A Bazillion Ways to Annoy Scipio Bellorum
Everyone who's read Cry of the Icemark hates General Bellorum. I just decided to turn my Bellorum hate into a fanfic-specifically a list of ways to annoy him. You don't need to have read the book to think it's funny, but you do need to have read at least some of my fic Icemark Inboxes. Also, see my profile to learn what exactly a Who's Your Daddy stick is. If you review with suggestions of your own I will post them.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Icemark, but I DO own the idea for this ficcy. Yay me.
Ways 1 to 15
1.) Hide the coffee!
2.) Draw a mustache on him in Sharpie when he's asleep.
3.) Clone the beavers!
4.) Duct tape Soren and Commander Anthonius to him and make sure they're both on a sugar rush.
5.) Put laxative in his morning coffee.
6.) Play the didgeridoo in his ear.
7.) Have a hamster race. Whoever's hamster wins gets the Icemark, and make sure his hamster is paralyzed.
8.) Sing High School Musical at the top of your lungs and do the dances. This is annoying believe me.
9.) Have 1,509,270,572 Mariachi bands invade the camp and tell him that he can't get rid of them until he says sorry to Thirrin for all that he's done.
10.) Tell him that the only way he can possibly win the war is to walk unarmed through a room of Icemark fans/ Bellorum haters armed with Who's Your Daddy sticks.
11.) Hit him with the Who's Your Daddy stick every time he mentions conquering Frostmarris.
12.) Trap him in a room filled with CLOWNS!
13.) Force him to watch Teletubbies and Barney for hours on end.
14.) Tell Thirrin how to make nukes and then laugh in his face because all he's got are some lame old cannons ha ha.
15.)Tell him that he can never win because this is a children's book.
A/N: Hallow mallows. So how did you like Ways 1 to 15? If anyone is still wondering what exactly a Who's Your Daddy stick is, it is a paddle about a foot long that says Who's Your Daddy on it. If you haven't read my fic Icemark Inboxes, then you'll be wondering what some of the jokes meant. In the fic Bellorum is obsessed with coffee to the point where he acts like Gollum and has made enemies of a whole army of Evil Beavers (like from the Simpsons). Soren and Commander Anthonius are two stupid staff officer people. If you readers have any ideas on how to annoy Bellorum, by all means review. I promise to post them and give you guys credit! Thankies for reading!