Author's Note: Hey all, I've been lilting through a hiatus on fanfictions but decided to go ahead with this one.
It was originally going to be silly the whole way through, but that would make three fanfictions in a row that are completely about someone being laughed at. So this story stole a sincere, if very brief, moment.
White Rose and Bumbleby shippers, you are my audience.
UPDATE 8/1: Made a few revisions here and there to make the story less choppy.
UPDATE 8/5: Still not satisfied with my rustiness. Made more minor changes to work through the awkward sentence choices.
Fun fact: This fanfiction was spurred by two headcanons floating around that I thought had funny wording.
It was, with a certainty that agonized Weiss, her fault she was undergoing such ruthless humiliation. She thought, with great indignity, that confiding in her teammates of four years would lead to a brief allowable awkwardness before transitioning into a mature, guiding discussion from a couple with experience in her dilemma.
But her teammates were too immature for that. Instead she had to stand in the middle of her dorm room enduring the timeless torture of being laughed at—by friends, at that!—over her clueless discomfort about something personal. How unfair it all was!
"You want our advice because you do what?" Yang said in their dorm room between spurts of belly laughs.
"Yang." Blake's tone was reprimanding, but the tightness of her smile betrayed her feelings. "She said she couldn't do it."
Yang snorted loudly and covered her mouth. When she saw Weiss's pout, she knew she had to calm down. Yang cleared her throat, straightening her stance in front of Blake's bed. "So," she said, lowering a hand in Weiss's direction, "you're here because you want to know how—oh my god—forget it, you're here because you and Ruby can't do it." She snorted a second time at those final words.
"And you're talking about your sister like this!" said Weiss. "Don't you have any shame?"
"About these matters, not particularly," Blake muttered as Yang slapped her thigh.
"You guys are insufferable," Weiss said, turning away. She still heard Yang's faint wheezing.
Blake said, "Weiss, do you want her out of the room?"
"Yes," Weiss said, giving them the privilege of a second try. She faced them again, her arms crossed. "Take her out of the room. Then we can continue on our conversation like the rational members of this team."
"It's a family curse," Yang choked out as Blake steered her towards the hallway.
Blake closed the door and breathed in. "So," she said, opening her eyes. She let go of the doorknob. "You've been worried about your…performance with Ruby."
"If that's how you want to put it," said Weiss.
Blake's smile was already turning stale, a sign the funniness of the situation had not quite left her. The smile was still patient, but the knowingness that flashed through her eyes caught Weiss off guard. "What is it that really holds you back?" she asked. "You know," she said to clarify, "The act itself? Getting over nervousness? Foreplay?"
"Getting over the nervousness," Weiss stammered, for a start.
"Because she's your leader?"
"And she's my partner," Weiss blurted, saying it to the open at last. "So I should take it seriously, shouldn't I? None of this single-night raunchiness loaded in alcohol and regret."
The tip of Blake's mouth drew out wider, in such a way that Weiss was filled with fury and a dreadful curiosity. "I have a point, don't I?" she demanded.
"Yes," said Blake. "You do."
Weiss couldn't help but find that underwhelming. "Then what do I do?"
"Not take it so seriously," said Blake.
Weiss was dumbstruck. "Blake Belladonna," she reminded her, "I just said—"
"I know what you said," said Blake. "And I'm saying not to take it so seriously. When you're busy trying to make everything right, you're forcing something that can't be totally planned."
"You're being very frank about this," said Weiss.
"I date Yang," Blake said with a shrug.
A minute passed as Weiss thought about what was said. She was staring Blake in the face, which the Faunus returned with that same, oddly disarming half-smile. Her eyes had softened before Weiss spoke again.
"Blake, can I tell you something private?"
"Oh?" said Blake, a pitch in her voice. She raised an eyebrow.
"The hardest part is taking off my pants."
Blake's smugness stilted into a moment of shock. "Excuse me?"
"She doesn't even have pants!" Yang yelled from the other side of the door.
"Shut up, Yang!" Blake and Weiss said, in different tones.
There was a thud somewhere outside, implying Yang hit the wall in barely stifled giggles. Blake turned back to Weiss. She still looked perplexed by the other girl's statement.
"Taking off your…?"
"I can't help it!" Weiss said. "Whenever we try it I can't hold it in, and I'm already moaning before my clothes hit the floor!"
The trigger had been pulled. There were not one but two bursts of laughter that exploded inside and outside the room as Weiss's teammates finally lost it. Blake had put a hand over her mouth, to attempt a shred of decency, while Yang erupted with a shrill cry that sounded like a dying chicken. They continued like this, for half a minute. The Weiss of a few years ago might have berated them for their idea of entertainment. However, she had grown enough and knew them enough to only put her head in her hands.
The gauntlet of embarrassment ended abruptly only for something more awful to renew it. Somehow, over the clamor, Weiss and Blake heard the sudden strangle of Yang swallowing her laughs. "Hey sis," she said, and after a brief mortifying glance, Weiss and Blake feigned casualness.
The door opened, with a strangely agonizing prolonged creak, as Ruby walked into the room. Yang hobbled along behind her, still in the stages of quashing her grin. It took Ruby a quick scan of her team to know something had happened between them.
"You ready to ace that test?" she asked, pumping her fist to rouse enthusiasm.
"That simple thing? Of course," said Weiss.
"Completely prepared," said Blake.
"Not a problem," said Yang.
Ruby flicked her gaze to each of them, one at a time, before tilting her head in a dismissive manner. "I just needed to get something for the library," she said, heading to the dangerously slanted bunk bed that was tied to the ceiling. She hooked her fingers into the wooden frame and swung up, grabbing one of the thick knotted ropes that kept the bed in suspension. The others listened to the bed rock as Ruby crawled along the blankets to gather her supplies. At one point she paused, frowned, and picked up a red rose petal. She let it flutter off the bed, nonchalant, then jumped down to the floor. "See you, I'm off," she said, and closed the door on her way out.
"Bye," said Yang, as Blake gave a little wave. When the lock sounded they turned back to Weiss.
Weiss already felt the blush rising up her neck. "Don't even start."
The other two's mouths parted, soundlessly, their gazes moving elsewhere. A few seconds later their eyes landed on each other.
"Now I know what those noises were," said Yang in a hushed tone.
"What did I just tell you?"
"Weiss?" said Blake, with a tinge of guilt, "why did Ruby pick a petal off her bed?"
She and Yang were shaking in barely suppressed anticipation. Weiss knew there was no way around it.
"One time," she said, "one time, we made it work. And it was fast. And"—she breathed in—"when it happened, she burst into roses."
The howls were wild, Yang grabbing Blake in attempt to stay on her feet before they toppled onto the rug. The sheer volume of their voices buried every subsequent reprimand launched at them. They had started turning purple when Weiss yelled, "Yeah, well, I remember the time you did it under a desk during the history seminar!"
Blake and Yang promptly shut up.