A/N: Hello, all!
This is a short, two-part Hermione/Ron piece that I wrote between the publishing of Half-Blood Price and Deathly Hallows. Since it's been sitting idle on my hard drive for so long, I figured that I might as well post it. It is not DH compliant in the slightest. It is also not beta'd, so any mistakes are my own.
I hope you enjoy the teenage angst!
Ronald Weasley…
What a strange creature. He baffles my imagination, and has been for several years. I don't understand him a bit, yet I'm so deeply infatuated with him that I can't stand it.
We are such an odd pair. He and I fight all the time, as though it is a routine… Which it pretty much is. He has made me cry many a time. And yet, I never get tired of his hair as red as the sun dyes the clouds during a perfect sunset. I never get tired of his brilliantly blue eyes that seem to sparkle whenever he gets an idea or thought that excites him. I never get tired of the hundreds of freckles that plague his light skin. It is uncanny to think this much about a single person, especially for someone like me.
But nothing is the same anymore.
Albus Dumbledore had just died. Everyone was really torn up about it. Especially Harry. Ron, Harry, Ginny, and I all went to the funeral together and we sat by the lake. It was beautiful and sad at the same time. Ginny cried, I cried… We all cried a lot.
It was then that Ron surprised me most.
Harry began to speak quietly to Ginny and my heart seemed to slow down. I knew what he was saying to her, and I felt like crying even more on top of my own grief. Then, Ron wrapped his arms around me and I collapsed into his embrace. I didn't even care that I was crying into the shoulder of the person that I'd fallen in love with. I then felt something hit my head softly, and I noticed that he was crying as well. I pushed myself closer to him and he began to stroke my hair.
I don't remember the exact point that he stopped comforting me, but when he did, it was silent. Nothing seemed to be going on around us. At that moment, he tilted my head up and leaned down. He kissed me softly and I enjoyed every glorious second of it.
But it all came crashing to an end when we heard the distinct and slightly frustrated sound of the new Minister of Magic snapping at someone. Something about morale. I don't remember exactly; I was still reeling from our adventure into the realm of romance. Ron and I looked to where the voice came from, and sure enough, Rufus Scrimgeour was standing close to our best friend, Harry Potter, who seemed to be considering something.
We watched as he said something back. The minister's complexion began to change and I became worried. I grabbed Ron's hand and we walked quickly towards Harry. We passed Scrimgeour going the opposite way as Harry turned and began walking.
We had a very open discussion about what would happen now that Dumbledore was gone and Harry had to search for horcruxes. We told him that we would accompany him, no matter where he was going. And from that moment on, there was nothing short of death that would deter the three of us from embarking on such a dangerous task.
A few weeks later, I was at the Burrow with Ron. Nothing had yet come of our attempt at a non-platonic relationship. Until that night, that is. It was the night before Bill and Fleur's wedding that Ron decided to do something about it.
He approached me as I was flipping through a book of hairstyles with Ginny and Tonks. We were trying to find a color and style that somewhat matched the rest of the ceremony for Tonks. I looked up when I saw his shoes, and he had a strange look on his face. I followed him all the way to his bedroom where he broke my heart. He told me that he didn't mean the kiss to be romantic; only that he was trying to comfort me. I got angry with him, yet sad at the same time. I liked him so much and he could never like me.
I came back downstairs with tears in my eyes and sniffled while helping Ginny and Tonks once more. I saw them exchange a knowing look, and when they saw my face, I shook my head. They never asked me about it, and for that I was glad. I don't think I would have been in any shape to talk about it then.
After that, it was very quiet. Harry came just in time for the wedding the next day and we celebrated like crazy. He and Ginny took a stroll around the colorful fairy lights that Mrs. Weasley had put in the small shrubs of her garden, and came back holding hands. I was happy for them, honestly, but it was hard for me to stomach that they got the wonderful little relationship that I could never have with Ron. Yet it gave me some small sliver of hope that perhaps Ron and I had another chance... Perhaps he hadn't yet sorted his feelings, or hadn't even realized them. But though my head squashed that idea like a spider, I never lost the love I held in my heart for Ron.
