I do not own final fantasy VII or fire emblem except for my OC
"ORA" speech
'Blade beam' Inner thoughts
Well ladies and gentlemen this is it, the remastered version of Final Emblem which will be more refined so it doesn't come out as the jumbled-up mess that happened with the original, so yeah that's pretty much it hopefully you enjoy Final Emblem: The bizarre adventures
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"*Sigh* another day, another reason to try and not to die from overworking" I said in a joking manner as I walked through the busy streets of Japan and before you ask I'm not Japanese *Ahem* I guess I'll fill you in on the details huh?
Well to start us off my name is Edgar Solis my height is 5'9, my weight is 150 pounds or something like that, my hair is naturally purple which shouldn't be possible, my physique is not really that bad I do have a six pack but it's just not that visible because I stopped working out so It's been gradually disappearing but I didn't care because I wasn't someone who ate a lot and I do eat in moderation whenever I do eat more than I do. Apparently, it's family tradition to stand out from everyone else in society since everyone in my family has weird hair colors my dad had bright red hair and my mom had light green hair... Oh I also forgot to mention the other family gimmick we have is that we apparently age slowly because my mom looked like she was in her early twenties even if she's sixty-five and my dad looks like a shota a literal shota and he's a year older than my mom! Luckily he's been having big growth spurts so it shouldn't be much of a problem later on, the fact that my grandparents somehow managed to age backwards until my grandma was a loli and my grandpa was also a shota didn't help us fit into society either, both of my parents were from Latin America where exactly I won't specify, My mother met my father in the USA where it was love at first sight skip one year and nine months later I was born and to be specific I was born December seventh, I was an only child so I never managed to see if all the incest crap that happens in anime could happen in real life, but anyways as I said I was an only child and because of that I never really had experience to talk with other people which led me to become a shut in in the early years of my life.
later on, I took a hobby on weapon crafting, mainly because of the weapons I would see in anime and games.
my family was being harassed by the government for no reason to the point where we almost went homeless! So, my dad said fuck it let's move to Akihabara, Japan because why the hell not! Cue a huge time skip and I'm a twenty-four-year-old man that looks like he's eighteen and is working as a weapon's seller! More specifically I make stuff like swords, axes and all that good stuff from the past for collectors all around the world and I'm famous for making excellent quality weapons I am "The god of weapon crafting" as everyone decided to nickname me all the sudden...
"*Sigh* I need to finish that stupid Fusion sword replica" I muttered to myself as I proceeded to walk across a street when the lights when to red
I needed to finish a replica of Cloud's Fusion sword from Final Fantasy VII Advent Children which was freaking hard to do but after two years of pure skill and determination I managed to mostly complete the thing, the only thing that's missing is the handle for the sword and a little bit of decoration and I will finally get paid for it too, this is one of the best days I've had in years... Is what I would say if some drunk Japanese asshole didn't ruin it
*Crash*
I couldn't even register what happened, all I heard was a loud car in the distance and then everything went black all I could feel is pain lots and lots of pain and then... nothing
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"You piece of shit jap-! Huh?!" As soon as I woke up from what probably was a long coma I woke up not to the sight of a hospital room with my family waiting for me to finally wake up, no I woke up in the middle of a meadow which had mostly white colored flowers but it still had some other colors mixed in there like Red, Yellow, Violet, and Blue
"Just where the hell am I?" I couldn't help but feel like I've already seen this place before but why? Before I could inquire anything, I looked around for any possible signs of a city or maybe it's like one of those RPG's where you end up in a different world so maybe there's a village nearby, I scanned the area and as I feared I found nothing except for the complete version of Cloud's Fusion Sword I was working on stabbed into the earth
"Wait what?!" I quickly went and pulled the broadsword made from six smaller swords out of the ground and to my complete shock and awe I managed to pull it out like it was a cardboard box, I checked myself with the reflection of the Fusion sword and to be frank, nothing changed! I look the same, feel the same and I even act the same the only difference is the clothes I'm wearing which is coincidentally Cloud's outfit from Advent Children and the fact that my hair is basically Lucina's hairstyle when she called herself Marth.
