STILL SLEEPING
"We have plenty of time to work on it."
"Forever and forever and forever."
"That sounds exactly right to me."
---
Renee looked at her only daughter blankly. It was all she could do. Bella had been locked in a sort of catatonic stupor for several weeks at this point, with little improvement. The drugs they had tried only seemed to make the situation more dreadful. Bella would just lie there, occasionally turned over to prevent a bedsore. Sometimes, Renee would take Bella's hand, talk to her, hoping Bella would sit up all on her own. She'd come home with Renee and she'd cook dinner, and Bella would talk about some cute boy she saw at school or Renee would gush over some guy who was young enough to be Bella's brother.
"Come on, Bella," Renee said softly. In one hand she held Bella's hand. She brushed stray strands off Bella's face with the other. "I'm getting fat off all the takeout."
Bella remained silent. She did talk, but any of the odd words and sentences she muttered here and there were salads of words directed at people that didn't exist. Well, as far as Renee and the doctors and nurses were concerned, they didn't exist.
The gritty lights cast a sallow look to Bella, and everything in the room, for that matter. The sterile look of the small, windowless room only served to amplify a growing emptiness. The blinking lights of the monitors blipped in a maddening pattern. It was the sort of thing that mad Renee want to scream, shout at the top of her lungs until they bled. She was going mad enough as it is, looking at Bella do nothing but sit or lie down for hours.
She let go of her daughter's hand, though it seemed Bella had not let go of hers. It hung there, positioned just exactly as it would be had Renee still been holding it.
"What's happened to you?"
Something must've happened. Renee guessed it was a long time coming. Bella had always been bright and cheery, even if the circumstances didn't warrant it. It surprised her to come home that fateful day, finding Bella slumped over with pain killers clogging her stomach. It made no sense for her to attempt suicide. Either way, that was only the beginning. The doctors had not been able to get Bella to achieve normal consciousness. She lay there half-dead, lingering on the edge of fitful sleep and tireful waking.
Dr. Carlisle had an accusing finger aimed at Renee for a short time. To Renee, it made little sense. She had told the doctor she'd know if something did. Bella was never good at keeping secrets. One way or another, she'd slip up out of paranoia. Still, Dr. Carlisle seemed hesitant to rule out Renee as a cause completely.
The door creaked, opening fully to reveal a stout visitor. Dr. Carlisle strode in as somber as ever.
"Having a mother-daughter moment?" he said, the hint of a smile creeping up on him. The doctor sported a hardy look, sandy beard aging his youthful face. Renee had been surprised to find out he was tackling fifty this year. She expected him to be her age or younger, the incorrect guess making her feel old. "I'm not interrupting, am I?"
"No," Renee sighed. "You could walk in at any time and you still wouldn't be interrupting a thing."
"Right."
"What's the news?"
"Well," Dr. Carlisle cleared his throat. "There's been some progress in regards as to what may be going on in Bella's mind. But I'm afraid that's all we have."
"Going on in her mind?" Renee likened the idea to a movie. "What do mean?"
"We think Bella may be daydreaming, if you will." Daydreaming? Renee raised a brow - daydreaming didn't mean a complete loss of normality. It didn't mean having to pay an incredible hospital bill when this was through. "What I mean is, she's trying to cope with something, and escaping to a sort of fantasy world was the way she chose to do it."
Renee found it hard to suspend the axe of disbelief on this one. She could have just done drugs, she thought. A shameful thought, but she thought it was a better escape than lying down all day and wishing the world away.
"At least," Dr. Carlisle said, rubbing a hand through his blond hair, "that's what we think."
"So these people she talks about, those things," Renee said, thinking of the few times Bella was roused from her stupor. She had not been in the hospital for either of them, but Dr. Carlisle assured her they did in fact happen. Bella's slightly elevated awareness had allowed a sleepy bout of communication between doctor and patient. "It's all a part of her mind?" Dr. Carlisle nodded.
It made some sense, despite smelling of a boring movie plot. Bella would whisper things, barely inaudible things, even in her state. Renee thought it was just a part of the catatonia.
"That's why I came in here," said the doctor. "Do you know of a town called Forks?" Renee sat up a little more straighter when he said that.
"Forks?" she said. "That's the town I met Bella's father in. Small, sleepy place in Washington."
"And you didn't like it?"
"Not really. The campiness really cramped me, so I left after I had Bella." The words came out too easily, her life's story poised to spill at any moment. Then she realized a thing about the questions. "Wait. Why the questions about me?"
"I'm getting to the point," Dr. Carlisle said curtly. "Bella thinks she's in Forks." Renee thought that was silly. Forks was a rainy logging town, a world away from the shining sun that blazed over Phoenix most days. Besides, Bella didn't even like Forks. Dr. Carlisle found it odd, too.
"Perhaps it's regression. Her father still lives there?" Renee nodded. Bella's relationship to her father was rather sparse. They barely spoke and the last time they met was when Bella was five or six. She was better off without him. Renee rather liked the child support checks, though.
"Odd," she said. "You'd think she'd think she was at a place where she was happy."
"That's what I thought. But she did tell us she was happy."
"In Forks, or in her little world?"
Dr. Carlisle shrugged. "She didn't specify, even when we asked. She just said she was happy." He turned the old accusing look on her again. "As much as I believe you are innocent, I want to know about Bella's father."
Renee was in the same boat as Bella with the whole visitation thing. "I haven't seen in Charlie in ten years, just like Bella." The doctor touched the abuse topic again. Renee doubted it. Charlie would have been a fantastic father had it worked out.
"Are you dating anyone?" Dr. Carlisle asked, seemingly out of the blue. Renee looked at the wedding ring on his finger, then realized he wasn't asking her out. She shook her head, slightly embarrassed. "Anyone recently, then?"
It took her a moment. "Phil was my last, but they barely knew each other. In fact, we broke up over her." Dr. Carlisle nodded.