The very next day, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and I all set out for Gordric's Hollow. It is my understanding that after the festivities of the wedding night, Ginny had talked Harry into letting her come along on our journey. And so we went.
Ron and I seemed to be distant, but other than that, we were a tight group on a mission. We found the first horcrux, Hepzibah Smith's cup, at her old mansion. It took a long time to break through the elven enchantments where it was hidden, but we found it and destroyed it.
By the time we got back to Gordric's Hollow, we found our Hogwarts letters had arrived by owl and had been waiting for us in the small room we had rented. We had a long discussion about what we would do, and for some reason, Ron was on my side. I suggested that we attend school and use the library to research anything we needed. Ginny chimed in with the idea to get the teachers and Professor McGonagall to let us leave school whenever we needed. Harry posed the problem that it would take too much of the time that could be better used searching. Ron then suggested that while attending classes regularly and brushing up on some very necessary skills, we could use the library and the teachers for information on any R.A.B. and on the location or existence of artifacts left behind by the founders.
It was well into the early morning hours that we finally convinced Harry that Hogwarts was a better base of operations than a small pub in Gordric's Hollow. So the next day, we all went to Diagon Alley and purchased the least amount of supplies that we would need for school. After that, we took up rooms in Hogsmeade and met with Professor McGonagall to work out a plan for our continuing search. She agreed to help when we told her the circumstances of Dumbledore's death and the things leading up to it.
And that leads us up to now, where my parents are in hiding with the Weasleys and managed to send me this journal by owl post. We're all here at Hogwarts, attending classes regularly, and Harry's keeping a very watchful eye on everything. I'm not much of a journaling person, and I really shouldn't be writing right now, but I need something to keep me sane in this dark time. Sometimes, I just need to get these frustrations out of my head.
...
"Ow!" Hermione said loudly. She began to rub the sore spot on the back of her head when Professor Flitwick turned from the front board. He looked around until he spotted Hermione's blushing face.
"Ms. Granger, I'd hope you would keep it quiet while I am trying to teach?" he said.
"Yes, sir. Sorry."
He turned back to the board and began talking once more. Hermione turned around and gave a flustered look to the two young men sitting several feet behind her. The redheaded one pointed to the black-headed one, who gave an apologetic look and mouthed something while pointing back to the redhead. Hermione raised her eyebrows at the redhead and he picked up a small parchment airplane. Hermione sighed and turned back around.
"And that is why we are reviewing the art of levitation and movement. Who would like to remind the class of the proper spell? Mis-"-Professor Flitwick stopped mid-sentence when he saw the unexpected hand that shot up before his most talented student's-"-ter Weasley!" he recovered. "Mister Weasley, why don't you show us the spell?"
The redheaded boy stood and muttered the banishing charm while pointing his wand at the parchment airplane. It soared through the air and landed smoothly on Hermione's desk.
"Oh, very good, Mister Weasley. Ten points to Gryffindor. Now, the other side of this-" The small professor turned back to the board. Ron Weasley, the redhead, winked at Hermione as he sat down. She looked to the small airplane folded out of parchment.
Picking it up, Hermione unfolded it quietly and read what was written.
Hermione-
Meet me in the Room of Requirement at 7. I need your help with something.
-Ron
She rolled her eyes and scribbled her consent before silently banishing it back. Boys, she thought.
...
I still haven't forgotten the way it felt when he was stroking my hair. And he was so warm... It was like waking up in the morning with the warmth of the blankets surrounding you.
That's what plagues me every day. The thought that we will probably never be just because he doesn't like me in that way. I'm saddened to no extent by this, yes, but I have to accept it.
