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During my time in the 4th ward I learned a few things about myself— for starters, chaos is exciting. I craved the violence that transpired between rival groups. It was fun and there seemed to be a never ending amount of ghouls to slaughter— I could sit at the top of a mountain of corpses and truly feel what it meant to be a ghoul. To kill and live and breathe. But simple violence did lose its luster, after a while. The novelty of decaying ghoul limbs waned. That is when the Pierrot stumbled into my territory— bringing about an entirely new outlook on living like a ghoul.
Climbing the ranks to ringleader was easy enough; trickery, deceit, murder, all the tools I had used in the 4th ward to survive could be utilized just as easily for my own personal gains. I learned to love lying— not in the traditional sense, of course. But in the way of omission. Telling only the truth— and when the truth jeopardized my plans, remaining silent. I moved into the 20th ward masquerading as an eccentric pacifist. Oh, nothing in my behavior or personality traits were faked— I just purposefully created an aura of a ghoul who wanted to be left alone. I lived like a hermit in a small studio, creating ties with the peacekeeping ghouls in the ward. And slowly, my past as a violent soul dissipated, ruled out as a sort of rebellious phase (the ghoul kind) that most teenagers imbued at one point or another. The irony…
But, my new favorite hobby courtesy the merry band of clowns was that of orchestrating chaos. Entropy, the measure of disorder in the universe, was my new plaything. And so, the tragic story of one oblivious college student began. Kaneki Ken… one of my dearest friends; born human, transformed into a ghoul, the poor boy struggled against his predetermined f a t e. Luckily, I was given front-row seats to his fall into madness— and I enjoyed every moment. Even as I watched him slip into the darkness I hear all ghouls eventually fall into (assuming we live long enough), I did not reveal myself. There were times I wondered if I should throw away my own mask and face him as my true self: that of a monster.
But it's too late now; Kaneki Ken is gone. I've lost a good friend… all for a quickly fading euphoria masked as entertainment.
—And I wouldn't change any of my actions to this point; if I am to be forever labeled as an e v i l, malevolent beast, I will act the part. As humans often say: ghouls are born killers.
{and I can't let my charming audience down}
a/n: posted this on tumblr under my roleplay uta blog (the-pierrot-uta) and decided to drop it off here. it's just some character building stuff, but i liked writing it from uta's pov. i hope it was at least somewhat ic to what we've seen in the manga, ehehe...
edit: so i guess some words were just cut off when i first uploaded this; i fixed it, so sorry for the folks who read the butchered version courteous this website's doc manager system.
Review?
-isis