Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, though Logan (Hugh Jackman) owns me, I'd gladly jump off a cliff for this man. I'd kill for this man, I'd…you get the point. Warning my muse has an obsession with late night writing, it is currently 2:45 AM and my brain is mush. Yet it's still functional to write this…deal with it.
She lied there perfectly still, staring at the blackness that loomed above her head, that engulfed the room, the blackness that blanketed the eastern part of the U.S. the blackness that covered her heart. She just lay there on her back, her hands resting limply on her stomach, tears silently flowing from her cinnamon oculars. The scent of beer, unlit cigars, motorcycles, leather, and pure masculine musk wafted into her flared nostrils, taking in more and more of the intoxicating aroma with each heave of her chest.
He wasn't here to hold her. He wasn't here to comfort her from her childish fear of those humans coming in to take her away. But some how, just being in his room was comfort enough…squinting her eyes she gazed in the general direction of the doorway, an oddly shaped figure hovered there. It's always there every single night and, each time she would turn on the light, and poof, it's gone. She was sick and tired of that familiar presence being there, but not there. Not being there when she turned on the light. This time, she wasn't going to turn on the lights. It would just disappear. She rolled onto her side, her back to the door and the figure. Subconsciously her hand smoothed out the green silk that was her provocative nightgown. Then she yanked the thin white sheet up to her chin and tried to relax into the scents.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
It's been five years without him. Five long…bitter sweet years. Only three years of actually knowing him before he left for his long journey into Canada. The way his gaze fell upon the doctor was ingrained into her memory, whether or not she had gotten married mattered. He still wanted her, and it still hurt. She was the one he thought of during those long cold lonely nights in Canada and she knew it. Those five bitter years of her life didn't erase the last look bestowed upon the lovely telepath. The look of hunger, need, love, the look she craved, but she would never receive. Her heart was bitter…and the years didn't console it.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
"Wake up…" she murmured as she kneeled by his bedside, up by his head. Her gloved hands shook his shoulder lightly as he jolted awake a scream escaping his lips. Tears gleamed in his hazel eyes, but never brimmed over. The full moon shone its light proudly into the room, and routinely she crawled up onto the bed next to him, holding his hand in hers as he rested his head on her covered shoulder. She sung softly to him, fighting away the inner demons that fought with him just only minutes ago. Eventually he went lax on her and languidly slumped back into bed, sleeping peacefully. Tucking a platinum lock behind her ear, a stray finger brushed back the brunette lock that fell into his dreaming face. Her hands reached in through the collar of the oversized sweater he gave her, and grasped the precious metal that rested between her breasts. Pulling it out into the open she just gazed at it, she had his tag and he had her heart.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
She tossed from side to side, haunting images of his face from the early years flashed through her mind every time she closed her eyes. That husky voice that matched his feral face echoed familiar words that were probably long forgotten, it seemed eons ago that they were uttered. His words reverberated inside her mind stealing every bit of her sanity with each syllable. Hugging the extra pillow to her chest, she kept her back to the door. She couldn't allow herself to fall asleep again. Too many dreams…what used to be such pleasant dreams. So corrupted. So disturbing. So…him.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
Her hand reached for the familiar tag that hung on the familiar chain, that rested in a comfortable familiar spot just between the swell of her bosom. Nothing. Gone. Her real sense of comfort…security…gone. He promised he'd come back for them…he did…and few weeks later…he left her life. No matter how long he was gone, and how much more his memory faded from the room, and how much more the voice faded, it stubbornly hung on strong. Time wasn't going to fix anything.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
"Was it her again?" Her voice called softly as his head rested in her lap, on a pillow. His hand clutched the soft cushion and he nodded softly into it. He chewed on his lips mercilessly to bite back the emotion demanding to be set free. She knew about the dreams. The dreams he had of her…her dying again, the tons of water hitting her like a million freight trains, claiming her life. And he wasn't even allowed to cry. He wasn't supposed to cry…it was in the rightful man's ability to cry…it was his lover…not the man curled up in his friend's lap. Silently damning himself for even being so emotional. It hurt her to see him in pain, and it hurt her even more to know that he still loved that woman. But she still loved him.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
Her gaze turned to the window with opened curtains, the starless and moonless night not illuminating her room in anyway. It was just black. Nothing but black. Her hands clasped together tightly as she begin to tell herself he's never coming back. But then that nagging voice in the back of her head told her he will, told her he loved her. He remembered the promise, that same voice told her he remembered.
"Promise?"
"I'll take care of you, kid." Haunting words echoed in the back of her mind. But then…those words were meaningless. That voice was only an apparition of the man she loved. Of the man she absorbed. Of Logan. It wasn't Logan, and she was alone. Completely utterly alone.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
"My Immortal" by Evanescence