It's RoLex time... So I thought it would be good to check in with them again a little later on during their road to parenthood. And I also thought it would be good to get some Lex POV in here, so this is all her. And I love her so damn much, I just wanna hug her.
I'm still working on the photo album, apologies.
And in case anyone missed it during the build up to Thanksgiving, I posted a very smutty Sethan story a few weeks back... ;-) Trust me, very different to what I'm about unleash on you right now.
This will be it until after Christmas I'm afraid - I know, I come back for a brief week or two and then I'm back into hibernation. But I promise, lots more to come from all three couples as always.
As always, thank you to the lovely LetItReign and also to gypsytherabblerouser whose messages on Monday inspired me to keep going with this so I could post mid-week :-)
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
WARNING: Smut
Enjoy x
I flick through a magazine, barely noticing the photos or articles as they all blur into one. Glancing up at the clock on the wall, I realise I've still got another ten minutes till my appointment. Ten more painfully slow minutes.
Fumbling in my bag, I tug out my phone and stare at the time again, as if the clock on the wall is lying to me. It isn't. Unlocking it, I head straight for my messages even though I know there are none. The same goes for missed calls and emails. I chew my lip, dropping the phone back into my purse before crossing my arms over my now obviously swollen belly.
A small smile tugs at my lips as I stare down at the round bump protruding from my lower half. My shirt is snug, a reminder that I need to start purchasing some proper maternity clothes before I start to bust the buttons in my shirts and pants. My weekends are currently spent in stretchy pants and one of Roman's shirts, the cuffs rolled up to my elbows as I spend a few hours running errands and the rest of the time sparked out on the couch, exhaustion now a consistent factor in my life.
But I wouldn't change it for the world. No way. My hand sneaks down, resting on my bump as I re-call the shiny-eyed smile that broke across Roman's face when I told him. I could relive that memory a thousand times and not get bored. In fact, I do relive it, every time he comes home or wakes up next to me or just walks from the kitchen to the lounge to find me. That smile is a permanent fixture and every time I see it, my heart threatens to burst with love.
Love for him.
Love for Pumpkin.
When I found out, I was in shock. Mainly because I didn't want to believe it after what had happened before. I couldn't put myself or Roman through that again. I was so cautious, refusing to believe the test until Dr Ash confirmed it herself. Telling Roman made it all so real. Before that point, it still felt like a figment of my imagination. And to be honest, even when I watched him caress my stomach and we joked about a nickname for my then non-existent bump, it still felt too good to be true.
The first scan changed all of that. I can remember how tightly his hand squeezed mine as my breath caught in my throat as the sound of our baby's heart echoed out of the speakers. And there, on the screen, the fuzzy outline of what we'd made. There was no denying it anymore, no need to think that one day I would wake up and find out it was all a dream. I remember looking over at Roman, my eyes stinging as I saw the unshed tears in his eyes, his hand still tight around mine as he drew a shaky breath and the doctor made her excuses to give us a moment.
"You okay?" I murmur as the door clicks shut, my eyes still on him as I watch him stare, transfixed.
"Yeah." His voice is soft, barely a whisper.
I squeeze his hand and his gaze drops down, to stare at our intertwined fingers. And then glistening grey orbs meet mine and I'm tugging him towards me, my fingers releasing his so I can raise both hands to brush away the tears that start to slide down his cheeks.
"Hey," I choke, my own emotions taking hold. "This is supposed to be a happy moment." I try to grin, but my own tears are now spilling free.
"Then why are you crying?" he shoots back as he cups my face and presses his forehead against mine.
"Because I'm happy."
"And so am I," he tells me, his lips brushing over mine again and again. "Thank you."
I stroke the back of his neck, my face twisting from his to stare back at the frozen image on the screen.
"Thank you," I breathe, but I'm not sure who I'm thanking. Roman for giving me Pumpkin, or Pumpkin for giving us something we never realised we wanted so much. Maybe both, who knows. All I know is that I am beyond grateful for this moment and for all future moments to come.
We took multiple copies of the scan photo, one for each set of parents and family and two for ourselves. Mine is carefully placed in the folds of my diary, the white edge always peeking at me, begging to be looked at every time I pull the book from my purse and every time I give in, a jolt of excitement passing through me as I run my finger over the image.
Roman's is wedged into his wallet and I couldn't help but grin when I caught sight of it one day and noted how worn the edges were, how the white had started to lose its colour. My heart swelled at the thought of him tugging it loose and staring at the image of his child in countless cars, airports, arenas and hotels.
So I decided to add to that one image. A selfie of Pumpkin and I each week, my face pulled into variety of comical expressions as I clutch my forever growing belly. I started to snap them on a Monday night, something for him to find on his phone after RAW, along with a little note about how proud we both are of him and more recently, about the small fluttering sensation I've been feeling in my stomach when his voice echoes through the TV.