I got to say I pull this haircut well… but that's not the point! Why the hell can I suddenly lift a broadsword that no normal human can lift with just one hand, one freaking hand! And then I saw it, as I stared at my reflection on the broadsword I saw my eyes glow green for a split second before they reverted back to their silver color
"Holy shit I got Mako energy flowing through me!" I shouted as I accidentally let go of the Fusion sword, fumbling it around until it unavoidably fell to the floor, I guess it was a good thing because once I picked it up I saw the currently burning South town
"Now that I got all this crap out of the way might as well go find a town to start my bizarre adventure…! I just realized what I said but I ain't taking it back!" I shouted as I just ran in a random direction hoping to find a town, village or even a city while rambling to myself like an Idiot...
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"Well at least I'm in a town… But zed town is being attacked by fucking Bandits!" I shouted to no one particularly as I saw a bunch of bandits doing what they usually do, being assholes
"*Inhale* *Exhale* For Narnia!" I screamed for no reason whatsoever as I just ran into the village with the Fusion sword in tow, by the time the Bandits noticed me scream like a maniac I already chopped one of their heads off… It was disgusting, it felt completely wrong yet… for some reason as soon as those feelings of dread came to me it simply vanished, like it was never there, kind of like that Gamer ability I keep seeing in fanfics but this is different considering I don't have some mysterious entity notifying me every time I level up an OP skill or something stupid like that.
I cut one of the bastards heads off and proceeded to stab a mage that was unfortunate enough to be right beside me as I killed the first bandit
"Crap surprise attack! Everyone spread out!" Shouted one of the Bandits who looked to be their leader, all the Bandits immediately grabbed their weapons and fled upwards leaving me, and a lot of their loot behind which I quickly filled my pockets with before rushing back towards them... What!? Just because I'm a protagonist that doesn't mean I'm going to be some chivalrous pure hearted guy that unknowingly becomes a pussy magnet to a bunch of hot girls, hell no!
"Gwa ha ha! Is that idiot really going to fight us by herself? Lads kill that little fucker and use him as an example of what happens when people like her try to mess with us! As for you little Lass, well I have something special planned for you and me" the leader of the Bandits said to the poor Woman (Or as fire emblem awakening calls them Maidens) who just shook in fear
"S-stay away from me! Please! Someone! HEEEEEELP!" shouted the Maiden in fear as he Bandit leader walked towards her with the intent of doing one thing…
All of the bandits came towards me and surrounded me, in response to their little maneuver I lunged towards an enemy cavalier and stabbed the rider off its horse who just straight up panicked and started to flail it's legs every direction hoping it could stop whatever killed its rider from killing it.
I used that opportunity to move ahead from the group of bandits and just run straight to their leader who was too busy groping the young maiden to notice me which was stupid because I literally just walked up to him
"Hey jackass why don't you pick on someone who can actually fight back" I said as I pointed my broadsword at him
"Piss off don't you see that me and this lovely lady have something going on! Why don't you try to be a hero somewhere else" he said as I looked to the girl who was unconscious
"Hmph who said I was hero, I don't respect anyone other than myself, I usually break the rules getting me in serious trouble with people you don't want to piss off, If someone annoyed me too much I would punch them straight in the face and walk away like nothing ever happened, I was branded a thief because I stole material just to make my weapons with, hell I even read a Nowi doujinshi and I actually liked it! But… Even a sick person like me can see true evil!" I said as I hovered my hands and spread my fingers so my eyes could be visible, in short terms I just did Caesar's pose
"Evil is when you use the weak for your own gain and crush them under your foot, especially a woman! You did just that by taking advantage of her fragile body because you knew she wouldn't be able to fight back against your sexual advancements…!
You avoid the law and its consequences just because there's no one to stop you from committing them, so that's why… I'll judge you myself!" I shouted as I unsheathed my Fusion sword, Unknown to Edgar a ghostly apparition appeared behind him, this isn't just a regular ghost, it's a Stand!
"Hehehe! What kind of stupid speech is that! Now run along girlie before I decide to use you too" said the bandit
'Wait why the hell did he call me a girl I'm a guy! unless… Oh, shit!' at that moment Edgar realized the reason why the Bandit leader assumed him to be a girl, his lack of exercising has left his muscles to gradually disappear giving him the physique of a young flat chested woman combine that with the feminine hairstyle and his already developed voice that makes him sound like a mature yet playful woman in nature and you get yourself the perfect trap!
