Interview
[scene: Camera zooms in over a huge, cheering crowd. Annoying TV channel logo appears in lower righthand corner. As camera reaches stage, the words "Completely Pointless and Soon to be Pre-empted Show!" scroll across the screen. Disappears, revealing three smiling teens in blue office chairs.]
Girl 1 (Kathy): Hello and welcome to...
All: The Completely Pointless and Soon to be Pre-empted Show!
Girl 2 (Lauren): Coming up today... (squints at the off-camera teleprompters, gains confused look) 5 characters from our favorite book series who (puts two fingers to tiny speaker in her ear) I just learned actually existed! And whoever else comes through our unpredictable Curtain of Doom!
Girl 3 (Rita): (panics) Oh God, Kathy, hide your fanfic folder! (Tosses 3 foot thick folder offstage, much to the occupant of row J, seat 42's skull's dismay)
Kathy: (Grins as paper with the title "Bus Ride To Dathomir" shoots into the air) I remeber that... (licks lips)
Lauren: (horrified) You wrote that DOWN?
Kathy: (Nods) Every single word
Rita: Isn't that the one with...
Lauren and Kathy: YES!
Rita: Oh. And now, without further ado...
All: The young Jedi Knights!
(5 teens walk throught the unpredictable Curtain of Doom, looking bewildered)
Kathy: (Elated) Hi! It's great to finally meet you in person. You're just like I imagined. Welcome Jacen, Jaina, Zekk, Tenel ka and Lowie!
Lauren: (squints at Jaina) I didn't know you have acne! Cool.
(Jaina hangs head)
Rita: (Sees small metal object at Lowies hip. Panics) AAAAHHHH!!!! THERMAL DETONATER!!!! (wings it at back wall)
(Object lets out thin wail as it sails through the air before exploding on the opposite side of the stage)
Zekk: Rita, you IDIOT! That was Emteedee!
Rita: Oops...
Kathy: So... What's it like to be Jedi Knights in training? I've always... Tenel Ka, stop that! It's annoying!
(Tenel Ka is swaying back and forth, whispering something) (Jacen pulls the plug out of a small portable CD player. Sighs)
Tenel Ka: (still swaying) two beds and a coffe ma... What happened to my..(Glances at other YJK's) What?
Jacen: Uh, Tenel Ka? We're on the air.
Tenel Ka: (Turns the color of her hair) A) A jar of pickles! no B) Root Beer! Final Answer!
Rita: Shut up, Tenel Ka! No one wants to ba a millionaire.
Kathy: (Kicks Rita had) Forgive her. You like savage Garden too? Wow, small universe...
Lowie: Grrwuf
Lauren: What?
Lowie: Grrwuf!
Lauren: Huh?
Lowie: GRRRRWWWWUUUUUFFFFFF!
Lauren: (Dives at Lowie's throat) Speak ENGLISH Dammit! (Strangles him Simpson's style)
Zekk: (Pulls her off. Gazes into her eyes) You have just said the tree words I've been planning to say for two years now. How can I ever thank you?
Lauren: (Drools at him) Take a wild guess...
Zekk: Oh. Ok then. I'll meet you in your dressing room after the show.
Kathy: (Under her breath) Lucky... (Takes swig of coffee)
Jacen: (Grins evilly at coffee) And I'll see you, Kathy...
Kathy: (Glances suspiciously at coffee, grins) Sure, I think I can.. (seductively) fit you in...
Rita: (Gags) GROSS! I hope that wasn't a pun just now...
Kathy: Sorry, it was. So.... Will someone please revive Lowie? He's starting to creep me out just laying there.
(Zekk slaps Lowie)
Lowie: OWWW! That really HURT! Wait! I can talk I can talk I can MEOW! Meeeeooooooowwww! Meow.
Lauren: God save us all.
Kathy: Come on, Lowie, just step behind that curtain and... (Lowie does as he was told) DIE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA
Rita: That was unexpected...
Lauren: Not if you read our scripts!
Kathy: What scripts?
YJK's: UH OH!
Rita: Oh, shut up. Kathy? Lauren? What are you... Oh. Good good. Resume.
(Kathy and Lauren are busy staring and drooling all of a sudden)
(Tenel ka and Jaina get very jealous)
Jaina: (to Tenel Ka) we've got to get their attention, quick!
Tenel Ka: Jacen, look! An animal telling jokes!
(No reaction (coffe kicked in, I guess))
Jaina: No good. Lemme try... Zekk? Tenel Ka and I have begun sleeping together. We'll be married in January.
Rita: WHAT? GROSS!
Jaina: Not really!
Rita: Oh.
(No reaction from the droolers)
Tenel Ka: (at the top of her Lungs) KRYPTONIIIITTTTEEE! YEEAAHH!
(Four heads fly up) Die die DIE! (Drooling resumes)
Jaina: Oh well. We tried. they'll sober up soon. Then we'll get 'em back.
(girls walk offstage)
Kathy: I can't take it anymore! Screw the dressing room!
(Dives for Jacen) (Lauren copies with Zekk) (Jacen fingers Kathy's shirt, she sits up)
Kathy: (clears throat) The rest of tonight's show contains material of graphic nature. Veiwer discretion is strongly advised.
Audience: OOHHHHHHHH!!!