He called me the first time I mentioned the latter. I could hear the raw emotion in his voice as he asked me to tell him exactly what happened and then there was a short gasp of silence and I heard him sniff and all I wanted to do was reach out through the phone and pull him back to me, close to me. I wonder sometimes if I'm doing the right thing, if telling him all of these things and sending him photos is doing more harm than good. All I want is for him to feel like he's right here with me, living every moment of this incredible journey we're both on. But at the same time, I realise how difficult it must be for him to watch from afar. And this is only the beginning and I worry, fuck, I worry so damn much about what it'll be like when Pumpkin is born and the changes in development will be coming thick and fast and Roman will miss most of them.
It's something that I've been meaning to talk to him for a while now, but I can never seem to find the right time. When he's home, we're too preoccupied in catching up with each other, rather than delving into anything too deep and scary such as how he'll rarely be home to see his son or daughter grow up. But I know it's a conversation we need to have. He's promised me a thousand times that nothing will change between us, but what we have is something that we have worked at tirelessly for years now; I have no doubt about our strength as a couple. Yet it doesn't stop the nagging fear about the strength of the bond between him and our baby. There is no doubt in my mind that Roman will be the best father any child could ask for, but I'm terrified that the long periods away from home will somehow have an adverse affect on him or her, that Roman will become some secondary figure in their life. And that is the last thing I want to happen.
I want our baby to know that their father loves them so fucking much, that they are the best thing that could ever happen in his life, that his life is complete now that they are in it. I want our baby to know how hard their father works to make sure they never go without, that he's fortunate enough to do something he loves in order to support all three of us. I want our baby to be as proud of Roman as I am, to know he does everything in his power to make sure we're happy, even if he's on the other side of the country.
Something bumps against my leg and I blink to see a blonde-haired boy staring up at me. His eyes are a piercing blue, a curious look playing on his face as he studies my own features before his gaze drops down to my belly. With a tentative hand, he reaches out and pats my bump and I can't help but let out a giggle as he frowns.
"Nathan!"
I glance up to see a heavily pregnant woman approaching.
"What did I tell you about running off like that?" she scolds, reaching for his hand. "I'm so sorry," she tells me with an apologetic smile. "His little sister has been kicking up a storm recently when he touches my bump, but he can't understand why the same doesn't happen when he touches strangers bumps."
She turns to Nathan, whose face is still scrunched up in confusion. "What did we talk about, huh? You can't go touching other ladies bellies, it's not polite, is it? And your sister is in here," she points at her own incredible bump. "Nowhere else, right?"
She takes a seat opposite me, heaving Nathan up onto the chair next to her. Her eyes flicker down to my bump. "How far along are you?"
"22 weeks," I reply with a smile.
"Your first?"
I nod.
"Boy or girl?" she asks and then she grins. "Or are you here to find out?"
"Perhaps. I'm not sure." I rub my hand over my bump.
"What about your husband?"
"He's not sure either," I chuckle and she smiles widely in response.
"Isn't he here?"
"He travels a lot. I had to cancel my last appointment as he got called away at short notice." I have no idea why I'm spilling all this detail to a stranger in a waiting room, but it feels good to talk to someone who doesn't know mine and Roman's situation. "But his flight today has been delayed, so I'm not sure if he'll make it in time."
She smiles sympathetically. "Mine missed the birth of this one," she reaches out and ruffles Nathan's hair. "By minutes too. He was stuck in traffic and crashed through the door just as they were cleaning him up."
"How far along are you with your second?" I ask as Nathan's hand creeps onto his mother's stomach. She grins down at him and I watch incredulously as her belly moves, her baby jolting into action.
"37 weeks. Weekly check-up time."
I'm about to respond, when my name is called out.
"That's me," I say as I get to my feet and grab my purse. "Good luck with the next few weeks," I tell her, smiling at Nathan.
"Thank you. You too." Her eyes flicker to behind me. "Is that your husband?"
My head instantly whips around, my heart pounding as my mind fights to keep my cool, to not believe it until I see him with my own eyes. But there he is, towering in the doorway as he waits for a young couple to exit. He flashes them his trademark smile before manoeuvring himself and his bags through the door. Casting his gaze around the room, his face breaks into a far more genuine smile when he spots me.
"Damn, your baby's gonna be super cute," my new acquaintance pipes up.
I glance back at her with a shy grin. "Thanks."
She winks at me with a knowing smile, her eyes darting to behind me and I look around to see he's in arms length. It takes all the strength I have not to fling myself at him. It's been a shorter stint apart than usual, but it doesn't change how much I miss being curled up in those arms of his.
"Alexia Reigns?" The nurse is calling again.
"Just in time," I tell Roman as he wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close, his lips instantly finding my forehead.
"Baby girl," he breathes. "I'm so sorry."