"Bella said quite the opposite. She said you and this Phil were happily married." Renee almost laughed. After her shotgun marriage to Charlie, she promised herself she would never be tied down like that again. Bella knew it; she'd hoped to instill some spark into her own daughter, hoped she wouldn't make the same mistake. "How serious was this relationship?" Renee groaned at the question that was a little too much about her. The thought of seeing Bella well again quelled her onward.
"Not very," she said. "It lasted about a month. Bella only met him once, like I said."
"Charlie and you were married?" She said yes, three years of life she would have considered wasted if it weren't for Bella. "Divorce issues."
"What?" Renee admitted the divorce had been sticky, but that was inevitable.
"It could be possible that Bella may still be resentful of your divorce from Charlie," Dr. Carlisle said. "After all, she hasn't seen her father in ten years."
"Possibly," Renee said, thinking about it. Her parents were together until their deaths. They got hitched young and had too many kids, Irish style. She didn't want that, and she didn't want to think about it now. "What else did Bella say?"
"She said she too, was married."
"Married?" Bella was always too much of a romantic, now that Renee thought about it. But it wasn't like she clipped out pictures from wedding magazines and made posters or anything dubious.
"To an Edward Cullen," Dr. Carlisle said, pausing to smile. "Funny, Cullen is my first name. Not to mention Carlisle comes up often. The Edward part, I don't know - it could be a boyfriend of some sort."
"Bella didn't date. At least, not yet."
Dr. Carlisle looked surprised. "Did she speak of any Edwards?"
"No." Dr. Carlisle found it a little hard to use Renee alone as a total source of information, though throughout the treatment she seemed honest. "Believe me, Dr. Carlisle, I'd know if she did."
"He is perfect, she says."
"Come to think of it," Renee said, suddenly remembering. "I did date an Emmett Edward Jasper a few years ago - if middle names count." The relationship had been intense, she said, a little wistful but thankful she moved on. "He loved Bella like his own. Hell, we almost made it down the aisle."
"What happened?"
Renee flipped the hair out of her face. "I don't know," she said. But she did know, and it was her own fault. "I guess I wasn't ready."
"I see." Dr. Carlisle looked down at his fancy watch. "I'm afraid visiting time is over."
---
Bella rose from the bed, her new husband next to her. She would miss sleep, sad to see that her bed would only be good for marriage duties, as Edward called them. Sex was a word he tiptoed around. Bella had thought it gentlemanly in her human life, but now it was starting to get grating. She gasped, Edward sitting up with her.
"What's wrong?" he asked in his worried tone. Bella's heightened senses could differentiate between subtle differences in his voice now, and to her he always sounded worried. "Bella?"
"Nothing," she lied. "Should we go again?" Being vampires, Bella didn't think Edward would need a rest from it.
"Don't ignore me," Edward hissed. "There's something wrong." Bella thought Edward was being over protective just because she was an oh-so-fragile human. Then, it made sense. Now that they were equals, it annoyed her.
"Forget I said anything," she said, plopping herself back down. "I don't want our perfect forever ruined."
"It will be if you don't tell me what's wrong." he said, taking her arm. "If you were human, I would have shattered your wrist."
Bella rolled her eyes. "Can't I just sit up and gasp? I mean, we shouldn't be possible."
"It's different with you," he said sullenly. "With everyone else, I know what they're thinking. But you - you're unpredictable."
"Like, hard to manage?"
"Yes!" Edward realized his mistake. "No!"
"Then stop worrying about me," she said, putting a cold hand on his bare chest. "I'm not human anymore. You broke it and you bought it." Edward resisted her attempt at a kiss.
"It's hard, Bella," he said darkly. "No matter what, I am always going to see you as the fragile human girl."
Bella was hard at making sense of him. "What ever do you mean? Perfection is forever and forever and forever." She got up to look at herself in the mirror again. She barely recognized herself but still it purpled her thoughts with amazement. "Look at me."
Edward shook his head. "Forget it. Just come back here." Bella ripped herself from her vanity and rolled into the soft bed beside her husband. He put a strong arm around her. "Wake up with me tomorrow."
She flicked his nose. "Don't be silly." Bella stretched, faking a yawn. "Vampires can't sleep."
"Does it not worry you?" Edward kissed her forehead.
"Not if I have you."
---
Dr. Carlisle decided to see if they could rouse sleeping Bella from her daze while Renee was visiting. It would be difficult, seeing as Bella had started talking all on her own the last few times, though she was still hazy and could make little sense of her surroundings. Weak from her prolonged bed rest, Dr. Carlisle helped her support herself with pillows.
Bella blinked, trying to gather her surroundings. "Carlisle?" she said weakly.
"Bella," Dr. Carlisle said, "do you know where you are?" Renee leaned, hopeful her daughter would snap out of it.
"Carlisle, what happened?"
"She may very well still be in Forks at this point," Dr. Carlisle said to Renee. "There's also a Carlisle along with this Edward, possibly more." Renee nodded.
"Where's Edward?" asked Bella, slightly panicked.
"What happens if you tell her there's no Edward?" Renee asked the doctor.
"She ignores you." Bella tried to get up, unaware that she was no longer in her fantasy Forks. She sagged against the bed, writhing.
"Why is this - I thought - Edward?" Bella reached a hand out limply. She gave no more responses.
"Bella?" Dr. Carlisle checked her. "She's in stupor again."
---
"Edward?" Bella reached for her husband. "What happened?" She saw the Cullens, but her jaw hung when she saw that quite a few vampires with red eyes stood beside them. Edward loomed over her - the only one standing between her and the Volturi. Edward, not Carlisle.
"Jane tried to attack," he said, taking her hand. "You saved us with your power."
"Power?"
"She's a shield!" A deep gritty voice chuckled madly. Her ears recognized it, and her eyes narrowed. Aro. The Volturi man stepped closer. "A valuable asset." Jane stood with the other Volturi, red eyes burning with bitter.
"Oh, right." Aro and his Volturi brethren seemed to have huddled, thinking of what to do. The three of them stepped forward. Edward pushed Bella back defensively.
