Chapter 1: The Time Machine
It was a normal Saturday in the Mushroom Kingdom. The sun was shining, the sky free of clouds, and everyone was preparing for the spring festival, which was six days away. Everyone, that is, except for our four heroes. While the citizens of Toad Town were constructing booths and bringing in supplies for the festival, Mario and his friends sat inside, watching television.
"Dammit!" Mario yelled at the screen, "I hate cliffhangers!"
"Chill out, Mario," Luigi said, as he rose from the couch and walked towards the kitchen, "It's almost the season finale, of course there's going to be cliffhangers."
"Hey, Luigi," Daisy called from the couch, "Be a dear and grab me a drink?"
Luigi opened the fridge and looked inside, "We have Diet Dr Goomba."
"What is that supposed to mean? Are you saying I need diet soda?" Daisy asked in a serious tone.
"Sh-shit no no no not what I meant at all!" Luigi said, panicked, "I just mean that it's all we have!"
Princess Peach chimed in, "Go easy on him Daisy, he didn't mean anything by it"
Mario snorted, "Yeah, Luigi's too much of a pussy to speak the truth, Lardass."
Daisy sprung from the couch and grabbed Mario by the arm. She pinned the plumber to the ground and twisted his arm behind his back.
"Got something else to say?" Daisy taunted.
"Yeah," Mario grunted, "It's really hard to breath with your fat ass on top of me."
The two continued to argue and insult each other while Luigi and Peach tried to calm them down. After a few minutes of harsh comments, lame comebacks, and playground insults, Mario and Daisy calmed down. Shortly after, there was a knock at the door.
"Who could that be?," Peach wondered.
Luigi opened the door and was greeted by a Toadstool with a blue mushroom cap with white spots. He also wore glasses with a blue vest and a yellow necktie.
"Hey Toadbert," Luigi Greeted.
"Guys! I need you to come with me!" Toadbert exclaimed.
The four friends looked at each other. "Sure beats sitting here," Mario decided, "Let's go."
Toadbert's House 12:45 PM 2013
The four friends looked in confusion at the large, mushroom shaped machine before them. It was blue on the top with white spots, like Toadbert's cap. There was a hatch on the front and what appeared to be four small rocket boosters on the bottom. On top of the machine was a large spike. It seemed to shine in the sunlight like a diamond, but it looked as though it was some sort of metal material.
"What the hell is this thing?" Mario asked.
"You'll see," Toadbert replied. Toadbert reached into a nearby toolbox and pulled out a small video camera and two electronic stopwatches. "Who would like to be the first to test my new invention?" He asked.
"What does it do?" asked Daisy.
"You'll see,"Toadbert replied. Luigi and Daisy looked at each other.
"I guess we'll go together," Luigi said, unsure if that was a good idea.
"Alright! Let's do this. Peach, will you please record this on my camera?" Toadbert asked, handing Peach the camera.
"Sure."
"Is the camera rolling?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. This is a test of my new time machine. Notice that these clocks are set at the exact same time."
The clocks both simultaneously changed to 12:47.
"I'm going to place one of these in the machine and send it one minute into the future along with two live people."
"Time machine?" Luigi wondered.
Toadbert handed him one of the clocks, "Good luck."
"Good luck?" Daisy asked, alarmed. Toadbert ushered Luigi and Daisy into the machine, closing the hatch behind them. He then pulled out a small remote control.
"What's that for?" Mario asked.
"You'll see," Toadbert replied. He pressed a small red button, and the machine started to rumble. After a moment, flames and smoke erupted from the rocket boosters underneath the ship. "Mario, could you go stand over there?" Toadbert asked, pointing to a nearby hill.
"What for?" Mario asked.
"You'll see," Toadbert replied. Mario went over to the top of the hill. The ship was about 30 feet off the ground (what the hell is a metric system?) and Toadbert was steering it in circles above them. Peach followed the ship with the camera.
"Now for the fun part," Toadbert exclaimed.
