Disclaimer: We do NOT own Shoujo Kakumei Utena, because it belongs to Chiho
Saito and Be-Papas. If we did, we'd be rather rich by now, methinks. NARF!
Susan: Erin, what was that about? I dunno, I just felt like it. Susan: Shut up. MAKE ME! Amber and Shayna: On wid da ficcie, y'all!
Utena: (wakes up and mumbles sleepily) Ahhhhhhh..what a beautiful mor- NANI!?!
(finds herself in a room with Touga, Anthy, Miki, Saionji, Juri-all asleep- and a TV screen)
Utena: I hope to God nothing happened last night.
Miki: Ugh. My neck hurts. (looks around) Ohgoodlord.
Utena: I agree.
(others wake up; all have similar reactions-except for Touga, of course, and Anthy)
Touga: Huh. I certainly don't feel like I did anything last night, or remember doing anything for that matter, but, well. (smiles clandestinely)
Juri: Mr. President?
Touga: Aa?
Juri: Get your mind out of the gutter.
Saionji: SHUT UP! Can't we please figure out what the HELL is going on?
Utena Cast: Hai!
Anthy: Utena-sama? What's wrong? You seem upset.
Utena: Himemiya..
Miki: Look! Look at the screen!
(Lady Nilamarthiel, Strawberry-Angel-with-Horns, Shaynaynay the Loon, and Roo appear onscreen)
L.N.: BweheeheeHEEheehee! We finally have you at LAST!
(Utena cast sweatdrops)
R: Ignore her. She's the comic relief.
L.N.: Nani?!? Excuse me, but I wrote this piece of $*!%, so I get 72.98% of the credit!
S.A.w.H.: Good. I don't want it, anyway.
S.t.L.: I do! She's my homegirl!
Miki: Home.girl?
R.: Sister. Don't ask me why, because they're NOT related in ANY way.
Saionji: I'm confused.
S.A.w.H.: That's my line! @$$.(pouts)......MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
(Juri and Miki sweatdrop simultaneously)
S.t.L.: I never met Strawberry in person before, and I'm as scared as you guys are.
L.N.: "Let me not to the marriage Of the true minds admit impediments. Love is not love, which alters When it alteration finds Or bends with the remover to remove. Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests, and is never shaken."
(All stare at Lady Nilamarthiel)
L.N.: Shakespeare, sonnet 116. (grins and winks at Miki; Miki looks flabbergasted)
R: Beyond bonkerdom. Strange, Deranged, and Demented. Anywhoozles, we want YOU guys to read one of Nilamarthiel's stories. Please comment. NO flames. Only constructive criticism.
S.t.L.: In other words, insult as much as you can without us forcing to kill you guys. Not Miki, of course, 'cuz Nilamarthiel would have a hissy fit and brutally murder us with fountain pens.
S.A.w.H.: And nail files!
L.N.: Damn right, you are.
(Miki gets VERY red in the face)
R: You know, you look like a dancing blood clot, but you wouldn't think that unless you have a cruel and unusual mind.
(Juri gets really mad)
R: And YOU look like a dancing pumpkin, but you wouldn't think that unless you have a cruel and unusual mind.
(everyone screams, and Anthy faints)
Utena: Oh my God, you killed the Anthy!
Touga: You bastards!
S.t.L.: Okay, that was just so stupid and hilarious it wasn't funny.
L.N.: Miki!
Miki: (still red) Aa? Nani?
L.N.: You're hot!
(Miki gets redder, if humanly possible)
Miki: Eh.gomen.you have the wrong person. You mean Touga or Saionji. Gomen nasai, Nilamarthiel-san.
(Touga and Saionji pose seductively-NOT WITH EACH OTHER, YOU FRIGGIN' MORONS!)
L.N.:NO! I want YOU!!! NOW!
(Touga and Saionji sigh and shlump away, sulking----over to the couch! O- O;;)
R: Oh, my. That was odd. And wrong.
