Thirteen thousand and five hundred seats are filled with a crowd chanting one name. The lights are beaming down on a blonde boy wearing his best shoes and he wants nothing more than to have a nice cold shower and crawl into bed. Maybe he should be smiling, but his phone is broken and Ally is far away tonight.
He vocalizes words into a microphone with a voice that is full of cracks. The audience doesn't seem to mind, just his presence in front of them was good enough. His dancers are dancing all around him and confetti is falling into his hair but he can't work a smile onto his lips.
"Cheer up, boy, you've got your dream, now live it," he'd been told countless times, but yet his eyes never seem to brighten when he sees the millions of people who made his dream happen. His forces himself into another song and he tries not to croak because she wrote it for him.
Maybe it's time to get over this or maybe it's time to pack his bags and hop on the plane because he can't stand one more second without seeing her face. His manager let him talk with Ally through her own cell phone, but it was never the same. When he talked to Ally, he liked to see the way her lips moved when they verbalized each word, or the sparkle in her eyes when she thought the joke she made was funny, or even the motion of her thin brows when they creased together if she got angry at him. Don't give him a phone; he can't see any of that over the phone.
His best friend handed him an iPad or a laptop for him to shake his bones in excitement, but he's only disappointed because the camera is too slow and it keeps glitching. He wished her an empty goodnight; Austin did not fancy time differences.
Austin pulls himself back into reality and realizes that he'd stopped singing. He plays it off somehow and the crowd doesn't mind once more and he engulfs himself into the song.
"You better lose yourself in the music," Ally used to tell him every time he was about to perform because she told him that you can't sing without feeling it or you're not a musician at all. And so he would lose himself until he had to crawl back into real life and realize that there was a crowd there. But this time when he brings himself back into reality, his favourite girl is not in the crowd. She is oceans away from him.
This arena is special because the roof is glass so when Austin gazed up, he saw all of the stars in the night sky. His grew a lump inside his throat when he wondered if Ally was looking at them, too. He guessed she was, because he felt a little bit better inside.
He focuses on the crowd again and manages a grin as he talks with them about the importance of music to him. But they don't listen to a word he says, they just scream. Austin manages to get through tonight, his heart throbbing.
One week later, he's arriving to a new city. Big buildings, bright lights, and they would've inspired Ally so Austin had to take pictures. Austin is smiling out the window of his limo, waving his hand. The fans jump up and down, cry, a few turn pale when they come to the realization that Austin Moon had just witnessed their face. Austin does a double take, because he's sure he just saw Ally but then he realizes it's just another girl perhaps only using the same hair product as her.
He's got his best friend behind him and his manager on his side, her curly hair blocked his view of the pictures Ally was sending. He forced himself not to rip the phone from her grip just so he could see the silly snap chats. He wondered why his phone had to break when he was so far from her.
They're stuck in traffic a couple minutes later when Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol comes on the radio and all Austin can see in his mind is Ally and the time he told her he loved her. She hadn't replied, she only kissed him. Austin's lips tingle as if he's feeling it all over again. He asks Trish how Ally is. Trish tells him a simple 'Good' but that's not enough for Austin to know anything about her.
Austin's heartbeat is matching the rhythm of the song and he remembered counting his heartbeat and matching it with Ally's, their hearts always beat at the same time. He relaxed in his seat, focused on his heartbeat, because then he could feel Ally with him for just a moment.
That night, Austin is in his hotel room. Another show was done and he was off to a new city in the morning because they were running behind. Panicked feelings were filling his soul and he wished he could lace his fingers with Ally's, because whenever he had anxieties, Ally could make it all better with one touch.
He sits at the hotel room desk, scribbling words randomly on a napkin that he'd saved from dinner. It might've had a stain on it here and there, but Ally always told him to recycle and so this is what he was doing: he was recycling how much he missed her at dinner onto a silly napkin. Was Ally writing a song, too?
He thinks about calling her on the hotel phone but when he puts the receiver to his ear and dials the number, the operator claims that they can't connect to that number. He mutters a faint 'bullshit' and slams it down, tugging on the roots of his blonde hair.
His throat is sore with the unspoken 'I Miss You's' and his eyes hurt because he should be sleeping but he's not because Ally isn't there to tell him that he did a great performance and she would be watching tomorrow. She can't watch. She's at her house, possibly writing songs on her bedroom floor or maybe watching movies curled in a soft blanket, perhaps clutching his picture in her palms as well.
Austin walks to the window, opens the sliding door, stands on the balcony and tells the moon that he misses Ally, maybe the moon would pass along the message. He fills his lungs with the cold, night air before stepping back inside and crawling into a loveless bed. He goes to sleep with his heart hurting.
Austin is awake another ten days later and he is now sure that he can't do it anymore. His ear is on the phone and Ally is trying to stay awake, but she's so tired. She wrote songs all day and volunteered at the Hospice. She tells him it was sad and it made her miss him because she wants to grow old with him, not without him. How much longer until he's back?
