Sponge of Royalty
(Based on an episode of the Disney cartoon, TaleSpin.)
Chapter 1: The Thirteenth Baron
One morning, in the underwater community of Bikini Bottom, Spongebob Squarepants opened the door of his pineapple home. He took in a big gulp of air and exhaled loudly.
"Good morning, Bikini Bottom!" Spongebob announced in a sing-song voice. Besides his usual outfit, Spongebob was wearing garden gloves and a big straw hat. He carried a watering can in one hand and a big box in his other arm.
As Spongebob walked down his front walk, he caught sight of Squidward, his next-door neighbor, bringing in the mail from his mailbox.
"Good morning, Squidward!" shouted Spongebob as he walked over to the edge of Squidward's property.
"Humph," muttered Squidward, who wasn't in the mood to talk to Spongebob that morning. In fact, he never was. Nevertheless, he caught sight of the box under Spongebob's arm and asked what he was doing.
"I'm glad you asked, Squidward old pal," declared Spongebob. He suddenly opened the box, reached inside, and brought out a rolled up sheet of grassy material.
"What are you gonna do with that? Practice your putting?" asked Squidward with zero emotion.
"Nope. Guess again," teased Spongebob.
"Spongebob, I don't have time to…" began Squidward, but Spongebob suddenly rolled out the sheet onto the ground and yelled, "TA-DA!" The sheet was covered in a type of undersea grass, and on the grass sat ten black spheres.
"What in the world are those?" asked Squidward with some interest in his voice.
"I'm gonna grow my very own, one-of-a-kind sea urchin garden!" said Spongebob, who showed the front of the box to Squidward. The box read, "One, one-of-a-kind sea urchin garden! Limited edition set! $50."
"Fifty dollars?" asked Squidward with surprise.
"Actually, it cost thirty dollars, but the salesclerk made me an offer."
"Why in the world would you pay fifty bucks for an artificial garden of sea urchins?" asked Squidward.
"Simple. The store was going out of business," explained Spongebob. "The salesclerk was awfully nice too."
(Flashback to yesterday)
Spongebob was walking down a street in Bikini Bottom, singing to himself. He walked past a fish leaning against a store window. The fish was wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora. As soon as Spongebob passed him, the fish went, "Psst. Hey buddy."
"Who, me?" asked Spongebob, turning around.
The fish opened up his coat and showed Spongebob a box. "You wanna buy a sea urchin garden? It's from this store here." The fish pointed to the building he was leaning against. "It's their going-out-of-business sale."
"Wow," said Spongebob as he grabbed the box. He caught sight to the price. "Thirty dollars?"
"Well, uh, yeah, that's the sticker price," admitted the fish. "But I like you, kid, so I won't sell it to you for less than fifty."
"Deal," said Spongebob. He paid the fish fifty dollars and walked home with the garden.
"Suckerfish," said the sleazy fish as he counted the money. When he walked away from the building, he revealed a sign on the building that said, "Space for rent."
(Flashback to present)
"Look, Spongebob," said Squidward, "As much as I want to stand here and watch you grow that little garden of yours, let me give you a few reasons why I can't."
As Squidward brought out a long list from behind his back and began reading the reasons, a black limousine pulled up to Spongebob's house. A voice from inside said "Philip! Stop the car!" The limo's brakes squealed as the vehicle came to a stop. The back door opened and a short, fat pufferfish exited the car. The driver, a middle-aged tarpon, came out of the car, walked around to the passenger door, and took out a veiled sculpture from the passenger seat. He walked up to the pufferfish, who stood with his mouth open as he stared at Spongebob.
"Striking resemblance isn't there, sir?" whispered the tarpon in the pufferfish's ear.
"Yes, Philip," said the pufferfish with a smile. "I do believe our search is over." The two fish walked over to Spongebob, who was still listening to Squidward's list of reasons why he couldn't watch Spongebob's urchin garden grow.
"…and because I need to take my mail inside, and because I left the kitchen light on, and because I hate you, and…" Squidward could have gone on and on, but he was interrupted.