"Halt," Edward growled. The Volturi seemed to enjoy his display of protection, provoking him with laughter.
"I suppose you'll say 'who goes there' next," Aro mocked. "Let the girl come forward." Edward was hesitant, still glaring.
"Rest assured, Edward," Caius said. "We only wish to offer her - and you, I suppose, all the world has to offer."
"She will not be joining you," Edward snapped. "Neither of us will be."
"It wasn't an offer, Caius," said Aro, frowning. "It's more of a-"
"Command," muttered Marcus.
Edward would have no more of such debauchery. "Don't mock," he said, his eyes tiny slits with gold eyes blazing behind. "No Cullen will suffer with any of you." Aro chuckled, his laughter quickening into pulsating madness.
"Over one hundred years have you," he said through barely stifled laughter, "but yet you are still a boy." Bella held him back, her newborn strength overpowering his rebelling force. Had he leapt...
"Why don't we ask her?" Caius said, poking a pale finger at Bella. "You." Edward tensed, poised to pounce at any false word, any wrong word. He relaxed slightly, sifting through their buzzing thoughts. "Thank you. Now, Bella, it's come to our attention that you may very well be the most powerful shield in vampire history." He pressed closer, his face mere inches away from hers.
She shuddered. "Yes," she gulped, Caius' hand reaching up and brushing her hair. Edward almost leaped at the touch, but held himself.
"The Cullens gave you this fancy dress, didn't they?" Caius trailed a hand down, hovering over her chest. He held the other one out at Edward, delaying him. "Very beautiful, just as you are." She nodded in thanks, wary of Edward's staggering struggle against his protective instincts. "It reminds me of the Volterra nights, where the skies come alight with twinkling stars and shine over the lake."
"Get to the point!" Edward shrieked, his voice hardly human. Caius looked up.
"Alas, our time dwindles." He smiled. "Volterra would be a pity without you and Edward, Isabella." Bella flinched at the sound of her full name. Caius seemed to like it. "Pretty name, but it does half the justice to you here in this squall."
"Forks is beautiful," she said, rigid. His hand never grazed her, but it was still there. "My life here is complete."
"Oh, will you wake up?" Aro huffed. The girl was getting tedious. He'd had enough of Caius' tricks anyways. "The Cullen 'way of life' just gives you false hopes, fake dreams." Caius tried to continue, but he was overwrought by Aro's blathering. "Do you think it's all fun and games? Do you think you can just have fun all day with that sniveling boy and live happily, only at the cost of a few pints of blood?" He scoffed at her, disbelief written in her shiny red eyes. "Life doesn't work that way."
Bella smiled. "You're right, it doesn't," she said, demure in haunting naïveté. It almost made her look half-divine, a virgin maid amongst seething emotion. Aro sneered in disgust. "This isn't life. This is beyond it." Bella gathered herself away from Caius while she could. She was right, they weren't alive - technically.
"True," Aro smiled, laughing red eyes aflame. "And that's exactly why it doesn't work."
"I don't see why it shouldn't," she said. "Nor why being in Forks or Volterra would make a difference."
"Oh, but it does." Aro crossed his arms. "You only think this is perfect because you haven't heard your victim scream, gurgle their last words. You probably won't - as we said, you are quite the powerful vampire."
"You won't hear Edward scream," Marcus spoke up. "You'll always be forever, won't you?" Edward was at his last wits, hands wringing and feet rocking.
"Enough!" Edward screamed. "She said no, so leave her be!"
Caius said. "Shame, shame," he shook his head. "It would have been a nice wake up call." He turned to Aro. "We have other matters to focus on, like the immortal child. Shall we?"
Aro nodded. "If we must."
---
Renee sat drowsily next to Bella's bed. She had been thinking about what Dr. Carlisle had said a few days ago. Or at least, what he'd brought up. Divorce was always a touchy subject for kids, she knew, but could it really have such a profound effect on Bella? To lead her to this. Renee waded through hazy half-forgotten memories of it. She didn't love Charlie, but she did love Bella - her daughter was the glue that held the sham of a family together.
"I was selfish," Renee said, holding Bella's hand. "I admit it." She wondered if Bella could hear her - obviously not, she thought, remembering Dr. Carlisle's words.
Then there was Emmett. He was everything Charlie should have been, and more. He and Bella got along great, Renee thought. We were perfect for each other. So why wasn't she with him now, she asked herself. It was too perfect, she sighed.
Bella gasped suddenly, through all her bedridden exhaustion. She was as still as a rock but Renee sensed it would escalate into something else. Dr. Carlisle arrived soundly.
"Do think it's another one of those?" Renee asked. "Moments of consciousness?"
"Yes," he said, examining the patient. "My last session with Bella started when I turned on the light, actually. It shouldn't - the turning on of a light isn't a strong enough stimulus to snap her into waking." He shook Bella's shoulder. "Bella?" Bella muttered something sleepily.
"Bella?" Renee called, shaking Bella's hand. "Bella, can you hear me?"
"Esme? Carlisle?" Bella said hoarsely. She blinked at her mother, unable to recognize her. "What's happened?" Renee could hardly recognize her daughter. Bella was an absolute wreck, messy brown hair framing a gaunt face - vastly different from the girl she knew just a couple months earlier, always with her nose in a book.
"Esme is a new name," Dr. Carlisle said. "Do you know of it?"
Renee nodded. "It's my middle name."
---
"Carlisle? Esme?" Bella called out. She and Renesmee had gotten home late, missing the hunt. Edward had said it was fine if they did, but Bella shuddered. She couldn't shake off the feeling that something was... wrong? Too accusing, she thought. Different? Perhaps. Renesmee took her hand, sending her mother garbled image.
"What is that?" Bella dropped a few bags full of supplies for Renesmee on the kitchen table.
"It's you, mama." Renesmee said playfully. She took Bella's hand again. Bella saw herself struggling to get up.
"That's me, sweetie," Bella said, her fingers ruffling the girl's bronzy locks. But why am I doing that?
