I Own NOTHING
The Mentor
Chapter 1 - Life as a Victor
The war is over.
No really,look at that,it's over. No more children dying,no more oppression,no more...nothing,
now I can spend the rest of my days drunk out of my mind.
Hehe,he would probably slap me in the face if he could hear my thoughts right now...nah,
Peeta would take five thousand bullets for me before he would let anyone hurt me,much less do it himself.
My name is Katniss Everdeen,I'm 40 years old,I was (am?) a Minners daughter,
a huntress,a tribute,a victor,a mentor,a drunk and lastly a helper on the revolution(war) that we just won.
The kids are fine I think,the boy can barely speak,but He'll get over it once the girl gets home.
He reminds me of Peeta.
The girl will be here any day now,the Doc said she's doing great,and before I left I tought the same.
I wouldn't have left her if I didn't thought so.
It's strange. If anyone told me I would end up like this at 12 years old I would have kicked that person's ass
...and probably killed myself after.
I was reaped with 15,for the Second Quarter Quell. That year 4 kids for each District was reaped, I got "lucky" the only person I actually knew from the other 3 kids reaped with me was Madge. She was the closest thing I had to a normal friend back then.
During our games she became my friend.
She died in my arms.
When I came back home,I couldn't sleep,couldn't be the girl I was before. That took a toll on my little sister Prim.
But she always had a smile ready for me when I needed. My days consisted on long walks on the woods (I didn't hunt anymore),and
spending time with my mom waiting for Prim to get home.
When she was home It was the only time we felt alive and awake.
You see,my mom was never the same once my Dad died. I used to blame and resent her before my games.
I understood her better after them. It was one of the two good things that I got out of the games,I sort of got my mom back. Plus we didn't starve anymore.
Back then there was Gale too. He was my hunting partner,after Madge died,there was only him in my life,aside from my family.
After the games we became a couple. I was never in love with him,and could never be his wife,even before the games.
After? Unthinkable,I would never put a child in this world,as a victor I would rather died then to have my children reaped,as a victor I would rather die then to have my children reaped to suffer the same way I did.
It didn't matter,my mom,Gale and my dear sweet Prim were taken from me two weeks after I came back.
I was returning from my father's lake,I had decided to take Prim there,finally,to tell more about Dad,and teach her
how to swim,only to find our house on fire,and in the same day an "accident" on the mines took Gale's life.
I haven't been on the woods since then.
Haymitch took his own life that year. If it was the Capitol I didn't care,I was to far gone to notice.
I was swallowed in darkness since that point.
It took me two years to "become" my old mentor. Two Hunger Games,two years
of watching those children I trained,and cared for dying
for nothing for me to give up.
I should be dead. Cinna cared for me when I was in the Capitol,and so did Effie and the other victors,but I spend 11 months
in District 12,so how I'm still alive?
It happened after the first time I almost drowned in my own vomit. Two months after the 52th Hunger Games.
It was raining...it was Prim's birthday.
I've never drinked so much before then. I actually died that day. When I came to me I was in my bad,throwing up at 03:00am.
It was after I started throwing up blood(the little I had eaten was gone long ago)that I noticed the hand
on my back,helping me.
When I looked up I saw none other than Peeta Mellark looking back at me.
After I was done he gave me a glass of water and started telling me what happened.
Apparently he decided to pay me a visit and bring me some cheese buns. After I came home,everyday I stopped at the bakery to buy a few for me,some cookies for Prim and cupcakes to eat with the Hawthornes. I stopped after they died.
I wouldn't learn for a few years that the reason he came to my house that day was to see how I was since I hadn't been seen in public for years now,aside from when the games started.
He told me he saw the bottles on the floor,how the house was horrible,and that he saw me. Lying on the floor with a bottle on my hand and gurgling in my own vomit. I wouldn't want to have been on his shoes then.
He resurrected me,a skill I didn't know he had,and cleaned me up the best he could,
and stayed with me while I slept.
Strange...I didn't have a nightmare that night.
Since that day Peeta would check on me once a week,every Saturday. I was always too drunk at first to exchange too many words with him. Aside from yelling at him to get the hell out of my house,and leave me alone.
He never did.
After a couple of years I started to get sober on the day he came to visit. Why? I don't know. God knows I wish I could never have a coherent thought ever again. But I wasn't Haymitch,I wasn't a functional drunk. Every time he came he would always clean up my kitchen first,where bottles upon bottles piled up. And then the living room,where he would pick me up from the floor,and clean ME up. I was to far gone to care if my-THE boy with the bread was cleaning my own vomit out of me.
I decided to keep my self relatively sober on Friday nights and Saturdays when once,Peeta was cleaning me up and I saw him. I was under the shower,naked,smelling putrid,with eyes sore from crying,I was probably the most disgusting thing in all Panem,and saw Peeta looking at me. With tears in his eyes,but with more love and care in then then anyone I've ever seen,like I was the only good thing in Panem. I didn't deserve those tears,that's why I decided to be sober on Saturdays.