"What for?" I smile up at him as we pick our way towards where the waiting nurse stands, ready to show us the way to the consulting room. "Like I said, you're just in time."
"I know. The taxi queue was insane at the airport and then the traffic..."
I reach up and squeeze his hand that rests on my shoulder.
"And I just wanted to be here to wait with you. We didn't get a chance to–" he starts, but the nurse soon interrupts me to tell me to get comfortable on the examination table and to roll up my shirt ready for the scan.
"Dr Ash will be in shortly," she tells us with a brief smile before leaving us alone.
Roman takes my purse, placing it on top his bags as I ease myself onto the table and start to unbutton the bottom of my shirt.
"How you feeling?" His fingers brush against my arm.
"Good. Although I don't think you're gonna appreciate my new sleeping position."
He chuckles. "You hogging all the pillows now?"
I nod. "One under the bump, one between my legs, one against my chest and the usual two under my head. I mean, I tried that one your mom got me, but it honestly just wasn't as comfortable."
Cool air hits my skin as I ease up the tank top under my shirt, before fumbling with the waistband of my pants, pushing them down to rest just under my bump. I smile as Roman's hand carefully caresses the exposed skin, watching how his face seems to shift into an expression that only appears when his attention is purely devoted to Pumpkin. The first time I saw this look in his eye, of pure unconditional love, I knew that this worth all the agony and waiting. I never quite realised how different a love for a baby could be. I love Roman with all my heart and I would do anything for him, but that's a love that we've worked for and nurtured for years now. We haven't even met our baby and yet, we are already both head over heels in love and that love is only going to become stronger as time goes on.
"Lex," he murmurs, his eyes flickering back up to meet mine. "I was thinking... Does it matter if we find out now or in a few months time?"
It's the question we've been asking ourselves since the beginning. Do we want to know or not? Does it matter if we're having a boy or a girl? Whilst we joke about the supposed benefits of each sex, when it comes down to it, we'd be happy, more than happy, either way. But we've both admitted the overwhelming urge to find out now, to be able to announce it to our families and friends, to help us make decisions on nursery colours and to buy toys and clothes in preparation for his or her arrival, along with the most important decision of all – a name.
For a while, I've secretly wondered if Roman wanted to know so he could prepare himself for how he should be as a father. A boy would naturally instigated a passing on of not only a family name, but of responsibility when he was older, becoming the man of the house so to speak in Roman's absence. Yet a girl would call for a more protective stance and I wondered if that's what he wanted to prepare for, the thought of leaving his girls every week and a fear that a girl would align herself with me more, creating that snag in the bond between him and her.
He has never vocalised these concerns, but the questioning look in his eye does little to ease my own worry.
"It's up to you," I tell him softly, my hand reaching for his. "I don't mind if we find out now or later."
"No way," he says with a wry smile. "You can't put this all on me."
"I honestly don't mind."
He narrows his eyes as he studies my face. "Yes, you do."
I roll my eyes. "Fine. I don't want to know. I'm quite looking forward to finding out when Pumpkin finally arrives and the doctor announces the sex. I want that to spur me on in those painful moments that I have to do this, because not only am I going to meet my baby, but I'm going to find out if I've been given a boy or a girl."
"But you said yourself it would make loads of decision a lot easier to make if we found out today."
"Sure, but then I saw this cute idea online of a yellow and grey nursery..."
Roman chuckles, his hand pulling mine up to his lips. "And names?"
"It's not like we're any closer to choosing any for either sex. I think finding out would make it a lot harder."
His mouth opens to respond, but the door is suddenly pushed open and Dr Ash enters with my file in hand.
"Alexia, good to see you again. And Roman, I see you made it in time," she greets, reaching out to shake our hands.
"Just about," Roman grins in response.
"Good..." she takes a seat next to the table, switching on the sonogram machine. "So, Alexia, are you still having trouble sleeping?"
"It's getting better," I tell her. "Still a little uncomfortable, but I'm working on it."
"Good... And the nausea has completely gone now?"
"Yes, at last."
"Any changes since I last saw you, aside from the obvious?" She smile as she nods at my bump.
Roman almost manages to muffle his snort of laughter and I scowl. "My hormones are a bit up and down."
"Understatement of the year," he mutters under his breath and I squeeze his hand hard in response.
Dr Ash nods. "That's completely normal, Alexia. Your body is changing in more ways than one, it's natural for your emotions to change as well. And I'm afraid it's probably going to continue this way right up until the birth."
"Great..." I mumble. "So completely natural to go from crying to horny in a matter of minutes."
Dr Ash raises her eyes to meet mine, with a small smile. "Sounds strange, but yes." She makes a note in the file and then reaches for a bottle of ultrasound gel. "I apologise if this is a bit cold."
She squirts the gel onto my stomach, the coolness making me flinch slightly.
