Belle tossed and turned in bed, staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. She was finally free. She'd been kept locked up for so long, just knowing she could get up and walk through her door was enough to keep her thoughts racing and heart pumping. She could make her own decisions now, and she loved that. It scared her too, if she was honest with herself. But she'd felt that fear before, and she knew it was normal, an instinctive reaction to choice.
But that wasn't what was keeping her awake tonight. She'd been locked up so long that freedom was a heady draught, but she'd been alone that whole time. Once she'd been released, she had clung to Rumpelstiltskin, had clung to the security of having someone there. To the companionship she'd missed for 28 years. And to the memories of love from long ago, before he'd kicked her out of his castle, turned his back on True Love for fear of losing his power.
Belle thought that was the moment she stopped loving him.
She'd tried after that, yes. Tried to pretend, to convince herself she did love him. That true love could never be broken, that it was meant to be. That was why she'd stayed with him after the curse was broken. Surely what had once been true would still exist. And Rumpelstiltskin did seem to love her, and care for her. But soon enough she'd stared to realize she wasn't the most important. That he loved her, but as a possession. True Love had died when the kiss was rebuked, and she didn't know how to bring it back.
It took a while before she realized she didn't want to bring it back.
That was when she'd left him. When she'd met Ruby, when she'd heard about the library. And now she was the librarian, a dream come true. Books had always been her world, a way to escape from any trial or trouble, to find a place where dreams not only could come true, but did. Books about far off worlds, magic that didn't corrupt, true love that wasn't pushed away and left to die. Books were the love that she could count on.
The fact that Rumpelstiltskin had given her the key kept running through her mind, but she pushed it away. Ruby had given her the library, not him. Ruby had listened, had understood. Ruby was the one she had to thank for her dream coming true.
And David had told her Ruby had found her, had led them to her after her father had sent someone to kidnap her. The pain in that memory caused Belle to flinch back, to focus on Ruby finding her instead.
Turning over in bed, Belle sighed. So many thoughts in her head, she was never going to be able to sleep with all of them circling round and round without pause. And she was alone. Each moment, each echoing breath, each creak of an empty building, all of it brought that back to her. She was alone with only her thoughts.
Maybe she'd been too hasty in moving out of the inn. She'd been safe there, free, but not alone. The first night there she'd cried herself to sleep, waking early in the morning to find Ruby curled up in the chair next to the bed. It had startled her; she hadn't expected anyone to be in her room. But when Ruby woke up, she explained. "I heard you crying, so I came in to check on you. You stopped crying when I sat down next to you, so I couldn't leave."
The next night, Ruby had knocked on her door before bed, asking if she was going to be all right. At the soft "no", she'd sat down in the chair, held out her hand, and just smiled. "Then I'll be here to help."
The next night was the same, Ruby staying in the chair next to her, just holding her hand. The fourth night, Belle tried to get her to leave, but once she had, the tears started again once she fell asleep, nightmares running through her mind without pause. But then Ruby had woken her up, sitting in the chair once more. But Belle needed more than that, and pulled Ruby into bed next to her, just holding her and feeling the security of being held.
That night had cured the nightmares, and Belle could sleep alone again. So she let Ruby go back to her own bed, trying not to think about what it all meant. After another week of peaceful dreams at the inn, she'd moved into the loft above the library. And now she couldn't sleep.
She didn't want to depend on Ruby like she'd depended on Rumpelstiltskin, or her father. She had her freedom, she didn't want to throw it away and be dependent on someone else. And she didn't want to think about why she was leaning on Ruby. Her thoughts kept turning to that night when she'd held her, fallen asleep in her arms. Rumpelstiltskin had never held her like that, had never listened, had never cared as much as Ruby had shown in those few days. Belle tried to write it off as just friendship, but it seemed wrong.
Yes, she valued Ruby as a friend, the woman had been there for her from the beginning. And she could talk to her about anything. In the week she'd spent at Granny's, the two had been inseparable, Belle learning how to cook and hanging around the diner talking to Ruby, waiting for the library to be cleaned and put in order for her to take over.
Once it was ready to open, she'd moved out. It was simpler to stay there, not have to walk to work. But this was the first night, and Belle couldn't sleep. Looking over at the clock, she saw it was only eleven. Surprising, it felt like it had to be at least four in the morning. Swinging her feet out of bed, Belle sat up and looked around. Everything was clean, there wasn't anything to keep her busy there. Maybe a walk through town would be good.