"…Hmph, then I guess you're just afraid to be beaten by a girl like me huh?" I added while putting my index finger on the lower lip of my mouth and posing a little bit sexually but hey if it pisses him off then I don't really mind… you forget I told you this
"Why you…! I'll kill you without even using my Axe!" shouted the Bandit as he decided to charge me directly bare-handed
Kooo…
'What the hell was that?' I thought looking around for the source of the noise until I looked behind me to see… a fucking「Stand!」
"It's time for you to die bitch!" yelled the Bandit as he lunged at me
ORA!
The stand literally punched the guy so hard that I think I saw his fist almost go through his freaking body, and he also shouts ORA when he punches people albeit his voice is deeper than「star platinum」
ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA! The stand kept punching the Bandit nonstop and obviously, the punches were friggin' fast, the punches looked like a giant blur to everyone that could've seen it, which was no one, only me
ORRRAAAA! My stand did one final punch completely punching the Bandit's face in and killing him instantly, I would've thrown up right there and then but for some reason I just felt apathy towards it… Wait I just realized that my other weird trait is to be a trap… *Sigh* Goddammit
"Well, it's going to be one of those stories, isn't it?" I said to myself
throughout that whole ordeal, the Shepherds never showed up, seriously I haven't seen them at all and the bandits are probably still struggling with the damn horse
"Are you okay miss?" I heard someone from behind which startled the shit out of me, I quickly turned around only to see Chrom and his little entourage behind him
"*Inhale* yes I'm fine, luckily I came in before that damn Pig did any permanent damage to the young maiden over there" I said as I pointed to the unconscious woman who started to wake up
"Oh, that's good to hear! With these Brigands coming over to Ylisse from other continents, it's been difficult to do patrols lately… Say are you perhaps a Mercenary?" Oh! here It comes, someone cue the recruitment theme because I'm being recruited! Luckily, I've been practicing on these kinds of conversations if I ever do get stranded in any kind of fictional universe, why? Is the question you people might be asking yourselves, well it's actually pretty simple. I have no life whatsoever other than playing video games, watching anime and making fantasy weapons that actually work just so I can earn a living for myself
"Although I am a fighter I'm not a mercenary I'm just a traveling warrior that came here through the Outrealm gates and do not worry I've been here long enough to know who you are Chrom, Prince of Ylisse" I said as calmly as possible, might as well establish that I'm not from around here so people won't get too suspicious about my actual origins
"Ah, that makes sense, although I haven't seen anyone from the Outrealms in a while" said Chrom as he laughed a little bit nervously for his own good and I guess Lissa took notice of this because she walked up to me and kneeled and I swear to all the gods out there I saw sparkles surrounding her entire being
"You are the one… Please, Marry him! I know my big brother looks like a big dork but he's really the kindest person you'll ever meet plus he's the prince of Ylisse so you're getting the real deal" said Lissa passionately while I just looked at her dumbfoundedly
"Uh… Actually I'm-" Alas I was interrupted by Frederick
"Milady you cannot just ask every single maiden you meet to become milord's wife; besides she does not look suitable for the position of being the future queen of Ylisse" said Frederick who actually gave me a little glare
"*Ahem* What I was about to say before you interrupted me, I'm sorry to disappoint but I'm not a woman I'm a man" I said which earned the oh so awkward silence
"B-but how!? you look so feminine your voice, your hair and even your physique gives you the true appearance of a woman so naturally, frankly it's a bit scary" said Robin who finally decided to speak and surprise she's a girl (To be technical about her appearance, Female build 3, Face 1, hair 4, and last but not least hair color which is purple but in the game its number is 18)
"Yeah well, I came from a bizarre family… by the way I don't know your name except for those three, are you perhaps a recruit?" I "Guessed" just for the sake of it
"Actually no, my story might be a bit ludicrous to believe but I have amnesia and they found me sleeping on the ground, and my name is Robin" she said
"Hm, well my name is Edgar Solis and although it does sound a bit ludicrous I do believe your story, trust me when I say this I have seen weirder things than a person getting amnesia" I said to Robin and technically I wasn't wrong because anime can make the weirdest things and somehow manage to make it good
"Heh! You people really left an impression on me, I'll accompany you for the time being" I said once more, jeez I guess the calm and collected personality I've been working on really has paid off the most…
"Did you notice, milord? The brigands spoke with a Plegian accent" said Frederick
"Plegian? what's that?" Asked the female tactician