"I miss you," Renesmee said, hugging Bella unexpectedly. For a two week old, she was mighty strong. Then again, she was half-vampire, half-human. Bella wondered why Renesmee would say she missed her - they'd been together all day.
"I love you too, Nessie," she said, her tongue still not used to Jacob's nickname for her daughter. It worked, though, and everyone else called her that. Bella still preferred Renesmee.
"Bella?"
---
"Bella?" Dr. Carlisle propped the girl up a little on her bed pillows. "This way she's less likely to slip again."
"I think I know why Bella's like this." Renee's words startled the doctor. He turned, expecting a confession to some sort of abuse, but he quieted those ideas.
"Oh?"
"It might have been the divorce," she said, picking her words slowly. "But that was so long ago."
"You mentioned an Edward and a Phil before," he said.
"Emmett and Phil," she corrected him. "She loved Emmett. He would have been the father she needed." Dr. Carlisle nodded. "I don't know what drove her to this."
"Phil?" Bella did seem to slip after she had broken up with Phil, Renee noted. It was a week or two after that Bella grew rather quiet and withdrawn, for no discernible reason. Dr. Carlisle thought Phil may have been - No, she denied that vehemently.
"It is possible," Dr. Carlisle started, "that you may be in denial about Phil. He could have easily-"
"They met for five minutes," Renee snapped. "Then we went on a date. End of story."
"How many relationships have you gone through this year?" The doctor's questions were really starting to piss her off.
"All right, just give Bella the drugs like you doctors do." she said, getting up and retrieving her purse. "I've had enough." Dr. Carlisle beat her to the door, standing in front of her.
"I can't let you do that," he husked, but Renee was unrelenting. She attempted to push him down, surprised to find herself a step backward. I shouldn't have let that face fool me, she thought.
"You can't let me leave when I want to?" She was unimpressed.
"You can't just leave when the situation gets uncomfortable," he said. "I'm not your ex-husband. You can't divorce a doctor who's trying to help his patient."
"Shut up!" Renee bucked him with her purse, watching the doctor recoil from the hit. It wasn't hard, but the look he gave her killed her. Shame marched on her face in a red blush. "I'm sorry."
"No problem," Dr. Carlisle said, leading her to the seat again. "You love Bella, don't you?"
"I do."
"Then you need to answer my question."
---
Jacob was over again today. Bella suggested moving in, but he denied, complaining about the constant stink. Oh right, she thought, we stink now. Though she did like the idea of having a dog.
"It's just that you come over so often," she said. "Maybe we could get you a bed."
"I'm good on the floor." Jacob laughed, playing with Renesmee again. Bella was surprised to find out how skilled he was at patty cake.
"You're good at this," she said. Renesmee would grow to love him, just as she did once. Once? She shook her head. I still do. As a brother. With the whole imprinting thing, she should love him as a son. Edward addressed Jacob as a son - odd for a guy who was once head and neck with him for her.
"My sisters are pure evil."
Bella chuckled. Being an only child was a blessing within a curse within a blessing. "I'm sure mine are worse."
"You ain't seen nothing, Bells." Renesmee broke the clapping chain, but Jacob just started it all over again.
"Again, again!" Renesmee exclaimed happily. Jacob held his big hands up.
"All right, ready, Ness?" She nodded. "Patty cake, patty cake."
"Wake up, square!"
"Wait," Bella laughed. "That's not the words!" Jacob shrugged, clapping with Renesmee.
---
"I wouldn't call so many of them relationships," Renee said. She still didn't see how writing up a sort of romantic liaison chart would help Bella, but she trusted the doctor. "They were more like flings."
"Do you think that they could have had an effect on Bella?" Dr. Carlisle shifted. "The constant flings?"
"Maybe." Renee was just happy she didn't have some horrible disease from all of them. She couldn't count them on her ten fingers alone, and that didn't include Phil. She was more embarrassed that it was only late July. "I don't know. She never told me a thing."
"You did say you could read her like a book."
She shrugged. "I don't know." Renee looked over at her purse. "I can't have a cigarette?"
"Hospital policy." She crossed her arms, sighing. The cravings were on her tail fast.
"Fine," she huffed. "I don't know, Bella was always self-sacrificing." Dr. Carlisle nodded. "Even with her friends. She's the girl that'd bottle everything up until in exploded horribly."
"Do think this is what this is?" Dr. Carlisle said, waving a hand at Bella.
"You tell me, you're the doctor." Renee sighed. "I just want her to be normal again."
"She's been improving." He pointed at Bella's feet, twitching and writhing. "When she first came here, she would have never done that."
---
"Alice, I want to ask you something."
The short girl hardly expected Bella to speak up so suddenly. Usually she shopped while Bella whistled or twiddled her feet or something else. Alice didn't really need her for talking during their shopping trips to New York or Paris or anything. She was easier than Jasper who'd just sit and nod at every dress. Bella was at least a girl with some insight and opinion.
"Um," Alice looked around with wide golden eyes. "Sure, go ahead." It was a left field thing, Alice thought. Bella must've been unsure or something. The question wouldn't be if the clothes matched (they didn't) or anything, so she let Bella speak.
"How can you last this long?"
"What do mean?" Alice evaluated her fashion choice in the dressing room mirror. I know what she means, she thought.
"You know what I mean." Bella stood outside, leaning against the door. God damn it, Alice cursed. Not that talk. It was hard enough for her to keep her mind off the whole looming eternity thing, but now she had to deal with Bella's crap, too? She missed Jasper, back in Forks with everyone. Jasper kept her mind off of those things. If she wants to go all angsty, she should at least talk to Rose. Alice adjusted a wayward strap.
"Um," Alice opened the door with Bella leaning against it. She almost fell. "Still clumsy, are we?"
"Yeah, but-"
"How do you think I look in this dress?" Before Bella could speak, Alice saw the answer. "I know, it's perfect, and, if you must know, I took us out here for you."
"Alice, I really don't need the-"
"Psh," Alice waved her off. "You're one of us now, it's only natural." She glided over to a sales rack faster than a human could see, then slipped back with another dress.