But I wouldn't acknowledge that.
I would snap at him at first. Then,as if nothing happened,he started talking to me as an old friend.
He told me how things were in the Market,in the Seam,as far as he knew at least,and with the people I know(or used to know...it felt like a life time ago).
Apparently Delly was going to marry Thom... a Seam and a Townie(he glared at me when I said that) together...look at that.
"They love each other,that's more important than from where they are or came from".
I didn't "knew" Peeta back then,but even so,hearing those words from his mouth seemed right...it didn't stop my bitter remarks but I digress.
Since I started drinking I wasn't me anymore. The Capitol changed me before that,but I changed myself too. I was bitter,cold even.
The fact that Peeta was the one receiving my negative words hurted a little,since he was the only person in District 12 that I had contact with...but when was Effie it was kinda of ok.
When I came back from the Capitol the year Finnick won I drinked to celebrate. Peeta even drinked with me once he saw my smile.
He hadn't seen one from me in over a decade.
That year was the last one I was sold as a Capitol sexdoll. Aparently alcohol destroys your body after long consume.
Huh,look at that.
I took Peeta to the meadow and told him so. He didn't say a word to me after that for the whole day. "So if I want him to shut the hell up I just have to talk about how I was a sex slave for who ever paid Snow more?Seems simple enough".
When he carried me to the Victor's Village that night he put me to bad. And waited to see if I was going to throw up to leave. I wasn't,at this point I already knew how much I could drink before putting everything out. Besides,it seemed a waste. Peeta had made me cheese buns that afternoon,I was never going to disrespect his food(and care for me) like that.
When he thought I was asleep he got up to leave. But stopped at the door to say in a whisper"They could never turn you in something less than perfect Katniss".
When he came the next Saturday he found me drunk. It was a shock for him,he hasn't seen me drunk on Saturdays in years. At least I thought so.
I heard him that night. What he said made no sense. I've killed Marvel,I've killed Glimmer,I've killed Cato. I let Rue die. Prim,Mom,Gale's deaths were all one me. I was perfect,the perfect murderer. And I told him so.
What happened next? He came closer to me. Took the half empty bottle number IT DOESN'T MATTER of the day from my hand,and threw it on the ground "Oy" "I'll be the one to clean it,so shut up".
He took my chin in his hand,it was soft,and warm,and lifted my face so I was facing him,and kissed me.
Now,Peeta wasn't my first kiss. I don't count the kisses those "people" from the Capitol gave me as kisses. Gale was my first kiss.
It had a lot of feeling behind them. Hope,love,joy,all feelings he put on them once I came back from my Games.
But it was never like this. In my life,I have a lot of regrets. Not running alway before the reaping,not saving Rue,not letting Cato,or Clove,or Tresh,or anyone in the arena,kill me. Not saving my family,not saving Haymitch...been drunk for the first time Peeta kissed me ranks pretty high in the list.
Even with my hazy memory,I still remember to feel fire inside me back then. It wasn't much,I was all but dead inside,but that kiss brought me back to life. Cinna and Haymitch used to say I was the Girl on Fire,and even Gale agreed. After...well after what happened I saw it myself. I was but a fire burning out. The Capitol put a definitive end to that.
But Peeta? He was a Tree. Strong,tall,planted next to that burned fire. He would gladly give his wood,himself,to make the fire burn again. And the Capitol would gladly chop him down to stop him. When I came to me I was tucked in my bed with him.
Strange...I didn't have Nightmares that night.
We didn't have sex,I wanted to give myself for him last night,but Peeta was too
much of a gentleman to do so with me while I was drunk. The next morning I came to that realization.
The Capitol would destroy him,essentially destroying whatever was left of me together,if they knew.
So I threw him out,saying to never come back.
And he never did.
The next day,a Monday,I realize what I did. I've thrown alway my dandelion.
My companion. He have been there for me for all those years. Aside from Cinna,he was my only true friend...I also realized I was falling for him.
I drunk myself to sleep that night,only to realize before passing out that I had already falled.
That was the year I became aware of the resistence. My feelings for District 13 were not pleasant. But with it,I realized,lied hope.
Hope for a country where I didn't have to teach kids how to fight only to go to their deaths. A country where Peeta could have a wife,and kids,and not fear for them...a country where a broken doll like me could be with Peeta if he wanted.
That was the year I became an agent of District Thirteen.
So,I finally decided to post a fic...after I think 5 years in this site as only a reader.
If you see how many different "favorites" are in my profile you'll get an idea of where I've been this whole start with THG? Because this fandom is freaking awesome.
I've spent over a year reading stories of Katniss and Peeta,and I'm almost sure that I read 95% of what is worth to read in this site. I hope you find my work worth it.
I like to thank all the authors brave enough to post their stories,you guys(and girls ;D) rock.