When I got back to the common room after dinner that evening, I got that hope again. That hope that I made sure stayed suppressed. I remembered why I got that hope when I saw Harry and Ginny sitting close together on the couch. He appeared to be helping her with her homework, and she seemed to be trying to bargain some happiness out of him. I took a seat and watched them quietly as she finally got him to smile. I smiled as well. It was good to see Harry enjoying himself for once.
I began to do my homework when I found myself suddenly looking for Ron. It was only 6, and I assumed that I would see him leave before I ventured off to the Room of Requirement. However, Ron had not been seen since he sat down for dinner and hastily ate his share. When he was done, he had walked off once more without a word to any of us.
Something was up, I bargained.
I tend to over-think things by a lot. So, when Ron had left dinner, my mind began to nag at me, saying things like, "maybe he's tricking you!" and "you shouldn't follow him; he's nothing but trouble!" I wondered why in the world he would leave so quickly, especially considering that meals were possibly his favorite subjects.
My mind wandered once more as I was attempting to do my homework later. I kept having thoughts and I refused to allow myself that hope. But then I got the strange idea that perhaps he had finally realized that he loved me. Only in a perfect world, though, my mind supplied.
At first I had thought that he just wanted homework help, which is natural. But if he did, he would have just tried to copy off of my paper in the Common Room until I agreed to help him, wouldn't he? Unless this was some big spell that he was trying to learn on the side, he would. So why, then, was he asking me to the Room of Requirement?
I was confusing myself, and finally that hope broke through. But not in the way you'd expect. You see, instead of my thinking that we still had a chance, even though Ron made it quite clear that we didn't, I was thinking that maybe if I told him how I felt, he would be back on track. I mean, no one 'comforts' their best friend by kissing them full on the lips. I didn't see him doing that to Harry.
So, it was decided. I would tell Ron how I felt at our little meeting that night. I was hoping I had the courage. It had to start with preparation...
…
"Hermione, are you in there?" a female voice asked from outside the seventh-year girls' dormitory. Hermione recognized it immediately.
"Just a minute, Ginny…" She buttoned the last few buttons of her blouse and shoved her journal under her pillow. "Alright."
"Hey, I was just wondering if I could borrow your—Whoa…" Hermione looked to Ginny, who seemed to be confused.
"What is it?"
"Hermione, you're… Dressed up! Where are you going this evening?" Ginny asked, regaining her composure.
"Ron said he needed help with something in the Room of Requirement," Hermione said, pinning a large amount of her bushy hair into a clip so as to not be in her face.
"Homework?"
"That's what I'm thinking."
"Oh, please, Hermione. Everyone knows he fancies you!" Hermione dropped her wand.
"What?"
"Yeah! You didn't know that?" Ginny asked, suddenly confused.
"Of course I didn't know that! Why do you think I'm reacting like this?" Hermione almost yelled.
"Well, I thought you'd be… I don't know, happy or something because of it. But you're not…" Ginny began to look slightly sheepish as she picked up Hermione's dropped wand and handed it to her.
"Obviously!" Hermione snatched her wand from Ginny.
"Hermione, what's wrong? Normally, I'd think you'd be saying things like, 'Really?' or 'Gee, Ginny, that's awfully good news, but I don't think we'd ever be together!'" Ginny mocked Hermione's know-it-all tone.
"Well, Ginny, you obviously don't understand!" Hermione said, attempting to walk heatedly out of her dormitory.
"But I would like to!" Ginny stood resolutely in Hermione's way as she tried to get out of the door. It was silent as the two friends stared each other down. It lasted almost a full minute. Hermione sighed.
"Fine. If you must know, he lied to me."
"I knew it!" Ginny muttered. "The night before Bill and Fleur's wedding, you were crying. He told you something, didn't he?"
"Yes. And if he thinks I wasn't happy about it then, wait until he finds out how unhappy I am now." Hermione pushed past Ginny and began to walk down the stairs. Somehow, Ginny managed to grab hold of her arm and stop her.
