Title: To Have and Not to Hold

Author: Shortymae

Beta-reader: Rianne (thanks hun, you're the best!)

Rating: T

Pair: BB

Summary: Temperance never thought that she could this. She had been furious at first but gotten used to it really well. What will happen if someone tries to change her life again? William belonged to them. (BB all the way!!!)

A/N: First of all: Rianne, thanks for beta-ing it!  You are always so cute and you are a great writer. Dankje wel! Readers: This is my second Bones-Fic and I am sorry if it's OOC…- really, but I had to write this down. The story takes place in the near future (2008/2009).

Prologue

Dr. Brennan,

When you are reading this I might already be out of the state. Please do not follow me. You will not find me anyway. Do not waste time to catch a shadow. Nobody has caught a shadow before.

Ross did not tell anyone about me, I am sure. I guess it is my turn to do the explaining. We always do, don't we?

But maybe I do not really have to explain since the buddle belonging to this letter is not invisible or well hidden.

I tried to inform your brother, Dr. Brennan, but I was not able to find him. The last couple of months have been straining and to be honest, I do not live a life a child would fit in. The mother-role has never suited me, but I could not get rid of him either, because I knew he could have somebody who would take care of him.

I also left the choice considering his name to you or maybe to the system, if you decide against a life with him, like I did. Somebody else will take care of him if it will not be you either.

Whatever you are going to do with him his beyond my influence and I like to keep it that way. Again, please do not try to get a hold of me. Shadows are traveling fast… and alone.

B.C.T.

P.S. He was born on April 12th 2008 shortly before 01:00 am in Washington, D.C. Just in case you care.

It was 05:00 am in the morning when the little boy opened his eyes for the very first time. No smiling face greeted him, nobody would coo to make the tiny baby squeal. He was alone instead, thickly packed in three layers of babyclothing and hungry.

He took a deep, sharp breath and released his inconvenience with a loud, heart-breaking cry.

Chapter I

June: Introducing William

Dr. Temperance Brennan had never ever wanted a child of her own. The thought of motherhood alone had made her feel constrained. She had not understood how so many women still had been able to have children on their own in such a overcrowded, sad and gruesome world where so many children in poor countries died of hunger and (sometimes only minor) diseases.

But adoptions had never really been Temperance's alternative, either. Children had to be fed and cleaned. They had to be comforted and trained. They just took too much time and it did not matter whether they were biologically related or not. She hadn't had the time to take care of someone else 24/7.

The world-known anthropologist had probably been the most uneasy person when children had been involved in their investigations. Booth had been (and still was!) fantastic with them and to be honest, she had not completely made a fool of herself when interacting with the little guys and girls, but she'd preferred a minor frequency. Children had not belonged to her orbit.

The only child she had been feeling close to – if you want to say it that way – had been (and still was!) Parker Booth. She loved how he and his father interacted, although she had never told Booth. He still did not know this – even now.

Temperance looked at the letter again and sighed. She was unsure whether she should be keeping it or not. She had left her note in a small box, hidden between her underpanties in the drawer. She might have been extremely mad at this young woman, but her anger had eased.

Sometimes life could change a lot from one day to another and the 13th of April that year was such a day. It was June now and Temperance was enjoying the sun, warming her air-conditioned frozen body.

She put the letter back in her pocket and smiled as Booth was coming closer, balancing some of Wong Foo's gastronomic specialties. She was so happy to have him with her. He had helped her a lot through the first difficult weeks. Temperance did not know what she would have done without Seeley Booth, who always seemed to be such a natural when it came to children and their needs. He and Rebecca had shown her what the famous – fluent in at least three languages – anthropologist needed to know. Nothing had scared Temperance more than not knowing what to do.