"From what I've been able to gather during my stay here in Ylisse, Plegia is Ylisse's westerly neighbor, although they aren't very nice neighbors since they send small bands of Brigands like the ones you fought here, their reason for it is to hopefully cause a war between Ylisse and Plegia, why do they want to provoke a war is beyond even my understanding but they probably have something horrible in mind if they ever manage to start a war with Ylisse" I said sounding as professional as I could possibly be
"And it's the townspeople who suffer for it!" said Lissa with a cute pout on her face
"They do have us, milady, Shepherds to protect the sheep. Do not be swept up in your anger, it will cloud your judgement" Frederick said, I tuned out the conversation because obviously, I already heard this dialogue a million times already so there was no point trying to listen in
*Crunch*
'Okay what the hell is that! I've been hearing it ever since I arrived here' I rummaged through my pockets and after a little bit of searching I found a crumpled piece of paper…
Edgar Solis if you're reading this, congratulations for becoming a stand user! we here at the Speedwagon Foundation want to keep all the Stand Users out there informed and protected from whatever problems having a Stand will cause you either in a different country or even different dimensions, we'll always try our best to help you in whatever way we can. We have studied your Stand and the power it contains and it goes as such:
Stand Master: Edgar Solis
Stand Name:「Truth hits everybody」
Stand Ability:「Destructive Dominion」
Power - A
Speed - A
Range – C
Durability – A
Precision- A
Potential – C
Description: The power to destroy anything and be able to recreate it back into existence under the user's command. Combination of Destruction, Remaking and Personal Domain. User can destroy anything including an entire being, civilization, galaxy, concept, reality, timeline etc. The user can also remake the target as he/she desires. They have dominion over anything that they choose to destroy and bring back into existence, back to the way they were, as a completely new version or whatever the user so desires.
Hopefully this brief explanation of your stands abilities will help you in your journey Mr. Solis and until next time, Godspeed dear Stand user
Sincerely the Speedwagon foundation
…
'HORY SHET! My stand is so broken! I mean some of the stands in Jojo are broken, part five through eight being a prime example, but this is top tier crap right here! Hell, it has no flaws other than its limited Range!'
"Hey Edgar!" that snapped me out of my own thoughts
"What is it?" I asked lissa
"What the heck is that thing!" she exclaimed as she pointed above me
"Huh what do you mean? Oh… Shit" I saw my stand towering over me, actually now that I look at him he actually looks pretty roguish for some reason, he has a cloak that's ripped from the bottom basically covering his whole body except for his unrealistic abs and bright red skin, he has a black scarf with rainbow star outlines that's covering the lower parts of his mouth only leaving his eyes visible which were amber in color, his arms were covered in bandages and he had fingerless gloves that were adorned with diamond jewels on the knuckles and last but not least it had a bunch of golden necklaces spelling SOLIS hanging on his neck
"Wait…? You can see my stand!" I exclaimed in shock, there's no freaking way she would be able to see my stand only other stand users can see other stands unless…
"Wait is me seeing that ghost behind you bad?" Lissa asked innocently
"Lissa what are you on about?" asked Chrom out of concern out of his sister
"Wait you don't see it! But the ghost thingy is literally right behind him!" She frantically pointed where my stand was waiting idly behind
"Milady perhaps you should take a rest, after all it was a rather long battle" said Frederick as he came up to Lissa and touched her forehead which caused Lissa to fume and slap his hand away
"I'm serious I know what I'm seeing, you believe me right Robin!?"
"…Yes, the ghost is definitely there and he looks like he's out for blood" said Robin as she also stared at my stand
"But how!? you're not supposed to see that!" I exclaimed
"Why is it forbidden or something?" asked Robin
"No that isn't the case, the thing is only other stand users can see my stand, and the fact that you two are actually able to see It worries me… the only logical conclusion that comes to mind is that you both have the potential to develop your own stands" I explained, goddammit so much for leaving the Shepherds, I was planning on staying with them for the first few chapters and then leave just so I can make a great comeback at the beginning of the Ylissean, Plegian war Arc and then go on from there but these recent turn of events hasn't fallen in my favor at all
"What is this stand you speak of?" asked Frederick with a clear hint of suspiciousness in his voice
"In my world, there are beings called Stands. A stand is basically a physical manifestation of a person's fighting spirit, A Stand generally presents itself as a figure hovering near the user and possesses abilities beyond that of an ordinary human, which, depending on the Stand User, can be wielded for good or for evil."