"Can you even do that?" Bella was still unused to being a supernatural being in a natural world.
"Of course, it's not like people can see me going at those speeds." Alice looked at Bella's clothes with disapproval. "Come on, this will wake you up."
Bella blinked. "What?" The dress was in her hands and suddenly she was being shoved into the dressing room. The door shut neatly, Alice on the other side.
"I said this should fix you up, so put it on!"
---
A couple weeks passed, and Bella had not stirred again. Renee was starting to think it was beyond hopeless. No, she thought to herself, she will recover. She's too strong for this. Dr. Carlisle called her in this morning, an excited tremor throughout his voice. Renee opened the door, half-hoping she would find Bella sitting up and chatting happily with the doctor, but it the room was still dead in its white sterility. Dr. Carlisle sat, hunched over in sleep. Has he been up all night? She put her things down on a bedside table, then took a seat.
"Dr. Carlisle?" she asked. His head rose in wakefulness, his fingers rubbing at his eyes.
"Oh, hello," he said, yawning. "Bella started talking late last night." The alarm on her face led him back to make himself clearer. "No, not actively. She seemed to be halfway between here and her world."
"What did she say?"
"Not sentences, I'm afraid. Still just fragments, words, phrases - nothing that connects together properly." Renee repeated herself sharply. "Oh, well, she's brought up a few more names and places." There had already been both Dr. Carlisle's names, her middle name, Emmett Jasper's full names (though Dr. Carlisle had said Bella had broken up Emmett Edward Jasper into three separate entities), and some other odd names Renee had never heard of. "Sometimes, she thinks she's in New York."
"Maybe she moved," Renee said coolly. She'd always wanted to go to New York but never got the chance.
"Maybe," the doctor hummed. "She talks of a dog, Jacob-"
"Emmett had a dog named Jake," she remembered. Bella loved that dog. We both loved that dog. "Go on."
"And she murmured some things about a dress and possibly someone named Allison or Alice," Dr. Carlisle said. "Anything? Her friends?" Possibly. Renee wanted to smack herself for not remembering Bella's friends better. All their names blended in so easily. It should have been especially easy, she thought, as Bella had a small group.
"Um," Renee twiddled her thumbs. "I remember her best friend was named Rose or something that rhymes with that." Dr. Carlisle looked at her incredulously. "Yeah."
"That she mentions as well, but this other Alice girl comes up more frequently."
"Is she still married?"
"Of course," Dr. Carlisle said. "I called you in here for a good reason, though. We're getting closer. This was one of the longest sessions Bella has been out of stupor long enough for me to extract information." He ruffled his sandy beard. "But not good enough information, it seems." He took Renee's blank stare as a push to the point. "What I mean is, we need to bring her out of her fantasy gradually."
"How, exactly?" Renee just wanted a straight answer at this point.
"I don't know," he shrugged. "But I have an idea."
---
The visit from the Cullens had been unexpected, but the Denali coven was always open for them. The new Cullens, Bella and Renesmee, were well received. Tanya was happy to see Edward finally settled. She watched them from the hall. They were in the main room, Edward and his new wife were discussing things with Kate.
"I think I can control it better now," Kate said, holding her hands out. Her electrical abilities were getting more refined each passing day. "It's interfered with things, but I think I can will it to stop."
"Really?" Bella also had a power. Tanya groaned when Bella flaunted it. She didn't mean to, she knew, but seeing Kate's power and now Bella's so called amazing one... She looked at Edward, who had just realized her presence. He looked her with pity hanging in his eyes. Damn you, Edward, she thought. He nudged closer to Bella.
She was rather excited. "For instance, Edward and his mind reading." Edward shrugged - he couldn't really help it. "I can block out his mind reading powers, and all. I've been able to do it for other people as of late."
"Really?" Kate leaned in. She'd had enough complaints from Tanya when she and Edward were, well, they weren't exactly together. "Can you do it right now? For me?"
"I can probably do it for everyone in the house." Bella shifted herself, focusing deeply and closing her eyes. "It takes a lot of energy, though. Sometimes I need to hunt again after a long time." She lifted her eyelids. "There. Most, if not all, of your thoughts should be Edward-proof."
"Oh yeah?" Kate twisted her face in thought, thinking of various things. She was laughing through it, and Edward thought her thoughts were unclean ones. She grinned wickedly. "Edward, what am I thinking of?"
"I don't know," he shrugged.
"Guess!" He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head.
"Polyurethane!" Kate giggled with Bella.
"Totally and completely wrong," she said through giggles. "As much as I'd love to be Edward-proof, I quite like my electricity. It's like out of a movie!" Kate turned to Bella. "Can you only do mental shields, or physical?"
"Both, but I don't think I'm very good at physical shields," Bella said.
"Perhaps you should try it." Tanya stepped out of the corridor, the words a bit too icy that she had wanted them to be. Great, she grimaced, now Edward probably thinks I'm some jealous bitch. "I mean, it can't hurt. Kate's good with her power." Edward looked at her through narrow eyes.
"I think we should hunt," he said. "Bella, what do you think?"
"I want to try it, actually." Edward was about to speak, but she was defiant. "No, Edward. It's safe - I'm not human anymore." Tanya winced at Bella's chilling words. Edward frowned at Tanya for the idea. "Hold on, let me get ready." Bella closed her eyes, harnessing her mysterious shield power.
"Tell me when to go," Kate said. Tanya leaned over the couch, ignoring Edward's disapproving glare. Oh chill, Edward, she thought. It's her decision. He rolled his eyes. And no, I'm not jealous.
"I'm ready." Bella held out her wrists. "Go ahead - your best shot." Kate went in, her fingers hovering above Bella's wrists. She looked at Edward's pouty silence.
"You're sure, Bella?" Edward's infamous glares were not to be trifled with. "You know the voltage. It can wake you-" Bella reached blindly, finding Kate's hands and wrapping her fingers around them tightly.
