This was purely meant to be a comment on the annoyingness of the breaking dawn cover but it turned out a little differently…well don't take my word for it! Read on and find out!
DramaQueen
"What's that Bella?" Edward whispered in her ear. She hardly flinched, he was surprised; so often had he whispered those very words, unexpectantly into Bella's ear and had receive quite a satisfying yelp and leap but not this time it seemed, Bella merely shut the book she had been staring at on the Cullen's pristinely clean couch and turned to smile at him. Unnerving at from most people by from Bella, Edward thought as he raised his eyebrows in puppy-like puzzlement, positively terrifying. "What are you hiding?"
"Now Edward," Bella's smile grew and she patted him hand. "Why would you assume I'm hiding anything from you, how could I? You're a superhuman, mind-reading vampire and I…well…I'm hardly a match for you." She looked up at him through her long lashes and fluttered them without shame. "Now why don't you play me something on your piano, you know how I do so like to hear you play." Edward all but put his hands behind his back and said "shucks" but he restrained himself, instead settling on a cough which did not conceal his obvious delight. He went over to the piano, not taking him eyes off the sweet, innocent angel staring back at him. The same sweet, innocent angel, who, as his back was turned, gently stowed her book away down the front of her skirt. Edward will never think to look there, she thought a little bitterly. The book was forgotten and everything moved on in the Cullen household.
Carlisle invented a cure for the common cold which could also give the recipitant super strength. This was admired much by the Cullens and cheered on until Esme found out upon which Carlisle was forced to quickly "undiscover it before you get us all exposed. Do you think someone how discovers that is gonna be kept in the dark?" And life continued.
Alice found a Barbie doll in Emmett's closet and chased him round the house with it as Rosalie sobbed dryly in a corner. This too was much admired until Edward snatched the doll and broke it in half because apparently "it shows an idolised version of the human form and we don't want Bella to get it into her head that she is not completely perfect!" And life continued.
But something was wrong…Edward could feel it…something that hadn't been there before…a sort of shadow that hung over Bella and it had all started with that book…yes he was sure of it! That book, that he had found her with so many times, never reading it; just staring at the cover. He only ever got glimpses of it though...a blur of black and white and red as she tucked it away in her…where no gentlemen should venture. Finally after much brooding he confronted her.
"Bella" that was a good start, short, to the point…now the next word. "I've been meaning to take to you for a while now, ever since I saw you with…with…with that book." Bella looked confused.
"That was this morning Edward."
"Yes well, it seems like so much longer! I feel like it's destroying us Bella! That book!" He pointed at the bulge in her skirt. (This I might add might have been a very awkward moment for the others to walk in and in an episode of friends perhaps they would but this is a twilight fanfiction and we have standard! Do you hear that! You! Yes you! The one who has written the dozen EdwardxJacob fics! Standards!!)
"Oh all right" Bella produced the book from her skirt and placed it on the sofa between them. "She sent it to me this morning. The first copy, but we aren't aloud to read it."
"Breaking dawn? Bella is that what I think it is?"
"Most probably but I'm not sure, not most of us can read minds Edward, how many times!"
"Bella? Is that our future?" Bella twisted her face into a slightly weird expression. You know the one a biology teacher might make when asked to explain the meaning of life.
"Well…no. It's a little complicated." Edward smiled; it was so cute when she tried to be patronising.
"Try me." He sat her on his knee.
"Ok." She shrugged. "If you're sure. Well…we're fanfiction Bella and Edward so we only exist in the minds of the readers. While the Bella and Edward in the twilight books will go and have a future we will simply stay as an imprint on the readers mind as Edward and Bella in the books were before anything bad happens to them or any of the characters die." Edward nodded in what he thought was a knowing way. Bella sighed. "Let me explain it a different way." She got up. "In fanfiction I can easily this." She spring boarded onto the glass table shattering it to oblivion. There was a shriek from upstairs. "Don't worry Esme; it was to prove a point!" Bella shouted as she dusted herself off and went to sit on Edward again who was looking very disapproving. "See…" said Bella as thought that explained everything. Edward nodded again and Bella sighed. "See I can do that cause I'm fanfiction Bella but when the Bella in twilight did that there was a big hoo-ha and Jasper tried to kill her right?"
"So we are in a sort of parallel universe."
"If you like…" Bella said happily.
"Is it just us?"
"Oh no everyone's affected by it. Carlisle is more clever, Alice is more cookey, Rosalie is quite simply a bitch, Emmett is the loveable older brother guy, Esme is just generally more interesting and don't get me started on Jasper; he's kinda ambiguous in the books so he could do anything!"
"And every fanfiction is like a parallel universe?" Edward asked, still a little confused.
"I suppose so…think about it." She grinned. "there is a parallel universe when you gladly get off with Jacob and I run away with Jasper hahahaa" (laugh Bella laugh but you haven't read them, ewwwww)
Edward was now staring at the book.
"So I guess it's ok for us to read it. What's with the cover?" Bella frowned
"Yes…that's what has so disturbed me. A white queen and a red pawn! I don't wanna be a pawn!" Edward furrowed his brow.
"Does that mean I'm the queen?"
"It makes sense seeing as I'm a vulnerable and the queen is white."
"But I'm not a queen!"
"I don't think it's really meant like that, not sure Stephanie Meyer wanted to doubt your sexuality."
"What?"
"Don't worry about it darling no one is gonna think you're gay! She's just saying that if you were a chess piece you would be a queen…I mean maybe in a parallel universe…you haven't had any feelings for Jacob recently?"
"No!"
"Carlisle?"
"No!"
"Jasper or Emmett"
"No! No!"
"James?"
"NO!!"
"Whatever." Bella stretched and yawned, waiting till she reached the computer to deliver the parting blow. "God I'm tired, I think I'll just curl up with some good old Rosaliexme fanfiction or maybe James, haven't quite decided." There was an almighty crash and the book hit the computer sending keys flying across the room. She sighed; he could be such a drama queen some times.