Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or any of it's characters.

Warning, I'm still cleaning out my old files, and wrote this almost two years ago. See the note at the end

:}

Tori was frantic, busy calling everyone she could think of. She had to find Jade, to make sure her wife was all right. She could be angry at her girl later, once she knew where Jade had gone off too. It's been over twenty four hours since the fight, hours since she started calling around, and so far, no one had a clue where Jade was. Tori had even called the police. Gary, her dad's former partner and current lieutenant in the missing persons unit, tried to talk her down. He assured her everything would be all right. After all, this was Jade they were talking about.

The fight had been bad. Tori had accused Jade of cheating, based on some pictures that had been in the morning tabloids, and subsequently on line everywhere. There was a chance they were innocent, but they did look suspicious. It looked like Jade was kissing some guy, something she denied doing. "The angle makes it look like I'm kissing him. It was just a hug." Like that didn't hurt. Of course Jade denied it, but this was Jade, so she met accusation with antagonism, and Tori got madder and madder that her own hurt was being ignored. In the end, Tori accused her of far worse things, more focused on winning the argument than on fixing anything. Old wounds that Tori should never had brought up surfaced, and Jade raised her hand in anger. At that moment, Jade chose to retreat over lashing out at the person she'd once swore she'd never hurt. Instead, Jade stormed off.

It took Tori a while to cool down, and when she did, she started to worry. Jade storming off wasn't new. Jade often chose to leave rather than lose control, but in the past, she was always findable. She would either retreat to another room, or if that wouldn't work, she'd go someplace to cool off and Tori could find her later. Tori knew Jade had safety issues, and wouldn't go someplace she didn't know without someone to watch her back. Moreover, Tori knew every bar, friend, or place Jade had retreated to in the last few years, and had asked most of them to call her if Jade showed up 'Highly agitated.' Considering one of the secrets only Tori, Sinjin and Jade's therapist knew about her, knowing where Jade was often brought a bit of relief when Tori came down from the fight.

Only today, Jade was gone. Tori kept calling, moving down her contact list, growing more desperate with each call. Tori had even broken her own rule and called Jade. Of course, It went straight to voice mail. So Tori called Sinjin again.

"Still no sign of her?" He asked.

"Have you managed to track her car?" Tori asked.

"In a parking lot, Hollywood hills, with a lot of choices of where to go." He replied. "I'm trying to find out if any camera's caught her, but this isn't like on TV. You can't just long on and find people by traffic camera's."

"I know." Tori said, keeping her fear and anger in check. She was still worried that Jade would do something stupid, just to hurt her. "Keep looking. Bye." She hung up before he could reply.

Back in high school, it would have been difficult to imagine a crises where she called Sinjnin before she called Beck. But that was high school, and so much had changed since then. Tori had since started dating Beck's ex, and in the course of that relationship, it became increasingly difficult to call the calm, collected Canadian. But today was different. His phone rang.

"Tori, it's been what, a month?" He said, sounding too cheery for her liking.

'News of out fight must not have made the tabloids yet. Some one dropped the ball.' She thought. Later, she'd laugh at that thought, once the other emotions had drained away. "Do you know where Jade is?" Desperation edged her voice.

"Can't keep track of your wife, eh?" He asked, joking. "Relax, Jade does this from time to time. I learned it was always best to let her cool off."

"Beck, she didn't always cut up garbage cans!" Tori said, feeling the anger surging. "Oh right, you never knew she tried to kill herself, TWICE!" Tori screamed the last part, once again letting her frustration, worry and anger get the better of her. Only now, she'd told Beck something she'd promised Jade she'd never tell another soul.

"It's that bad?" He asked, his tome more sobered. "Look, Tori, Sinjin's my friend too. I was able to find out about that, eventually, and I understand why you never told me. But you don't have to worry, Jade's come a long way. Her life is great, and no one is abusing her now, so I figure the odds are in your favor." The sound he got back was Tori hanging up. Tori didn't have time for Beck''s laid back attitude, she had calls to make.

'This is bad.' Beck thought. Jade was always a bit on edge, using crazy and threats of ending their relationship to keep him under control. In the end, he didn't know why she decided they were done. Maybe they were broken up, but for her to let go, he had no idea what had changed. She tended to hold onto things long after they were gone, no longer reinvent, or handled.

