The Thought

What if I actually did it?

"Renesmee Dear, your lunch is on the table," Maymay said poking her head outside the back door.

I looked up and smiled at her sweetly before setting my book down on the patio table. The smell of baked chicken wafted through the house. Maymay was busy airing it out as I sat down at the dining room table to eat what she made me. Baked chicken and a ceasar salad, I hate salad, but I know it's healthy for me. I was given one at every meal much to my displeasure. I began to eat it anyway. Just get it over with so I can eat my chicken.

I couldn't do it. It would never work. They'd stop me before I could even leave the yard.

"You read just as much as your mother does," Maymay said petting my curls as she passed through the room to check on me. I just smiled at her and continued to eat.

My phone chirped in the pocket of my dress. I expected it too. My daily lunchtime check-up from my parents. Normally it was the same thing every day; did I eat lunch today? ( as if Nana would ever let me skip it), was I having a good day? Did I complete my assignments for tomorrow? Don't leave the house. Today wasn't any different. I answered all of their questions with smiles beside my texts messages and over excited statements about my wonderful day at home with Maymay and how I missed them so much, assured them that I had gotten all of my school work done and couldn't wait to see them when they got home.

I mentally rolled my eyes. Did I get my assignments done? Pfft. I had gotten all of my schoolwork done this morning at five and it only took me all of twenty minutes. It would have taken me only five had I not written ten extra pages on my research paper just to prove my point. I'd never gotten anything lower than an A on any of my assignments. This would be my second time through college. I started my degree online when I was three and through Jasper's influence I got accepted to attend Harvard. I was following in my father and grandfather's footsteps- going into the medical field to be a heart surgeon.

My mother had taken it upon herself to attend college under my name. She attended the classes since I could not be out in public and I did all the assignments. Even the in class ones, Aunt Alice saw them the night before they were handed out and I did them accordingly. Grandpa snuck me into the hospital after hours and had me do autopsies and other surgeries on the corpses labeled Jane and John Doe. Later I interned at the hospital under him and last year I finished my degree. Alice being Alice had thrown a party and we celebrated. I was so happy that I had finally gotten my degree. I was six and a half, nearly fully matured. I could finally go out and explore the world, make friends, and not be confined to the house anymore. At least that's what I thought. Later after the festivities had ended my mother had explained to me that under no circumstances would I be allowed to leave the house without someone to watch me. That meant I couldn't get a job at the hospital with Grandpa-too risky because of my young face, and as for exploring the world well as my mom said, "it's just too dangerous Baby. The entire vampire world knows about you and we just can't risk you being out on your own. You understand right?"

I hid my disappointment well I'll say that for myself. My thoughts were locked away immediately and instead I "fake thought", how sweet of her to be concerned. My father smiled and gave me a hug and told her I understood. Then they left and went to their bedroom for the night. I waited until I heard the moans coming from their room to really start thinking. I began to cry silently as I lay on my bed and realized that I would never really be allowed to grow up. That was the first time the thought slipped into my mind. Run away. I scoffed at myself and blew it off as teenage angst. Fake thoughts around my father became a regular thing after that though. None of them would understand how I really felt or what I really wanted.

The second time I thought about running away was on New Years this year. I wanted Jacob to kiss me, really kiss me at midnight. Jacob. My mind caressed his name as I thought of him. He didn't though. Instead he reached over and gave me a side hug. "Another good one for the books huh kiddo?" he said before ruffling my curls. Once again I hid my real thoughts from my father and since Jasper was present I had to quickly cover up my feelings too. It was easy since both of them were busy kissing their mates. I just smiled and laughed like I hadn't just gotten my heart broken and agreed with him. Instead I focused on the fireworks and how happy I had to be to see them. Happy thought. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.

That was when I realized that even though I was fully matured, even though I really looked sixteen, while the rest of my immortal family looked the same age, none of them would ever let me be an adult. Not even Jake. Don't get me wrong. I still tried to hint around him that I was in fact grown up. I even hinted at our relationship and the imprint thing. Nothing. He didn't get it; the man was completely clueless.