"So, I'll take some measurements, make sure growth is on track and check the heartbeat. Now, depending on position, I might also be able to tell you if you're having a boy or girl."
"Yeah, about that..." I glance up at Roman.
The doctor pauses. "Is this something you're yet to discuss?"
"No, we've discussed it," Roman starts.
"Many times," I chime in. "We're in two minds."
"It's not a problem. Lots of couples find it hard to decide." She smiles as she adjusts the monitor, moving closer to place the scanner on my stomach. "I can always make a note of it and if you want to find out later, you can give me a call?"
Roman catches my eye. "Lex?"
"I guess..."
"I once wrote it down and sealed it in an envelope for one couple who weren't sure either," she comments as she studies the screen. "They eventually decided to find out, but gave it to a cake-maker and told them to make an iced cake with either blue or pink sponge inside."
I'm about to respond when I see a familiar blurry outline appear on screen. My breath instantly catches in my throat, just as it did the first time I saw this very same image. Only this time, it's bigger, more defined than 10 weeks ago. The outline is more distinctive, more recognisable as a baby. Roman's hand squeezes mine again as the doctor makes more notes in my file.
"Baby looks good, growth is on track. Heartbeat is normal too, so progress is as expected." She turns back to us. "So, I have to have a closer look and this is the point where it's going to be obvious if you are having a boy or girl. If you're still unsure, I suggest averting your eyes for the next few minutes."
I look up at Roman. "Hey, no peeking. We either find out together or we both wait, right?"
"Right." He tears his eyes away from the screen and looks down at me, his gaze steady. "So grey and yellow, huh?"
I smile. "I picked out a cot and some other furniture too. Although I don't know how much of it I can put together-"
"Don't even suggest it," he frowns. "I'll do it."
I raise an eyebrow. "First off, when? And secondly, I remember very clearly the fiasco when it came to putting together our wardrobes."
"That was all Dean and Seth."
"They did a far better job than you did," I remind him.
"I was distracted," he winks and I feel my cheeks flushing, my skin prickling with heat as his eyes glow at the memory. Fucking hormones.
"Excuses, excuses," I manage to muster up, desperate to look away but I can't. If I look away, I'll see the screen, but if I hold his gaze, I'll give myself away. Although judging by the smirk that's gracing his lips, I already have.
He leans down until his mouth is next to my ear, his voice a low whisper. "Nah, baby girl. Just the truth. And you still know damn well that was your intention all along."
"I ain't that kinda girl," I murmur haughtily, my eyes flickering closed as I feel his breath on my earlobe.
He chuckles as he stands tall again, his fingers gently pushing back a strand of hair. I watch as his tongue wets his lips.
"Right, all done."
My eyes flicker back to the doctor and the screen, my heart sinking as I note the blank screen.
"I'm pleased to say that your baby is looking very healthy indeed. No need for any additional check-ups, but when we see you next time, we can re-assess if anything changes. And of course, if you notice any changes that don't seem to be in line with what we have already discussed, please let me know." Dr Ash closes the file and hands me a tissue to wipe the leftover gel from my belly. "Any questions?"
I shake my head as I roll the waistband of my pants back up and start to move my tank top and shirt back into place.
"You said you could write it, the sex I mean, down for us," Roman blurts out. "In an envelope?"
Dr Ash gives me a brief look. "Alexia?"
"I..." I look up at Roman.
"We don't have to decide right now whether to open it or not. I just want to know that if we decide to find out, we can find out right then and there, rather than waiting to make a call." He holds out his hand to me as I ease myself down from the table. "I'm not gonna find out without you wanting too as well. I just think we need to talk about it more and having the envelope with us there and then, well it means we can do it before we change our minds again."
I bite my lip. The thought is tempting, the small and ever so fickle part of my brain is softly nudging my more rational headspace, willing it to accept the envelope, promising to listen to all arguments for and against finding out.
"Lex, I'm not going to pressure you into finding out if you don't want to. I'll accept if that's what you want to do, I promise."
I turn my gaze back to Dr Ash. "Can you write it down, please?"
She smiles. "Of course." She reaches behind her for a notepad, rustling through a desk drawer for an envelope.
"Thank you," Roman murmurs, his arm wrapping around me.
And strangely, it's not only his hand that's shaking when he reaches for the sealed envelope a second or so later. Mine is trembling too.
"You said you wanted to talk," I mumble against Roman's chest as we curl against each other on the couch.
His hand trails down my back, lazy and soft. "We've got plenty of time for that, baby girl. No rush, remember? We can find out whenever we want."
The envelope is propped up on the mantlepiece, 'Baby Reigns' scrawled across the front, a constant reminder of what we could be minutes, seconds even, away from finding out should the mood take us. It's been almost 24 hours since we left the doctor's and we are yet to have a proper conversation about the possibilities that lie before us. My eyes have been constantly drawn towards the envelope, but every time, I force myself to look away, to remember what I so adamantly stated yesterday. I want the surprise. I want the unknown.