Utena: I'm not gonna even touch that.
(Anthy comes to)
Anthy: Utena-sama.
Utena: It's okay, Himemiya. No one's gonna hurt you.
S.A.w.H.: Not much physically. Mentally.Hell ya!
Anthy: Oh, my.
Juri: Life is gonna be hell from this point on.
Saionji: (from the couch, face sweaty, somewhat green) Oh, $*!%, there goes our sanity.
S.A.w.H.: Ya know, with your hair and face green, you kinda look like a dancing Christmas tree, but you wouldn't think that unless you had a cruel and unusual mind.
S.t.L.: Shaddap. What is this, Bloody Christmas on Ice? Even though I never met you before, I can tell you were born in a mental ward.
S.A.w.H.: Actually, that's Nilamarthiel. She said so herself, right?
L.N.: Aye, Cap'm! I LOVE YA, MIKI!
Miki: If Kozue ever finds out about this.
L.N.: Like I care. She doesn't have to know, darlin'!
(Miki, still red, smiles sheepishly; Touga looks up from the couch, sweaty)
Touga: Miki, you're getting friendly! How.uncharacteristic of you.. (leers seductively)
(Miki's eyes widen as Touga gets up and crosses over to him, clad only in silk red boxers)
Miki: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Leave me alone! (runs, but not fast enough)
Touga: It's okay, Miki. I won't hurt you..(throaty laughter, fade to black)
L.N.: MIKI!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~LaTeR~
(Miki and Touga finally get up from the couch; Saionji is looking on jealously from the corner; Juri is eating popcorn)
Miki: (in blue silk boxers) Oh, gosh.(skin kinda glows)
Touga: I told you it would be good.
S.A.w.H.: THAT was wrong.
Juri: It was entertaining, actually.
L.N.: (sob!) Poor Miki.!
S.t.L.: But all he did was read Miki a book!
S.A.w.H.: The book was entitled "Night Sweats", Shaynaynay.
R: So? That doesn't mean any-OH! Yeah, ummm..yes, well....(nosebleeds)
S.A.w.H.: Told ya so.
Anthy: I do believe I am traumatized for life.
Miki: (now fully dressed, face REALLY red) Gomen Nasai, Nilamarthiel-san. I-
L.N.: 's okay. (sob!) I feel SO bad for you.
Utena: (takes out earplugs and takes off eye mask) Is it over?
Saionji: Thankfully, yes.
S.A.w.H.: Touga, with your face flushed, red hair, and boxers, you look like a dancing bow, but you wouldn't think that unless you had a cruel and unusual mind.
Everyone else: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( Touga glares at Strawberry)
S.A.w.H.: MAKE ME!!!!!
S.t.L.: Don't make me wear tight leather pants!
S.A.w.H.: ..shutting up.....I'm scared..leather pants..BAD mental images..GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(faints, wakes up, screams, and faints again)
R: Scared
Touga: You should be. (now fully dressed)
All: (sweatdrop) Oh, Lord.
Touga: I'm so proud of myself that I can get everyone all hot and bothered.
R: I get as hot and bothered over you as I do my goldfish.
Touga: Touché
L.N.: Which reminds me of Roo's party.
S.A.w.H.: (comes to) LARRY!!!!!!!
R: Oh, YAY!! Larry is my hot 14-year-old neighbor who runs around naked at night and tries to look in my windows when I try to sleep and he and his family--including his 8-year-old sister--get stoned in the back woods!!
Juri: O_O;; Oh, my.
Saionji: Talks a mile a second without taking a breath. Typical woman.
**********FLASH**********
Juri: NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SEE!!!!
Anthy: EEEEK! ( faints)
(Utena and Miki shut their eyes, Saionji looks bored, and Touga stares)
L.N.: (shirt still up) Just for you, Miki!
