Best Time Ever
This is a random short-story I decided to write celebrating the show's 10 year anniversary! It's in script-format, yes, for those of you who are unfamiliar with my style, and it's very short. Enjoy, and happy 10 years!
(MacLaren's bar. Barney, Robin, Marshall and Lily are sitting at the usual table.)
(Tracy rushes in and heads towards the gang immediately)
Tracy: Guys, I need your help deciding something.
Barney: Yes, your boobs are smaller than Lily's and yes, I still wanna touch them anyway! (sighs) Phew, good thing that one's over. (has a sip of his beer)
Tracy: Uhhh yeah, that's clearly not what I came here for.
Robin: What's up?
Tracy: It's our 10th anniversary today, me and Ted.
Lily: Oh my God, congratulations!
Tracy: (smiles) Thanks, thanks. But Ted hasn't said anything yet, so I'm not sure if he forgot or he's just playing me.
Robin: He's literally playing you.
(They all just look at her.)
Robin: (confused) What, figuratively? (Pause) What, I'm being honest. It's Ted. The guy's got a memory span of a goldfish.
Tracy: So should I just give him the gift I got 'im or wait to see if he remembers first?
Marshall: I don't know, has this ever happened before?
Tracy: No! He's usually the first one to wake me up in the morning and shower me with annoying presents and balloons and a band singing in our bedroom "Happy anniversary"! (shyly) Even when you're completely naked, and …you just sit there in bed, covered with the sheets, waiting for them to finish verse 3.
Barney: (to Marshall and Lily) Has this ever happened to you guys?
Lily: What, sit there naked, wait for Marshall to finish? Umm, like every day? Hay-yo! (high-fives Marshall without even looking)
Marshall: But if you're referring to one of us forgetting our anniversary, then hell no. C'mon, dude, it's us. It's Marshall and Lily.
Lily: We're, like, the face of anniversary cards that Hallmark sells.
Tracy: (smiling) And as always, you're all very helpful in solving problems.
Lily: Look, Tracy, yeah maybe Ted forgot that this is your 10th anniversary and maybe that's a pretty crappy thing on his side, but above everything else, Ted is a romantic. So I'm sure he's gonna make it up to you in the most amazing way possible. Probably gonna make you feel guilty about this whole thing.
Robin: Yeah, I wonder how you can even live with the guy. (has a sip of her beer)
Marshall: (stares at Robin) Uh, says the woman married to Barney.
Barney: Excuse me, Mr. Perfect-But-Completely-And-Totally-Lame. I may be a womanizer and a player and a pathological liar who's only capable of showing love by manipulation and magic tricks…but Barney Stinson always makes sure that his lady has the best time of her life with him. In fact, Barney believes that if he should have his own TV show, he'd call it… Best Time Ever With Barney Stinson! (the "Best Time Ever with NPH" logo appears on the screen)
Robin: Sounds kinda lame, sweetie.
Barney: Hey, it may start off as a bit weird and stalkerish and unlikable, but if you give it more than one episode you might end up liking it.
Marshall: Barney, the only way that that show would ever make it on TV…is if it were on NBC.
Tracy: So, anyway! Back to my thing…I guess you're right, Lily. I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this. I mean, it's just an anniversary anyway, right?
Lily: Totally!
Tracy: Not a big deal at all. I mean, we have two beautiful kids together and a lovely home and an incredible coin collection. So what if he forgot?
Lily: Exactly! And about that coin collection, I think Barney's the only one in the group who still hasn't seen it. You and Ted should get together one Saturday afternoon and give him a nice lecture about those, don't you think?
Barney: (mimics throwing up) I'd rather watch a Canadian movie. (looks up) No, God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that. Never, ever is watching a Canadian movie the lesser of two evils.
Tracy: (sighs) Okay well I feel a lot better now. I think I'm gonna go home and finish up some work. Thanks, guys, I'll see ya later!
Robin: Bye, see ya!
(Tracy leaves the bar)
(Ted slowly approaches from the bathrooms)
Ted: Is she gone?
(Barney removes his cell phone from under the table, revealing he had it on for Ted to hear the entire time before)
Robin: How much of that did you hear?
Ted: (giggles excitedly) The whole thing. This is so cool, I love how freaked out she was about me forgetting!
