The Truth
___________
Her eyes glimmering with warm tears coming as the constant as the
rain she was watching from the balcony of Balamb Hotel, Fujin hugged
her knees as tight as she could, rocking back and forth slightly.
The dreary, stormy, dark weather reflected her feelings at the time
perfectly.
Too many painful memories. Too many childhood memories mixed with
thoughts of rejection. Rejection from every man in her life.
Even Seifer. She was alone on the balcony; Seifer and Raijin were out
fishing and such. It was just as well. She was alone either way.
She knew what everyone called her behind her back.
The one-eyed bitch from hell. And that's exactly what I am, isn't
it?
"Well, you'd be one too if you had to go through what I have! You'd
talk the same! I have a heart, too! I'm as much of a human being as
any of you!"
She cried to no-one in particular. Yeah, I have a heart. A heart
that Seifer Almasy seems to enjoy ignoring. Why can't anyone like me?!
She knew that she was in love with Almasy. She also knew he didn't give
a damn for anyone but himself, and he didn't give a rat's ass about how
she felt. And no-one could even imagine how much that hurt.
It hurt worse than when she first got the scar on her left eye. "Nobody
knows what happened - they all think it was a T-Rexaur - and just as
well. Who would they care anyway? Why can't Seifer care?! Why?!
Can't I have something besides pain in my life? Are the only emotions
allowed in my life pain and anger?! What did I do to deserve this?
Ever since I was a child!"
At this, Fujin collapsed into a heap on the floor, crying. Her patch
soon filled with her tears, and she took it off.
_________
Seifer had come back to the room for his gloves when he heard Fujin
sobbing. He went to the balcony quiet and unnoticed to find Fujin
soaking wet. She started screaming in a choked voice, and for a second
he thought she knew he was there, but she didn't. He wasn't sure what
to do when she was done yelling - but what she said next surprised him.
A T-Rexaur hadn't taken her eye? Why didn't she tell him?
What does she mean? I care! I do...
Then Seifer realized something; he didn't listen to his friends.
He didn't read between the lines. He didn't listen when they
needed him.
The next words she said he would remember for a long time; "Are the
only emotions allowed in my life pain and anger?! What did I do to
deserve this? Ever since I was a child!"
Whoa - I really don't listen, do I? Dammit Fujin, I care about
you! Why didn't you tell me? Don't you know how I feel about you? No -
I never show it. How could you know?
Seifer felt guilty - and it was her fault! Why did she have to make
him feel this way? Well he couldn't just stand there, so he stepped
outside, thinking what he should say. "...Fuu?"
He caught her by surprise, and she tried wiping her eyes, then began
walking away, hoping against hope he hadn't just seen that. "LEAVING NOW."
"Ah! Wait..." Seifer said, taking her hand. "Please don't get mad at
me, but I heard what you were saying... I... I know I never listen,
but... I've been wanting..." He couldn't say it, even though she clearly
wanted him to. And he did. He loved her, he knew it, he shoved it
into the back of his mind.
"WANTING..?" To stroke your hair, kiss your scar, make you feel special and loved.
I want you to love me back. I want to hold you in my arms and take
away your pain. I want to admit that I - NO! No I don't I don't love
anyone!
Yeah you do, Seifer! You love the girl, will you listening to me
for once?! Do you hear me? HEY, SEIF! I'd really appreciate it if
you'd listen to me once! Hey, the Hyne gave you something really cool
and helpful, yeah, you know what it is? ME! I'M YOUR FRICKIN' CONSCIENCE!
Wooooo-ooo? I told you to listen to me, and you're gonna listen
whether you like it or not!
Okay, that's it, I give up. I give up! I'm not even gonna try anymore.
I just have one last favor; teeeeeell heeeeer!
"Um - what really happened to your eye if it wasn't a T-Rexaur?"
Stupid, stupid, stupidstupidstupid!
"You can talk to me, I'll be more than happy to listen. You know I'm
always here for you, I'll never leave you."
Close enough. She studied his face to see if he was actually serious, then decided
she needed to tell someone. "Are you sure you want to know?"
He nodded.
