I smile, but it hurts. "Just behave, Gojyo," I tell him with a gentle laugh.

"C'mon, Hakkai! You know me!" the kappa replies with a grin. "Catch ya later, guys!" And with that, he disappears from the hotel room.

"So, anyone want to bet on if he gets laid or not?" Goku asks, an amused glimmer in his golden eyes.

I only smile, ignoring my pain, as Sanzo hits Goku with his paper fan.

"Go to sleep, bakasaru," Sanzo scolds, taking a drag from his cigarette.

"But I'm not-"

*Whap!* "Go to sleep," Sanzo repeats.

Goku lies down in his bed obediently, and within moments he is snoring softly.

I chuckle lightly as Hakuryuu perches upon my shoulder.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Sanzo asks after a moment of silence.

I pet Hakuryuu absently. "What do you mean?" I ask, still keeping that painful smile in place.

"Smiling all the time. Pretending nothing's wrong."

Hakuryuu 'kyu's at me as my hand ceases its motion.

But my smile never falters; neither does the pain.

"You hate it when Gojyo does this. But you smile and laugh it off," Sanzo continues, stating rather than questioning.

My smile remains, but inside, I begin to shake. How does he know?

"The saru pointed it out," he continues. "He's not as stupid as he seems."

Goku…Goku knows?!

"Last week he asked me why your lips smile when your eyes want to cry. I hit him, said nothing, and watched you since."

"Kyuu?" Hakuryuu nuzzles my cheek, sensing my growing discomfort. I stroke his mane gently.

"He's right. Your eyes were sad when Gojyo left, even though your lips smiled."

I sigh, easing my pain and letting the smile fall from my face. They're both right, but I had thought my mask was perfect. "Yes," I answer. "It hurts."

"So why do it?"

Why indeed. Perhaps I want to die smiling, like Kanan. Perhaps I don't want my pain to be the source of pain to others. I'm not sure, in truth.

I shrug.

Sanzo takes another drag of his cigarette.

More silence passes before Sanzo breaks it once more. "He'd be hurt if he knew," he tells me, looking at me with his piercing amethyst eyes.

I meet his gaze carefully, hoping he's not referring to whom I think he is.

"Gojyo thinks of you as his closest friend, and he hates seeing his friends upset."

"Don't we all?" I ask simply.

He nods. "But he hates being lied to. You can imagine how upset he'd be if he knew how often you lie to him, Hakkai."

Lie to him? I hadn't thought of that. I turn and gaze out the window at the full moon, letting Sanzo's words turn over in my mind.

The door all but slams open behind me, and I don't even blink.

"Man, let me tell ya, all the single babes must have decided to stay in tonight," Gojyo announces as he flops down onto his bed.

I gaze out at the moon, keeping my smile-less face hidden from the kappa's view, Sanzo's words echoing in my mind. You can imagine how upset he'd be if he knew how often you lie to him.