Miki: Thank.you.Nilamarthiel-san. ( eyes still closed)
S.A.w.H.: (babbles) Did you know that a cow has four stomachs? Moooooooooooo...hahahahahaha! And.TOUGA! STOP looking at my TEDDIES! (puts shirt down along with the others) There's something wrong with my mind.
Touga: Sorry, Angel-sama. My eyes were-stuck.
S.A.w.H.: Like I believe you, nunga-nunga fondler-with-his-eyes-dude! Hmmph.
Juri: Don't worry. He does this to everyone. No matter who.even me, which is NOT COOL!
(Touga walks past her and "accidentally" brushes his hand on Juri's.um, yeah)
S.A.w.H.: AAAAH! Nunga-nunga molester!!
Touga: (slyly) Oops. I was just feeling my way h-
R: What, feeling your way to her other nunga-nunga?
L.N.: Ooh.....Catfight! RRRAAWWR!!! (hisses)
Juri: You-PLAYBOY!!! (punches Touga somewhere unpleasant)
Touga: (rolling on the floor and clutching his sore area, with tears streaming down his face) Owwww...#*©&, ^&!%, #@*^ you, !%©*!!!!!!
Juri: Do you want more? (Touga's eyes widen, profusely shaking his head "no") thought not. Then you'd better keep your mouth SHUT.
S.t.L.: That happened to me once. Not being punched in that area of the body, obviously, but being touched on the upper-chest area...Umm....MONKEY!!! I love monkeys I love monkeys I love monkeys!!!!!!!
Anthy: (now concious) Utena-sama, I'm scared.
Utena: So am I, Anthy, So am I.
End Chapter one.
Susan: That was a piece of stinky cheese. Erin: You helped write it. Oh, and my Grandma proofread this. Amber: I agree with Susan. It's still a piece of stinky cheese. HEHEHEHE!!! Stinky cheese. That's my new word now. BWAHA! Shayna: I thought it was good, up until Erin said that her Grandma proofread this. Then it turned into a piece of crap.
YOU BE THE JUDGE -------AND REVIEW!!!!!!!
Susan: Erin, what was that about? I dunno, I just felt like it. Susan: Shut up. MAKE ME! Amber and Shayna: On wid da ficcie, y'all!
Utena: (wakes up and mumbles sleepily) Ahhhhhhh..what a beautiful mor- NANI!?!
(finds herself in a room with Touga, Anthy, Miki, Saionji, Juri-all asleep- and a TV screen)
Utena: I hope to God nothing happened last night.
Miki: Ugh. My neck hurts. (looks around) Ohgoodlord.
Utena: I agree.
(others wake up; all have similar reactions-except for Touga, of course, and Anthy)
Touga: Huh. I certainly don't feel like I did anything last night, or remember doing anything for that matter, but, well. (smiles clandestinely)
Juri: Mr. President?
Touga: Aa?
Juri: Get your mind out of the gutter.
Saionji: SHUT UP! Can't we please figure out what the HELL is going on?
Utena Cast: Hai!
Anthy: Utena-sama? What's wrong? You seem upset.
Utena: Himemiya..
Miki: Look! Look at the screen!
(Lady Nilamarthiel, Strawberry-Angel-with-Horns, Shaynaynay the Loon, and Roo appear onscreen)
L.N.: BweheeheeHEEheehee! We finally have you at LAST!
(Utena cast sweatdrops)
R: Ignore her. She's the comic relief.
L.N.: Nani?!? Excuse me, but I wrote this piece of $*!%, so I get 72.98% of the credit!
S.A.w.H.: Good. I don't want it, anyway.
S.t.L.: I do! She's my homegirl!
Miki: Home.girl?
R.: Sister. Don't ask me why, because they're NOT related in ANY way.
Saionji: I'm confused.
S.A.w.H.: That's my line! @$$.(pouts)......MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
(Juri and Miki sweatdrop simultaneously)
S.t.L.: I never met Strawberry in person before, and I'm as scared as you guys are.