She felt much more capable now than she had back in April. And something had changed too. Her relationship to Seeley Booth was definitively different – in a good way though. He actually had almost slept at hers every night because she had been so insecure and confused the first couple of weeks. He had even let her sleep and had taken care of everything. He had been taking care of her as well! How his beautiful hands had caressed her hurting back. He had assumed that she had fallen asleep but she had not. Temperance still did not want to miss his touch. She longed for time and shuddered at the thought. His smile got bigger and bigger as he came closer.

William Tye Brennan (Parker had come up with the middle name) was just about two months old and had changed her life completely. It was still new and Booth had not stopped supporting her whenever he could and she began to feel actually good about it, about being a mother even though William was not her biological child. He was the result of her brother's affair and since nobody knew where he had gone, Temperance had accepted to take care of him. She had hated it in the beginning, feeling completely over challenged, but the thought of letting him go into the system had not pleased her either. She was able to manage it somehow. It was hard without a nanny, but it was working. He was not running around the house – yet.

"Hi Bones." Booth put the food on the table and hugged her shortly.

She loved how he touched her neck while hugging her. She had gotten so used to him that she found it difficult now not to see him everyday, not lying next to him while he was holding the little guy. Booth bent down and smiled at William.

"Hi buddy! You are such a cute guy." He cooed and took the smiling infant out of the blue buggy.

"You might want to be careful, I just fed him. Please don't do the We-are-flaying-Hooray-Hooray-thing again or it'll get messy, like last time," Temperance smirked and stroke the baby's bald head. His big, blues eyes were fixed on her shiny watch and he tried to grab it with his tiny, chubby fingers. She had gotten easily used to his friendly and sometimes energetic temper but still dreaded the diaper- and vomit-parts.

"Are we going to play that silly game again, Buddy? No, no, no…" Booth smiled and the baby squealed.

"Booth," she said quietly, "don't make such a fool out of yourself. You are talking like seven-year-old and these people are watching us already."

He is such a daddy-type. Temperance thought and smiled at William who returned the gesture in an instance and exposed his toothless gums. Her partner just smirked and opened the food package.

"Come on Bones, these people are not watching us because of venom. They think we are quite…charming, aren't we, buddy? Don't tell me that you never, ever talk to him like this."

Temperance did not answer. Instead, she gestured the baby towards herself, welcomed William in her arms and put her hand onto his small head and stroke it carefully. She knew he would be falling asleep sooner or later. Temperance had found this challenging technique all by herself. She had been so proud of herself that she had had to tell her partner at three o'clock in the morning one night. All Booth had been able to say was "Well done, Mom!" and had hung up only miliseconds later. She wished him to be with her more often again, especially in the evenings, when William was sleeping. Temperance did not really want to confess her longings to Booth. She did not know what would or would not be happening if. She only hoped that he would "offer" his help more often, of course with no ulterior motives!

"Are you going to adopt him in October then. You've got what…four months left?"

Great, that question again.

Temperence nooded and looked down at the ground. If Russ and his family were not found until October, she would be allowed to adopt him right away, since she was biologically related to William and, so to say, pretty well off. Right now she only had the right to take care of him and Temperance had not made up her mind about it. Sure, the baby was growing on her but she definitively missed her independence and calm nights. And she probably would be needing help of a nanny soon. William was not supposed to be playing with sharp bones and deadly chemicals in the lab (or anywhere else) and she could not imprison him in her office, day after day. The only way out of this dilemma was cutting her workhours down if she did not want him to stay with a nanny all day long. She had read too many articles about severe skull damnifications in infants caused, not by the parents, but by the woman who were paid for taking care of them.

Booth waited for an answer but right now she could not give him one. She opened her mouth to speak but her voice would not obey her commands. Her partner smiled faintly, took a couple of fries and stuffed them carefully into her mouth. "You'll know soon, Temperance. (Pause) Any plans for tonight?" He twinkled and watched her holding the sleepy baby.

"Oh, actually yes, I've got a hot date with a really charming young man," Temperance smiled and shook her head.

"Good," said Seeley pleased ,"let me see what I can arrange."