. I've got a rental for the time being. The blue one."

Yeah, she'd seen that.

Another period passed without either saying a word. Finally he started to turn, wanting to head back to his own office.

"Commander." They needed to talk, desperately.

He stopped, but didn't turn.

"Harm." It wasn't much above a whisper, but it made him turn, made him look into her eyes.

She hadn't said that in a long time. When he returned to JAG she had stayed with the rank. It was easiest to keep the pain and anger out of her voice this way. She'd feared to speak his name would only give way to her feelings. Feelings she might not be capable of handling, at least not in the office, facing a bullpen of junior officers and enlisted.

"Harm, we need to talk."

Yes, they surely did.

He nodded his head. "Dinner some time this week?"

It was her time to nod. Her eyes followed him when he crossed the bullpen for his office. They needed to talk, and they would do so, soon.

The day had gone by with her meeting Harm only once in the staff meeting. It was late already when she shut her computer down, took her cover and headed out of her office. Once again her eyes wandered to his, seeing if he was still there. But the door was closed and she couldn't see the light being on. He was probably home by now.

In the parking lot she looked around for his car, but the only ones left were the Admiral's SUV and a small Mazda Mac knew belonged to some Ensign up in the office. So he was gone.

Mac was driving along Beltway thinking about going to Beltway Burgers or not, when her cell started to ring. She took the call and her new-bought free speaker switched into action.

"Hi, you already home?"

"No, still on Beltway." She was surprised to hear Harm calling her. Callings were another thing that had become rare these last months.

"About our dinner." he paused.

'He's backing out once again.'

"How about Thursday? Mattie and Jennifer are having another one of there girls nights."

"Thursday's fine with me." she answered glad she had been wrong, but still not fully convinced yet.

"So I'll come by around eight?"

"Okay."

"See you tomorrow." He disconnected the call and Mac was left with the soft peep of the line.

The next two days went by smoothly. Mac wanted to slow time down, but then again she wanted it to speed up. She wasn't sure about whether she should fear the coming Thursday or be glad about. What eased things was that they weren't seeing much of each other. With her being in court all Tuesday and half of Wednesday where she'd taken the accuse against a defending Bud and him still buried under tons of old cases it had only been in the mornings at staff meeting where they met.

But right now she was on her way to his office. She needed to ask him if she should cook or if they'd order. Her mood was up, she had fought her case well and the jury had been on her side when they'd spoken the verdict this afternoon.

She knocked his door, he looked up to see whether it was a savior or an executioner standing there. Seeing her without a file she couldn't be an executioner though. But if she was a savior wasn't clear either.

"Mac?"

When she opened her mouth to speak it was PO Coates who spoke.

"Colonel, Commander, the Admiral likes to see you, ASAP." With that she turned, in search of Lieutenant Bud Roberts and Commander Sturgis Turner.

Harm rose from his chair. He hoped that their CO wouldn't give him another set of files as boring as those he'd already read for weeks.

"Wonder what he wants?" Mac had waited at the door and was now crossing the bullpen by his side.

He only shrugged his shoulders. Doesn't know.

When all four officers were gathered in the CO's office the Admiral made them sit down.

"We've just got an urgent case." He took a file from his desk and moved back towards his curious officers.

"Commander," He held the file out for Harm to take. "you and Lt. Roberts will investigate."

"Aye, aye sir." Both said in unison.

Mac closed her eyes for a second. Another thing that changed. Before recent events the Admiral had most certainly teamed Harm up with her, but now she was going to stay.

"As you see there had been a ramp strike at the Patrick Henry."

"Another one sir?"

"Sadly yes. And as our carriers are needed right now you and the Lieutenant will leave immediately. I had Coates book you a flight."

Once again both officers answered. "Aye, aye sir."

"Colonel, Commander I want you to take over their most urgent cases. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir."

With that all four of them were dismissed.

When they left the Admiral's office Harm whispered softly, "Sorry Mac."

She couldn't say anything, another talk being postponed. Probably postponed to never.

From behind her desk Mac watched him gather his things and saw him leave.

When he crossed her office he only slightly bowed his head for saying goodbye. And for saying sorry. He knew they needed to talk. But with an investigation on a carrier somewhere in Asia he wouldn't be back in town soon. He felt sorry for that, but an order was an order. And he preferred to investigate this case himself, than let it do somebody else. He was the one who knew all pilots on board, he had lived with most of them for several months, had flown with them, trusted his life to them, while they had trusted theirs to him. He needed to do this.

Some time around late afternoon, when Mac saw Jennifer getting ready to leave a thought crossed her mind.

"Jennifer." she addressed the young woman. "Do you and Mattie got room for one more girl tomorrow."

Coates thought a moment and than gave her okay. "Sure ma'am. Just come by at seven. We're going to rent a film and have some popcorn. Any preferences?"

"No. Everything's fine with me. Thank you Jennifer."

"You're welcome ma'am."

So Thursday turned out to be not the long dreaded day of talking but a somehow comforting evening spent with chit chat and a romantic comedy Mac had already seen before.

Somewhere midway through the film the phone started to ring. Mattie went to answer it.

"Hi Mattie, it's Harm."

"Hey, how are things?"

"Our investigation's going well, we'd be finished by Friday I guess."

"So you'll be home on Saturday, Sunday latest?" she missed him, though she wouldn't tell.

"Actually that's why I'm calling."

"What, you're not coming?"

"Mattie, listen. The Captain asked me to stay, they're short handed right now. They need some pilots."

"Yeah, sure. And that's why you suggested yourself. Harm I'm here, you can't stay on that ship."

"Mattie, you know I'd love to be with you. But I'm in the Navy, you can't just go how you please, you have to follow orders."

"But you didn't get an order, you said the Captain asked you to." Her voice was getting louder with each word spoken.

"That's not the point. He would have asked for a temporary transfer, no matter what answer."

"Yeah, that's why you thought 'Ahw, flying a jet is much better than the naughty girl waiting at home.'" And with that she slammed the receiver back down and dropped herself onto the sofa behind her.

Mac and Jen had both followed her side of the call and had grown anxious with each rising of Mattie's voice.

"I figure that had been Harm." Jen said matter-of-factly.

No response.

Mac settled down next to Mattie.

"You know he loves you, don't you?"

"Yeah, that's why he stays on that carrier." she sobbed silently.

Mac knew how she felt, she'd gone through this, damn was going through this right now. Harm had not only left Mattie behind, but her, and their talk. She should have known it.

"That's how he is. Flying is his life." 'He'd never change.'

All three of them were lost in thoughts, the film still running in the background, totally forgotten.

"You know where he currently is?" Mac finally asked.

Mattie only shook her head. What does it matter?

"The Patrick Henry was somewhere in the Indian Ocean last time I checked for the Admiral." Jen answered.

Mac thought a moment about that, before she nearly whispered. "You think they're flying missions to Iraq?"

"I honestly don't know ma'am."

Mattie's eyes had grown wide in shock.

"He isn't in danger, is he?" she asked the women sitting at each of her sides. None of them answered.