L.N.: "Let me not to the marriage Of the true minds admit impediments. Love is not love, which alters When it alteration finds Or bends with the remover to remove. Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests, and is never shaken."
(All stare at Lady Nilamarthiel)
L.N.: Shakespeare, sonnet 116. (grins and winks at Miki; Miki looks flabbergasted)
R: Beyond bonkerdom. Strange, Deranged, and Demented. Anywhoozles, we want YOU guys to read one of Nilamarthiel's stories. Please comment. NO flames. Only constructive criticism.
S.t.L.: In other words, insult as much as you can without us forcing to kill you guys. Not Miki, of course, 'cuz Nilamarthiel would have a hissy fit and brutally murder us with fountain pens.
S.A.w.H.: And nail files!
L.N.: Damn right, you are.
(Miki gets VERY red in the face)
R: You know, you look like a dancing blood clot, but you wouldn't think that unless you have a cruel and unusual mind.
(Juri gets really mad)
R: And YOU look like a dancing pumpkin, but you wouldn't think that unless you have a cruel and unusual mind.
(everyone screams, and Anthy faints)
Utena: Oh my God, you killed the Anthy!
Touga: You bastards!
S.t.L.: Okay, that was just so stupid and hilarious it wasn't funny.
L.N.: Miki!
Miki: (still red) Aa? Nani?
L.N.: You're hot!
(Miki gets redder, if humanly possible)
Miki: Eh.gomen.you have the wrong person. You mean Touga or Saionji. Gomen nasai, Nilamarthiel-san.
(Touga and Saionji pose seductively-NOT WITH EACH OTHER, YOU FRIGGIN' MORONS!)
L.N.:NO! I want YOU!!! NOW!
(Touga and Saionji sigh and shlump away, sulking----over to the couch! O- O;;)
R: Oh, my. That was odd. And wrong.
Utena: I'm not gonna even touch that.
(Anthy comes to)
Anthy: Utena-sama.
Utena: It's okay, Himemiya. No one's gonna hurt you.
S.A.w.H.: Not much physically. Mentally.Hell ya!
Anthy: Oh, my.
Juri: Life is gonna be hell from this point on.
Saionji: (from the couch, face sweaty, somewhat green) Oh, $*!%, there goes our sanity.
S.A.w.H.: Ya know, with your hair and face green, you kinda look like a dancing Christmas tree, but you wouldn't think that unless you had a cruel and unusual mind.
S.t.L.: Shaddap. What is this, Bloody Christmas on Ice? Even though I never met you before, I can tell you were born in a mental ward.
S.A.w.H.: Actually, that's Nilamarthiel. She said so herself, right?
L.N.: Aye, Cap'm! I LOVE YA, MIKI!
Miki: If Kozue ever finds out about this.
L.N.: Like I care. She doesn't have to know, darlin'!
(Miki, still red, smiles sheepishly; Touga looks up from the couch, sweaty)
Touga: Miki, you're getting friendly! How.uncharacteristic of you.. (leers seductively)
(Miki's eyes widen as Touga gets up and crosses over to him, clad only in silk red boxers)
Miki: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Leave me alone! (runs, but not fast enough)
Touga: It's okay, Miki. I won't hurt you..(throaty laughter, fade to black)
L.N.: MIKI!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~LaTeR~
(Miki and Touga finally get up from the couch; Saionji is looking on jealously from the corner; Juri is eating popcorn)
Miki: (in blue silk boxers) Oh, gosh.(skin kinda glows)
Touga: I told you it would be good.
S.A.w.H.: THAT was wrong.
Juri: It was entertaining, actually.
L.N.: (sob!) Poor Miki.!
S.t.L.: But all he did was read Miki a book!
S.A.w.H.: The book was entitled "Night Sweats", Shaynaynay.
