Hijikata looked to the man on this lap and smiled while kissing him as he hugged his lover close. They had gone for a walk on the beach in the late afternoon and decided to sit on the sand and watch the sun go down. He soon felt himself being tugged towards the water and laughed as he followed the younger male. They both got in and splashed each other but when they started to swim Soji just went further and further away until he couldn't be seen. He tried catching up to the other but stopped as he called his name only to find his voice being drowned out.
Hijikata woke up quickly and for a moment thought he saw the man from his dreams lying next to him but that image soon vanished as he was forced back to reality, it was only a dream but the truth was just as bad if not worse. Sighing he sat up and waited a minute before getting out of bed, looking at the clock he noticed that tit was midnight but didn't want to go back just yet. He headed downstairs and made a some tea taking a sip as he went back up.
He stopped at the first room and peeked in to see the boy who was now 12 fast asleep, he heard some music and leaned against the door as he listened to it for a few moments before turning off the cd player. He knew that song all too well and heard it even more often now since sometimes the only thing that would help the child fall asleep was listening to his father's voice. He kissed the boys head and covered him up before heading to the other room where his daughter slept, he noticed that the young girl was holding tightly to one of the shirts from his closet but knew that it wasn't his. He heard soft sods and sniffles coming from her and frowned as he walked over, he sat down on the bed and picked the girl up in his arms as he rocked her gently until she had fallen asleep. He laid her back in bed and silently left the room.
Going back to his own room he looked at the bed and just stood there as tears started to fall down his cheeks, looking away he went out to the small deck that was outside of his room before leaning on the rail, he looked up to the stars and forced a small smile as if he knew that the younger male would be up there looking down on him. It had been just over a week since the other had passed and it still didn't feel real to anyone, Kondo-san had stopped in a couple times to check on them but never stayed long since no one really felt much like talking lately.
Hijikata played with the ring on his finger as he thought back to their wedding day and how they had planned to live a full life together, but it came so sudden, the other had gotten very sick and none of the doctors thought that he was going to make it through. Despite what they were told his family just kept hoping, but deep down everyone new that it was the end. He took out the locket that Souchin had given his for his birthday just a couple months earlier and opened it before smiling at the pictures, one had all 4 of them as well as Kondo and the other was a picture of just Soji and him. He stared at it for a while then closed it up in his fist and held it to his lips before putting it back in his shirt.
"Why did you have to leave to soon?" He said, almost as if the other was there. "I'm not ready to do this alone." He continued to speak out loud as a few more tears fell. Despite being alone quite often when the other was away on tour he always knew that he would be back, but this time it was different, his husband was never going to come back…