He wasn't sure if he was too late.
He did a lot of thinking after he saw her door slam in his face last night. The second he was face-to-face with that worn down mahogany, whatever she said that made him angry didn't even matter anymore. The sound of the door closing hit him hard and awoke him from his raging stupor. He could hear her lean up against the door and let out choked, stifled sobs. He was positive she was trying to stay quiet because she never heard the click-clack of his dress shoes against the pavement as he walked away. He was still right there. And she couldn't let him know he hurt her.
He couldn't do anything. He had to wait. So he did.
He click-clacked off her porch and walked back home, his hands drooping in his pockets. He would have waited outside, all night if he had to; But he felt as if he owed it to her to at least let her cry in peace, as much as the thought pained him.
He couldn't sleep that night. His ears were pounding with the sound of her restrained tears; His eyes were heavy with the quick, exhausting images of her angered face, the door, his shoes, the dirty pavement he couldn't take his eyes off of as he walked home alone.
What were they even fighting about?
He felt terrible for not even remembering the hurtful words he threw at her. He could remember every backstab, every ounce of blood he'd ever spilt, but he couldn't remember his stupid, simple words that were just as lethal as his knife.
"God, what did I say?" He pondered in agony.
"—leave!" She screamed.
He shot up in his bed.
It was coming back to him.
"You always leave! You leave and I can't say anything about how I feel! I wake up in the morning and you're gone! You take me out somewhere and send your apologies through some stranger and you're gone! I know what you do is classified but at least show me some…goddamn courtesy! I can't tell you I'm upset, or angry about it because you're gone before I've even gotten the chance to! You're the most unreliable person I know and I can't say a damn thing to you about it!"
His heart started racing. He felt beads of sweat gathering on his forehead. His body began to shake. He was getting dizzy.
How could he have responded so viciously to something like that?
He wanted to be there for her. If it was up to him he'd never leave her side.
She was right, though.
He did always leave at the drop of a hat. Without a word to her.
And honestly, it's because he was afraid.
Afraid he'd love her as much as he did now, when his job demanded so much of him, so much of his time, his attention. He was afraid because he knew if he loved her as she loved him, it would turn out like this; Constantly running away, trying to avoid hurting her if they ever did fall in love.
But it was too late.
They were.
And there was no going back.
She wanted stability.
He could see the sun starting to burst through from behind his curtains.
Its beams snuck between a crack in the drapes and shined right in his face. That bright shimmer of light reminded him of the gleam off of metal.
Metal.
Then it hit him.
Reliability.
A way to show her he was committed. He could be reliable.
He leapt to his feet, not even bothering to change his clothes from the previous night and ran outside. He heard the rumble of thunder in the distance as clouds slowly gathered and conspired to engulf the sun.
That wasn't going to stop him.
He could be reliable.
He ran all the way to his destination, stumbling about a bit wanting to make the decision somewhat carefully, but he was a bit short on time.
Time.
Time.
Why did that word hang in his head so heavily?
He felt as if he was forgetting something. Something she said last night.
How did the fight even start?
He backtracked a bit. He came over to her house. She said something about Scout. He couldn't remember, he wasn't really listening, to be honest. Something about…
His face went pale.
She was getting evicted.
She was temporarily moving to a relative's house while she sorted things out with her landlord.
He didn't know how long it could take until she came back. He didn't know exactly where she was going. Merde, what if she was so angry with him she completely forgot about him while she was gone? He had to talk to her before she left. Dear God, he hoped she hadn't left already.
He started to run.
The thunder was getting louder and louder.
It started to rain. Lightly.
He ran faster.
The rain started coming down harder now.
His clothes were getting wet, but he kept running.
It was pouring now. The pavement was getting slippery and harder to run on. His fedora kept his head drier than the rest of him, which was drenched. He could see his breath as clumps of smoke drifting into the air with every exhale. His heart was pounding, his chest heaved, his legs reached as far as they possibly could with every stride trying to make their way to her doorstep.
The more he ran, the more positive he was about the decision he made. A small smile lit up on his face, excited by the thought. He loved her. He loved her more than anything. He would do literally anything for her. He loved her shiny black hair. He loved the way she stood. He loved the little wrinkles that'd gather by her eyes when she smiled. He loved the way she screamed at the stove whenever she forgot she was cooking and the food burned, as if it was the oven's fault. He loved her laugh. He loved her attitude. He loved her little nose. He loved her toes. He loved every inch of her, inside and out, and he just wanted to be reliable, if only for her.
Then, he saw her.
She was sitting angrily on her porch steps, unable to hail a cab in this rain. She was positively soaked from head to foot, and she was very displeased. Her lips curled and hooked down into an adorable pout and her makeup was starting to run, but she looked radiant. At least to him.
He stood a few steps away, breathing heavily, until she finally noticed him. Her eyes widened in surprise and she stared at him in shock. As he walked toward her, she immediately looked away and a nasty scowl settled in. He sat down beside her and tried to speak but, he couldn't think of any words to say that would do this justice.
That, and he was still rather out of breath from running all that way.
He could tell she was angry at both Spy and her inability to call a cab, so she wasn't ready to speak either.
He took off his fedora and placed it on her head. Genuinely intrigued, she looked at him, trying to figure out what he was doing.
He tripped over numerous words and sentences in his head, but still couldn't think of anything.
So instead, he decided to ask without words. Their relationship started with an act, so, why not begin a new chapter the same way?
He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. He opened the box, and offered its contents to her. A ring.
He took one deep breath and smiled at her as she looked at the ring in complete awe. She was starting to cry. A thousand, no, a million things he could have said all flew out the window as the only words that escaped his mouth were, "I can be reliable."
She nodded enthusiastically as she put on the ring as quickly as she could, but in her opinion, it wasn't quick enough. He wrapped his arms about her tightly, and pulled her into a kiss.
The ring felt warm on her cold, clammy hands, and she knew that from now on, he could be that reliable warmth she so desperately needed.