R: So? That doesn't mean any-OH! Yeah, ummm..yes, well....(nosebleeds)
S.A.w.H.: Told ya so.
Anthy: I do believe I am traumatized for life.
Miki: (now fully dressed, face REALLY red) Gomen Nasai, Nilamarthiel-san. I-
L.N.: 's okay. (sob!) I feel SO bad for you.
Utena: (takes out earplugs and takes off eye mask) Is it over?
Saionji: Thankfully, yes.
S.A.w.H.: Touga, with your face flushed, red hair, and boxers, you look like a dancing bow, but you wouldn't think that unless you had a cruel and unusual mind.
Everyone else: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( Touga glares at Strawberry)
S.A.w.H.: MAKE ME!!!!!
S.t.L.: Don't make me wear tight leather pants!
S.A.w.H.: ..shutting up.....I'm scared..leather pants..BAD mental images..GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(faints, wakes up, screams, and faints again)
R: Scared
Touga: You should be. (now fully dressed)
All: (sweatdrop) Oh, Lord.
Touga: I'm so proud of myself that I can get everyone all hot and bothered.
R: I get as hot and bothered over you as I do my goldfish.
Touga: Touché
L.N.: Which reminds me of Roo's party.
S.A.w.H.: (comes to) LARRY!!!!!!!
R: Oh, YAY!! Larry is my hot 14-year-old neighbor who runs around naked at night and tries to look in my windows when I try to sleep and he and his family--including his 8-year-old sister--get stoned in the back woods!!
Juri: O_O;; Oh, my.
Saionji: Talks a mile a second without taking a breath. Typical woman.
**********FLASH**********
Juri: NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SEE!!!!
Anthy: EEEEK! ( faints)
(Utena and Miki shut their eyes, Saionji looks bored, and Touga stares)
L.N.: (shirt still up) Just for you, Miki!
Miki: Thank.you.Nilamarthiel-san. ( eyes still closed)
S.A.w.H.: (babbles) Did you know that a cow has four stomachs? Moooooooooooo...hahahahahaha! And.TOUGA! STOP looking at my TEDDIES! (puts shirt down along with the others) There's something wrong with my mind.
Touga: Sorry, Angel-sama. My eyes were-stuck.
S.A.w.H.: Like I believe you, nunga-nunga fondler-with-his-eyes-dude! Hmmph.
Juri: Don't worry. He does this to everyone. No matter who.even me, which is NOT COOL!
(Touga walks past her and "accidentally" brushes his hand on Juri's.um, yeah)
S.A.w.H.: AAAAH! Nunga-nunga molester!!
Touga: (slyly) Oops. I was just feeling my way h-
R: What, feeling your way to her other nunga-nunga?
L.N.: Ooh.....Catfight! RRRAAWWR!!! (hisses)
Juri: You-PLAYBOY!!! (punches Touga somewhere unpleasant)
Touga: (rolling on the floor and clutching his sore area, with tears streaming down his face) Owwww...#*©&, ^&!%, #@*^ you, !%©*!!!!!!
Juri: Do you want more? (Touga's eyes widen, profusely shaking his head "no") thought not. Then you'd better keep your mouth SHUT.
S.t.L.: That happened to me once. Not being punched in that area of the body, obviously, but being touched on the upper-chest area...Umm....MONKEY!!! I love monkeys I love monkeys I love monkeys!!!!!!!
Anthy: (now concious) Utena-sama, I'm scared.
Utena: So am I, Anthy, So am I.
End Chapter one.
Susan: That was a piece of stinky cheese. Erin: You helped write it. Oh, and my Grandma proofread this. Amber: I agree with Susan. It's still a piece of stinky cheese. HEHEHEHE!!! Stinky cheese. That's my new word now. BWAHA! Shayna: I thought it was good, up until Erin said that her Grandma proofread this. Then it turned into a piece of crap.
YOU BE THE JUDGE -------AND REVIEW!!!!!!!