Fujin sat down and stared at the ground awhile before beginning. Seifer
didn't seem to mind getting wet, but she didn't want to waste his time.
She started;
"When I was a little kid, probably three or four, I wasn't an
orphan. My mother had left my father when I was two, and I always blamed
myself. I thought I wasn't good enough for her, and I would cry myself
to sleep every night. Well, my dad was a drunk, and I had to clean up
for him. And I had a brother. We were close, and afraid of our dad.
One night, Dad had a little too much to drink - and... and..."
She burst into tears yet again at the memory. Seifer had no idea what
to do, but didn't have to wonder for long because Fujin gathered herself
and began after a minute or two.
"I loved my brother. He was sixteen. Tall, blue eyes, black hair.
He'd always protect me from Dad's wrath, but it got out of hand once."
She swallowed down more tears. "Well, that was the same night my brother
decided to talk to Dad about his problem. Dad just yelled and said he
didn't have a problem, and broke a bottle full of beer over my brother's
head... and he started... he..."
Fujin made a motion with her arm like someone stabbing someone else.
"He started stabbing him with the jagged part of the bottle, and he kept
stabbing him, over and over and over, until he was completely covered
in blood, in a pool of it staining the carpet, and he came up to me and
rubbed the blood on his hands into my hair, and on my f-face... Seifer,
I miss him! I miss my brother so much!"
For the second time, Fujin collapsed, and this time Seifer did something;
He gently took her into his arms.
Finally...
Seifer? Seifer, no! Bad! Pssssst! Don't take advantage of this,
you'll regret it! Fight the urge.
So for once, Seifer listened to his annoying conscience.
Then he turned his attention to the silver-haired, ruby-eyed beauty
crying in his arms. He held her close to him, but didn't know what
else to do. Fight the urge. Fight it. DO AS I TELL YOU! Why am I still trying?
You never listen.
He sighed and settled for stroking her wet hair.
Huh? You listened to me? YES! YOU FINALLY LISTEN! WOOOOOO!
"Fuu, you don't have to-"
"No, I need to tell someone or I'll go insane." She took a deep breath
or two, and told the rest of her story;
"I screamed at my dad, and rushed to my brother's body. It was limp,
and cold, and that was when I started crying. I looked up at Dad, and
told him that he had just killed his own son. He pulled me to my feet
by my hair while I screamed in pain, and he looked me straight in the
eye. Next thing I knew, his arm was raised in the air, and it came
down across my eye. He hit hard, and it cut so deep into the skin
that a little piece of glass got stuck.
And he raised the bottle again but there was a loud pop; the maid had
Dad's shotgun in her hands, and she stood there in shock, but then
dropped the gun and ran over to the phone calling the police.
When they got there, they took the maid for questioning, cleaned up the
mess and drove me to a hospital.
They had to dig the glass out, and washed my eye. I had to have stitches for
awhile, but they told me there wasn't much chance that it'd heal completely.
When they were talking, I saw someone burst in the door with a gurney
and a woman who looked like she was in really bad shape. Something told
me to look at her, something cryptic, and I yelled for them to stop.
They did, and time seemed to freeze as I walked up to them. I looked at
the woman. The woman who was my mother. I didn't know what to do, I'd
just lost my brother and father, and my mom had just been hit by a car,
or at least that's what they told me. She opened one eye and studied me,
and do you know what she said?
Her last words to me were 'get that thing away from me.'
You can't imagine how much that hurt. You can't! They sent me to
Matron's orphanage the next day, and all of the kids picked on me.
Every last one. They called me a freak. They would say, 'get away
from us, you can't play if you only have one eye.' That's all I can
remember, and it's too much. Why can't anyone love me, Seifer? Why
not?! Did I do anything to deserve it? Why doesn't anyone like me?
Nobody's ever liked me, let alone loved me. What did I do? Is it
because I'm ugly? Anyone who had seen their whole family killed and
had their eye hurt really badly wouldn't talk much either! But why did
it have to happen to me? Why is that? Why is love not allowed to be
in my life?! Why can't anyone care about me? No-one ever has!"
