And as soon as he uttered the words, his mind leapt back; through the years and the memories, through the turmoil and through the inner pain of what had been lost so long ago...all lying deep within his heart--diminished to a trust of tears.
It hasn't been long now, not really, though the days drag on, and the suspense of each moment is not lost on me. I feel a sense of agonizing frustration; an animal trapped in a cage. I cannot act, not with the lives of the ones I love held in the balance. The comprehension of the 'who's and why's' fill my mind—it is all I can think about. The words they utter slide easily, so easily…almost under my ever-vigilant senses, but yet I feel a mask of something else behind them. Deceit perhaps? The surface is love, but I fear something more. Undercurrents of lies, and I dare not trust myself… for once, I cannot risk trusting myself.. It is not only my safety at sake, not this time. The acts of betrayal concern her as well; her life hangs in the balance of my decisions, each and every one.
I've been told that I'm naturally fearful of these things; that this paranoia darkens my soul. I just can't take things for what they are, so they say. But I think differently. The times are hard but I've learned to trust myself, because if I don't I will wind up regretting it later. It was a hard lesson to learn that my first instincts are normally correct, because I didn't want to believe it. But now I have, and I am forced to cope with it, belief coerced into my soul. It's hard to go back, and in this case I cannot.
Her name is Airia. She is of four years in the years of men, though she is half man and half elf. Her birthday falls on what some call the last of the dark days, though they be the beginning. It is only with the foreboding of my heart that I entrust her to you, for I do not wish her life to become entangled in these affairs. I know that given the right guidance…she can overcome whatever may face her. I only ask that you give her that. No riches, no favoritism…I do not ask the best of life for her, only the encouragement and support she may need as time passes onward.
I thank you with all of my heart…and I pray that one-day, I may see her life spared out of this, from your efforts and from mine. Thank you.
The man scanned the contents of the letter with his eyes and sighed, bringing his coarse hands to his head and through his wavy hair. He glanced at the little girl between his fingers, barely visible in the high grasslands of Rohan. Her light, reddish tinted hair and clothing camouflaged her, only her green eyes and outline of her small body stood out. He rubbed his hands through his hair, then sighed and let them fall to his sides. A child of four years, to travel and toil by his side? By Eru, the Valar must be in a humorous mood this evening. He sighed, and sat a few paces next to her to contemplate his situation.
'It cannot be done,' were his first thoughts upon watching the torn pieces of the message blow away in a gust of Rohirric wind. He could not be concerned of her safety if she was defenseless; it would mean that the times would come all too often that even if he tried with all his being, her life could be lost. He could not have that responsibility on his hands, though he loved children and their innocence, he would not that innocence tainted by the darkness of evil.
He subconsciously turned the matter over in his mind as he reread the note that had been pinned to the girl's dark cloak with a silvery brooch. How long has she even been here? He was deeply grateful no stray wargs or hillmen or such had found her, or he would have come across her in quite a different circumstance. Yet nomatter how many times he read the letter, no direct conclusion came to him.
Sighing, the man stood and sifted through the tall grass until he found the little girl curled up on the sun-caked ground. Some of the cracks in it were bigger than his hand…it had been a dry season. All that was visible of the girl was her brown leather boots and her dirty blonde hair, her cloak shielding the rest of her. The way it shimmered it almost seemed to be of Lorien-kind, though he wondered how her mother could have passed through their gates and won the favor of the Lady, then left a child to fare for their own in the middle of nowhere. Lady Galadriel was not one to hesitate to send a piercing gaze anyone's way, and she would surely have seen this. And why had the mother not left the child in Lorien? She would have been much safer in a haven such as that her current location, without a doubt.
Looking at the child's motionless form, it seemed apparent that her mother had drugged her to sleep for some reason or another, possibly to prevent her from wandering off or following her. But how was such a place as this better than any?
'First things first,' he thought. Questions would have to come later…he couldn't leave her here. Only a fool would think of making a fire in the plains; even if a large enough area was cleared out to perfection, the chances of wind blowing a fiery strand into the grassland were too much to consider.
"Thankfully, fire is the one thing I need right now,"he muttered sarcastically, his clear grey eyes scanning the horizon in contemplation. Fire was the only way he could make anything medical to wake her up; common skills wouldn't work against the drug the mother must have used…the child was too far in the void.
Come to a decision, he sighed, calling his grey stted to his side and repacking what little he had brought with him. It seemed the best he could do was to return to his camp, and bring Airia with him. Even if she couldn't stay with him for long, he couldn't leave her alone.
He bent over to pick her up, and when he lifted her onto Amdir's back he was surprised at her lightness. Half-elven indeed she must be, most likely more elven than human. He then picked up a leather bag beside her and secured it next to his own, then mounted behind her.
"Noro, Amdir," he whispered. The reaction time was minimal; Amdir's response was almost instantaneous to his friend's demand as he galloped away from the plains, leaving the scenery behind.
Little did the man know that words from times long ahead would come back and refer to this very day; his own words, accompanied by memories to return to haunt him for the rest of his life. But even as they rode through the darkening dusk, his thoughts only looked forward…not knowing forward would inevitably change its gaze back to the present.