I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of it's characters, they belong to Eddie and Adam. I do not own 'Dancing With Tears In My Eyes', it belongs to Ke$ha/Kesha.
Prompt: Emma lying on her lounge after killing Killian, thinking of a song that sounds just like what she's feeling and going through.
Here we go
Welcome to my funeral
Without you
I don't even have a pulse
I can't breathe. I can't speak. I can't blink. I'm numb. I can't do anything... but feel the ache in my heart.
All alone it's dark and cold
With every move I die
It wasn't suppose to be like this. As the dark one I felt alone and scared, and now as The Saviour, I still feel that way. It wasn't suppose to be like this. He wasn't suppose to be gone, he was meant to be here - with me, and our future. He's suppose to be here.
Here I go, this is my confessional
A lost cause, nobody could save my soul
I'm empty. I'm numb. I'm lost. I'm scared. I'm alone. I can't breathe. I can barely lay here. Everyone was trying to talk to me, get me to talk, when they brought me to my house. My parents. Henry. Regina. Even Robin. But I didn't say a thing, I couldn't say a thing. I can't even cry because I've used up all my tears for the day. If I could I would've cried when Henry told me he'd miss Killian just as much as I do. Yet I couldn't. I'm empty, and I feel nothing - nothing but pain.
I am so delusional
With every move I die
I have destoryed our love, it's gone
It's all my fault. It's my fault; that he's dead, that he died three times, that he became the dark one, that he was sucked back into the darkness - it was my fault that I had to kill him. But more than just that was my fault. It's my fault; that he gave up his home, that he gave up his life as a pirate - it was my fault that all he felt was heart ache because I'd never say my feelings.
Payback is sick, it's all my fault
It's all my fault. If I thought I was paying the price for turning Killian into a dark one when he was trying to kill my family, I was wrong. If I thought I was paying the price when he told me he hated me, I was wrong. If I thought I was paying the price when he had me kill him - I was wrong. I'm paying it right now. Just a few hours without him and life is already so hard.
I'm dancing with tears in my eyes
Just fighing to get throught the night
I'm losing it (losing it) [x3]
With every move I die
The hours have gone by since he had me kill him. It's just horrible. As the hours ticked by I felt like I was losing my mind, he collapsing is the only that I can think of. I've never felt pain like this before. Being left in prison, pregnant, was nothing compared to this. I'm fighting to just breathe, because everytime I try I just feel like I'm dying, or drowning - it could be both.
I'm faded, I'm broken inside
I've wasted the love of my life
I never let him in. He always loved me, always wanted me, and I never let him in - until it was too late. He was always patient with me and let me set the pace in our relationship. I knew I loved him, I knew I wanted forever with him, I knew he would be the one and I never told him, until it was too late. Just the thought of how I did all that breaks my heart, breaks me.
I'm losing it (losing it) [x3]
With every move I die
When did I become such a hypocrite
Double life, lies that you caught me in
Trust me I'm paying for it
I think back to when he'd gotten hit by a car and we were talking in the hospital, all I did was ask him what the villainous plans were and he deflected. I did that to him, he asked and I deflected. God, being the dark one made me a hypocrite. Seriously just lying and deflecting and keeping things from him made me feel horrible, and that was punishment enough. This, though, yeah this is making me pay for it.
On the floor I'm just a zombie
Who I am is not who I wanna be
I feel dead inside. Absolutely nothing, completely empty. Heartbroken, tired from no sleep for weeks, exhausted from crying and angry at how me being me got him killed. I told him this would happen, I told him and in that moment I wished I wasn't me so I could keep him from this tragic end I knew I'd bring.
I'm such a tragedy
With every move I die
I have destoryed our love, it's gone
Payback is sick, it's all my fault
I ruin everything. No villian could have ruined things the way I did. Now Killian's dead and I get to live with the guilt of his death not only because I killed him but because I lead him to his death. It's all my fault.
I'm dancing with tears in my eyes
Just fighing to get throught the night
I'm losing it (losing it) [x3]
With every move I die
I'm faded, I'm broken inside
I've wasted the love of my life
I'm losing it (losing it) [x3]
With every move I die
Every good image of us together has been flashing through my head throughout the night; us meeting, our fight at Lake Nostos, our first kiss, our time travel adventure, our first date (only date), him telling me I was his happy ending, us falling onto my bed when I found out he was alive, me telling him I loved him for the first time, us in a field of Middlemist flowers, me telling him I wanted a future with him - but after the good memories came the bad ones.
This is it
And now you're really gone this time
Never once thought
I'd be in pieces left behind
He's gone, for good. He can't come back this time. This is no alternate universe and if I had the chance there's no way in hell I'd turn him into a dark one again. But that just means he's really gone. This is why I didn't want to be with him, fall in love with him, because then he'd die and he was one of the two people I couldn't lose. But now, he's gone and just left here, in pieces, feeling empty, heartbroken and numb.
I'm dancing with tears in my eyes
Just fighing to get throught the night
I'm losing it (losing it) [x3]
With every move I die
I'm faded, I'm broken inside
I've wasted the love of my life
I'm losing it (losing it) [x3]
With every move I die
The worst part is, with him, I actually started to believe that he'd be ok, that he'd always be there for me and would never leave me. But he has. I should feel a little angry at him, he told me he was a survivor but he died, but I just can't be. It's breaking me; knowing he's gone, knowing he's not coming back, knowing that everything he did he did for me, knowing that even the worst part of him loved her enough to give up everything. It's just slowly breaking me but I can feel it, and it's killing me. I only hope that while I'm paying the price of everything I did up here, he's safe and unharmed wherever he is. It's what he deserves.
So I decided to just prepare myself, my life, my heart and my soul for a life without Killian, and with that I just stared at the roof of my house whilst holding the ring Killian gave me.
Author's Note: If you guys liked it please review, or whatever. What did everyone think of 6x08 - I'll Be Your Mirror? I loved it; could of gone for more Hook and Captain Swan but loved all the Henry. Alright, I love Kesha and I was just sitting in my room and was listening to her first album and I love this song, always have, but when I just sat down and listened to the lyrics I thought to myself 'this is what I'd imagine Emma was thinking when she had killed Killian' and I decided to write this. So I hope you guys liked it.