THINGS HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS WOULD NEVER SAY

Dec 31, 2006

(At the end of GOF, wen Harrys tied to the tombstone, Voldemort touches Harrys cheek wid the tip of his finger)

Harry: Now don't go all Michael Jackson on me, Voldy.

Harry: Shes with me!

Ron: No, shess with me!

Hermione: Guys!!! I jus wanted 2 tll u 2 that Im pregnant.

Boys backin away from her

Harry: I don't know her.

Ron: Never seen her before in my life

Harry: The name's Potter, Harry Potter.

Draco: Potter, can I borrow your invisibility cloak?

Harry: Wat 4?

Draco: I want 2 go spy on the girls who play Quidditch changin into their robes.

Harry: Im coming wid u!

(Dumbledore brings a wardrobe in front of Voldemort and opens it for a boggart to come out, the boggart is a pink bunny rabbit. Dumbledore looks confused)

Dumbledore: I thought the thing i feared the most was me?

Voldemort: No, that was jus an act. Wen I was 3, I got bitten by a cuddly pink bunny. They creep me out soooo bad. Shivers.

The Sorting Hat: "You know wat? I am sick of sorting student after student year after year. Wat is it worth really?"

Harry: "Okay Sorting Hat thats enough!"

The Sorting Hat: "DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO BACK SASS ME WIZARD BOY. I AM THE SORTING HAT AND NO ONE WOULD EVER DARE TEST ME BIACH!"

Hagrid: (Grabs the hat and starts wrestling with it)

Mcgonigal: "The Hat's gone MAD!!!"

Hagrid: "Blimy!! The hat's too strong fer me...can't...hold...on"

The Sorting Hat: "You won't take me alive! I'm The Sorting Hat I tell you!! THE SORTING HAT!!!

The Daily Prophet: SORTING HAT HAS GONE RAVING MAD AND IS OUT OF HOGWARTS! VOLDEMORT RETURNS... BUT FOLLOWS ORDERS OF THE HAT?!?!

Draco: Hav u eva been mistaken for a man?

Millicent: No, hav you?

Dumbledore:Harry I'm afraid that this problem is out of my hands.

Harry:Thn wat r we supposed to do sir. Voldemort is out there and he's-

Dumbledore:I kno...I kno."

Harry: Well we cant jus do ntn

Dumbledore: There is one thing we cud do...

Harry: Well wat is it?

Dumbledore:We must contact Gandalf

Ron: If you want 2 kill Harry, ull hav 2 kill us 2.

Hermione: Damn it Ron, I wanted 2 say that!

Ron: Well, maybe one day theyll make the movie 2 this, and u can say it!

Harry: Guys, guess wat?

Hermione: We know!

Ron: Ur back on the Quidditch team!

Harry: No, I jus saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching 2 Geico.

Ron: This new cereal is trying to tell me something. It sez ooooooo.

Harry: Uh, Ron, those are cheerios.

Ron: You're so hot!

Hermione: Thanks, Ron.

Ron: I was talking to Harry.

Dumbledore: Ah, Harry, Voldemort, it is finally down to you two. There is only one way now for you to settle this score...

Harry: With our wands?

Voldemort: With our fists?

Dumbledore: No...

Harry and Voldemort together: Then how?

Dumbledore: Two words...RAP BATTLE!!!!!