My eyes haven't been the only ones that have been playing an endless game of cat and mouse with said envelope. I've noticed Roman's eyes linger on the mantlepiece more than once and each time, I held my breath, waiting for him to commence his opening statement as to why we should tear it open and see what lies inside. But he's said nothing, not a word. Not even when we were lying in bed last night, his fingers drawing endless circles across my belly as he nuzzled into my neck. Not even this morning as he wrapped his arms around me whilst I waited for the kettle to boil or when he joined me in the shower for a few brief moments, his kiss long and sultry, almost convincing me to call in sick just so we could finish what we started.
"You're back on the road tomorrow," I point out softly. "And you know that we'll never get a chance to talk for long enough about this until you get back."
"I thought you had your mind made up?"
"I do. But that doesn't mean that I'm not willing to hear you out. We have to decide together, right?"
"Right," he agrees, his hand slides over my shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. "My previous point still stands though. What difference does it make if we find out now or later? It's still going to be either a boy or a girl, no matter when we find out."
"Not true," I look up at him. "What if Dr Ash got it wrong?"
"What the are the chances of that happening?"
"Not likely, but it can happen. What if the envelope reveals it's a girl, but it turns out that our son was just feeling shy yesterday? Or if it says it's a boy, but it just so happened our daughter's hand was scratching an itch?"
"We don't have to tell anyone else, Lex. It can just stay between us if you want." His fingers brush against my cheek. "And we can still pick out names for both, just in case, still decorate the nursery in neutral colours if that's what you want. Nothing has to change."
"But it will. Pumpkin will become a he or a she. I kind of like that I could be speaking to either."
He chuckles. "You speak to Pumpkin?"
I blush. "Yeah... The pregnancy books suggested it."
"What do you talk about?"
I shake my head. "I see what you're doing, you're changing the subject."
He chuckles, ducking his head down to brush his lips across my forehead. "Never. I'm interested."
Glancing down at my bump, I smile softly. "I talk about you."
"Lex..."
"I talk about how much their Daddy loves his work, how he has to be away a lot but that doesn't mean he doesn't love them any less. I talk about how much he already cares for them, how he can't wait to meet them." I raise my head again, my voice threatening to crack when I catch Roman's eye. "I talk about how proud I am of you, how much I love you, how much you love me too, how happy you make me, Ro."
I reach up to stroke his cheek, cupping his face and pulling him down to me. Our lips brush against each other, tentatively at first, tender kisses ensuing until he wraps his arms around me and holds me to him, sucking firmly on my bottom lip before delving back for more. I gasp for breath as he lets me go for a second, only to moan into his mouth as he tugs me back for more, fingers in my hair, anchoring me to him. Not that I want to move away. No way. I want to stay here forever as he shows me how much he loves me in the way he holds and caresses me. There's no need for words, only actions, only the warmth of his mouth and the strength of his soul.
"Lex," he breathes as he pulls back. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I don't want to spoil that by doing something stupid."
I shake my head. "You would never–"
"But I am," he continues, cutting me off. "I'm being selfish. I should be thinking like you, about how exciting it will be to not only meet our baby but to find out then and there if it's a boy or a girl."
"Ro... You're not being selfish. You could argue that I'm the selfish one for not wanting to know." I close my eyes and pray that I'm not about to realise my worst fears. "Why do you want to know? Tell me. Please."
"I..." he stammers, falling into a brief silence before my heart starts to sink. "I want to know how to feel."
I look up and fuck... His face is full of trepidation, his eyes aglow with something that looks like... Fear.
"You know I love you and you know I love Pumpkin," he places a large hand over mine on my belly. "I'd do anything for either of you, I swear. But at the same time, I haven't got a fucking clue what I'm doing."
"What do you mean?" I ask, but I think I already know the answer.
"Lex, I have no idea if I'm the right person to be a father."
Even though my worst suspicions have just been confirmed, it doesn't stop his words from stunning me.
"I've seen first hand what this industry does to families, it can tear them apart. It means that I'm going to end up spending more time away from my family, from you, from Pumpkin than I will here with the both of you. How the hell am I supposed to be a father when I'm never here?" He draws a shaky breath. "What if by not being here, our baby grows up resenting that? Resenting me..."
He trails off and I stumble over myself to correct him.
"That's never going to happen," I tell him firmly. "We both know that you do what you do to provide us, to make sure we never go without, to ensure that we will always have a roof over our heads. Those are things that already make you a great dad, Ro. No child of yours is ever going to resent you for providing for them."
