A/N - Part of "Frozen angst challenge" - Day 1: Joan of Arc.
Anna had been in the garret for the most part of the afternoon. After the Yule festivities the past month, she had found great pleasure in searching for her family past possessions. She had found amusing things about her childhood in her trunk and had known a little bit more about her sister after finding Sir Jorgenbjorgen in hers. Looking through the different trunks, she found dairies and logbooks from ancient times, most of the things had a story to tell and she was fascinated by them. But her surprise came when she moved an old standing mirror, behind the mirror was a large painting which she recognised very well; after all, she had spent her lonely childhood playing games and talking to the woman on the portrait. In the dusty garret was Joan of Arc's painting, barely covered by a dirty cloth. It was true Anna had stopped visiting the painting room after the coronation, she had her sister now which meant no more lonely days talking to unanimated objects but still founding Joan there, behind old things ready to be forgotten, hurt. Anna took the large painting in her hands and realised that at least two people should have moved the object, it was quite heavy and difficult to move on her own. The only explanation for the painting to be there was her sister had asked the servants to move it. But it made no sense why would Elsa, a recently crowned Queen, move one of the few paintings in the castle that represented women's strength. Anna had always admired Joan's story, she had stayed true to her belief and face her enemies head held high. Probably it had been a mistake, and her sister intended for another picture to be removed from the wall, so she decided to talk to Elsa and clarify the misunderstanding.
A few minutes later, Anna found her sister in her father's study, 'Elsa's study now' she reminded herself. "Hey" she said, startling Elsa from her work. "Remember I told you I was going to spend the afternoon in the garret? Well, I found something I know it's not supposed to be there because it makes no sense for it to be up there when it makes perfect sense to be down here where we can all enjoy it and…"
"What did you find, Anna?" Elsa interrupted her sister with amusement in her eyes, it had been several months after the reunion with her sister but she still chuckled at her sister's antics.
"Well, I was trying to explain that," she said faking annoyance for being interrupted "I found Joan of Arc's painting, which makes no sense at all because who would take the portrait down. Perhaps you told the servants to take another picture down but they must have made a mistake or something." Anna explained while she saw her sister's face getting serious all of a sudden.
"Oh… It's just that. No, there's no mistake I asked the servants to take it there. I saw no use for such a painting in the house." Elsa explained, returning to her work.
Anna saw her sister's expression change while she listened to her answer, something was off with Elsa. She was happy just a second ago and now all of a sudden seemed to be on a grave mood "What do you mean such a painting, it's a great painting! One of the best if you ask me… I'll have it taken back down where it belongs" she concluded.
"Anna, don't." Elsa said a little bit faster than intended "I told the staff to take it to the garret and there's where it should be. I'll find some other painting for you, if you want".
Anna looked at Elsa for a second, something definitely was off with her. What was wrong with the painting? If she didn't mind finding some other random painting just for her, what was wrong with Joan. "That's okay. I don't want another painting Joan is perfect for the spot as she always has been. I don't know what's gotten into you."
"Anna, I said the portrait should stay in the garret. I don't want to see it in the painting room again." She was angry now, she knew it was uncalled-for to fight over a painting but she had made her mind about it and she was not changing it.
"Are you serious? Are seriously using the Queen voice with me? Over a painting?" she was upset now; her sister was making no sense over a painting. The painting was great and that was the end of the discussion "Have you not read a single history book? I thought you were the smart one!" Anna crossed her arms expecting her sister's answer, if she wanted to fight like kids over a painting then fine, she would too behave like a child.
"I have, trust me. I have read too many." Elsa said in a tone which indicated she didn't want to continue the argument. Turning her head, away from Anna's line of sight, Elsa sighed and stood up walking towards the grand window. The dark of night had taken over Arendelle, matching her sudden mood swing. She had been happy that day, she was finishing her work and was ready to spend the rest of the day sharing some chocolate and talking with her sister, when Anna suddenly showed up and brought that stupid painting back to her mind. The worst was that now Anna was probably annoyed with her for that same object.
"Then if you have, you should know that Joan of Arc was a great leader. She proved everyone wrong in underestimating her, she stood up for what she believed and she showed no fear facing her enemies. You, being a leader, should look up to her". She watched her sister look out the window, not really paying attention to her anymore. Elsa may be out of her room for good now, but she sure knew how to isolate herself from the world around her. Fuming by the lack of response from her older sister, she turned around ready to leave her sister be and do what was right to do. And that was hanging the portrait where it belonged.
Without taking her eyes from the window, Elsa addressed her sister when she was nearing the door "I don't want to see that painting, Anna. And I won't hesitate to sell it if that's what it takes."
"UN-BE-LIEVE-A-BLE. One of the few good things I remember from my childhood and you want to sell it? Just because you don't like the painting?" Anna was more than annoyed with her sister and her stupid Queen tone. "Was it not enough for mama and papa to make the trolls change my memories that now you want to take away the few good real memories I have? And totally unjustified. I bet you don't even know that much about art to…"
"It's not about the painting. It's not about art,Anna!" Elsa said, her voice cracking towards the end of her utterance. Elsa hated that painting, what it represented and she also hated to feel that way towards a stupid object. A stupid painting that made her sister happy shouldn't have such an impact in her miserable life. She should be past all that. But the things she had read, the things she had learnt were not easily erased. They returned during the night to haunt her as they had done many nights in her youth. Moving the painting away had helped her mind find some rest, at least she had no concrete object to trigger her mind -as if her mind needed any help-. "You don't understand." She finally said, turning her back to her. Not wanting to show her sister how weak she really was.