"What happens now?" Peach asked.
"You'll see," Toadbert replied.
"Is that your answer for everything?" Mario called from the hill.
"You'll see," Toadbert replied.
"That doesn't make any sense," Peach said. The ship started making wider and wider circles, gradually picking up speed.
"Is something supposed to happen?" Mario asked.
Toadbert opened his mouth, "You'll-"
Peach cut him off, "Toadbert if you say 'you'll see' I'll hurt you." Toadbert closed his mouth. Toadbert suddenly steered the ship straight towards the hill Mario was standing on. "Yo, what the hell?" Mario exclaimed, paralyzed with fear. Sparks shot from the large spike on top of the ship and just moments before it reached Mario, the entire ship simply vanished with a flash of light. Peach stood with her mouth hanging open, the camera pointed at the spot where the ship had been a moment ago."Wh- Where the hell are they?" Mario asked, finally able to move.
"The correct question is when the hell are they!" Toadbert cried.
"What? You got that from 'Back to the Future' man."
"I know, it's a great movie."
Peach still stared at the place where the machine had been, "Where are they?"
"They'll be back in a minute," Toadbert stated, looking at his clock.
"What now?" Mario asked.
"We wait." After a few seconds, the spot where the ship had disappeared seemed to glow with dark blue light. Toadbert readied the controller and instructed Peach to point the camera at the anomaly. The ship reappeared, a trail of blue flames following it through the air. Toadbert landed the ship nearby using the controller.
The three rushed to the machine and Toadbert opened the door.
Luigi and Daisy stumbled out of the machine, looking as green as Luigi's hat.
Toadbert took the clock from Luigi and examined it. The clock that Toadbert had kept read 11:37. The clock that was on the time machine read 11:36.
"I've done it!" he cried. "I,ve finally invented something that works!"
"Your nuclear microwave oven worked," Mario said.
"That thing made some good pizza," Luigi commented.
"Well," Toadbert said, "That thing exploded while you guys were out of town actually."
"Oh," Peach said, "I guess that explains why we stopped having pizza and movies at your place."
"And why you were staying at the homeless shelter for a month," Luigi added, kicking a broken geiger counter across the ground.
"We're getting off topic here," Toadbert said, "We should go back in time!"
"Let's do it," said Mario.
The five friends boarded the time machine and began to strap themselves into the chairs inside the circular chamber.
Toadbert climbed onto a small circular platform in the center.
"Wait," he said, "I feel like we should say somthing."
"What do you mean?" Mario asked.
"Like when someone does something that changes the world. Some kind of quote."
"How about, "I built a time machine!"?" Luigi suggested, not caring at all.
"Ah, what the hell," Toadbered said. The platform rose up into the top of the machine.
"Where are we going?" Peach asked.
"I was thinking we could go back to the 50's," Toadbert replied.
"Groovy," Mario said.
"That's from the 60's you idiot," Daisy sneered.
"So?," Mario defended, slightly blushing.
"Guys," Luigi said, "Don't fight."
"You need to have better control over your bitch Luigi," Mario said.
Daisy's eyes were replaced with fire, "I'm nobody's bitch you little worm! Say it again and I'll rip your nuts off and wear 'em as earrings!"
Mario and Daisy continued to argue, insulting each other and making threats.
"Will you both shut the fu- shut the hell up!?" Peash shouted.
"She started it!" Mario complained. Peach slapped him across the face.
"I'm finishing it," peach exclaimed.
"So, uhhh. I guess we're ready to go," Toadbert said from the cockpit above. The ship began to rumble, slowly lifting off the ground.
The ship was pointed in the direction of Toad Town. As the ship picked up speed, Mario could have sworn he heard Toadbert mumble, "Where we're going we don't need roads"
"Stop quoting Back to the Future, you cliche asshole," Mario called.
"I-I didn't say anything."
"This is going to be a long ride," Luigi groaned.
"Better than sitting at home," Daisy said, putting her arms behind her head.
Toadbert's Time Machine.