Chapter 1

"Harder," she demanded. I moved my hips faster, pushing them into hers with more force, hoping it was what she wanted. I got my answer with a moan and a slight tilt of her hips, allowing me to go in deeper.

"Fuck, just like that," she groaned and on the inside, I smiled. I had made her feel that way, I was obviously doing something right, so I kept doing it. Her fingers dug into my shoulders, I could feel the slight sting from her short nails and I was grateful that she didn't have talons like Rose. Those suckers would hurt.

"I'm so close," she moaned and I returned my thoughts to the woman below me. All my effort became focused on her, on making her reach that pinnacle, to make her know that I had been the one to give her that pleasure.

I could feel her tightening around me and it was just enough to push me over the edge, though I had had no clue I was even close to falling. I continued to move inside her, even as my body relaxed in post-coital bliss, anxious to help her achieve that glorious end. With a loud gasp, she did, though what left her mouth after that gasp killed any sort of bliss that I had, reminding me that even though I had given my all to her, she was never mine, but his.

"Jake!"

I had been in love with Isabella Swan for as long as I could remember. Her hair was what my mind pictured when someone mentioned dark silk, her eyes were brown pools of mystery, begging for me to stare deeply into them and discover all her secrets.

Yeah, I was cheesy, but I was in love or what I thought love was. How can someone who has never really been in love, let alone a relationship, truly tell you what it felt like? That's what Alice kept telling me anyway, damn Alice.

"Stop staring at her," Alice whispered at me, poking me in the ribs with her elbow. Damn pointy elbows.

I turned my head to glare at her and found Alice staring hard at me, her eyes narrowed. If I didn't know better, I would swear the girl could read my mind.

"I wasn't staring," I whispered back, though we both knew I was lying. She was sitting in front of us, a couple of rows down in the crowded movie theater. It was the holiday break and it seemed that all of our small town had turned out to the movies that Friday night. People wandered the aisles, greeting those that they hadn't seen since going our separate ways at the end of summer.

"It's like a Forks High reunion here," a deep voice grumbled. My knees were shoved to the side and my charming brother entered the row, tossing a box onto my lap. The requested box of Raisinets hit me square in the crotch, causing me to groan.

"Stop staring at Bella and getting a semi, then it won't hurt when they fall on your lap," Emmett told me as he settled into the seat next to me.

"Christ Em," I hissed, looking around to see who heard him. I had never vocalized my crush on Bella, in fact, I was pretty sure she was clueless about it and I didn't want Emmett announcing it to the entire theater as the way she found out for certain.

"Whatever Edward," Em's girlfriend Rosalie said, leaning forward and looking around Emmett's bulk to glare at me. "Besides, she's back together with Jake. Didn't you hear the two of them going at it on New Year's Eve? She screamed out his name!"

I was glad at that moment the lights started to dim so no one would see my blush. I hadn't told anyone what had happened on New Year's Eve and Rosalie was the last person I wanted to know of my humiliation. I hadn't even told Alice yet and I told her everything.

I barely paid attention to the previews and once the movie started, the theater was illuminated thanks to the beach scene and I could see her once again. New Year's Eve, the best and worst night of my life, I thought as I stared at the back of her head. She wasn't with Jake, fortunately, but surrounded by friends from high school, friends that didn't run in the same circles that I did. I wouldn't have even been at that party if it hadn't been for Em dragging me along. He had been the Big Man on Campus when we were in high school, I was merely his geeky twin brother. While he was captaining the football and debate teams, I had been the one filming him, capturing everything with the A/V club. Alice and Jasper had been my partners in crime, the three of us filming and reporting on the ins and outs of Forks High School. We skirted the fringes of the popular crowd and even now that our graduating class had gone its separate ways for life after high school, we still fell into our high school roles when home for holidays and summer breaks from college. The town was too small to reinvent yourself, even if that was exactly what you had done when starting college.

I had gone to college as far away from home as I could possibly get, Dartmouth, while Emmett decided to stay reasonably local with UDub in Seattle. Alice wasn't too far from me, a few hours drive at Cornell and Jasper was at West Point. He didn't make it home as often as Alice and I would have liked, but we did get to see him more frequently than we would have if we weren't going to school near by.