Tori had become her anchor, helping her work through so much pain. He'd encouraged it, saw how Tori sometimes got her to open up, calm down, get stronger. So Beck pushed their friendship until it cost him Jade. Maybe he'd wound up better for it, maybe not. But as Jade moved towards Tori, his chances with the Latina, the other girl he'd wanted at the time, also faded. If he was honest, his attitude didn't win him anything. Not with him trying for Tori, telling her about the things Jade had done to her, to win her approval and help her be willing to betray what he thought was a friend. Now, looking back, he could understand why his approach just drove his friend away.

Beck knew he had to do something, because Tori was clearly going nuts, so this wasn't just another fight. He decided it was time to betray a trust, hoping he could salvage a friendship by doing so. Long ago, he'd met one of Jade's few friends, a girl named Ruth, and managed to charm a secret out of her. To his shame, that wasn't what he was after, since it was before he and Jade became exclusive, but he'd chosen to remember it. Jade had a hiding place she went when her life got too bad, at a time in her life when bad could be far worse then many people ever experienced. It was where he'd assumed she was those times she tried to end her life. But when he'd found out what she'd actually been doing, he also found out she'd chosen other places. 'Even in her darkest hours, she couldn't bring herself to make that place anything but her happy place.' He mused.

He parked his car, and made sure to lock it. While the area wasn't a crime hub, no place was safe enough to just leave a car like his unlocked. Once it was locked, he began the long walk into the park. Jade's hiding place was private, hidden in the hills, but with a nice view.

He'd only been there once, to confirm that's where Jade went when her world got to be too much, and never again. He'd never told her about his knowing, partially because he'd have to tell her about how he'd gotten the information. Jade had always been crazy jealous, so it was best to just let it be. 'I wonder, what ever happened to Ruth?' He thought as he made his way through the old park towards the small hill.

From there, it didn't take long before he found the old park building, originally used for activities but now reduced to storage. A small river (Or glorified stream) ran next to it, giving it a calming effect. He crossed the bridge and circled around to the rear of the building. He found the old the tree, scaling it to find the small opening into what was once an attic, but due to remodeling went form storage to unused space. Despite the lack of electricity, the openings gave it enough light that he could easily see her. Jade was there, staring out the opening on the other side, looking at the hills.

"Come on, Jade, I know you saw me walking up." He said.

"How'd you find this place?" She asked. Beck was taken by the lack of malice in her voice. It was almost an obligation, asking him.

"Ruth." He said. After a moment of silence, he continued with "Kilborn."

"Oh my gods," Jade said, turning to face Beck. "I haven't thought of her in years. I wonder what she's up to?" Jade almost smiled, but then let it fade.

"Tori's freaking out. No one knows where you are, and your not answering your phone..." He let his voice fade, watching her.

"No reception." Jade said, meeting his eyes for just a moment. "Did you know, butterflies breed near here? On the right day, you can see clouds of them." She turned back to the window, looking over the stream towards the city lights. For half a second, he smiled, cause he remembered how she always liked butterflies.

"What happened?" He asked. 'She wasn't even jealous of Ruth!' He thought. For years after they'd broken up, Jade would still get mad at things that he might have done while they were together. It spoke volumes about how much she'd changed, or how bad this fight really was.

"She said some things, accused me of cheating." Jade kept her voice neutral. "Said some other things too. I was so mad, so I left. But the hurt, it's not going away." Jade started to cry. Beck knew this was huge, both because she'd forgiven him enough to allow him to see her crying, and because it spoke of the amount of pain Jade really was feeling.

He shuffled over to where she was, a long distance to crawl, but the only option given the height of the roof. He could stand and squat, but it was so difficult to move while squatting. 'I guess I know why Jade was so good at it back in school.' He thought. Once he'd closed the distance, he pulled her into a hug. "Jade, it's all right. Tell me what happened, and we'll find a way to work though this."

Jade filled him in, on how she was helping a guy, a friend of a friend, work on an audition. It was kept quiet cause Jade didn't want anyone to think she'd gone soft in her success. Unfortunately, the tabloids got the picture of them hugging. "It only looks like we're kissing. I wouldn't even give him a stage kiss." She admitted. Then, once she had to come clean, she tried to tell Tori, but the she didn't like being accused of cheating, and Tori's belligerent attitude set her off. Things escalated. That led to Tori making some other statements, including accusing Jade of sabotaging their adoption paperwork. "I told her, it would be easier to go foster adopt, but she was worried that we'd only get the child for a short time, then lose them to the birth parents." Jade said. "I warned her, even with all out success, it take time." Jade heaved, her body lost in the pain.

