"Lonely Hearts"
Author: Molly (usagiko)
fandom: dark angel
Rating: R for angst
Spoilers: Female Trouble
Notes: missing scene, AU-ish. Liberties taken with Jace's character.
email: manticore_brat@Hotmail.com
"You can be taught to forget..your name, your mission, even your barcode number. You can seal your memory to torture tactics. You can become so confused that you can't even remember your name."
Looking at Jace in her bonds, I remember Lydecker's words to us as children. The chair, the psychoactives, the laser in my eye. Her face is twisted into humiliation, confusion, and anger. Must be the cat DNA in our cocktails, because we X5s absolutely hate being tied down. Literally. I harden my face toward hers, but not my heart.
"Is this your barcode?" Lydecker asks in the shadowwhorls of my brain.
In her eyes, I see a thousand thousand flickering film images of Manticore's propaganda, "simplification", neuropsych manipulations. Her acute suffering as a child after we left, trying to be all she can be. Traitor. Rat. Plague. Deserter. , sometimes those flash into my brain. Psychic flashes, perhaps? I've had them since I was little, so whatever.
My family is my weakness. I was trained and taught not to have any, but I do. And it's them. I am still filled with intense tenderness at the mere sight of their faces. A genetically-retarded maternal instinct rises out of this freakshow body, this freakshow heart.
"X5-452, is this your barcode?" Lydecker once more asks me from the depths of memory.
Her eyes, so hardened from what she's seen. So dark. So, so dark. The baby inside of her ripples like a goldfish at three months, I can feel it. She blinks, long drawnout cat blink and I can tell she feels it too. I am she as I feel the slight shuddering pleasure of the embryo dancing within her womb. I shiver slightly with her in delight and guilt.
"Baby moving?"
"I'm not far along enough for that." She snaps sullenly, looking straight into my eyes.
My eyes fill with tears. I suddenly can't stand it anymore. I don't know, maybe I've been out of Manticore for too long, and I reach out for my sister. I gently trace her face under my fingertips, and she doesn't resist.
"Jace." I whisper softly, "You should have come with us."
"I would have been a traitor." She growls, now trying to resist my hand. I stroke her softly, and she bends underneath my touch.
"Can I feel the baby?" I ask, shyly, letting the tears drop down.
"Why are you doing this?" Her own eyes are starting to be wet and they surprise her, I can tell, because she's not used to emotion, "are you trying to get information out of me? Torture? Propaganda?"
"NO, Jace", I say, "Because I wish you'd gotten out with us. Because I miss you, and the others."
The honesty takes her aback, she rears back slightly even in her bonds. Honesty is unknown at Manticore, forbidden by the higherups.
"Why? Don't you hate it outside in this world? The filth, the corruption?"
"At least I have a choice."
"You're not the one in restraints."
I make an executive decision and remove the restraints.
"How do you know I won't kill you?" She asks uneasily.
"I don't."
She rubs her wrists, then looks at me for a long while. She guides my hand and I tense up, wondering if she really will try to start another fight, but then gently puts it on her belly.
The fetus flips in joy, and I can imagine hiccuping laughter coming from Jace's child.
My eyes fill once more with tears, and I begin to weep openly. I hear a strange sound, and I look up and realize that it's Jace, crying.
She's never cried before.
I take her in my arms, and hold her tightly.
Author: Molly (usagiko)
fandom: dark angel
Rating: R for angst
Spoilers: Female Trouble
Notes: missing scene, AU-ish. Liberties taken with Jace's character.
email: manticore_brat@Hotmail.com
"You can be taught to forget..your name, your mission, even your barcode number. You can seal your memory to torture tactics. You can become so confused that you can't even remember your name."
Looking at Jace in her bonds, I remember Lydecker's words to us as children. The chair, the psychoactives, the laser in my eye. Her face is twisted into humiliation, confusion, and anger. Must be the cat DNA in our cocktails, because we X5s absolutely hate being tied down. Literally. I harden my face toward hers, but not my heart.
"Is this your barcode?" Lydecker asks in the shadowwhorls of my brain.
In her eyes, I see a thousand thousand flickering film images of Manticore's propaganda, "simplification", neuropsych manipulations. Her acute suffering as a child after we left, trying to be all she can be. Traitor. Rat. Plague. Deserter. , sometimes those flash into my brain. Psychic flashes, perhaps? I've had them since I was little, so whatever.
My family is my weakness. I was trained and taught not to have any, but I do. And it's them. I am still filled with intense tenderness at the mere sight of their faces. A genetically-retarded maternal instinct rises out of this freakshow body, this freakshow heart.
"X5-452, is this your barcode?" Lydecker once more asks me from the depths of memory.
Her eyes, so hardened from what she's seen. So dark. So, so dark. The baby inside of her ripples like a goldfish at three months, I can feel it. She blinks, long drawnout cat blink and I can tell she feels it too. I am she as I feel the slight shuddering pleasure of the embryo dancing within her womb. I shiver slightly with her in delight and guilt.
"Baby moving?"
"I'm not far along enough for that." She snaps sullenly, looking straight into my eyes.
My eyes fill with tears. I suddenly can't stand it anymore. I don't know, maybe I've been out of Manticore for too long, and I reach out for my sister. I gently trace her face under my fingertips, and she doesn't resist.
"Jace." I whisper softly, "You should have come with us."
"I would have been a traitor." She growls, now trying to resist my hand. I stroke her softly, and she bends underneath my touch.
"Can I feel the baby?" I ask, shyly, letting the tears drop down.
"Why are you doing this?" Her own eyes are starting to be wet and they surprise her, I can tell, because she's not used to emotion, "are you trying to get information out of me? Torture? Propaganda?"
"NO, Jace", I say, "Because I wish you'd gotten out with us. Because I miss you, and the others."
The honesty takes her aback, she rears back slightly even in her bonds. Honesty is unknown at Manticore, forbidden by the higherups.
"Why? Don't you hate it outside in this world? The filth, the corruption?"
"At least I have a choice."
"You're not the one in restraints."
I make an executive decision and remove the restraints.
"How do you know I won't kill you?" She asks uneasily.
"I don't."
She rubs her wrists, then looks at me for a long while. She guides my hand and I tense up, wondering if she really will try to start another fight, but then gently puts it on her belly.
The fetus flips in joy, and I can imagine hiccuping laughter coming from Jace's child.
My eyes fill once more with tears, and I begin to weep openly. I hear a strange sound, and I look up and realize that it's Jace, crying.
She's never cried before.
I take her in my arms, and hold her tightly.