(scene fades to black)
[scene: Camera zooms in over a huge, cheering crowd. Annoying TV channel logo appears in lower righthand corner. As camera reaches stage, the words "Completely Pointless and Soon to be Pre-empted Show!" scroll across the screen. Disappears, revealing three smiling teens in blue office chairs.]
Girl 1 (Kathy): Hello and welcome to...
All: The Completely Pointless and Soon to be Pre-empted Show!
Girl 2 (Lauren): Coming up today... (squints at the off-camera teleprompters, gains confused look) 5 characters from our favorite book series who (puts two fingers to tiny speaker in her ear) I just learned actually existed! And whoever else comes through our unpredictable Curtain of Doom!
Girl 3 (Rita): (panics) Oh God, Kathy, hide your fanfic folder! (Tosses 3 foot thick folder offstage, much to the occupant of row J, seat 42's skull's dismay)
Kathy: (Grins as paper with the title "Bus Ride To Dathomir" shoots into the air) I remeber that... (licks lips)
Lauren: (horrified) You wrote that DOWN?
Kathy: (Nods) Every single word
Rita: Isn't that the one with...
Lauren and Kathy: YES!
Rita: Oh. And now, without further ado...
All: The young Jedi Knights!
(5 teens walk throught the unpredictable Curtain of Doom, looking bewildered)
Kathy: (Elated) Hi! It's great to finally meet you in person. You're just like I imagined. Welcome Jacen, Jaina, Zekk, Tenel ka and Lowie!
Lauren: (squints at Jaina) I didn't know you have acne! Cool.
(Jaina hangs head)
Rita: (Sees small metal object at Lowies hip. Panics) AAAAHHHH!!!! THERMAL DETONATER!!!! (wings it at back wall)
(Object lets out thin wail as it sails through the air before exploding on the opposite side of the stage)
Zekk: Rita, you IDIOT! That was Emteedee!
Rita: Oops...
Kathy: So... What's it like to be Jedi Knights in training? I've always... Tenel Ka, stop that! It's annoying!
(Tenel Ka is swaying back and forth, whispering something) (Jacen pulls the plug out of a small portable CD player. Sighs)
Tenel Ka: (still swaying) two beds and a coffe ma... What happened to my..(Glances at other YJK's) What?
Jacen: Uh, Tenel Ka? We're on the air.
Tenel Ka: (Turns the color of her hair) A) A jar of pickles! no B) Root Beer! Final Answer!
Rita: Shut up, Tenel Ka! No one wants to ba a millionaire.
Kathy: (Kicks Rita had) Forgive her. You like savage Garden too? Wow, small universe...
Lowie: Grrwuf
Lauren: What?
Lowie: Grrwuf!
Lauren: Huh?
Lowie: GRRRRWWWWUUUUUFFFFFF!
Lauren: (Dives at Lowie's throat) Speak ENGLISH Dammit! (Strangles him Simpson's style)
Zekk: (Pulls her off. Gazes into her eyes) You have just said the tree words I've been planning to say for two years now. How can I ever thank you?
Lauren: (Drools at him) Take a wild guess...
Zekk: Oh. Ok then. I'll meet you in your dressing room after the show.
Kathy: (Under her breath) Lucky... (Takes swig of coffee)
Jacen: (Grins evilly at coffee) And I'll see you, Kathy...
Kathy: (Glances suspiciously at coffee, grins) Sure, I think I can.. (seductively) fit you in...
Rita: (Gags) GROSS! I hope that wasn't a pun just now...
Kathy: Sorry, it was. So.... Will someone please revive Lowie? He's starting to creep me out just laying there.
(Zekk slaps Lowie)
Lowie: OWWW! That really HURT! Wait! I can talk I can talk I can MEOW! Meeeeooooooowwww! Meow.
Lauren: God save us all.
Kathy: Come on, Lowie, just step behind that curtain and... (Lowie does as he was told) DIE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA
Rita: That was unexpected...
Lauren: Not if you read our scripts!
Kathy: What scripts?
YJK's: UH OH!
Rita: Oh, shut up. Kathy? Lauren? What are you... Oh. Good good. Resume.
(Kathy and Lauren are busy staring and drooling all of a sudden)
(Tenel ka and Jaina get very jealous)
Jaina: (to Tenel Ka) we've got to get their attention, quick!
Tenel Ka: Jacen, look! An animal telling jokes!
(No reaction (coffe kicked in, I guess))
Jaina: No good. Lemme try... Zekk? Tenel Ka and I have begun sleeping together. We'll be married in January.
Rita: WHAT? GROSS!
Jaina: Not really!
Rita: Oh.
(No reaction from the droolers)
Tenel Ka: (at the top of her Lungs) KRYPTONIIIITTTTEEE! YEEAAHH!
(Four heads fly up) Die die DIE! (Drooling resumes)
Jaina: Oh well. We tried. they'll sober up soon. Then we'll get 'em back.
(girls walk offstage)
Kathy: I can't take it anymore! Screw the dressing room!
(Dives for Jacen) (Lauren copies with Zekk) (Jacen fingers Kathy's shirt, she sits up)
Kathy: (clears throat) The rest of tonight's show contains material of graphic nature. Veiwer discretion is strongly advised.
Audience: OOHHHHHHHH!!!
(scene fades to black)