---
The doctor stood over Bella, tall and gleaming. The lights hung low, casting his tall formidable shadow against the gritty walls. A few nurses stood alongside him, ready to aid him with the procedure. Renee was there, too, watching in regret. Her hand had signed her daughter away to the electro convulsion - a treatment she'd only heard and read about it. Dr. Carlisle assured her it was completely different from common perception, but still Renee wavered over her decision.
"You're absolutely positive, Dr. Carlisle," Renee asked in trepidation, "that this is safe?"
"Don't be troubled by the past," he said to her. "But it is a last resort." Last resort, she thought. She felt like a horrible mother. It all comes down to this? Electrodes were strapped the sides of Bella's head tightly, the wires splitting out of them winding into the monstrous machine that would deliver her last resort. The bulky machine whirred as the nurses prepped it to work. The set-up brought to mind old movies, dingy hospital scenes full of screaming and writhing.
"But, the side effects." Renee feared her own daughter would forget the most simplest of things. "Memory loss?"
"Little to none in this modern age." Dr. Carlisle placed a mouth guard in Bella's mouth. "So she won't bite her tongue off." She could bite her tongue off, Renee thought horribly. "The procedure induces a seizure." Dr. Carlisle secured an anesthetic mask over Bella's mouth and nose.
"A seizure? Twitching and all?" Renee's cousin had epilepsy, and she remembered the jerking movements beyond any control.
"She's restrained," the doctor said, removing the mask. He nodded to the nurses, looking at the blipping machinery that monitored Bella with a calculating eye. One nurse took a bulky syringe, tipping the needle into Bella's bare arm. Renee watched with a lingering feeling of ick. Bella would have never let that beast get near her. "Relaxes the muscles. We wouldn't want her too stiff during this at all." Dr. Carlisle looked at his watch. "It's time."
Bella was on the table, limp and stiff. Renee couldn't tell the difference. Dr. Carlisle lumbered over to the machine. He turned around, giving the blinking monitors one last look and count. The nurses stood over Bella, securing her shackles and tightening the blood pressure wrap around her ankle. The gave the word, and the doctor hit the switch.
Renee squeezed her eyes shut. She heard the machines buzz in her ears, telling her it had been turned on. She could hear muffled noises - probably Bella's screams being stifled by the mouth guard. God god, she gasped. Dr. Carlisle looked at her with a rueful smile.
"How long does the current last?" Renee asked, her eyes still tight.
"Four seconds," he said.
"It's already done?" Renee opened her eyes, horrified. Bella was still convulsing, gripped by the current they ran through her brain. She wasn't thrashing, as Renee expected, but it was still a shock to see her daughter helpless like that.
"Five minutes of this and we should be able to wake her up, poke around her head a little."
"What happens if it doesn't work?"
"Oh, I assure you, electro shock works." Dr. Carlisle winked. "That's why it's a last resort."
---
Renee stood with Dr. Carlisle over Bella again. They had at least unhooked her from the shock machine, and Renee sighed with relief. Bella looked so calm, serene. Seeing her now and remembering the awful shaking she had done just before was a hard pill to swallow. The doctor retrieved the guard, sticky with saliva. He nudged Bella's shoulder.
"Bella?" He tapped her again.
Renee gulped. "What happens if she panics?"
"She'll be too sluggish to waste her energy panicking." Dr. Carlisle shook her. "Bella, can you here me?" He looked at her eyes, opening a closed one and shining a light. "Bella, please wake up." Renee shook her head. It's not working, it's not.
"Bella, honey?" she called out. "Bella, it's Mom."
Bella's eyes twitched. "Good, that's a sign," Dr. Carlisle said, tapping Bella again. The nurses stood silently, looking over Bella's vitals. "Bella?"
Her eyelids lifted, looking dilated from the light. Her vision was hazy, spots and shapes coming into focus as she forced herself to blink. She noticed familiar blond hair sticking out clearly in the light. Bella tried to lift her head, but it was as if someone had attached bags of sand to her hair. She tried to speak.
"K-Kate?" It was barely a whisper, hardly a sound. Blond hair hovered over her face. "W-what happened?" She heard an familiar voice in the distance, yet who it was she had no clue. "Help me."
There was a deeper voice, not the familiar one she had heard a while ago. It echoed in her consciousness soundly, yet the words were warbled, not words at all. She tried to move another part of her body, but the muscles refused to obey. They itched with a particular sensitivity.
"Bella?" Her name came through in the hazy grunt of voices, and she tried to respond. Her throat burned with a dryness. Hunt, she thought.
"E-Ed," She couldn't finish the name, collapsing. Bella blinked again, her fingers clasping and unclasping. She remembered a strange thing. Alaska? Yes, she was something in Alaska, but it wasn't cold. It didn't feel cold, she thought. Memories overlapped - suddenly she remembered ruddy hair, tousled and fuzzy. "E-Edward?"
"No," something said, but they immediately retracted that. "Yes." Bella found herself slowly regaining strength, slowly remembering what happened. She had been in her room, then... No, I was with him. Edward. She tugged at her heavy head again, moving it slightly. And Kate, and Tanya... That made no sense. She hadn't talked to them in years. Kate and Tanya had been friends with her in middle school, before high school districts cut through lives. They moved to Alaska, too. Bella grimaced. But there they were.
"Bella!" Bella's eyes were half-open, still not used to the abundance of light. She heard her name, feeling a slight pain. Someone touched me, she figured, feeling her arm tingle. Everything was just so tense, it was odd. The light was still strong, fuzzing most of her vision. Eventually, the blond wispy hair had a face, and the other things too. He was familiar, yet different.
"C-Carlisle?" she rasped, forcing her mouth to form the words and her throat to give her a voice. "When did you grow a beard?"
The doctor blinked at the question. He stroked his beard, fine from years of care.
"It's been with me since college." Renee had her hopes up, he could see, but he knew they should be careful. "Bella? Who am I?"
Bella tried to laugh but it hurt too much to do so. Her memories were clearing up. She remembered wanting to test something with Kate, but her head was still hazy. Edward was there, and Tanya, too. Carlisle, she was sure, had been on a hunt with everyone else.