Wrapping herself up warmly, Belle locked the doors behind her and set out, not picking any particular path through town. The cold night air felt amazing, the night sky seemed like the most beautiful she'd ever seen. The constellations were all wrong, but that didn't matter. It was a night sky, and she was free to enjoy it. Wandering aimlessly through the streets, she soon found herself looking up at the inn. Maybe Ruby was still awake.
The light in her friend's room made her heart race in a way she couldn't think about too much, but she knew she was genuinely happy. She'd spent too many nights alone.
Knocking on her window, Belle wondered about the momentary strange look on Ruby's face, but it changed quickly into a smile. The window opened, and Belle leaned through, crossing her arms on the sill. "Sorry, I couldn't sleep. Took a walk and ended up here."
"It's fine Belle, you know I'm always glad to see you. What's up with the library?"
"I don't know. I just couldn't manage to fall asleep. You'd think it'd be nerves about opening for real tomorrow, but I'm barely thinking about that. It's weird. And I didn't like being alone. It reminded me too much of being in that cell."
"I didn't even think about that. You want to stay here again tonight? Or want me to come over? We can have a sleepover and talk about boys or something." Ruby was already getting dressed, clearly not worrying about modesty in front of her friend.
And suddenly it all made sense in Belle's head. That was why she was drawn to Ruby. She should have known, it felt the same as when she was falling for Rumpelstiltskin. That thought nearly made her run back down the road, afraid of feeling like that ever again. Especially for someone who actually cared for her. That would only make the eventual leaving hurt more. But before she could move, Ruby was crawling out the window with a bag, linking her arm with Belle's and walking back down the road.
After a few blocks walked in silence, Ruby moved her arm to around Belle's shoulder, causing her to tense. "Hey, you. Why so silent? You aren't falling asleep on me already, are you? We haven't even gotten to the fun part of the sleepover yet."
"Just thinking, I'm okay" Belle answered quickly. Too quickly, she could see from the look on Ruby's face.
"Did you not want me to come over tonight?"
"No, I do. And I'm incredibly thankful that you care so much, truly I am. I'm just not sure what exactly I'm thinking right now, that's all."
"Well, what are you thinking about? Do I have to guess?" Ruby stopped, stepped back from Belle, and crossed her arms, tilting her head and staring for a moment. Belle could almost see the wolf in her, the stare was that intense. It made her blush, feeling those eyes studying her. Surely someone that intense could read what she was thinking.
"Ah. Gotcha." Ruby slung her arm around Belle again, and continued down the street towards the library. Belle was stunned. She'd known she was being obvious, but she hadn't expected that reaction.
"That's it? How are you so okay with that?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, your friend falling in love with you, there should be some reaction!"
Ruby stopped in her tracks, dropping her arm from around Belle's shoulders as she walked for another step or two. Turning to look at her friend, Belle saw her face blank with shock. Maybe she hadn't been as obvious as she thought.
"I thought you were just missing Mr. Gold, that's all. Falling in love?"
Apparently not. Belle covered her face in her hands, beyond embarrassed. "I thought you'd figured it out. Oh lord, I am so sorry."
Without another word, Belle turned and sprinted the last block or so to the library, fumbling for her key. In her hurry, she dropped it, and that was the last straw of the night. Leaning against the door, Belle started sobbing softly, sure she'd made a mess of everything now.
But then she felt someone behind her, rubbing her back softly. "I didn't know" came the soft whisper, before she heard a rustling sound, then jangling keys. "Do you still want me here tonight?"
Belle couldn't believe her ears. She turned, wiping tears from her eyes, looking at Ruby. Her friend seemed shy, which was strange. But she was still there, she hadn't ran. "Only if it isn't weird. I'm sorry I made it weird."
"You didn't make it weird, Belle. You just made me think, startled me. That's all. So if you still want me here, I'll stay. And we can talk in the morning, if you want."
Belle managed a nod, and a quick smile. Taking the keys from Ruby, she unlocked the door, then led her friend carefully through the library to the stairs. She was almost convinced this was a dream, that she'd finally fallen asleep. But as she felt Ruby's arms around her after they'd changed for bed, holding her close again, she knew she couldn't have dreamed this. It was too perfect even for a dream, it had to be true. She fell asleep to a light kiss on her shoulder, happier than she'd ever been before.