"Wow really! What can your stand do!?" asked Lissa excitedly
"…I can destroy anything I desire and reform it into whatever I wish it to be, be it legendary weapons or even the dragons themselves I'll be able to erase them from existence!" I yelled as I did another dramatic pose for no reason, luckily for me they went along with it
"W-what that's impossible! No being can just destroy anything they wish, it's blasphemy!" exclaimed Frederick
"Hm, so you want proof huh? Fine I'll show you the necessary proof" I said as I commanded my stand to retrieve the Falchion from Chrom's waist hilt, once it landed on my hands I paused for a bit, I had no Idea how to use my stand! But then after that little shut down…
Destroy
I suddenly spat those words out 「Truth hits everybody」 put his hand over the Falchion and to everyone else's surprise the Falchion broke into small fragments and those fragments floated on the palm of my hands
Reform
I said as the Falchion started to reform itself piece by piece except some of the parts like the hilt which merged with other parts of the sword, once the red aura surrounding the Falchion disappeared, the Falchion was back to its original state, it literally just turned back into the original Falchion and although the Wiki says that the only thing that can be changed about the Falchion was the hilt and handle because the blade itself is unbreakable, I took some liberties with my super broken stand ability and secretly buffed up the Falchion
"And I present to you the original Falchion wielded by Prince Marth himself!" I said as I swung the blade a little
Revert
Ha! You thought I was going to let Chrom wield it for the rest of this fanfic, but it was all a prank! Hehehe… I need to stop breaking the fourth wall… But anyways the blade quickly reverted back to the normal Falchion Chrom wields but I did leave in the secret buff
"Here you go Chrom" I said as I handed the Falchion over to a slack jawed Prince of Ylisse
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And so, after showing them my stand's broken skill we left the tutorial town as I like to call it, and went ahead into the forests where I explained everything the jojoverse had to offer about stands and to say they were surprised was a very clear understatement especially for Lissa and Robin considering they actually have the potential to unlock stands themselves, but hey this Robin isn't your regular white haired Robin and then there's me who's basically a super soldier with a damn spirit as my guardian so there's bound to be some changes but I never expected these changes to be much, especially since I have to train them to control their stands which will be pretty hard but I might as well give it a try…
"I told you it's getting dark already…! Ech and now the bugs are out! Noisy, disgusting bugs that buzz around and crawl all over and bite you when-"
ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!「Truth hits everybody」quickly flicked all of the bugs away with such force that they'd probably burned up like a meteor entering the atmosphere
"Well… We've been walking for so long that I think I might be getting blisters!" *Sigh* I forgot how whiny Lissa was at the beginning at the game and the fact that I used to S support her was not helping either, cue the skipping scene!
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"Edgar wake up!" shouted Robin as she shook the young man's body violently
"AHHH Tiki not there it's a private place…! Eh? What's going on!?" trust me you don't want to know what I was dreaming about
"The forest has been set ablaze we need to move now!" said Frederick, I quickly grabbed my sword and immediately started running alongside Frederick and Robin…
"There's Chrom" Robin pointed out as all three of us saw Chrom decapitating a Risen which I will refrain from calling out loud until they are given the name, Frederick simply nodded and galloped his way to Chrom killing any unfortunate Risen in the process with Robin closely following behind blasting the survivors of Frederick's wrath with her thunder tome while I just stayed and surveyed the area for a bit…
"Hey you! What the hell's going on!" I heard someone shout from behind, I turned around to see crimson knight Sully riding her horse like a complete badass
"Well, for starters the undead are attacking the living so there's that!" I said as I unsheathed the Broadsword from my back
"Well ain't that something! By the way name's Sully cavalier extraordinaire" said Sully as she held her hand out for me to shake which I gladly did
"Hm! Nice to meet you my name is Edgar Solis warrior from the Outrealms, so forgive me if I offend you unintentionally" I replied
"Ah… so that's why you have that weird clothing on, no offense but Edgar is kinda of a weird name for a girl don't ya think?" Sully asked
"Well in any other circumstance you would be right but you see I'm actually a-" and then for the second time I was interrupted by you guessed it… Virion
"Hold, milady!" Virion exclaimed as he came running to us panting and sweating like a dog would after playing way too much
"So… Do you know him?"