"I don't want to miss you anymore," he tells her and he hears nothing but soft breathing. He smiles slightly and whispers a goodnight because she'd fallen asleep on the other line. If he could, he'd stay on the line just to listen to her breathe but he's got to perform another concert tonight.
Nearly an hour later, he's on stage but he hasn't danced at all tonight. He was normally good at hiding his feelings, but the night wouldn't let him. He can't dance without it looking sluggish, he doesn't even make conversation with the crowd, he just sings his songs and even the upbeat ones played slow, then he walks off the stage.
"Austin Moon, you're wrecking this tour!"
He'd heard that nearly every night and he still had to apologize for missing Ally so much. He didn't want to, it just happened. He wanted to forget that she wasn't with him, and smile, dance, and sing on stage but he knew it was most likely not possible because he misses her even more when he looks at the stars.
At the next concert, he's given a pep-talk about attitude and learning to appreciate the crowd. Austin grumbles that he does appreciate everything he's ever given, but even his manager is snapping at him that his attitude has gotten ridiculous.
"But Trish, I miss her," he'd repeatedly told her. She sighs and says she knows but there's nothing either of them can do. Ally wasn't allowed on tour and that was how it had to be. Austin yells at her that it's been months since he's seen Ally's smile and it hurt. Trish watches him march away, his red-headed best friend following him even though he was told not to.
His best friend reminds him that it's another few months and Austin huffs, throwing himself on the couch in his dressing room. He shakes his head and tells Dez that he needs to get off tour because his stomach was starting to feel sick from missing her. Dez tells him that he needs to pull through the last leg of the tour and he will be with Ally soon.
"Just to leave again," Austin mumbles to himself. Maybe leaving Ally at home was a mistake, he says to himself then thinks again, Maybe? It was a mistake!
Dez tells Austin that they could cancel the show tonight but Austin disagrees because that only meant another day away from seeing Ally. He just needed to quickly get tour over with and he would be happy again.
A couple weeks later, Austin gets a call that Ally has won a prestigious writing award and he's not there to see. He misses her a little bit more. He wondered if she smiled wide, maybe shook her hands in excitement, or jumped up and down until she fell over.
He's on the bus, staring out at the night and he watches the stars follow him all the way to another city. They've given Austin another talk because he was getting worse. They are confused on why he is not enjoying himself and Austin gives a sarcastic smile but doesn't say a word.
He's on stage again when he gets dizzy. He sits down on the stage and confuses everyone. He keeps singing but this crowd wasn't as hectic, they didn't scream, in fact, they stopped and just stared at him. The world was concerned because Austin Moon hadn't smiled in a few months and his eyes didn't light up when he saw the crowd.
Austin thinks he sees a million Ally Dawson's in the crowd, but he knows it's not real. He feels suddenly sick and his muscles ache because he just wants to see her. Maybe all of the stars could bring her back to him. But as of now, he has to focus on a crowd who'd paid a lot of money to see him perform. He shouldn't waste their time.
He knew he wasn't a great songwriter but he decides to sing his own song anyway. He doesn't move from his spot and he waves at his band that he wants a moment. They don't play for him and the arena is almost silent besides the multiple cheers that still go around. He waves toward a Stage Crew Member who obliged to what he'd wanted, handing him his guitar.
"Do you ever miss somebody so much that you lose yourself?" he asked the crowd. He didn't expect a response, so he didn't get one. The arena was just a thousand times quieter than he knew it could've been. He strums a few chords before focusing on the crowd again. "I wrote her a song. I don't do that much. I'm going to play it." The crowd screamed for the song.
But Austin doesn't look at the crowd, he looks up. The arena was outside without a roof and he was so glad that there was a clear sky. He peers at the stars above him and the moon that seemed to shine like his own spotlight. He started to sing, his guitar echoing how much he missed Ally Dawson.
It's just another night
and I'm staring at the moon,
I saw a shooting star
and thought of you.
I sang a lullaby
by the waterside and knew
if you were here
I'd sing to you.
You're on the other side
as the skyline splits in two,
Miles away from seeing you.
I can see the stars from America,
I wonder, do you see them, too?
So open your eyes and see
the way our horizons meet
and all of the lights will lead
into the night with me
and I know these scars will bleed
but both of our hearts believe
All of the stars
will guide us home
I can hear your heart
on the radio beat,
they're playing chasing cars
and I thought of us.
Back to the time
you were lying next to me,
I looked across and fell in love
So, I took your hand
back through lamp lit streets and knew
everything led back to you.
So can you see the stars
over Amsterdam?
You're the song my heart is beating to.
So open your eyes and see
the way our horizons meet
and all of the lights will lead
back into the night with me
and I know these scars will bleed
but both of our hearts believe
that all of the stars
will guide us home
And all...
And all...
I can see the stars
from America.
Austin didn't even look to smile at the crowd in appreciation when they clapped, he just continued to stare at the stars, his heart turning violently inside his chest as he thought 'I Miss You'. Little did he know, that Ally Dawson was staring at the stars too.