Fujin was crying her heart out. She was scared. Traumatized.
Always had been. And everyone just made fun of her and made it worse.
Seifer didn't know what to say. His friend's story had brought tears to his
own eyes, and he pulled her as close to him as he could.
She was gasping words under her breath, and Seifer could barely make
out; "No-one's ever loved me. They never will. I'm scared, and they
only make it worse."
"That's not true, Fuu..." Say it. "I... I love you."
"Even if I believed you I don't deserve it."
Seifer let her go for a brief second to take off his coat. He lay it
over Fujin, and she was the first to ever wear it aside from Seifer
himself. He embraced her again, stroking her hair. "Don't say that.
If anyone deserves love, it's you, and I love you. I love you so damn
much. I know, I'm arrogant, selfish, and I don't show how I feel, but
I do love you."
"Well, now do you see why I don't like men, and why I use two-word sentences?"
Seifer rest his head on top of hers, and just nodded.
"Seifer?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"Listening. Being here. Being you."
A smile crept across Seifer's lips.
"Seif, I love you too."
"I know." He kissed her head. "Well, go wash your face, okay?"
She laughed slightly, "You sound like Matron, but okay."
Seifer got up and put his coat back on, watching her walk to the
bathroom. He heard the shower start and fought the urge to look.
He sat on the bed and waited patiently for her to get out and dry her
hair. When she did come out about ten minutes later, she looked as
good as new.
She smells good, too.
"Now you have to do me a favor."
"Okay, what?" Fujin asked.
He walked over to her, took her hand, and said, "Cooperate." With
that, he leaned forward and put his lips to hers. As his tongue danced
along her lips and found it's way into her mouth, Fujin thought it
might be another fantasy, but decided against it. They played tongue
hockey for a little bit, until they heard someone knock. Fujin jumped,
then answered the door.
"Sorry, I got stuck in the rain, ya know?" Raijin pushed past Fujin
into the room. "I caught some fish, ya know? Really big ones, ya know?"
Seifer sighed and touched his lips, then smiled. "Let's eat!"
THE END
___________
Her eyes glimmering with warm tears coming as the constant as the
rain she was watching from the balcony of Balamb Hotel, Fujin hugged
her knees as tight as she could, rocking back and forth slightly.
The dreary, stormy, dark weather reflected her feelings at the time
perfectly.
Too many painful memories. Too many childhood memories mixed with
thoughts of rejection. Rejection from every man in her life.
Even Seifer. She was alone on the balcony; Seifer and Raijin were out
fishing and such. It was just as well. She was alone either way.
She knew what everyone called her behind her back.
The one-eyed bitch from hell. And that's exactly what I am, isn't
it?
"Well, you'd be one too if you had to go through what I have! You'd
talk the same! I have a heart, too! I'm as much of a human being as
any of you!"
She cried to no-one in particular. Yeah, I have a heart. A heart
that Seifer Almasy seems to enjoy ignoring. Why can't anyone like me?!
She knew that she was in love with Almasy. She also knew he didn't give
a damn for anyone but himself, and he didn't give a rat's ass about how
she felt. And no-one could even imagine how much that hurt.
It hurt worse than when she first got the scar on her left eye. "Nobody
knows what happened - they all think it was a T-Rexaur - and just as
well. Who would they care anyway? Why can't Seifer care?! Why?!
Can't I have something besides pain in my life? Are the only emotions
allowed in my life pain and anger?! What did I do to deserve this?
Ever since I was a child!"
At this, Fujin collapsed into a heap on the floor, crying. Her patch
soon filled with her tears, and she took it off.
_________
Seifer had come back to the room for his gloves when he heard Fujin
sobbing. He went to the balcony quiet and unnoticed to find Fujin
soaking wet. She started screaming in a choked voice, and for a second
he thought she knew he was there, but she didn't. He wasn't sure what
to do when she was done yelling - but what she said next surprised him.
A T-Rexaur hadn't taken her eye? Why didn't she tell him?
What does she mean? I care! I do...
Then Seifer realized something; he didn't listen to his friends.
He didn't read between the lines. He didn't listen when they
needed him.