"You came back early?" The question sloughed off her tongue, lazily strung together. She guessed Alice was the other one standing over her, brought back by a vision. "Did it work?" Bella remembered her shield again, how Kate tested her power against it. She was sure it didn't, not if Carlisle was standing over her.
"Maybe," he said. "Where are you?"
"Where's Edward?"
The doctor leaned over to Renee. "She still thinks there's an Edward." Renee's spirits dropped.
"It didn't work," she said, eyes peeling. "Oh, God. It didn't work."
"No, it did. We can't expect a speedy recovery with Bella." He did admit it should have been more instantaneous. Renee dropped her face into her hands.
"I just don't know what to do," she sobbed.
Bella struggled in her immobility. "Carlisle? Edward?" Her voice was getting stronger, everything taking on a dreamy haze again. "Esme?"
"Bella," Dr. Carlisle said, preparing his thoughts. "Listen to me." She looked fearful, child-like in her sprawled, bedridden state. The doctor saw the only immediate resemblance across mother and daughter in the girl's eyes. Everything else seemed to be pale likeness. He took Bella's chin, turning her face. She squirmed at the touch. "Listen, all right?" Her eyes were wide open, dark circles ringing them from her insomnia.
"Carlisle? Am I all right?" Bella's head was spinning madly. He was Carlisle, but not. There was the subtle difference in his voice, his flushing skin, and the beard. She gasped, watching his pale green eyes flick around in dreary mist. Green, she thought. Has the world gone utterly mad?
"Possibly. Who is Edward?"
"Your son," she said. "My husband." The questions dizzied her, and her eyes closed again. "How was the hunt?"
Dr. Carlisle grasped for the words, but he played along. "Fine, I guess."
"We were going to go out. G-go for a mountain lion, like Edward said." Dr. Carlisle arched a sandy eyebrow. Renee looked puzzled as well. Dr. Carlisle urged Bella onward.
"Why hunt a mountain lion?"
"What else would we do?" Bella let loose a sharp sound, halfway between a gasp and a laugh. "Hunt humans? T-that's not what you t-taught us, C-Carl-" She groaned, reacting to the treatment.
"What did I teach you?"
"A-animal blood," she coughed. Dr. Carlisle shook his head, prodding her for more information. "D-drink it - better than humans."
"Doctor," Renee asked, worried. "What is she talking about?" Dr. Carlisle played with his beard.
"If I had my money on it, I'd say vampires."
"She thinks she's a vampire?" Renee wondered why vampires. She assumed Bella would pick her favorite books together and wind her fantasies around that. Vampires made Renee think pasty suburban kids with trench coats. At least it's not Lestat. Renee was never into vampires, anyways. "Bella, are you a vampire?"
"S-stupid question." Bella rocked her head. The fluffy pillow was the perfect getaway and reveled in its softness. She nuzzled in it. "Edward?"
"Bella," the doctor sighed, "there is no Edward."
She tried to roll herself over. "No wonder this is so hard. Where's he?"
"He doesn't exist." Bella tried to laugh again, but this time it caught in her throat and fell a thousand leagues.
"No." She closed her eyes. "He's over there." Bella moved a finger slightly, attempting to get Edward's direction down. Renee followed the finger to the empty corner.
"You're in a hospital," the doctor said. "You've had a terrible depression."
"Edward's real nice," she said dazed. Her words got wispy. "He loves me, cares for me, caresses me, knows me. I love him." She coughed again. "Why can't I move? I want to see him. He's just over there, look."
"You've been here three months, at most." Dr. Carlisle tried to be soft, but telling a patient the truth was never easy. "This Edward, he's a fantasy. Not real. Fiction."
"I love you Edward." Bella's hands struggled against the restraints. "E-Edward!"
"There is no Edward Cullen," he said brusquely. Bella shut her eyes and shook her head around. "It's all a dream." Renee rushed to Bella's side.
"Bella, please!" Tears soaked up Renee's eyes and crashed over. "Wake up!"
Why? She thought it, mouthed, possibly said it, but it was too late.
She writhed, her mind crashing with memory over memory descending over her vividly. Bella heard the frightening hum first. "Life doesn't work that way," Aro said, cackling at her. A dress tumbled into her hands, pretty as day. "This should fix you up, so put it on!" Alice laughed, her voice chiming in the wind. "Wake up, square!" Jacob grinned wolfishly, but only his words were for her.
Then Edward's lips met hers again. "Wake up with me tomorrow." He smiled crookedly, his eyes glazed with fierce emotion. She wanted to return the kiss, but -
"I miss you." Nessie. She saw her daughter in Edward's place. Bella reached out for her.
"Wake up!"
---
She blinked, the light poking at her pupils. Bella's eyes opened, the white ceiling greeting her. Something was screaming, and she took a glance towards the bustle of heavy heart monitors next to her. Lines raced across the screen, numbers fell and rose. She had been dreaming.
No, no, no. She tried to shake her head of the memories. She remembered herself distinctly - naked, cold, bent over a tiny white bottle. That wasn't it! A face flittered before her, bronze hair and glassy yellow eyes. The image faded.
"No!" Bella heard herself scream against the sand paper that roughened her throat. She screamed a name she didn't know, expressed feelings she never had. "It wasn't supposed to end!" She remembered how happy her mother had been, and her dismay at his leave. It was because of me! But she knew herself better, her head searching for a reason she could not find. Why would I-
"Oh," she said, sinking into the bed. Memory flowed into her, thoughts of a distant day. A man was waving at her, saying goodbye through rueful lips. He looked familiar, and when she saw her younger self slip into the big van that awaited her, she saw the resemblance. Bella waved back. Her unaging mother was in the driver's seat, drumming her fingers. She almost pulled Bella's hand, shoving it down.
"Don't wave," said her mother. "It's only harder that way."
