In that moment
Chapter 1 Still Breathing
As scared as she might have been in that moment, hands forced behind her back, and a blade pressed to her chest, nothing could have made her more fearful than the look on Han's face. The bounty hunter hadn't killed her. Chewie's timely arrival had meant that the blade didn't get a chance to cut through, but the near miss had severed the life she'd dared to believe in over the past months. The life she'd begun to dream of sharing with Han.
In that moment, she knew that she'd lost him or was about to.
Han's shell-shocked face betrayed his thoughts as she stood before him. His eyes wild with fear, not for himself, never for himself. Leia's heart was eerily still all of a sudden and she found herself holding her breath, afraid that the next time she exhaled it would trigger the ground beneath her to rupture – separating her and Han forever.
He looked pale and gaunt and truly scared, in a way that she'd never seen. His lips parted as if to speak, but no words followed. He swallowed hard to try to dislodge the lump that now blocked his airways. He battled to regain control, but without air he could feel the panic rising. He couldn't breathe. He'd almost lost her. The one person he was fighting for, the one person who had given his life true meaning, something to believe in, the one person he'd fallen in love with.
Leia took the tiniest of steps towards him, willing him not to retreat from her any further than he already had. She was standing there in front of him almost apologetically, like it was somehow her fault that a bounty hunter on Ord Mantell had almost killed her.
He was drowning now, his lungs burning, bursting – and finally he surfaced, frantically trying to inhale. Leia stood before him, but he was now struggling to see her clearly. Leia. He tried desperately to choke back the tears that had stolen his vision and his throat tightened like a vice with the effort. She was still alive but he knew in that moment, that he had lost her. Behind blurred eyes, he knew there was no way he could live the life he so longed to live with her. She'd almost died, not because of the Rebellion she was leading, but because of him.
And he would never let that happen again.