Summary: What if in the middle of the novel Bella started to think like a rational human being? What would she do? What would Edward do?

(Starts on page 292 of the book)

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget."

"Oh. Yeah."

"Can't I come in?" he asked.

"Uh…sure?" I couldn't picture it, this creature sitting in my father's shabby kitchen chair.

"Thank you." I heard the door close quietly, and almost simultaneously, he was outside my door opening it for me. That was creepy. I was creped out.

"Oh, thanks."

He walked besides me in the night, so quietly I had to peek at him constantly to be sure he was still there. In the darkness he looked much more normal, but still not really normal. Still pale, still dreamlike in his beauty, but no longer the fantastical sparkalay creature of our sunlit afternoon.

He reached the door ahead of me and opened it for me. I paused halfway through the frame.

"The door was unlocked?" I said in a freaked out tone.

"No, I used the key from under the eve." Freaked out, I jumped inside, slammed the door, and peeked at him through the window. I had never used that key around him. I was sure about that.

"How did you know that was there?" I shrieked.

"I was curious about you." I think that roughly translates to; I was spying on you.

"YOU CREEPER!"

"What else is there to do at night?" he said, unrepentant. "Now let me in, please?"

"Hold on," I said, hurrying to the back of my house, where my handy-dandy The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Extreme Edition (we recommend you buy this for $14.95; it is better than Twilight) was located. I flipped open the cover and rifled through the pages till I spotted "How to Avoid a Vampire Attack." After reading step 1, I sprinted to the kitchen, tripping halfway through, and grabbed garlic off the counter.

"Coming!" I yelled, sprinting back to the front door, to find that Edward was already inside.

"Woah. How'd you get in?" I asked, as I brandished the garlic. Edward looked at me, half amused and half terrified.

"I used the door," he said calmly, as if it would be reasonable to break into my house. I took an involuntary step backwards. He stepped forward.

(If only Bella had read step 4 of "How to Avoid a Vampire Attack," she would've known to avoid the vampire's charm, and not to look him directly in the eye. BUT SHE DIDN'T READ IT, AND SHE DID!)

I stared at his inhumane beauty, unable to look away. His beautiful and dazzling and gorgeous and stunning and spectacular and eye-catching eyes stared back at me with such beauty and dazzle and gorgeousness, that I was dazzled and couldn't think.

"Why are you holding garlic, sweet Bella?" he asked with his dazzling and beautiful and gorgeous and stunning and eye-catching voice. I couldn't think straight, so I offered him another question.

"So…" I started. "You come here…at night?"

"I come almost ever night."

I whirled, stunned. "Why?"

"You're interesting when you sleep." He spoke matter-of-factly. "You talk."

"You stalker!" I screamed, throwing the garlic at his head. It bounced off his ear and onto the floor.

His expression shifted instantly to chagrin. "Are you very angry with me?"

"Yea, I'm angry with you. You're peeping at me when I sleep!"

Instantly, silently, he was at my side, taking my hands carefully in his.

"Don't be angry with me!" He pleaded. He dropped his face to the level of my eyes, holding my gaze.

"What are you doing?" I said as I tried to pull away but his hands closed around mine, holding me firmly in place.

"Don't be self-conscious," he whispered in my ear. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."

"That was really corny," I said, trying to pull my hands free again, "And get your sparkalay hands off me."

Then we both heard the sound of tires on the brick driveway, saw the headlights flash through the front windows, down the hall to us. I stiffened even more and he dropped my hands.

"Should your father know that I'm here?" He asked.

"No, if he finds you here he'll probably shoot you. You should go now, and not come back."

And then I was alone.

Charlie came home, and I went to my bedroom.

I worked to make my tread sounds slow and tired as I walked up the stairs to my room. I shut the door loud enough for him to hear.

I turned around in the darkness, one hand flying to my throat in surprise as I found Edward, laying largely, smiling hugely, across the bed, his hands behind his head, his feet dangling off the end, the picture of creepiness.

"Oh," I breathed, sinking unsteadily to the floor. I couldn't believe that freak was in my room!

"I'm sorry." He pressed his lips together, trying to hide his amusement, but I could see it in his eyes. His beautiful and dazzling and gorgeous and stunning and eye-catching eyes stared back at me with such beauty and dazzle and gorgeousness, that I was dazzled and couldn't think.

"What are you doing on my bed?" I finally managed to ask.

"Why don't you sit with me?" he suggested, putting a cold hand on mine.

"Cuz you're a creepier." I said trying to make my voice hard, but it shook.

I saw his quiet laughter shake the bed.

"Stop laughing and get out of my room you freak."

"Please, don't make me go. It would be easier tomorrow if I stayed. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazing desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time. I'll have to start over."

I grabbed a filthy T-shirt off my bed and tossed at him. "If you need to keep my scent around to keep from trying to eat me take this, but you need to leave."

He handed me back the shirt and firmly placed his feet on the ground. "You should keep this shirt, I'm partial to this color on your skin."

He lead forward and I froze, his eyes held mine and I suddenly felt like I couldn't move.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Hmmm…," he mused as he quickly finished. "It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory."

"What?"

"Something like that." He leaned even closer, his face inches from mine. I had no room to escape. "I love you and would never hurt you," he said blowing his cold breath into my face.

"CHARLIE!" I screamed in panic.

I heard footsteps on the stairs and the sound of puffing breath. "What's wrong?" he yelled as he threw open the door, gun in hand. He seemed to have heard the urgency in my voice.

He stared in shock at Edward as he leaned over me. "Who are you?" he bellowed, his hand tightening around the gun.

"He won't leave," I said.

"Hello Mr. Swan. How are you?" Edward said calmly.

"Um, hi. I'm good," Charlie said, surprised before remembering that this boy was in his only daughter's bedroom at night. "Do you mind explaining to me why you're in my daughter's bedroom?" He asked. He seemed a bit calmer, but then gun was still gripped tightly in his hand and pointed at Edward.

"Mind over matter." He said.

"Get out of my room you stalker!" I said, wandering what he was doing to Charlie.

"Mmmmmmmm…," Edward breathed.

With all force I tired to pull my hands from his steel hands and to my surprise I managed to escape. I felt myself falling, my middle toe hit the corner of my desk. I felt a drop of blood escape my skin and trickled down my nail.

Instantly Edward's eyes changed from their normal beautiful and dazzling and gorgeous and stunning and sparkly and eye-catching eyes to menacing dark eyes filled with lust for my blood.

He lunged for me but even then, his vampire lunging skills was not as amazing speed of Justine and Maddy. The two amazing girls dashed across the room. In Justine's hand, she held a metal stake and a wood mallet. In Maddy's hand, she held a steak, as she had not understood which kind she was suppose to use.

"Eat this vampire," Maddy, the fashionably dressed vampire hunter, said as she loft the steak at him, it bounced off his chest harmlessly, but the blood distracted the horrid creature, halting his lunge. He turned his snarling face at the two hunters.

And as he was distracted a shot echoed across the room as Charlie's gun went off, shooting Edward in the heart. But it did no damage, but it did distract him from the awesomeness that was Justine.

Justine sprung forward and used the mallet to drive the stake in quickly with a single blow. (Which kills vampires according to The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Extreme Edition.)

Maddy turned away, screaming in disgust at the disgusting remains that were once Edward.

I fainted promptly on the floor and didn't get to thank my saviors.

A friend and I created this creature out of sheer boredom. I apologize for any grammar/spelling problems. Almost all Edward quotes were taken directly from the book. Whatever.