I finished up my plate and Maymay was there in an instant. She told me she would wash it and that I should probably lay down before my parents got home. It wasn't really a suggestion. My parents had freaked out last month when I began sneezing and coughing a bit in the morning. It wasn't like I was dying. Most likely were allergies from all the pollen in the air. It was spring after all and I am part human. Unfortunately my parents and family member did not see my logic and insisted I rest a lot and don't participate in any strenuous activities for a while so that I don't get sick. Get sick. I have never been sick and in all reality the coughing and sneezing had only occurred for a week and then stopped. Didn't matter though, they insisted I rest and "take it easy." No hunting, because I may wear myself out; no baseball, Maymay needs help keeping score anyway; take a nap every day; the extra sleep will be good for you. I honestly don't even need to sleep, I just do it to appease them. Sleeping is dangerous for me. When I'm asleep my thoughts and feelings run free. Anyone can touch me and see what's going on inside my head. I can only imagine the lecture I'd get for my thoughts about Jacob or running away. Hell they might lock me up on a gold chain and never let me out then.

I closed the door to my room upstairs and undressed myself. Then I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my naked body. Maybe Jake didn't see me as a fully matured vampire because of my chest. My boobs were still growing-ish. I had small b's right now, not that he could tell because all I wore were sports bras and under loose dresses or shirts. Nothing to ever show that I had a figure. I sighed and put my lavender dress on again. I am pretty, I know that. It comes with being half a vampire. Heck, Jake tells me I'm pretty all the time, but not in that way that the guys say it in the movies that Rose makes me watch with her and not the way that my dad tells my mom. I laid on the bed and looked at the ceiling. Maybe if I had a girl friend to talk to about it I might feel better. Maybe if I had ANY friends I'd feel better. Those are also on the list of things I am not allowed to have. Well I won't say not allowed, but the chances of me having any friends besides Jake are slim. Not being allowed to be near any humans besides grandpa Charlie is a big factor. It's why I can't attend high school with them. Too much of temptation for me. "You'll get too close, too involved Hun. Humans need to kept at a distance. Best not test it hmm?" my dad once told me. I never argued. Any vampire friends were going to be hard to come by, most of the ones I knew were centuries older. They treat me like my family does, some of them just oogle me like I'm some kind of alien.

I just lay there and played movies in my head until my family got home from school. I heard the engine of their cars purring quickly down the driveway. Quickly I bounced out of bed and ruffled my hair a bit to make it look like I slept. Then I went downstairs to meet them as they walked through the door.

"Ness! Nice hair," Uncle Emmet snorted as he came in. He picked me up and gave me a big hug that made me giggle.

"Hi Nessie," Aunt Alice, and Rosie all chimed as they passed us going into the rest of the house.

Emmet set me back on my feet and I went to greet my parents who kissed my cheeks and patted my hair down. My father then followed my mother outside to hunt and the pair disappeared out the door within seconds.

"Ready to resume our chess match?" Uncle Jasper quipped.

"Of course. It's your turn," I replied as I padded over to the small table set up with our chess game on it.

I sat down across from him and waited. Our game had been going on for three days. It became sort of a thing for Uncle Jasper and I to play chess together. The two of us were sort of on equal ground. I couldn't read his mind or see the future, and I was a better player than Emmet or Maymay. Grandpa wasn't usually around much to play as often I was so that left the two of us to play. We spent a few hours playing. Each of our turns were long and well thought out plans of attack. Whenever I lost a pawn Jasper would remind me to try and see from his point of view.

"An attack is no good if your opponent can guess your moves or if you panic and act too hastily Renesmee," he said softly as he lifted his bishop up to move him.

Alice flitted her way over and peered at the board. Jasper looked at her from the corner of his eyes.

"Darlin' don't spoil our fun by cheating," he warned with a cheeky grin.

She giggled and kissed his cheek.

"Oh I won't. I can't see very well when it comes to Nessie anyway Jazzy and you know it," she pouted as she nuzzled his neck.

I tried to concentrate on my next move and not the flirting in front of me. I could not afford to be caught feeling jealous or even thinking it. Maybe if I take out that knight to the left he won't realize that his King will be vulnerable…or maybe I'll take the easy way out and just scoot my rook backward again.

"Renesmee your dinner is ready," my mother called from the kitchen.

"Until tomorrow Ness." Jasper said getting up with Alice in his arms. They couple disappeared up the stairs in an instant.

I let out a tiny sigh and then got up to go eat whatever my mother had made for me.