"I spent a good few years as a teenager mad at my dad," he murmurs, his hand still on my bump, his eyes down and avoiding my gaze. "He was never around when I needed him. My mom had to play both roles in my life and it was tough. I used to hate how he'd just come back after being on the road and expect everything to fall back into place, as if it was as simple as that. I watched my mom work to keep us all in check and for a while, it felt like he did nothing to contribute to that."
"That's only natural," I comfort. "You were a kid, you only saw one side of things. And you appreciate what your dad did for all of you now."
"Of course. But I didn't see it then. It took me a long time to see it that way and sometimes I look back and realise that perhaps the only reason I changed my view on his decisions was because I'm where I am now. When I started on the road, I realised what he was putting himself through to provide for us." He pauses. "What if our son never sees it like that?"
"And what about our daughter?" I challenge. "You don't think she'll see it like that? My mom raised me and my brother single-handedly. I sure as hell had a whole arson full of resentment for my dad."
He frowns. "That's not what I mean."
"I know," I soften. "I do, honestly, Ro. But what I'm trying to say that if that's your reason for wanting to find out, I don't think those feelings are exclusive to just boys."
"I just want to know how I'm supposed to react."
I cup his cheek, my fingers brushing against his temple. "I'm scared too. I can read all the books I like, but nothing is going to prepare me for when they hand me our baby for the first time. I have no idea how I'm going to feel then. I hope I feel the same love I feel right now, but who knows? I'm petrified that I'm in love with an idea of what it's going to be like, rather than the reality. I'm terrified that I'm going to be a bad mother, that I'm going to do everything that I'm not supposed to." I shift further up on the couch so that I can press my forehead against his. "You're not alone in this, Ro. I'm right there with you."
"You make it look so easy," he tells me. "You're a natural at this, Lex. Some days I still can't get my head around the fact that you're pregnant, yet you take it all in your stride."
"I cried when I first realised my bump was visible," I confess and his eyes widen. "It all felt too real and I didn't know how to handle it."
"Baby girl..."
"And then," I continue with a smile. "You came home a few days later and you were in such awe of it, touching it, kissing it. All the anxiety and insecurities that I was feeling just vanished in an instant. You made me feel proud of how my body was changing, excited for all the changes to come."
His lips brush against mine briefly.
"You make me realise I can do this, Ro. You make me stronger by doing and saying things that make me feel a thousand times better, no matter what baby-related, fear-inducing moment or thought I've just had. And I want to do the same for you. I want to make you realise that you can do this too." I pause. "Because I can't do this without you. I really can't. And that doesn't mean you always being in the same city or even the same house as me. You do plenty to make me feel like I'm not alone when you're on the road. And I just need to know that's not going to change."
"Never, I promise." He holds my gaze steadily, his thumb stroking my cheek gently before he cups the back of my head. "I got you, you got me."
"Exactly," I smile. "And I totally got you, Ro. Boy or girl, you can do this. I know you'll love whatever we have, I know you'll always do what's right for our family, whether you're here or in a city on the other side of the country, because that's what you've always done for me and I know that's what you'll do for Pumpkin."
I rest my hand over his and then we both freeze.
"Was that...?" Roman starts, trailing off as there's another, barely there kick.
"Yes," I giggle.
"Have you ever felt that before?"
"No," I whisper, staring down at our hands before raising my eyes to meet his.
"Shit," Roman murmurs. "That felt–"
"Weird," I grin. "That was definitely not a flutter like I've felt before."
We're both quiet for a few minutes, our hands still on my bump waiting for more, but it seems that the show is over.
"Looks like that was reserved just for you," I tell him as I slowly start to get off the couch, a yawn taking hold of me as I notice how late it is. I hold out my hand to Roman. "You staying up or coming to bed?"
But he doesn't answer me, instead he captures my hand and tugs me to him, until I'm stood between his legs as he stares up at me. I watch with a small smile as he brings his face closer, his lips brushing against my swollen belly.
"I love you," he murmurs, his eyes flickering closed as he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me to him. I can feel his lips moving, the soft vibration of his voice, but the words are lost against my shirt.
But I don't need to hear them to know what he's saying. My hand runs over his head, softly tugging at his hair until he raises his eyes to meet mine.
"We'll be okay, Ro. You'll be okay."
Warm breath on my neck stirs me awake, a hand sliding over my hip, fingers teasing my inner thigh. I stretch, my back arching, my ass hitting something hard.
"Lexi..." Roman's voice is thick and gravelly. His hand moves back to my hip, gripping firmly as he holds me in place, slowly grinding his obvious arousal against my backside.
My fingers scrape against the pillow as I bite back a moan, my body awakening at a faster pace than my mind as I press back against him. He growls his approval, his hand slipping back to my thigh, his fingers teasing once again and my head rocks back, my eyes slowly opening.