Bella was at UDub as well, rooming with Rosalie and that meant Em saw her and he would occasionally pass me little bits of information about her. He knew of my crush and while he wasn't in favor of the worshipping from afar approach I had taken over the years, he would throw me a bone once in a while. Rosalie thought I was creepy but hadn't outted me to Bella as far I knew. Somehow, I was sure I had Em to thank for that as well.

I watched Bella more than the movie, studying the way she moved her head as she turned to see what Angela or Jessica were saying. The light of the screen would highlight her profile and I could stare at her small nose, her delicate cheekbones, her plump lips-.

"Fuck, that hurt!" I whispered, turning to glare at Alice and that pointy elbow of hers again.

"Stop staring Pervward," she whispered back. "I thought you were getting over her, moving on with Tanya."

I nodded, recalling the girl that I had dated a couple of times at school. Tanya was sweet, not bad to look at and for some reason, seemed completely enamored of me. She was my lab partner's roommate and we had met during a study session at their room. We hit it off and before I knew it, I was taking her to a party. I hadn't asked her out, she had done all the asking, but she wasn't Bella, that was for sure.

The movie came to an end and while Em and Rosalie argued about the ending, I watched Bella and her friends exit the theater.

"Cheer up Charlie," Alice said with a grin. "Let's go get some pizza, I bet Bella will be there." She laced her arm through mine and started the pull me from my seat and out into the dark night. The pizza place was within walking distance of the theater and she rambled on and on about the computer her parents had given her for Christmas, begging me to come over the next day and look at it.

"Fine, if it'll shut you up for 5 minutes, then yes, I will Alice," I said with a grin.

"What? Kiss her?" Emmett chose that moment to push his way into our conversation and did so loud enough that several of the surrounding tables in the place heard him. Bella's included.

Alice's nose scrunched up in distaste and she threw a balled up napkin at Emmett in response. "Ew, no! Kissing Edward would be like kissing my own brother or worse, you!"

Emmett smiled, catching the projectile in the air and throwing it over his shoulder. "You know you want me Shorty, how could you resist?" His eyebrows waggled as he spoke and made Alice laugh.

"You are taken, remember Em? Besides, you kissed me when we were 5 and it was gross then, and would be even grosser now!" Alice reminded him.

"You couldn't handle me, admit it," Emmett teased, his chest puffing up in arrogance. I loved my brother, don't get me wrong, but he could be a first class ass.

"You are so right Em, you are just too, too virile for me," Alice declared, channeling her inner Southern Belle.

Emmett snickered and his chest deflated. He reached over and gave Alice a rub on the head, messing up her hair and earning his own visit from her pointy elbow. Rosalie watched the interaction between the two, an almost bored look on her face. She was used to the antics between Alice and Em by now, though she had been annoyed by it when they had first started dating. Even though Alice was my best friend, she was loved by Emmett as well, even if he tended to show it through more juvenile means.

The banter continued until Rose sat up and grabbed Em's arm, making sure she had his attention. She silently pointed toward the table I had been doing my best to not look at and since she was calling attention to it, I had to look too, right?

Bella was talking with Jake and it didn't look like it was going well at all. Bella looked confused, Jake looked angry and Rosalie looked like she wanted to run across the room and break it up. She turned to look at Emmett, to make sure he was watching and when Jake grabbed Bella's arm, Em stood and walked over to his girlfriend's roommate's table. We couldn't hear what was going on, but Jake dropped Bella's arm and angrily stormed out of the restaurant. Bella's friends moved in, quick to help comfort their friend and Rose left our table, anxious to get to Bella as well.

"What happened?" I asked Em once he came back and sat down again.

"Jake was calling Bella a liar and Bella was arguing that she wasn't. I didn't hear anything else besides that," Em explained before shoving his face full of pizza.

I took a long drink of my soda, watching Bella from the corner of my eye. She was led out of the restaurant, Angela and Jessica flanking her on either side. She looked upset and when Rose came back to sit with us once again, she started talking before I could question her.

"Em, could you drop me at Bella's tonight? She needs her friends right now," Rosalie asked.

