Disclaimer: still not mine and I'm still convinced that's a good thing!
A/N: as promised a few more in-ep fics to The Hub. This one and it's companion Something There for Her are both for Mariel. Because she continues to review and because she writes awesome fic (which I hope she will continue to do for BSG).
Summary: Bill's thoughts as he waits alone in his raptor until after he meets up with Laura. Spoilers for Sine Qua Non and The Hub. AR
He Has to Believe
Getting comfortable in his Raptor, Bill watched the rest of the fleet jump away, blue flash after blue flash. When the last one had vanished he picked up Searider Falcon from beside him, calmly perched his glasses on his nose, and started leafing through the charcoal-edged pages. Waiting. Drawing back the woman without which not, to him, by this vigil with the book they shared. He believed she would be back to hear him read the ending; he couldn't live with anything else.
-xxx-
He read the first chapter slowly, his eyes flicking to the stars outside every few seconds, almost actively praying for her to return. The second went faster, with only the occasional glance. By the third chapter, he wasn't looking for her anymore, just focussed on the sound of the dradis console, tuned to the beeps that announced incoming vessels. By the fourth he'd calmed down, settled into his role of waiting. Of waiting forever if need be. The fifth chapter went slowly again, because he wasn't so much reading as sensing her presence. She was there; this book was just a small part of her, of them. She would come. It was halfway through the sixth chapter that he moved to the back of the raptor. The kinks in his back were getting to him in the raptor seat in front. He wasn't as young anymore. By the eighth chapter he was stretched out in the back, not so much reading anymore as gazing at the pages and thinking of her. The way she laughed. The way they argued. The ways she angered him. The way she filled his quarters as if she belonged there. The way she did his heart. How she looked at the depths of her illness. How she didn't allow herself to rely on anyone, but let the responsibility for all their lives rest on her shoulders. How she would look when he found her. How she would feel. Before the ninth chapter he had fallen asleep, the image of her resting in his rack the last he saw.
-xxx-
By the time he woke up, the bit of sleep had managed to rid his soul of the fear he felt. He still awakened with a start and jumped up the second he remembered what he was doing, checking the dradis for anything. But the absence of any ships did not trigger a sense of emptiness or dread. She would come, he just had to wait.
-xxx-
When he finally reached the ninth chapter his training and experience had kicked in. He was again in the back of the raptor, his body completely relaxed in a pose that he knew he could keep for hours. To his mind, it had become just another mission and he was ready for the long haul. Even so, when he saw a blue flash and his dradis started beeping just after he'd turned the page to chapter fifteen, the first page of the part that he hadn't read yet, he knew that the adrenaline he felt wasn't merely from the possible combat situation. Buckling up and flying in went completely on auto-pilot. He barely took his eyes off her baseship.
-xxx-
He touched down his raptor inside the baseship and his training started to desert him. He pushed some final buttons, slowly got up and walked to the back, opened the hatch and with every second more of his calm focus disappeared and the beating of his heart became ever louder. Bill Adama, the soldier, left while Bill Adama, the man, resurfaced. By the time the hatch had fully opened and he had a clear view of Laura standing there, the only influence of his training that remained with him was the automatic descendent off the raptor wing and nearer to her. She was there, waiting for him. As he had been for her. And in her eyes, he thought, was something new. Something he had only seen glimpses of on New Caprica and which had disappeared again with the return of her presidency and her cancer. Life. Caring. Love? He didn't know. He just felt the relief flowing into his soul at the sight of her. An easing of the fear he had repressed for hours. An indescribable joy at knowing she was alive, and there. That joy, together with the piercing vulnerability in her eyes, formed the words he uttered.
'Missed you.' He had said these or similar words to her a few times before, but never with the message his eyes were conveying, and never had he received them back from her eyes.
Her answer wasn't needed to express the words, 'me too,' because he had seen them, but only to show the depth of her susceptibility. He gently gripped her upper arms, both to steady the emotional openness he heard and saw in her and just to touch her. It quickly turned into an embrace. One he tried to keep light, even though his fear and emptiness from before caught up with him and he just wanted to clutch her tightly and never let go. Still he kept in mind her wishes, and her health.
Hearing her murmur 'love you,' felt like the last dam of hidden feelings was being cleared away and his body just relaxed, letting out a breath together with his last reserves. He let go, needing to see her eyes again and read her message there. It was there, together with her laugh and her tears. It was there, finally. He returned her smile; he couldn't have stopped it if he tried.
'About time,' his voice replied, acknowledging her words and returning them in a way that conveyed how old those sentiments were. And in a moment of tenderness for this unbelievable woman he pressed a soft kiss to her temple, seeing with delight the blissful light in her eyes. This time it was she who embraced him, and he didn't hold anything back, drawing her tightly to him. And he felt, more than ever, the complete summit of life's value. In her.
Fine
Check out the companion to this one too, Something There for Her, and please review!