A/N: So this idea started out as 'Thor plays Rock Band', and then it just got a LOT worse. A LOT.
Anyway, enjoy (if you're into that kind of thing)!
Thor and the Disneyland® Rock Band (feat. Loki)
(also known as 'We Were Rocks!')
Breaking Loki out of a maximum security prison had been surprisingly simple. The method – smash everything that looked even slightly tech-ish – was brutal, but necessary. Of course, Thor wasn't stupid (despite his brother's constant hazing). The manacles were to stay on.
You may be wondering, what in the name of Asgard had caused the 'Hero' to rescue his designated 'Bad Guy' from the austere, grey halls of purgatory? Familial bond? Drunken misdemeanour? Power rush? A lack of any good gym partners at three in the morning? No. The answer was much, much simpler than any analysing of it was really worth, as Loki found out when he asked.
"I wish to game with thee, brother." Thor stated, quite seriously, "Rock Band®. 'Tis a game for the gallant of heart, and strong of lungs."
"You wreaked havoc on Disneyland® 's Dungeonarium® because you want me to play a game with you?"
Loki's stare suggested many things, most of which were unsuitable to say in front of a PG-13 audience, and were certainly defaming of his brother's mental aptitude. The only thing keeping him quiet at that very moment was his contract to Disney®, signed in blood and subjected to magic rituals that even Tinkerbell, the Good Fairy of the South, would fear.
Damn that wicked mouse! he thought, Can't even sneak a good insult in without permission...
The pimped-out (self-proclaimed) 'God of Mischief' let out an unpleasant sound that was half guttural growl, half whimper. Thor was to go un-patronised. Yet again.
The blond, himself, seemed unaware of his brother's plight (or that he had violated several of the recent amendments in his own contract), and shrugged.
"I was going to ask the small, man-hawk to join me in this raucous behaviour, but alas, he is slumbering," Thor sighed. He seemed to be truly saddened by this event...for at least 4.5 seconds.
A new record, Loki thought wearily, as the heavyweight blond clapped him joyously on the back, laughing his empty head off.
"But, now I have you, brother!" Thor exclaimed, "We shall party as if it is 1999, until the first rays on the morrow bloom!"
Loki was skeptical.
"And just how, with all your bulked-up braincells, do you expect to get out of this priso-sorry, theme park without alerting security?" he questioned.
"Why, the same way I got in!" Thor exclaimed, reaching into his back pocket to produce a small, brown bag, "Pixie Dust®!"
"Isn't that a hallucinogen?"
"A what?" Thor was puzzled, "No," he shook his head, "Oh, no. This is Pixie Dust®! Straight from Tinkerbell, herself!"
If Thor could have sounded any more juvenile in that moment, he would have permanently ruined the reputation of blondes everywhere. For all time.
Wait, Loki thought, How on Earth did he get anything from Tinkerbell?
The petite fairy had a reputation of being a stuck-up menace.
"Brother," the trickster asked carefully, "Just how did you obtain that-" he choked the next words out, "-Pixie Dust®?"
"Tinkerbell is very giving, brother," Thor replied.
Yeah, right...
"Yes, but... How shall I put this? I was under the impression that you had to shake her to get any...Pixie Dust® out?" Loki asked, nose wrinkled in disgust. He really hated registered trademarks popping up into his speech.
Thor nodded sagely.
"Oh, yes," he admitted, "However, she did not seem to mind the vigorous shaking we were doing."
Loki almost gagged.
"I'm never asking you anything ever again," he swore. His brother's eyes widened in shock.
"You misunderstand! We were merely-"
"I know what you were doing," the ice giant replied. Thor continued talking over him, regardless.
"You see, when an Asgardian prince, and a fairy love each other very much-"
"Yes. I know all about that, thank you," Loki interrupted icily.
"You do?!" Thor's voice was laced with shock, "Why did you never tell me, brother? I only just found out!"
Loki resorted to a rather painful double-facepalm (on account of his hands being chain-linked together).
"You have got to be kidding me! Just where did you think babies came from?" he yelled.
"From Pixie Dust®, of course," his brother replied innocently. Loki's reply was quiet.
"You're not my brother."
"Don't be silly, brother. Of course I'm your brother!" the blond exclaimed.
"No, really. I'm adopted. Thank God," Loki rolled his eyes to the heavens in relief.
"To which god are you referring, brother?" Thor asked.
"Stop calling me-"
But his rebuttal turned to wheezing as Thor sprinkled them both with the magical, sand-like substance.
"Come, brother!" Thor proclaimed, grabbing his sibling's hand, "We shall now rock!"
And with that, the pair flew wonkily into the night, eliciting a nervous, "I thought you could fly, anyway?" from the darker silhouette.
His only reply was boorish laughter which blasting through the cold air.
Loki flipped the case over in his hands, eyebrows peaked in interest. Thor had led them into a part of the Disneyland® Resort® reserved specifically for more important characters (ie. not him), although he was frankly uncomprehending of why they couldn't have just walked. The game itself, however, was of some intrigue to the lanky wannabe wizard, and so he absorbed himself in reading its utterly indecipherable back cover. Yes, Loki had no idea what any of the information presented to him meant – or if it was information at all, really.
"And what," he asked, "does one do in this 'Rock Band®'?"
"The purpose is to sound like a rock, brother dear!" Thor exclaimed proudly. Loki's face slumped into an expression of disbelief.
"What?" he asked.
"The music – you must sound like a rock to defeat the enemies within the screen," he repeated.
"What?"
Thor seemed thoroughly perplexed as to how his undernourished stepbrother was not understanding him.
"The small men trapped inside the television box," he started off slowly, "We must, with our instruments, sound more like a rock than they, in order to achieve the much worshipped 'High Score'."
It was in that instant that Loki was reminded his sibling was a moron, and thought people actually lived in the TV. However, he was still unclear on one aspect of this endeavour.
"Brother," he said, "Rocks do not make noise. They are silent. They aren't even alive."
Thor grabbed the game case from his brother's pale hands, defiantly.
"I shall prove you wrong!" he exclaimed, inserting the battered disk into an equally battered PS2® console, and grabbing the mic.
Ten hours, seven arguments, ninety replays of Dani California later, and the duo were slumped haphazardly across a loveseat, and limp on the floor, respectively.
"I...told you...rocks make noise," Thor panted.
"Yes..." Loki panted back, unsure of if he was drunk or not, and if so, how much. The world just wouldn't stop spinning.
Beautiful silence reigned for what seemed like a moment, or an eternity – whichever was longer. Neither of them knew at that point.
Suddenly, the door slammed open, a shrill voice penetrating the brothers' music-addled minds.
"Who the fuck demolished my castle?!" Aurora screamed.
The Asgardians raised their weary heads, blinking in weary confusion. Slowly, Loki turned to face his brother.
"You destroyed a castle?" he asked without a hint of disbelief.
"Wasn't mine," Thor replied, as if that disqualified its claim of being a castle. Aurora let out an inhuman screech, and flung herself on top of her adversary.
"I'll punch you so hard, you're going to be out for a century!" she cried, raising her fist.
Loki immediately placed his hands to his ears, and ran out of the room as swiftly as his feet would carry him. This battle would be a long, and loud one.
Damn buffoons.
They really did give blondes a bad name.
"Loki! Save me! WE WERE ROCKS TOGETHER!"
A/N: I like to think the last line made this whole story worth it. In any case, I am beyond tired, and so I shall leave you now. Adieu!
Love,
Lucy~!