"EGAD!" shouted the pufferfish. He and Philip the tarpon approached the two neighbors. "I've waited all my life for this moment!"
"Gee," said Spongebob to Squidward. "My urchin garden hasn't even grown yet, and already it's attracting visitors!"
"Let me get a closer look," said the pufferfish. He leaned up against Spongebob's face. He was so close, that Spongebob's eyes began sinking back into his head. Then, the fish recoiled and announced, "It's the eyes! It's always the eyes!"
The needle on Spongebob's "clueless meter" was off the scale at this point. Just to make sure, Spongebob checked his wrist. Next to his watch, his "clueless meter" was indeed going off the scale.
Squidward was clueless as well, although he didn't have a "clueless meter" to prove it. "What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Haven't you ever seen a sponge wearing a straw hat before?"
The pufferfish reached into his coat and brought out a business card. He gave it to Squidward, who read it out loud. "Professor Kelpton of 'Kelpton, Kelpton, and Krille'?"
As Squidward read the card, Prof. Kelpton began examining Spongbob. He stretched out Spongebob's lips to observe his teeth, his gums, and even stuck his whole head in Spongebob's mouth to see if he was healthy.
When Spongebob heard what Squidward said, he began screaming, which caused Kelpton to stumble back with shock. "AAAAAUGH!!! It's an attorney!!!"
"Calm down! Calm down," eased the pufferfish. "I'm not here on business. I'm simply looking for a certain 'gentleman'."
Spongbob and Squidward looked at each other for a moment and then looked back at the pufferfish.
"Pfff. Have you ever come to the wrong place," scoffed Squidward.
"I think not," said Kelpton smugly. He looked at Squidward. "You see, standing next to you, sir, is a descendant of royalty!"
"Really? Where?" Squidward looked all around until he caught sight of Spongebob standing next to him. "I don't see any 'royal heirs' anywhere."
"Behold!" shouted Kelpton. He reached out a fin and grabbed the veil that still covered whatever Philip was carrying. "The Thirteenth Baron of Bleuenlond!"
With that, Kelpton yanked the veil away to reveal Philip carrying a silver tray. On the tray sat a bust of a figure that looked just like Spongebob…except it had holly leaves on the sides of its head to make it look Greek!
"H-H-him?" wheezed Squidward, who pointed a tentacle at Spongebob.
"Me?" squeaked Spongebob. His eyes were big and reflective.
"You," said Kelpton, who pointed at Spongebob. "You, sir, are now fahaaaaaabulously wealthy."
"Really?" asked Spongebob. His eyes were tiny now. "H-how fabulously?"
"Oh, I should say the cost of this entire town…" Kelpton spread out his fins towards the town of Bikini Bottom. "…about a thousand times over."
"Yahoo!" shrieked Spongebob. He then began doing a little "I'm-rich-I'm-rich-I'm-rich" dance on his front lawn. Squidward's jaw was hanging to the ground as all this was going on.
"Ahem. Your robe, sir," said Philip. He had put the bust back in the car and was now holding up a dark red robe for Spongebob. Spongebob's dancing screeched to a halt and he quickly began dropping off his hat, gloves, and outfit into Squidward's tentacles.
"Now…now wait just a minute," said Squidward, who dropped all of Spongebob's clothes. Nobody heard him though. Kelpton was talking to Spongebob as Philip headed towards the driver's door.
"If the robe is not in your suitable size…" explained Kelpton, leading Spongebob to the back door of the limo. "…you're tailor can sew you a new one."
"Wait a second, where are you taking him?" called out Squidward.
"Home, sir," said Kelpton, he opened the door of the limo.
"Home?" asked Spongebob.
"To your castle, sir."
"CASTLE??!!" exclaimed Squidward with wide eyes.
"With 655 rooms, sir." Kelpton led Spongebob into the seat and closed the door. He then walked towards the passenger door, leaving a stunned Squidward all alone on the lawn.