The next words she said he would remember for a long time; "Are the
only emotions allowed in my life pain and anger?! What did I do to
deserve this? Ever since I was a child!"
Whoa - I really don't listen, do I? Dammit Fujin, I care about
you! Why didn't you tell me? Don't you know how I feel about you? No -
I never show it. How could you know?
Seifer felt guilty - and it was her fault! Why did she have to make
him feel this way? Well he couldn't just stand there, so he stepped
outside, thinking what he should say. "...Fuu?"
He caught her by surprise, and she tried wiping her eyes, then began
walking away, hoping against hope he hadn't just seen that. "LEAVING NOW."
"Ah! Wait..." Seifer said, taking her hand. "Please don't get mad at
me, but I heard what you were saying... I... I know I never listen,
but... I've been wanting..." He couldn't say it, even though she clearly
wanted him to. And he did. He loved her, he knew it, he shoved it
into the back of his mind.
"WANTING..?" To stroke your hair, kiss your scar, make you feel special and loved.
I want you to love me back. I want to hold you in my arms and take
away your pain. I want to admit that I - NO! No I don't I don't love
anyone!
Yeah you do, Seifer! You love the girl, will you listening to me
for once?! Do you hear me? HEY, SEIF! I'd really appreciate it if
you'd listen to me once! Hey, the Hyne gave you something really cool
and helpful, yeah, you know what it is? ME! I'M YOUR FRICKIN' CONSCIENCE!
Wooooo-ooo? I told you to listen to me, and you're gonna listen
whether you like it or not!
Okay, that's it, I give up. I give up! I'm not even gonna try anymore.
I just have one last favor; teeeeeell heeeeer!
"Um - what really happened to your eye if it wasn't a T-Rexaur?"
Stupid, stupid, stupidstupidstupid!
"You can talk to me, I'll be more than happy to listen. You know I'm
always here for you, I'll never leave you."
Close enough. She studied his face to see if he was actually serious, then decided
she needed to tell someone. "Are you sure you want to know?"
He nodded.
Fujin sat down and stared at the ground awhile before beginning. Seifer
didn't seem to mind getting wet, but she didn't want to waste his time.
She started;
"When I was a little kid, probably three or four, I wasn't an
orphan. My mother had left my father when I was two, and I always blamed
myself. I thought I wasn't good enough for her, and I would cry myself
to sleep every night. Well, my dad was a drunk, and I had to clean up
for him. And I had a brother. We were close, and afraid of our dad.
One night, Dad had a little too much to drink - and... and..."
She burst into tears yet again at the memory. Seifer had no idea what
to do, but didn't have to wonder for long because Fujin gathered herself
and began after a minute or two.
"I loved my brother. He was sixteen. Tall, blue eyes, black hair.
He'd always protect me from Dad's wrath, but it got out of hand once."
She swallowed down more tears. "Well, that was the same night my brother
decided to talk to Dad about his problem. Dad just yelled and said he
didn't have a problem, and broke a bottle full of beer over my brother's
head... and he started... he..."
Fujin made a motion with her arm like someone stabbing someone else.
"He started stabbing him with the jagged part of the bottle, and he kept
stabbing him, over and over and over, until he was completely covered
in blood, in a pool of it staining the carpet, and he came up to me and
rubbed the blood on his hands into my hair, and on my f-face... Seifer,
I miss him! I miss my brother so much!"
For the second time, Fujin collapsed, and this time Seifer did something;
He gently took her into his arms.
Finally...
Seifer? Seifer, no! Bad! Pssssst! Don't take advantage of this,
you'll regret it! Fight the urge.
So for once, Seifer listened to his annoying conscience.
Then he turned his attention to the silver-haired, ruby-eyed beauty
crying in his arms. He held her close to him, but didn't know what
else to do. Fight the urge. Fight it. DO AS I TELL YOU! Why am I still trying?
You never listen.
He sighed and settled for stroking her wet hair.
Huh? You listened to me? YES! YOU FINALLY LISTEN! WOOOOOO!