Emmett nodded, pushed the remaining half of a slice of pizza into his mouth and wiped his hands with a paper napkin. He swallowed hard and gave Rose a soft smile. "Of course. Ed, you got this?"

I nodded and sent him a silent message, letting him know that I needed more details when he got home. He sighed, rolled his eyes and helped Rose from the booth. They called out their goodbyes, leaving Alice and I alone at the table with most of a jumbo pizza between us.

"What are we going to do with that?" Alice asked, pointing to the pizza.

"I'll take it home. Em will eat it, don't worry about that," I told her. I watched as Alice got the attention of the waitress, and after a few minutes, we were headed out of the door ourselves, each carrying half of the remaining pizza.

We walked to my car, tossed the pizza in the back seat and once we were headed toward home, Alice turned and looked at me. She didn't say anything for a long time and her gaze was starting to make me nervous. Finally, I blurted it out, unable to stand the glare any longer.

"I slept with Bella Swan on New Year's Eve," I said quickly.

"Well, that wasn't what I was expecting," Alice said slowly. "I need more details. Spit it out Cullen." I sighed deeply and launched into the story.

"Em took me to Mike Newton's party, right? Well, you know how those parties can be," I started and Alice motioned with her hand for me to get on with it.

"Yeah, yeah, get to the good stuff already," she prompted.

"So, Bella got really drunk, cornered me, then took me upstairs to one of the bedrooms and we did it," I summarized.

"Oookay," Alice replied. I glanced away from the road and looked at her. She was staring out of the windshield and I could tell she was deep in thought. "What happened? You're obviously not shouting it from the rooftops and Bella isn't avoiding you, so?"

"She thought I was Jake," I muttered.

"What? Couldn't hear you," Alice said.

"I said, she thought I was Jake," I repeated, barely raising my voice.

"But you two are nothing alike!" Alice declared.

"And yet, it was his name she cried out at the end," I confessed.

"Holy-," Alice started and I held up a hand, cutting her off.

"You aren't telling anyone, even Jasper, got me?" I asked.

"But Ed-," Alice started again and again I stopped her.

"No one Alice, promise me," I said seriously. "I would prefer that no one know of my humiliation."

Alice silently nodded, then placed a hand on my shoulder and rubbed. "Does she know differently?" I shook my head. "Okay, well, uhm, wow," Alice laughed nervously. Seriously though, what do you say in response to that? I would have reacted the same way had Alice told me a similar story. Not that she would, she was with Jasper, had been since the second day of high school, but still, you get my point.

I pulled up outside Alice's house and cut the engine. I stared at the steering wheel and listened as Alice gathered her things. She placed a kiss on the top of my head, then she was gone without saying a word. It might have been the longest amount of time I had heard her quiet, when she wasn't asleep.

I headed home, and when I pulled in, I saw Em's Jeep already parked by the garage. I pulled the leftover pizza from the back and walked through the kitchen door to find Em and our mother standing at the counter, talking quietly. Once they saw me, they stopped quickly and I wondered if I had been their topic of conversation. I tossed the pizza boxes onto the counter in front of Em and sighed.

"I'm going to bed," I announced. I walked out of the room and headed upstairs to my bedroom. Footsteps followed me and I turned once I reached the staircase to find my mother had followed me. "Mom, I'm fine," I said quickly before she could say anything.

She reached out and brushed some hair off my forehead, smiling at something in her head. "How was the movie?"

I shrugged, unable to even come up with a convincing lie, seeing as how I watched Bella Swan instead of the movie. Best 10 bucks ever, in my opinion, but Mom didn't need to know that.

"Mom, I really am tired," I said, attempting once again to hide in my room.

"Okay sweetheart, I'm here if you need to talk, you know that right?" She smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. I nodded, gave her a hug, then continued my trek to the second floor and my sanctuary.

Once inside, I kicked off my shoes and jacket, then fell face first onto my bed. I groaned into my pillow, my head full of jumbled thoughts. I knew I would never be able to sleep, so I sat up and walked to my laptop, which was set up on my old desk. I powered it on, pulled up a Word document and began to type. The Bella files were born.