"She didn't mean it." Beck said. "You know how it feels to be rejected, to think you were the one, and then find that she thought it was someone else." He said. "She was just lashing out."

"And now I feel bad about how I treated you." Jade was coming apart. He just held her.

Eventually, she stopped crying. She'd turned to look out the window, and was watching the various movements of nature around her. "So, why isn't this place full of spider and rats?" He asked.

"I come by here from time to time, lay traps and spray." She admitted. "I even put in the screens, to help keep them out. Rats still can get in, but it made the place much nicer. There's also a sonic device in the storage below meant to keep animals out, and that helps."

"Why?" Beck was distracting her from the pain. "Why'd you come here?"

"You know, I used to live near here." She said. "This was my hiding place, ever since Ruth first showed me this park. Did you know her mother used to work in this park? That how we knew about the building, and once I started using it, I kinds set things up so others wouldn't stumble in on me." Jade was smiling now.

"Come." Beck said. "It's time to go now."

"No." Jade jerked away from him. "Happy here."

"You don't need this place any more." He cooed. "Lets get you back home."

"Tori doesn't want me." Jade snapped. "This is my home." She added, her voice so soft Beck almost missed it.

"She's having kittens, going nuts looking for you." He said. "She even called me."

"Good." Jade muttered.

"Jade!" His voice stern. She just looked at him, her eyes still hurting. He almost leaned forward, but knew that would be a bad idea. Not only would he betray a friend, and his wife, he'd be lucky to leave this park alive. Jade didn't cheat. And he knew, taking advantage of her when she's hurting, not a good idea. So instead, he leaned back, and moved towards the way he came in.

Sighing, Jade reluctantly followed.

Tori was just finishing talking with Sikowitz, and checking to see if she'd already called any of the people he'd given her, when her phone rang. She leapt, grabbing it and checking the caller ID. It was only Beck. She wouldn't normally answer, not willing to update HIM on Jade, but wasn't quite ready to call all of the people who'd known Jade back in high school. "Beck, make it quick, I'm busy." she snapped.

"Sorry." Came a very familiar female voice, then the line went silent. Jade had hung up.

Tori stood there, stunned,. She didn't know what to think. Why was Jade using his phone? Was she with Beck? Was she WITH Beck? The questions kept building as she fumbled to recover the number and call her back. As she started, her phone rang. She managed to press the answer button on the second try.

"Jade?!" She said.

"I'm bringing her home. Have someone get her car." Beck said. He hated hanging up on Tori, but knew she wasn't going to be able to just ask questions. So he let her go, and concentrated on driving. To his astonishment, Tori didn't call back, instead waiting for them to get to her home.

What followed for Tori was twenty minutes of worry and exhaustion wearing her down. The only thing that kept her awake was her growing anger. 'How did HE know where to find her?' The questions kept building in her head. By the time Beck arrived, she was sporting for another fight. It made things worse when he came to the door alone.

"Where's Jade?" She asked, her voice ice.

"Fell asleep in the car." He replied, seemingly ignoring the Tori's cold reception. "Can I come in? We need to talk."

"Why did she go to you?" This time her voice was far more accusatory.

"She didn't." He replied. "I knew about a special place of Jade's, someplace so special she never shared it with anyone except the friend she'd found it with. Turns out, before we were going out, or rather before we were exclusive, I slept with one of her friends, that friend, and found out about the place." He looked at Tori, not the least surprised at the tired shock on her face. "Yea, Jade still thinks she was my first. I didn't let her know I knew about her special place cause I was sure she'd ask how I knew, and things would get awkward. But today, she didn't ask."

Tori was still so angry, but Beck had disarmed her. So she followed him into her living room and sat down, giving him her full attention, listening to his explanation. She was intend on finding whatever she could use in the next round of fighting.

Beck looked, confirming that Tori was sitting down, listening. But he could tell, the Latina was fading, the victim of too many hours of stress and worry. He knew that soon, she would be asleep. He shrugged, talked to her a bit longer, sharing unimportant details until she was out. Once she had drifted off, he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. It wasn't hard knowing which was the master suite, since despite Tori's dislike of him, he'd been been there on occasion, with the group. But that night, he had things to take care of, so focused on his task, putting the still dressed girl to bed. Once Tori was in bed, and her shoes were off, he want back to his car and carried Jade in. He placed her next to Tori, boots off, and covered them both. Finally, he place Jade's phone on it's charger, and walked out. He left their house, locking the door behind him and placing the keys where they'd be safe.