"Fuu, you don't have to-"
"No, I need to tell someone or I'll go insane." She took a deep breath
or two, and told the rest of her story;
"I screamed at my dad, and rushed to my brother's body. It was limp,
and cold, and that was when I started crying. I looked up at Dad, and
told him that he had just killed his own son. He pulled me to my feet
by my hair while I screamed in pain, and he looked me straight in the
eye. Next thing I knew, his arm was raised in the air, and it came
down across my eye. He hit hard, and it cut so deep into the skin
that a little piece of glass got stuck.
And he raised the bottle again but there was a loud pop; the maid had
Dad's shotgun in her hands, and she stood there in shock, but then
dropped the gun and ran over to the phone calling the police.
When they got there, they took the maid for questioning, cleaned up the
mess and drove me to a hospital.
They had to dig the glass out, and washed my eye. I had to have stitches for
awhile, but they told me there wasn't much chance that it'd heal completely.
When they were talking, I saw someone burst in the door with a gurney
and a woman who looked like she was in really bad shape. Something told
me to look at her, something cryptic, and I yelled for them to stop.
They did, and time seemed to freeze as I walked up to them. I looked at
the woman. The woman who was my mother. I didn't know what to do, I'd
just lost my brother and father, and my mom had just been hit by a car,
or at least that's what they told me. She opened one eye and studied me,
and do you know what she said?
Her last words to me were 'get that thing away from me.'
You can't imagine how much that hurt. You can't! They sent me to
Matron's orphanage the next day, and all of the kids picked on me.
Every last one. They called me a freak. They would say, 'get away
from us, you can't play if you only have one eye.' That's all I can
remember, and it's too much. Why can't anyone love me, Seifer? Why
not?! Did I do anything to deserve it? Why doesn't anyone like me?
Nobody's ever liked me, let alone loved me. What did I do? Is it
because I'm ugly? Anyone who had seen their whole family killed and
had their eye hurt really badly wouldn't talk much either! But why did
it have to happen to me? Why is that? Why is love not allowed to be
in my life?! Why can't anyone care about me? No-one ever has!"
Fujin was crying her heart out. She was scared. Traumatized.
Always had been. And everyone just made fun of her and made it worse.
Seifer didn't know what to say. His friend's story had brought tears to his
own eyes, and he pulled her as close to him as he could.
She was gasping words under her breath, and Seifer could barely make
out; "No-one's ever loved me. They never will. I'm scared, and they
only make it worse."
"That's not true, Fuu..." Say it. "I... I love you."
"Even if I believed you I don't deserve it."
Seifer let her go for a brief second to take off his coat. He lay it
over Fujin, and she was the first to ever wear it aside from Seifer
himself. He embraced her again, stroking her hair. "Don't say that.
If anyone deserves love, it's you, and I love you. I love you so damn
much. I know, I'm arrogant, selfish, and I don't show how I feel, but
I do love you."
"Well, now do you see why I don't like men, and why I use two-word sentences?"
Seifer rest his head on top of hers, and just nodded.
"Seifer?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"Listening. Being here. Being you."
A smile crept across Seifer's lips.
"Seif, I love you too."
"I know." He kissed her head. "Well, go wash your face, okay?"
She laughed slightly, "You sound like Matron, but okay."
Seifer got up and put his coat back on, watching her walk to the
bathroom. He heard the shower start and fought the urge to look.
He sat on the bed and waited patiently for her to get out and dry her
hair. When she did come out about ten minutes later, she looked as
good as new.
She smells good, too.
"Now you have to do me a favor."
"Okay, what?" Fujin asked.
He walked over to her, took her hand, and said, "Cooperate." With
that, he leaned forward and put his lips to hers. As his tongue danced
along her lips and found it's way into her mouth, Fujin thought it
might be another fantasy, but decided against it. They played tongue
hockey for a little bit, until they heard someone knock. Fujin jumped,
then answered the door.
"Sorry, I got stuck in the rain, ya know?" Raijin pushed past Fujin
into the room. "I caught some fish, ya know? Really big ones, ya know?"
Seifer sighed and touched his lips, then smiled. "Let's eat!"
THE END