Robin: Yeah, it's so devious of you to manipulate her like that. I can't believe Tracy's married to someone like that.
(Ted, Marshall and Lily all stare at Robin who takes a sip of her beer)
Lily: So anyway, Ted, tell us! What do you have planned for the two of you?
Ted: I can't tell you! I mean, I want to! I really, really want to. But I'd rather wait to see her reaction first. Keeping it very low-key though. (points at Barney) So, no stalking us to see where we're going.
Barney: When do I ever stalk other couples to see what they're doing?
Robin: Always. You even have me joining you sometimes.
Barney: (smiles) Admit it, that was a fun weekend.
Robin: (smiling) Yeah, Mali was amazing.
Ted: Okay, I gotta go! Thanks for the help, guys. Bye! (storms off quickly)
(Ted and Tracy's house. Ted is sitting at the couch when Tracy enters.)
Tracy: Hey, stranger.
Ted: Hey! Where were you all day?
Tracy: Ah, went on a little meeting with my publisher. Had a few cups of coffee, then stopped by the bar to see the guys. What'd you do all day?
Ted: Well, I took a big dump.
Tracy: Oh! How nice.
(He gets up and kisses her)
Ted: I washed my hands, I promise.
Tracy: Anything else…happened today?
Ted: Nope.
Tracy: Huh.
Ted: Oh wait, yes!
Tracy: (smiles) What?
Ted: Today's the 25th, right?
Tracy: Yeeaah?
Ted: We have to take Penny to the dentist tomorrow. He called twice today to remind us. I was like "okay, doctor, we'll be there! No need to tell us! It's not like we forget important stuff like that!"
(Tracy half-chuckles and nods)
Tracy: Hmm. Cool. Well, I'm gonna go take a shower.
Ted: Want me to come help?
Tracy: Nah. I reallywant to shower this time.
Ted: (smiles) Okay, sweetie! I'll finish my crossword puzzle then. (returns to his newspaper)
(Tracy, slightly disappointed, nods and heads into the bedroom)
(Ted gleefully puts the newspaper down and quietly follows her)
Tracy: Oh my God, I hate you.
(She comes out of the bedroom with 10 big balloons and lilacs, smiling widely)
Ted: I feel like a total goof, but Barney was right—tricking your partner is so much fun!
(Tracy laughs and hugs him before they embrace in a passionate kiss)
Ted: Did you see what's on the nightstand?
Tracy: No, what's on the nightstand?
Ted: (giggling) Well, go, go!
(Tracy rushes back into the bedroom with the balloons, then returns quickly)
Tracy: Wait, hold these!
(She gives him the balloons and lilacs and rushes back to the room and returns with two tickets)
Tracy: Awww, two tickets to Farhampton!
Ted: Yep, where all the magic first happened.
Tracy: Thank you, baby. This is the best anniversary gift ever. (kisses him) I don't know if I can even top that now.
Ted: (holding her) Just meeting you ten years ago outside that train station was the best gift I could've ever gotten.
Tracy: Happy 10 years, poo bear.
Ted: Happy 10 years.
Tracy: I think that if you're still talking about your love or passion to something that started 10 years ago…then it's a testament to just how incredible and life-changing that thing is. It's a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
(They kiss again)
Ted: 10, 20, 100…it won't change the way I feel about you. Here's to many more to come.
(They kiss, just as Marshall, Lily, Barney and Robin storm in)
Marshall and Lily: (panting) Tracy, Ted's playing you! He remembers, he just—
(Pause)
Lily: Oh.
Robin: (out of breath) We tried to stop them. You know how these two can't keep anything bottled inside.
Lily: (sniffs) Pft, yeah right. What're you talking about?
Tracy: (checking her phone) Oh, Lily, I have 6 messages from you.
Lily: That's not important right now. (steals the phone from her hand) Happy 10 years, guys!
All: HAPPY 10 YEARS!
(They all embrace in a warm, passionate hug as Lily deletes the message on Tracy's phone and Barney takes out a bottle of beer from his suit)
…
Fade to black.
We're still talking about something that started 10 years ago, and I don't intend on ever forgetting about it. Do you?
Tell me what you think, and thanks for reading!