"Hell no! Ruffles over here has been following me and generally being a pain in the ass ever since I helped him get out of a pinch with some muggers that had him against the wall!" scoffed Sully as she looked at Virion who finally regained is breath and started speaking again like nothing happened
"Life may be long, but attraction is fleeting! Would you leave me in your sweet dust? Leave war to the warriors, dear bird! A beauty such as you need wage only love"
"Okay this guy is definitely an idiot" I said
"Ah and what do we have here? A budding flower waiting to release its inner beauty, do not worry for I shall protect you until you mature like the crimson rose next to y-"
"MOVE!" I shoved Virion aside and stabbed a Risen myrmidon who was about to backstab Virion in the back
"Sorry Ruffles but duty calls! C'mon Edgar I'll give ya a ride" said Sully, I nodded and quickly got on top of her horse
"Virion…! Er my name. It's Virion. W-wait! Where are, you going? Pray, at least tell me your name!" said Virion
"I'm Sully… And if it isn't obvious to you I'm a Shepherd"
The name's Edgar Solis, and to clarify I'm a warrior from the Outrealms
"Sully! Edgar! How divine! Both of your names are definitely-"
"Sully just go! at this rate we're probably going to die from boredom!" I whispered to her
"You don't have to tell me twice. Hyya!"
"W-wait I can help too!" we heard Virion's fading scream in the distance
"*Sigh* Just shut up and help!" Sully yelled and luckily for her Virion heard it as he made a mock salute and went towards the fortress Chrom and the others were confronting the Risen from. I killed any Risen that came close to us via swift decapitation while Sully focused more on getting us across the zombie infested fields alive
"Hrraah" I borrowed Sully's bronze lance and skewered five Risen heads with it, we were quickly making progress across the field until…
"Ah shit!"「Truth hits Everybody」caught a hand axe that was heading straight for my head, and wouldn't you know it, it was the freaking boss! I dismounted from Sully's horse and took out my Fusion sword and took my fighting stance
the Rotten piece of flesh charged at me with a surprising amount of speed and swung his axe downwards hoping to cut my head in half, I sidestepped the incoming axe and then I thrusted my blade forwards slicing his whole arm off with one swing and although it didn't seem to hurt it, just made it flinch from the unexpected dismemberment I took the opportunity to stab it in the head then bring my sword downwards with the blade still lodged into the Risen's body effectively killing I tin a very gruesome way
'Whew that was refreshing to say the least… I wonder though am I like a pre-promoted unit? Questions for later, right now the other Shepherds should be finished with the Risen threat'
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"It seems all the creatures are vanquished. This young man took care of the stragglers" Frederick said as he gestured to 'Marth' only to receive silence from the hidden future warrior who focused more of her attention to me and although I couldn't see her expression I knew what she felt, confusion…
"Um, I never got to thank you… For before. So… thank you for saving my life" happily said Lissa
"Thank you for saving my little sister's life, my name is Chrom. Might I ask yours?" asked Chrom, I was about to shut off the conversation from my hearing but something stopped me last second
"You may call my Lilian" at that point I did a double take and had to hold back a huge WTF scream from escaping my mouth
"Hm, I'll make sure to remember that name! Say where did you learn your way with a sword?" I was silently gawking from the sidelines, other than Lucina's name change everything about the little conversation between father and daughter remained the same, Virion was introduced to the Shepherds and he finally found out I was a guy which probably melted his brain considering I'm probably his first trap, Libra being the second trap in the series now that I'm around... *Sigh* first I die, then I end up in the fire emblem universe so I can then receive a really broken stand from Jojo's bizarre adventure and let's not forget the final fantasy VII upgrade I got...
Good grief this is going to be one bizarre adventure isn't it
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AN: Bet you didn't expect that didja. The main protagonist being a trap, having a broken stand from Jojo's bizarre adventure, having the weapon of Cloud Strife from Advent children while somehow retaining his fighting experience and for some reason he was having a lewd dream about Tiki, combine all of these subjects and you have yourself a very bizarre story indeed…