"Hermione! This is no reason to be doing anything rash!" Ginny warned, keeping a firm grip on her friend's forearm.
"Oh, I'm not going to do anything rash," Hermione replied, not moving. "I'm just going to ask him what game he thinks he's playing." She then pulled away from Ginny, who used her quick Quidditch reflexes to catch her around the waist before she got too far. The pair made a loud thud as they hit the next landing on the spiraling staircase. Then, a low voice called up the stairs and the girls looked at each other. Whoever it was that called up was a boy, and he had stepped on the staircase.
Hermione and Ginny attempted to right themselves before they started to slide down the changed staircase, but to no avail. They landed in the common room in a tangle of limbs and hair.
By the time they stood up, everyone in the room was staring at them.
"Not to worry, just slipped, is all…" Ginny said. "Nothing to see here!" Hermione smiled unconvincingly. Once everyone was back to what they were doing, Ginny whipped around and grabbed Hermione by the shoulders.
"You cannot just go off on him, Hermione," she said in a hushed voice.
"Ginny, you don't understand the depth of the situation! I love him, and he lied to me!" Hermione was nearly in tears.
"What did you say?"
"The day of Dumbledore's funeral, he kissed me. It was the greatest feeling in the world. And then the night before Bill and Fleur's funeral, he took me up to his room and told me that what happened was a lie, and not to think too much into it. He said he'd only been trying to comfort me."
"Hermione, he may have actually been comforting you, but not realized what he did until later."
"I don't care. I should just stand him up for whatever it is he needs…" Ginny sighed. "I just don't understand why he lied to me like that!"
"If you want to find out, you should probably go ask him yourself-"
Hermione was out of the Common Room before Ginny could even finish her sentence
...
I was angry. Who wouldn't be in a situation like that? I thought about blaming Ginny at first, but then I realized that it wasn't her fault that Ron lied to me. But I was determined to find out why he did. Even if it meant asking him myself.
I walked to the Room of Requirement rather quickly. I believe I only had about five minutes until seven when I left the Common Room. I had no idea what to think once I got there, but I was so inflamed that I didn't really care. All I thought about was how much I'd like to know what was going on, and a door appeared.
I approached it stoutly and prepared to explode at Ron. But then my sensible side kicked in.
I began to remember things. Things that, under normal circumstances, I would only think about when I was extremely happy. And I became ashamed of my anger.
I remembered our first year when he used the one spell he was having trouble mastering to save our friend Harry's life. I remembered how he played an amazing game of chess against magical pieces that were at least twice as large as a grown man.
I remembered in second year how when I was petrified, he helped Harry defeat Tom Riddle and save Ginny. I remembered third year when we really fought for the first time.
I remembered all the things I loved about Ron and all the things he'd accomplished. And I didn't ever want to loose that.
At that moment, right before I opened the door to the Room of Requirement, I lost my anger. It was replaced with a kind of sadness that I'd never felt before and don't ever want to feel again. It was disappointed, sad, and hurt.
Then, I had the courage. The courage to find out why he lied to me and made me hurt so much.
…
She slowly opened the door and stepped into the room. It was dimly lit and there was a single table in the center, with torches all around, levitating about two feet above her head. The table had two chairs next to it. Hermione was confused.
One of the chairs had 'Hermione' written on the back of it. She decided to sit in this one. After about five minutes, she began to wonder where Ron was and why he wasn't there. About that time, she heard movement outside the door and drew her wand. In the dark times, it could be anything. When the door opened, however, in walked Ron Weasley. Hermione put her wand away.
"Hey Hermione! I wasn't sure you'd come. I had to lie to get away from Harry, but I made…" Ron trailed off as he saw Hermione's face. "What's wrong?"
"Lying… It's a terrible thing…" Hermione said thoughtfully.
"Yeah… I guess it is," he replied, confused.