The car was heavy with everything the two of them would need, and it buckled off down the lane. It was a scene Bell would never forget, watching strangers cast shadows on the walls night after night. Her mother's suitors seemed endless. At least they would never come too close. The ones that tried? Her mother was a witching hawk, even putting herself through an arrest, charming her way out of it. Bella wished she had half the wits.
Could that be the reason? Bella shrugged, shook her head. She sensed more in the mist of her past. Mr. Jasper? He was her favorite, her mother's favorite. No, that's a lie. If her mother did love Emmett Jasper, then she would have married him. They would have married, and it would have been perfect.
"Perfect," she muttered. "Would have been - everything - it was-" Perfect. Bella closed her eyes, though she could still see clear as day. She heard the monitors buzz, screaming in error.
"What's happened?" She barely recognized the voice. Her mother was crying, surprising Bella. She had always been resilient, never backing down. Bella was the crier, if anything. Her mother raced to the man in a white coat. A doctor? "Doctor, what is-"
"She's crashing!" The blond doctor hovered over her again, others crowding her vision.
Bella took a sharp breath, feeling herself tugged down harshly.
---
The electricity fizzled slightly, a tickle running through her. It escalated into a sharp pain, but quickly dulled again. Bella smiled at the sensation. She felt the current flow out of her slowly. Her shield was strong, she thought. Kate had said that all of her power could bring the strongest of vampires down. Bella giggled, picturing Emmett, the strongest vampire she knew, subdued by a touch.
A familiar hand touched her cheek. "Bella!" She opened her eyes to Edward's petrified face and laughed.
"Does it look like I'm dying?" Edward frowned. "Because I'm not going anywhere."
"Still, I don't like it," he huffed. "How was it?"
"Tingling - kind of painful, but before you start, it wasn't anything that could leave me screaming for my mother." Bella looked at her hair. "Oh God." Kate giggled.
"That'll come right out. A little frizz didn't hurt anyone."
Edward rustled her static hair. "It's cute." Bella rushed to a mirror.
"It reminds me of when I wake up." It did look all right on her - then again, anything would now.
"Charming?" Tanya asked sarcastically. Edward nudged her.
"No," Bella said, attempting to comb it. "Lovely."
---
"We managed to bring her into a coma," Dr. Carlisle said somberly. "She's alive, but comatose. Worse off than before, but not far from the tree." Renee dipped her head.
"She's a vegetable, isn't she?"
"Oh no, I didn't say that." He sighed. "It is possible that she may never recover." Renee looked at her daughter dully, her life supported on machines.
"She wants it," she said. Dr. Carlisle almost didn't hear her. "I feel it."
"You can't be suggesting..." The doctor raised a brow. "It's a tiny chance." Tiny was an understatement, he thought. "Brain damage is imminent, but-"
"No, I know she'd want this." Renee shook off a sob. She remembered asking Bella about a situation like this, what either of them would do should one of them end up in a coma. Renee wanted to be kept alive as long as possible. "Just in case," she had said. Bella was the opposite, morbid and slightly mature. "Pull the plug," she said. "I can't have you suffering." Renee sighed. Smart girl.
"Are you sure?" Renee looked into Dr. Carlisle's eyes, the same eyes he'd seen looking back at him in the electro convulsive chamber. They were wet. Doubt held itself in them for a split second, but it faded quickly.
"Do it," she said. The fight was out of her. Dr. Carlisle laid hand on her shoulder.
"As soon as possible." The doctor shuffled to the door, closing it as he departed.
---
Bright red eyes beamed across the gorgeous meadow, every detail as clear as day. Bella stepped lightly, almost on her toes. In her waking life, she had never noticed how the sun's rays tumbled off the leaves with nature's grace, never noticed how the shadows crept around the stems of the dainty dandelions. She bent to pick one up, fluffing it. Edward popped around the bend of the tree.
"Hey," she said, sensing his presence.
"I thought I'd find you here," he said.
"Where else would I be? Port Angeles?"
Edward's face grew dark. "Don't joke about that."
"Sorry." Bella blew the dandelion seeds away, watching them take to the air and find their own place in the world. Some of them, she figured, would find their niche. I found mine, she thought, thinking of the eternity that stood before her. "It was when we began. Technically."
"Rescuing you from greasy hustlers?" Edward laughed. "And that leaky diner?" Bella turned to him.
"Of course." She raced to his arms. "Humble beginnings." The sun bronzed his hair as it shot through the big tree that reached above. She smiled, and he passed back his half-smile that she loved. Bella tried to smudge it with a finger. "It's kind of funny, thinking about it."
"What is?" Edward nestled his chin on her head, his arms wrapping her.
"How I got here, all those years ago." The sun was slowly dipping below the clearing that stretched out beyond the meadow. It was the first time she'd seen the sunset from there in decades - or was it a century already. "I mean, my mom almost broke up with Phil." She was amazed she even remembered her mom's husband's name.
"And if she did, she wouldn't-"
"-have to leave Arizona." Bella finished. "I wouldn't have to force myself to Forks, never would have met you." She kissed him.
"And if you didn't?"
Bella sighed. "I don't know, I guess I would have gone to college or something." She did go to college - thrice - but she found herself more at home with Edward, studying on her own time. "Get married. Have, I don't know, three kids?" Bella laughed. "Maybe get a book published."
"What would you write about?" Edward had known her for more summers than he cared to count, and yet, he'd never read a piece by her. "You ought to show me some of them some time, you know?"
"Yeah, no," she said - he could every one's thoughts and hers if he wished, but she prided herself in that little spec of privacy. "I don't know what I would've written about. Us?"
"How would you know that?" Edward grinned.
"Oh, believe me, I'd find out." Bella gazed out at the stretch of meadow, the sun lighting up the horizon as it fell. The meadow was only just another piece of her perfect forever.
a/n: Wow, that was long. A little dramatic, but it's the story that counts. I'm guessing at 1000-2000 words per chapter this oneshot could have been split into 4 or 5 chapters. Tell me if it would've been better that way. I barely read (didn't) read Breaking Dawn unless you count Wiki summaries, so forgive me if I get the Breaking Dawn parts wrong or twist them in a way.