Grey eyes greet me, full of a beautiful combination of sleep and lust. Gone is the timid nature that he used to approach me with in the early days of pregnancy, when he'd fight to handle me like precious china until I begged him to give me what I wanted. Now I don't have to ask, I don't have to plead. My wonderful, handsome, sex-on-fucking-legs husband is back, showing me exactly what he wants right now as he grinds purposefully, a wicked glint in his eye.
His fingers pluck at my panties in frustration and I'm right there with him, wondering why I made such a stupid decision when getting ready for bed last night. Roman, on the other hand, made the wise choice to wear nothing to bed as usual and I can feel the full length of his dick nestling against my ass cheeks, slipping back and forth with every movement. I grunt impatiently as his fingers slide inside the waistband of my panties for a split second and then retreat to tease me through them instead.
"Patience," he mumbles, ducking down to capture my lips as he rubs his thumb in soft circles across my clit and then dips a finger further south, tracing my entrance through the material. I can already feel my skin prickling with heat as his tongue pushes languidly into my mouth and I greet it with the same ease.
"Please..." I gasp as he release me, his thumb continuing to tease, his fingers still exploring at a slow and steady pace.
He eventually gives in and I help to push my panties down my legs. I reach for him, pulling him back to me, but he shakes his head. Nudging the sheets away, he reaches for the pillows which have cocooned me for most of the night, but now lay strewn across the bed. He tugs one towards us, easing it under my side.
"Comfortable?" he asks, his hand stroking my hair, sending shivers up and down my spine. I nod, desperate to feel him against me again, but grateful for the way that he continues to make sure I'm okay. He smiles as he settles back behind me once again, gently rocking me so that my belly rests against the pillow, allowing me to move my upper leg higher on the bed.
Mornings have always been my time and pregnancy has just added to that. Even when he's not here, I wake up horny as hell, my mind having to do all the work to transport Roman back to our bed, whilst my fingers touch and tease until I'm screaming his name into my pillow. But today, I don't need to imagine.
He pushes my hair up, blowing warm air on the back of my neck as his fingers run from the top of my spine to the bottom, over as my ass and back between my legs. I hum in approval as one finger slides against my entrance and his corresponding groan tells me everything I need to know. I can feel it too, an intense warmth slowly brewing in the pit of my stomach, my thighs starting to ache as he swipes his finger back and forth.
"Damn, baby girl... You get wetter every time..."
His words make me swallow hard, my head starting to spin as his finger dips inside me for a brief second.
"Ro..."
"That's it, Lexi... Fuck..."
His finger lingers this time, curling inside me until I cry out and he chuckles in satisfaction.
"More?" he questions with a groan and I nod jerkily as his thumb circles my clit. "Slow? Hard? Tell me, Lexi. Tell me what you want."
"You," I gasp. "Slow..."
He nuzzles my neck, my head rocking back again so he can kiss me again, swallowing my inevitable moan as his finger pushes back inside me and he starts to side in and out at a glacial pace. I can hear how wet I am, the sounds of my slick pussy filling the room along with my muffled moans and gasps for breath.
His other arm curls around me, his hand seeking out a breast, cupping it softly at first. His thumb takes a gentle swipe at my nipple and I flinch at how sensitive they've become.
"No," I groan as he lets go instantly. "Just... Gentle..."
I need him, I need him like I've always needed him. I want to crash and burn in his arms. I want to scream out his name and feel him pull me close, holding me until I can catch my breath and open my eyes again. I want to feel him take my body and conduct it in the way only he knows how. His instincts always set me on fire, his hands, his mind, his whole being knows me inside and out and I never want to lose that.
"More," I hiss and he obliges, two fingers pushing back inside me and I automatically clench them tightly. He growls, his dick jerking against my ass still and I feel light-headed at how full I'm going to feel when he's buried deep inside me.
"More?" he asks again, his thumb soft and slow on my clit.
I nod, my own hands clutching at his arms, afraid that he's going to drag this out. I can't take it. I can't take the teasing. I can feel my chest tightening, my eyes squeezing shut as I grind down on his fingers, hissing as they slide deeper inside me. My breath comes in short, rapid gasps as he pushes me closer and closer, his mouth at my ear.
"Fuck, Lex... Ride my fingers, baby girl. Squeeze 'em... That's it... Harder..."
I'm unravelling quicker than I ever imagined, my body shutting down, numbness creeping from my toes up my legs, taking hold of my entire being. All I can focus on are his fingers, between my legs, inside me, on my nipple, tugging it gently as I whimper and then howl, my lungs burning with the effort as my orgasm slams into me.
Roman's fingers slip from me and I watch in a daze as he licks them clean with a grin.
"Better every time," he tells me, kissing me softly and letting me taste myself on his tongue.
And then I'm rolling, eased onto my stomach, pillows bundled beneath me as he tugs my hips up. I turn my head to the side, smiling as he reaches down to push the hair from my face.