"And you seem to be doing a lot of it lately." Ron's eyes narrowed in confusion.
"What?"
"Lying hurts people, Ron."
"What are you talking about, Hermione?" Ron still looked confused and was starting to look worried. Hermione was beginning to get frustrated.
"Ron, you lied to me."
"What?" Ron repeated. He obviously wasn't getting it.
"Ron, I found out today that you fancy me." Ron's ears reddened very obviously in the dim light. "But how can that be if you told me that you don't like me that way?" Ron's eyes widened in realization. There was silence for a moment as Hermione's sad eyes stared into Ron's worried ones. Then finally, Ron spoke.
"H-Hermione… I can explain-"
"There's no need to explain Ron. Apparently, you don't like me like that."
"Hermione, I asked you down here today to tell you that I do like you like that! If you'd just give me a moment to tell you why I said the things I said that day, this will all work itself out!" Ron was pleading with her. But Hermione wasn't falling for it.
"Why should I give you the moment to tell me what you think I need to know when you yourself didn't give me the moment to that day at the Burrow?"
"What are you talking about, Hermione? Look, I only said those things because I was-"
"You were what, Ron? Were you trying to push me away and protect me like Harry with Ginny? Or were you trying to make me feel all the pain and go through the last few weeks having to crush down my feelings?" Hermione was angry again. She wasn't going to let him lie his way out of this.
Ron opened his mouth to reply when he noticed a faint glow coming from the sleeve of Hermione's blouse.
"What is that?" he asked, pointing at her arm.
"It's a Bulgarian dragon tooth mood bracelet." Hermione pulled her sleeve back to reveal a bracelet with several small white symbols hanging from it; one of which was glowing. "Each of these symbols is a charm carved out of a dragon's tooth and represents a mood. Each charm glows in correspondence to your moods," she explained quickly. "Now can we not get off subject?"
"Did Vicky give you that?" Ron asked after a moment. Hermione furrowed her eyebrows.
"Yes, he did. For my eighteenth birthday." Hermione watched carefully as Ron sighed to himself. He shook his head. "Ron?" He began to chuckle in a miserable way to himself.
"So you're still writing that git, eh?"
"Ronald, Viktor is not a git. He's a friend of mine." Ron sighed again.
"This was supposed to be a nice evening where I told you how much I liked you and you had to mess it up by bringing Krum into it!" he said, a sad smile crossing his features for a moment.
"I messed it up? I did not mess it up, Ronald. If you hadn't lied to me in the first place, none of this would have happened!" Hermione said, raising her voice slightly.
"So now it's my fault, is it?"
"Yes! Why do you always have to instigate fights whenever I do or say something that relates to Viktor?! Why can't you just tell me how you feel so we can move on?"
"Why should I tell you how I feel when I have no chance with you because of him?" Ron said, emphasizing the last word. By this time, the pair was yelling.
"Because of him? Ronald, he was never in your way!"
"And just what do you mean by that?"
"He was NEVER in your way, Ron! All you had to do was tell me! Just say you liked me and all of this would never have happened!"
"There we go, it's my fault again."
"Ronald, listen to me! I love you! But you are too thick to get it!" Ron looked taken aback. Hermione stood and pushed in her chair. "If you won't let me write to someone who could be a very valuable ally to our cause, then… Then maybe I should stop trying to win your heart."
Hermione began to walk away, the tears streaming down her face.
"H-Hermione! Hermione, wait!" Ron followed Hermione all the way to the outside of the room. She was to the top of the staircase before he managed to stop her.
"What, Ron?" she asked sadly.
"Hermione, you don't have to stop trying! I love you, too!" Ron was saying it in such a kind voice that Hermione was almost fooled. She smiled sadly.
"No, Ron. It's too late." And she walked away.
Ron's arm reached out involuntarily. However, he let it drop. He stood staring at her shadow walking away with a tear in his eye. She looked back once. Or maybe he'd imagined it…