I sat down in the centre of the cell - the near silent hum of the energy core moving in rhythm to the tempo of the drum of my heartbeats. Over the meditational sounds, I heard thunderous footsteps hitting the metal floor. I could even tell who it was - who else would it be?
"John." I said, opening my eyes. He stood there, his head shaved, the scar still evident on the hairline. His piercing blue eyes stared coldly at me. I could tell he was under stress - the stubble loomed heavily on his chin. He shook his head - his lips held together tightly as if they were pieces of carved marble.
"What happened to you Cassiel?" He didn't even blink - he stared into my eyes and I stared back. He looked into my soul with those accusing self-righteous eyes. He was still the same - even after everything that had happened. "You killed thirty men."
"I wouldn't call them men." I muttered. He took a step towards the glass.
"I get it. You're still angry about what happened back then and you want revenge. You need to let it go, otherwise it will destroy you!" I looked away, trying to block out his words. "I know that after what happened to Sarah-"
"Don't." I growled, snapping my head back to face him. "Don't even mention her name."
"You can't blame yourself for what happened to her. We were both kids!"
"Stop it!" I raised my voice - my chest was constricting as the memories flashed back in my head - the bodies strung from the trees, the burnt grass and the collapsing farmhouses. I clamped my eyes shut in an attempt to force the memories out of my head.
"Just think about what you just did! Sarah would hate you right now if she knew-"
I launched myself at the glass seperating us, my body glowing with the biotic energy - I couldn't hold it in anymore. All my rage, all my suffering and all my guilt was being thrown at this man - the man who had everything I deserved.
"You don't get to say her name!" I snarled - breathing heavily.
"Sarah was my friend too Cassiel. I loved her just as much as you did." John replied. I scoffed, and turned back pacing away from him in the cell in order to seethe off my anger. "You think that whatever pain you've felt, I don't feel myself? That you're the only one with the nightmares? You think that you're the only one who's ever lost that much? We both might as well have died that day - because I lost everyone, just as you did!"
"Yeah, but you didn't find them did you?" His eyes widened in shock - he hadn't expected this answer. "Your parents. You see, I was the one who found them. They were skinned and scalped and burnt and hanging from the apple trees." He was silent now - intently watching me. All bravado and authority lost. He was now just John again. "And you just... run around the galaxy getting everyone around you killed. Richard Jenkins, Kaiden Alenko, Urdnot Wrex - it's only the beginning of a very long list that stretches on. And if you don't change what you're doing, you might as well just put the gun to their heads, because they're all going to get themselves killed on your watch."
"You shut your mouth you piece of-"
He went to open the cell, only to be restrained by a man, who only just managed to restrain him.
"Shepard!"
"Get off me Jacob - that's an order!"
"I can't do that Commander." John looked over to me, his piercing blue eyes staring at me once more - stabbing into me. I returned the glare, and the man's grip on him loosened as John took a few steps backwards.
"I'm dropping you off back into Purgatory. You can serve out the rest of your life there." I shook my head.
"Locking me up along with all those memories John." I shook my head. "Just remember - I'm the one who found them."