Anna heard the cracking in her sister's voice, saw her turn her and suddenly her anger was gone. Elsa was right she did not understand but something in Elsa's desperate pleading voice made her stop her rant. There was more to that painting that met the eye, at least for her sister, and now she needed to know what it was. "Then stop using the Queen voice with me and let me understand. I'm not going to lie Elsa, I like that painting, it was a trigger for fun games and stories for me. So, if you are telling me it has to go, at least tell me why…"
"It was… it still is a trigger for me too, Anna. It's just not the same for me as it was for you, I guess." Elsa's voice was low and quivery.
Anna saw her sister turn back to her and saw the anguish in her face. Something in Elsa's face told her she was about to open up, for real, like she had done just a few times so far. She thought that keeping quiet was the best option, better not interrupt her sister when she was finally letting her walls down. At least if it was for a short time. She saw her sister lay her head against the wall while her sight got lost in the darkness outside. The candle in her sister's desk only contributed to the somber mood, she thought.
"You asked if I had read history books… I have. Maybe more than it would be advisable for someone like me. Papa advised me against reading too much into the details of the past, 'The past may be useful to learn about our mistakes; not to repeat them. But if you read about the atrocities we as humans have done, then you risk losing your faith in humanity. And faith, my child, is not easily restored' he'd said to me. I guess he was right, he always was."
"He was not right about the isolation…" Anna hesitantly said.
"Maybe he was not right about that, no." Elsa agreed humourlessly. "But he was right about faith. I lost my faith when I was a child, Anna. And I'm still trying to restore that faith. I'm sorry you like that painting, but for me it's just a reminder of what humans can do. They couldn't believe a woman could be capable of such bravery and they condemned her for heresy. Just imagine what they would be capable of doing to someone like…" She paused, thinking it was the first time she was voicing her deepest fears to her sister "…like me."
Anna took a minute to think about what Elsa was saying; she was not oblivious to Joan's tragic ending. She may have been judged by her enemies, but Joan was betrayed by her people in the end; or that was one of the theories so far. So if a woman, who had only tried to serve her king and God in the face of war, was betrayed and burned for heresy, what was left for a woman who was capable of freezing a Kingdom…? Humans had killed, and hanged, and burned others for centuries for less than the things Elsa was capable of. So, what would they do to someone like her? "I'd rather not…" Anna answered grimly. Because it was true, she'd rather not think about what they were capable of doing.
"I tried to tell my mind exactly that for years 'I'd rather not…' But it always found a way to bring those thoughts back. It still finds its way to make me… miserable. Even now, when I know the people in Arendelle accepts me."
Her sister's words made her wonder. How many times had Elsa pictured her death at the hands of her people when she was younger? Anna couldn't possibly imagine what it must feel like to fear others so much, and have no control over it. That's when Anna was able to comprehend, at least to some extent, what Elsa called inner demons. How many hours did her sister spend searching for information about the things people had done to witches and sorceresses over the last centuries? No doubt Elsa had lost faith in humanity when she was a child, carrying the blame of hurting her little sister while she read the things done to those who were thought to possess magical powers. Anna couldn't contain herself any longer and cried silent tears while she reached for her sister. She grabbed Elsa in a tight hug. "I'm sorry" she said tentatively. "I just thought about what Joan did, I had never thought of what the people had done to her."
Elsa hugged her sister just as tight, and she felt relieved that her sister had somehow understood what she was trying to say, even when it was so hard to voice it. "It's okay. These are my demons, Anna. I should be past all this, but it's hard. I'll be fine, I promise." Elsa said while she separated herself from her sister. She grabbed her shoulders, looked at her in the eyes and finally said "I'm sorry I'm taking your best friend away."
"Don't worry about it. She was fun, but she was just a replacement for my real best friend. Who luckily came back to me" Anna said smiling.
"I bet she will stay, you won't need Joan again" Elsa finally said smiling after the turmoil of emotions she had been feeling minutes ago. "I won't sell Joan. Don't worry" she decided.
"Thanks… But maybe I'll take up the offer of something new to replace her. Shall we ask for a new family portrait?" She suggested.
"Ugh, I hate family portraits. I have to stay too still for hours; it's such a waste of time" Elsa replied.
"Wow, Elsa. You are starting to sound like me. I doubt the servants would be happy about two Annas running around the castle…"
"That'd be chaos. Wouldn't it?" Elsa joked. She put her arm around her sister's and dragged her out of the study "Come on, I was thinking about chocolate earlier today. Let's go get some."
Anna grinned and accepted the offer. She was glad Elsa was making everything in her power to heal and if helping her in that process meant letting go of Joan, then so be it.
A/N - Reviews are welcomed. English is not my first language, feel free to correct and mark any mistakes. It helps me learn more about the language and its grammar.