Once out, he called his wife. "Brenda, hi, just wanted to let you know I love you. Yea, I heard about the whole Tori West Drama. I'll tell you More, once I get home." He sighed. It had hit the news now. At least his wife was in for a story. He smiled, marveling at how much he had to admit now, and hoping his wife would see the worst parts as his youthful indiscretion. But the drive home, it felt good, like he'd accomplished something, and so anything his wife did would be small by comparison.

Tori woke up, and for a second, she was panicked again. Then she remembered Beck, and how he was there, telling her about how he knew where Jade was. 'He brought Jade home.' she thought, looking around the room. She didn't see her wife, but did see Jade's phone was on the charger. Tori got up and went looking.

She found Jade in the office, on line, looking something up. "Well?" She asked, her aggravation returning.

"Looking up an old friend." Jade said. "Did I ever tell you about Ruth?"

"Go on." Tori said. Her anger was still there, but now she was curious about this person, and what she had to do with everything. 'It couldn't be random, could it?'

"Ruth was a grunch. She was my friend, mostly from when she first moved into that neighborhood I used to live in. She moved in and we kinda hit it off." Jade explained. She took a second to let that linger, gathering her thoughts about her one time friend. "For a long time, we stayed friends cause she felt sorry for me, and I needed someone who I could talk to about the shit my parents, my family, did to me. In the end, she used me. I understand how distant I was becoming, so I totally get that she used me to gain new friends, then dumped me like yesterdays news." Jade tuned to look at her wife. "I understand why she did it now. I can be hard to be near sometimes."

Tori hit her. The slap rang through the room. "SHE DUMPED YOU CAUSE YOU GOT BECK AFTER SHE'D PUT OUT TO WIN HIM!" Tori screamed. The singer grabbed her wife's shoulders, pulling her out of the chair and into a hug. "Don't you EVER do that to me again!" She demanded as she squeezed Jade hard.

Jade stared at the wall, confused. She had no idea what was going on. Tori had never hit her before, but she'd slapped her now. Jade started softy crying. She didn't know what to do, or how to act, and it hurt, even as it comforted her that Tori still cared.

Tori then pulled back, looked into Jade's eyes, and felt the anger, the worry, everything she'd been feeling for about forty hours, drain away. Jade was back, and she could feel her love for the woman again. The fear, the anger, all based on possibly losing her wife, had been the only thing she'd been able to think about for days now. As Jade managed to gain control of herself, Tori reluctantly let go.

Slowly, Tori walked to the phone. Jade spoke. "I've been calling around, letting people know I'm okay. Had our publicist prepare a statement, but you're going to have to talk to her. I wasn't sure what to say, other than I'm okay." She sounded defeated.

Tori picked up the phone, and called their publicist. She was amazed she didn't have a hundred messages from her, but counted her blessing. Once she assured the woman, and the company, that is was just the stress of their work getting to them, and normal marital stuff, she turned her attention back to her wife.

Jade was composing an email to Ruth, now with the married name Shaw, checking in on her. Tori smiled at the strange, sentimental act she was seeing. But they had issues of their own. "We need to see someone." Tori admitted.

"I know." Jade replied. "You want me to handle that?"

"No, I will." Tori said. "But I want you to know, I don't blame you for the delays. You know, adoption."

"Why not?" Jade asked, still looking at her work.

"Cause I don't think they'd hold a few bad years in your past against us." Tori said. "Look I was just angry. We both could have handled that better..."

"It's my fault." Jade cut her off. "I was so busy trying to help Steve I didn't think about how it would look. I just wanted to show you I could be a good person." Jade was crying again.

Tori hugged her from behind. "Don't run off like that again."

"I..." Jade said, trying to decide if she'd be able to keep that promise.

"Tell me about it." Tori said, sitting down next to Jade. "The place you went."

"There's this place that I go, where nobody knows, where the river flows, and I call it home..." Jade started.

:}

My note from two years ago:

Blame "Staketheheart" for this one. While reading that great Victorious version of "Easy A" he called "Let's Do it and Say We didn't," I got the song stuck in my head.

So what did you think? I'm waiting…..