"Wow," said Spongebob inside the limo. "655 rooms and…GASP!" Spongebob caught sight of four huge trays in front of him that were filled with bite-sized morsels of food. "All the hors d'ouerves I can eat!" Spongebob greedily began stuffing his face with food. He cleaned the trays in a matter of seconds. When he was done, Spongebob heard tapping on the window. Spongebob pressed a button and the window slid down to reveal Squidward's grinning face.
"Y'know, Spongebob," said Squidward in a pleading tone. "Don't you think it would be a good idea if, I dunno, you had someone over to keep you company in that castle of yours?" Squidward arched his eyebrows several times.
"By golly, you're right!" declared Spongebob. Quick as a flash, he got out of the car, ran inside his house, and ran back carrying his pet snail. "I wouldn't want Gary to stay here and miss out on all the luxury."
"Meow," said Gary.
"But…" sputtered Squidward. The door slammed in his face. "But what about…what about Mr. Krabs?"
"Good idea, Squidward!" shouted Spongebob as the car lurched into gear. "I'll stop off at the Krusty Krab to tell him. Bye, Squidward!" The car began moving. "Come and visit me sometime! Hey, Patrick!" The car drove by Patrick's house. Patrick Star was standing in front of his house watching the limo drive by. "Guess what, Patrick! I'm rich! Whoo!" screamed Spongebob as the car picked up speed and headed towards the Krusty Krab.
"Hmmm," said Patrick to himself. "That guy looked a lot like Spongebob."
"Spongebob!" yelled Squidward. He crossed his tentacles in anger. It wasn't fair. Why did Spongebob have to be a descendant of royalty? Then a realization hit him.
"Wait a minute. Spongebob's not my next-door neighbor anymore! Oh boy! At least some good came out of this!" He suddenly caught sight of the urchin pods that still sat in Spongebob's garden. There was a crease on each pod that made it look like they were smiling.
"What are you all smiling at?" questioned Squidward to the pods, before he finally brought his mail inside.
He didn't see the creases simultaneously sink into a frown with a "mwop" sound.
At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs was in his office counting his money when he heard a car horn beep outside.
"Who could that be? I hope it's not another health inspector." Mr. Krabs walked to the door of the office and saw a long black car outside.
"Oh no! It's a hearse! My time has finally come! I'm gonna…"
"Mr. Krabs!" shouted Spongebob. He was waving his arms frantically out the car window.
"Spongebob?" asked Mr. Krabs. He ran out the front door and up to the car. "Spongebob! What the heck are you doing in there?"
"Greetings, Mr. Krabs," said Spongebob. His voice suddenly had a British accent. "It appears as thought I'm a descendant of a royal sponge family and I now have a vast quantity of wealth."
"Y-you mean you're rich?" asked Mr. Krabs. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Ah, yes. Pip pip, cheerio, and all that," replied Spongebob.
"But…uh…um…what about your job?" asked Mr. Krabs meekly.
A phone suddenly rang in the car. Spongebob picked up the phone and heard Philip's voice. "Barons don't have jobs, sir. You'll never have to work another day for as long as you live."
"You heard the fish, Mr. Krabs. My working days are over."
"But what about the Krusty Krab????" asked Mr. Krabs frantically.
"Here's a hundred dollars," said Spongebob, as he reached in his pocket and gave a hundred dollar bill to Mr. Krabs. Actually, Mr. Krabs couldn't move upon seeing the bill, so it simply floated down to the ground. "Use it to hire some other chimp."
"That's 'chump', sir," said Philip, who still on the phone.
The limo eventually drove off, leaving Mr. Krabs staring at the hundred dollar bill for the longest time. Finally, he got down on all fours and began kissing the bill and shouting out terms of endearment towards it. Two young fish walked by at that moment and saw Mr. Krabs' weird behavior. Mr. Krabs froze when he saw the two fish staring at him oddly.
"What are you two looking at?" he asked angrily. "Haven't you ever seen a hundred dollar bill before?" He grabbed the bill and cradled it in his arms like a baby as he walked back to the restaurant.