"You okay, baby girl?" He asks, his voice rough with desire as he fists his dick with one hand, the other sliding over my back, down to my ass where he squeezes firmly.
"Yeah... Ro..." I lick my lips, watching his dick slide back and forth in his hand. "Please..."
He grins. "Ssh, you know I got you." Leaning forward, he presses the tip against my entrance, slipping back and forth and then pulling back so I can see his dick shining with my juices. "How'd you want it? Slow? Fast?"
I shrug. "I just want it."
He chuckles. "That's my girl."
My hand reaches forward to grasp at the sheets, to hold myself steady but I still lose my balance as he pushes inside me. He's quick to correct me, his hands on my hips as he pushes further in, slow and steady, fighting to keep himself in check. He feels bigger than ever, my walls tight around him and I can tell from his muttered curse that he can feel that too.
He stills for a second, but I rock back, groaning as I feel my ass press against his pelvis.
"Please," I choke out, my final plea before he gives me what I want.
His fingers dig in painfully hard as he struggles to keep it slow. But I don't want it slow. I want him to take what he needs as well. I need him to lose a little control, because when he comes undone, when he lets himself get taken over by his animalistic tendencies, that's when my own body lets go too. And I need that. I want to let go.
"Harder."
He grunts, his hips rocking a little faster, a little rougher. But it's not enough. I twist my head back to face him, my hand moving to brush over his wrist.
"Harder," I tell him through gritted teeth as I feel a hand slide over the base of my bump and sink south. "Aw, Ro... Fuck..."
His thumb rubs soft circles around my clit, moving closer and closer until I'm panting and begging. And then his arms are scooping under me, pulling me up right and I crash back against his chest.
"Fuck my dick, Lex," he growls in my ear, a hand on my thigh, gripping firmly as the other seeks out my breast, finger and thumb working at my nipple until I'm fighting back the urge to cry from the onslaught he's currently inflicting on my body.
"Yes," I manage to squeak out as he grabs my hand and pushes it between my legs. I let my fingers dip down, groaning as I feel his hard, slick length moving in and out of me at a fascinating speed. My back is sticking to his chest, sweat starting to cover my body in a thin sheen as he lets go of my breast and grabs roughly at my hair, pulling my head back so he can attack my neck.
It's fast and furious as we push and pull each other closer and closer. Words slip from his lips, spurring me on as he groans his appreciation for my pussy, my ass, my breasts. His hand slides over mine, pushing my fingers hard against my clit as I cry out, so fucking close to the edge.
And then I'm falling, tumbling into oblivion, my body freezing as another howl rips through me. He keeps thrusting hard, grunting against my neck, his teeth scraping against my skin as he holds me just so, until he starts to pulse inside me.
Still.
A hand on my bump. His lips on my shoulders. His hand dancing over mine, pulling it from my legs and up to his mouth where he kisses the tips of my fingers.
He grumbles softly when I finally pull away, turning to face him so I can kiss away his frown. But he lets me go, sighing as he sees the time and watches me rise on shaky legs and make my way to the bathroom.
When I return, the bed is empty, his shorts from last night gone from the floor as well. I dress and wind my hair up out of the way for the moment before heading downstairs. I can hear the low hum from the radio in the kitchen as I make my way through the lounge to grab my phone from my purse.
I pause at the mantlepiece, fighting the urge to look at the envelope. I take a step forward and then pause again, this time turning until my eyes are fixed on the scrawling handwriting.
Am I being selfish?
Is Roman right?
Would it make this easier if we knew?
I pull my eyes away, head for my purse, pull out my phone.
"Lex?" Roman calls out. "I made you pancakes."
I grin, heading back past the mantlepiece.
It's only when I'm standing in the doorway of the kitchen that I realise that I'm holding the envelope in my hand.
"Lex?"
I look up, Roman's gaze flickering from my face to my hands.
"We... We don't tell anyone."
His eyes widen. "No, Lex. You wanted to wait, you wanted–"
"We don't tell anyone," I repeat, stepping forward, holding out the envelope. "Not Shiv, not Seth, not Becca, not Dean. Not even our parents. No-one."
I press the envelope into his hands and he grasps it tightly.
"Lex–"
"Open it."
"Are you–"
"I'm sure."
His fingers tremble as he tears at the envelope. He holds my gaze as he draws out the slip of paper before lowering his eyes, a wide grin cracking his face in two.
"Boy or girl?" I whisper, but he doesn't answer me. He just hands me the slip of paper.
I stare at it, my brain barely recognising the letters that form the word. But slowly, it clicks into place and I can feel my own face breaking into a smile.
I look up and Roman is staring back at me, his eyes shining.
"Lex," he breathes. "It's–"
"I know," I tell him, as he pulls me into his arms. "I know."
Fin x
A/N: Good job I'm about to leave the country huh? *runs*